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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:02:22 PM | | yes, you should and people who don't say thank you are rude and perhaps because they are wealthy they may just have a sense of entitlement and take things for granted. the other two-word phrases not heard often enough..."i'm sorry"..."i'm wrong" and "forgive me".... would make relationships a lot more pleasant, don't you think? | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:09:04 PM |
I have declined 2nd dates w/ 3 different women who required "good manners, respectful behavior & romance" when they did nothing to show that they were also prepared to bring those values to the table......
On the most part I think the girls I've taken out have thanked me. But I never really thought about it at the time or try to look for it.
But I will notice someone being rude to me on purpose & will not tolerate after a while if it is still happening. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:17:51 PM | Maybe the wealth has eomthing to do with it. I am not wealthy and would not consider being so rude as to not say thanks. Try a coffe first. That way, you know where you stand BEFORE the dinner date. If she doesn't say thanks, don't ask her to dinner. If she can't say thanks for a coffee, she sure won't say thanks for dinner. Also, maybe you can get a feel for someone without forking out a big fee. There's no harm in asking to meet for coffee. I rarely meet anyone. If I do, it's for coffee. I figure that he won't have spent a fortune to impress someone who isn't interested anyway... | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:24:42 PM |
the other two-word phrases not heard often enough..."i'm sorry"..."i'm wrong" and "forgive me".... would make relationships a lot more pleasant, don't you think?
Absolutely. I think it would make day-to-day life between all individuals more pleasant, and I also believe it's just as important to forgive, or at least acknowledge apologies if one can't/isn't ready to forgive, when the apology is sincere and the offense is not too great. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 6:07:50 PM | | unfortunately having money doesn't guarantee the person will have class or manners. i think the woman (or man) should ALWAYS thank the person verbally. i know i ALWAYS do acknowledge the dinner and thank them in person. at the very least they could email you the next day and thank you if they forgot but i don't understand how you could forget. you are dating a bunch of losers. some people feel they are entitled to these things but i was always taught that *please* and *thank you* are the magic words, lol. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 6:50:47 PM | Gwen you are sadly confused.......
Simply put: some men are arrogant twats with an air of "entitlement" in which a return of sex or other physical contact is something they expect for their "thoughtfulness" and "money" they put into buying dinner or a gift . . . and women should be grateful for what they are given.
We are talking about the two words "thank you"!!!! We are not talking about any kind of return sex or physical contact as a way of showing appreciation. Th OP was simply talking about the simple, good mannered tradition of verbally saying "thank you" to show your appreciation.
FFS are good manners that far out of style???? Surely someone of your age was raised in the era of good manners. I know I was raised to say thank you when someone does something nice for me.
Have you honestly become so jaded that saying thank you for a nice gesture has become a point of contention?
The more I read on here the more I see why so many people are single.
Walks away muttering............ Thank you for reading this far. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:22:23 PM | I am one of those who finds people who constantly parrot a phrase to be slightly annoying. If you can't sense their appreciation from their demeanor, then perhaps you need to work on your empathy skills.
Saying thank you for small favors should be reserved for strangers as a social lubricant, not as an anal requirement for a stilted relationship. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:28:59 PM | Thankfully I always pay my own way so this,"you owe me something" ,type of mentality never can come up.
wrong!!!!! good manners says that should someone invite you somewhere..... you should thank the person for inviting you.....
it has been proven that saying thank you will not cause any body parts to fall off... and will not lower ones social stature... | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:49:25 PM | Yes you should get a thank you....I like a thank you for coming on the date text after even if there s no 2nd date....If some one buys me a drink/meal I would always say thank you and offer to pay my half or buy drinks to......also I text to say thank you for coming... | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 8:06:44 PM |
However, if I thought the thank you was expected, I probably wouldn't say it.
Hmm...I've gotta say...my take wasn't that the OP was 'expecting' a thank-you so much, as he was just surprised that he's rarely received one from several of the ladies he's dated now.
But, quite frankly...if someone holds a door open for me, even a complete stranger in a store, I always say thank you. Maybe they're expecting it, maybe not...but it's just good manners. And I guess I rather expect people to reciprocate the sentiment when I do the same, as well. Not because I'm 'expecting-expecting' it, it's just common courtesy is all, in my books. So I'm a bit confused, why wouldn't a thank you be expected from a nicety, especially someone buying you dinner?
I don't even think it's a matter of being politely stilted in doing so...even in long-term relationships, I've always thanked my partner for taking me out to dinner or a movie or washing the dishes or whatever, and they've always thanked me if I was the one who paid or did a little something for them. It's really not that hard to maintain common niceties and show someone that you still appreciate them, no matter how long you've been together, and that you aren't taking them for granted or whatnot, but that's JMO. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 9:51:29 PM |
Thankfully I always pay my own way so this,"you owe me something" ,type of mentality never can come up.
If you read the OP's comments, he does not feel like he is owed nothing more then common courtesy, as in a "thank you". Git of yer high horse if you read anything else into it! | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:40:23 PM | | Maybe I'm weird but I always say Thanks. It's just polite, my kids do the same and we have been told before that it was surprising to get appreciation. On the comment of people from money.... You can have money and No Class!!!!! | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:51:13 PM | | Always say thank you.....even if you dont care for it. My daughters always say it....even when they get a crappy birthday gift.They need to teach this at school again, sadly.Yes, you should expect it, its the right thing to do. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 12:05:50 AM | | If they don't have the heart and warmth to say thank you for buying dinner "kick em to the curb". as the saying goes. Not literally of course but do you really want to spend your life with someone who does not appreciate you? As a therapist said to me " to feed someone is to love them". First dates notwithstanding, We only owe are dependent children food and care without consideration. No even first dates don't count - women are liberated and equal. All adults should show appreciation for gifts. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:19:53 AM | To me, good manners are not optional. They are required. Both on my part and on the part of the people I associate with.
**Sighs loudly,rolls eyes** You deliberately misunderstand what I am saying. No one is "required to show good manners. When you run around expecting that everyone will show you good manners you are setting yourself up to be disappointed over and over again. If manners are optional in your world then how do you force people to be polite to you? Since adults don't take well to punishments,particularly by strangers, who would most likely tell you and your punishment where to go, then how exactly do you force rude people to be polite? The point is you can't. As free adults we can do as we please,within the boundaries of the law, and being polite is no law. Since there is no law saying that manners are necessary then yes good manners are optional whether you,I or anyone likes it.
A person is required to have a license to drive a car.A person is required to pay their taxes.A person is required to have insurance on their car.A person is required to keep their hands to themselves, but no one is required to be polite. This thread has turned into a chorus of "well I am polite and always say please and thank you", but that's not what it is about. The op is expecting something, is requiring something from his dates. It doesn't matter if it is sex or good manners. The point is you can't expect anything. Yes it's rude to not say please and thank you,but that's not the point. The point is,since it is not required and not law, then you can't force anyone to be polite. Stop expecting things out of others that are not required and you will be much happier in life.. Thank you! | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:50:45 AM | If you read the OP's comments, he does not feel like he is owed nothing more then common courtesy, as in a "thank you". Git of yer high horse if you read anything else into it!
Um, she read it just fine. If the OP felt he wasn't owed anything more than a thank you, then he felt he was owed something. What it was or the size of it isn't the issue.
I grew up in a house of entitlement, so in particular it irks me.
Yes, I appreciate most things done for me and thank people for doing them, but by and large I try and keep myself from situations where I have to consider thanking someone. I learned over the years that few people REALLY do something cause they felt it should be done. Most are looking for a pat on the back, approval they are good people, recognition.
There's a big difference between someone doing something because they want to and someone secretly hoping for admiration/appreciation for what they do. Seems subtle in everyday life, but they are eons apart.
Someone who TRULY wants to do things for someone either won't notice the lack of thank you (if it happens that way) or won't care; they'll just shrug at it and say it's that person's problem - but they won't think they should stop doing for others.
Someone who secretly wants to be appreciated for what they do will not only notice the lack of thanks, but will ask others about it and question doing what they do based on it.
I agree with the poster above me. Manners/politeness, although nice when encountered and appreciated when given are optional. You can't expect it from others, you can only try and follow it yourself. Millions and millions of people are out there with all kinds of backgrounds and upbringing and general personality traits. You can't expect them all to react to kindness the way you would. You can only react to what others do in a way that keeps you from pissing yourself off...bluntly put. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:04:43 AM | msg 63
good manners says that should someone invite you somewhere..... you should thank the person for inviting you.....
So if I invite someone to visit Hell, then they should thank me for the offer?
Looking back at the OP, I realize he states that he is just fixating on the pecuniary aspect of gratitude. Trying to train people to stroke your ego every time you reach for your wallet is never going to end well. Don't look for the words, look at how they treat you. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:41:52 AM |
manners cost nothing ...
My Nana always said that..........as did my Mom.................as do I....................as do my two Daughters.....................
Four generations CAN'T be wrong - can they??
It's a sad, sad day - when saying "Thank You" becomes the exception and not the rule.................
B. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:01:04 AM | I think the "keyword" here is "expect!"
Personally, I don't expect anything from anyone. Expectations are pathways to disappointment. I focus on my own behaviors, not those that others exhibit. I was brought up with manners as part of my development. My parents, grandparents, teachers, and peers all showed/taught me that manners were part of being a human being.
It doesn't matter if it's paying for a meal, opening a door, helping someone across the street, or just greeting someone goodday! Saying thank you not only can make your day, it can brighten someone elses day also.
For those people who find this so hard to do, I feel for their humanity. I know that pessimism and cynicism exist, but getting back to manners and politeness might take a bite out of those traits.
godbless | |
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