| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 6:19:49 AM | ^^^^ That's what I was gonna say...
I don't expect worship or sex; just two simple words.
Perhaps you should expand your list of things not to expect by adding those two simple words. Generally, the less you expect the better. Human beings are unreliable things.
Is there some aspect of dating/female psychology that I'm missing that would explain this as not being impolite?
Yea, but you'd have to buy me dinner or something to prove that the info had some value to you. 
Besides, it's what men are supposed to do. You want to be thanked for doing your chores? | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:00:44 AM | In response to a poster who condemned women, I changed "women" to "men" and wrote:
Simply put: some men are arrogant twats with an air of "entitlement" in which a return of sex or other physical contact is something they expect for their "thoughtfulness" and "money" they put into buying dinner or a gift . . . and women should be grateful for what they are given.
Optimistically Cynical wrote:
Gwen you are sadly confused.......
Cynical, I suggest that you wade through all the posts before you inform me of how confused I am. If you read all the posts, then I must assume that it is ok for a poster to call a woman an "arrogant twat," for not saying thank you, but men who expect something for buying dinner are within their rights? "Arrogant twat" is sexist and the poster was a bit vehement in her judgment of women.
FFS are good manners that far out of style???? Surely someone of your age was raised in the era of good manners. I know I was raised to say thank you when someone does something nice for me.
I guess you don't read posts because my first one said I do say "thank you," BUT if it were expected, then I probably wouldn't. The pivotal word there is "probably," but I find that most people can't understand nuance.
My subsequent posts were to explain why I wouldn't say "thank you" to some men.
The more I read on here the more I see why so many people are single.
Do you always resort to ad hominem (personal attacks) when you are discussing issues? You have no idea why I am single, and the reasons are certainly not my willingness or lack of willingness to say "thank you."
Stick to the issues: it cheapens you to attack the person rather than the argument. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:18:29 AM | I dont expect a Thank You for anything I do...however, my opinion of the recipient will change, negatively too, if they do not know how to say a simple Thank You upon being the recipient of a nice gesture.
It indicates they did not appreciate the effort, so I would not make that effort again, and will focus my efforts where they will be appreciated. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 9:33:13 AM | To banana anna - in as much as your point is that no one is required by law to be polite, I certainly would agree. So in that respect maybe I did misunderstand what you were saying, for which I apologize. However, I remain convinced that each of us, as free adults, have an ethical or moral obligation to treat each other with a measure of respect, including good manners, whether such behavior is required by law or not. And while I agree you can't force rude people to be polite, you can choose to associate with and spend time with people who are not rude.
As for expecting people to be polite, well, it really isn't about the expectation. Rather, as Frasier Crane once said while giving an "etiquette lesson" - ". . . it's about the erosion of common decency. . . when you treat me this way you encourage me to be discourteous to another, and so on, and so on . . . " | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 11:52:33 AM |
However, I remain convinced that each of us, as free adults, have an ethical or moral obligation to treat each other with a measure of respect, including good manners, whether such behavior is required by law or not. And while I agree you can't force rude people to be polite, you can choose to associate with and spend time with people who are not rude.
As for expecting people to be polite, well, it really isn't about the expectation. Rather, as Frasier Crane once said while giving an "etiquette lesson" - ". . . it's about the erosion of common decency. . . when you treat me this way you encourage me to be discourteous to another, and so on, and so on . . . " - fastdogphotog
I would agree with this, fastdogphotog. What goes around comes around, karma will bite you in the a$$.
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My circumstances have meant that I've mainly dated girls from a wealthier background; perhaps this has something to do with it? - NickinAZ
I think this is probably where the problem lies. Wealthier people tend to feel so superior, they do tend to forget common courtesy. Their sense of entitlement gets in the way of their common sense & common decency. At least, that's been my experience. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:31:13 PM | four pages of whether or not someone should expect a thank you after you pay for a meal....
sheeesh.
Short of thanking a robber or someone who was trying to do me bodily harm...I can't imagine why I wouldn't say thank you for a common courtesy. Someone invites me out...I thank them... Someone pays for my dinner...I thank them. Someone holds the door for me...I thank them. I don't bother considering whether or not they EXPECT it...it's just something I do. When did being courteous in your own way become a bad thing?
A lot of this seems like one upmanship to me...having the upper hand or whatever you want to call it. I neither have the attention span or the inclination to get into a battle over whether or not either I or someone else is "owed" a thank you. I don't think you spontaneously implode should thank you slip out of your lips when its not deserved.
Thank you. Thank you very much.  | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 1:38:25 PM | | I think I'd rather hae her say ``Thank you for a wonderful evening.'' at the end of the night. A lot of perfunctory ``thank you's'' come across as being stand-offish (unless she's ripping my shirt off as she says it.) | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 2:07:01 PM | Gwyn..... you continue to be confused.....
The OP was about SAYING thank you, not about expecting sex or something else in return for buying dinner etc. I have read through all of the posts on here and I see where you have lost the premise of the OP. The original post was about a verbal thank you and somehow you have morphed it into men expecting sex as a thank you.
I guess you don't read posts because my first one said I do say "thank you," BUT if it were expected, then I probably wouldn't. The pivotal word there is "probably," but I find that most people can't understand nuance.
So you don't so things that are expected of you? That is sad. I expect manners out of the people I associate with. I expect people to bathe regularly, wash their hands after they use the restroom, respect their elders and treat others with respect. Following your premise, since that is expected of you would you then not use good manners, not bathe regularly, wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, not respect your elders and not treat others with respect? Why be so contrarian and bitter? Has dating made you that bitter than you through simple manners out of the window? There is no nuance here, no subtlety only bitterness.
Egocentric much? My statement about seeing why so many people are single was not directed solely at you. We have four pages of posts about saying thank you. FFS thank you is simply good manners. There really is no defensible position that can justify not saying a verbal thank you for someone that has bought you dinner or done something else nice for you.
And for the record i am not attacking you as a person, I am simply attacking your statements which to me are errant.
In my world there is no way to justify not saying thank you. If that exists in your world then i would not want to live in the word of bitterness and cynicism that you live in. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:16:39 PM |
Gwyn..... you continue to be confused.....
The OP was about SAYING thank you, not about expecting sex or something else in return for buying dinner etc.
It's "Gwen" with an "e."
If you had followed the trail of posts, you would have seen that I was saying there are incidences where a "thank you" is not warranted. I KNOW what the OP was saying, but as forums often do, they meander from one aspect to another, to another, to another.
So you don't so things that are expected of you?
In the case of someone EXPECTING a "thank you," the action was not done in the spirit of gift giving. Why would someone perform a "kind" act with the intention of receiving something in return? It defeats the intent of altruism. The people who began answering the OP did so blanketly, not examining reasons why someone wouldn't say "thank you."
I don't see bathing in the same category as expressing thanks--you are throwing in a red herring and are comparing apples with oranges.
My statement about seeing why so many people are single was not directed solely at you.
But it was directed at me--you singled me out for a post and ended it with your coup de grace of why SOME people remain single. But then, I am used to rude people who resort to name calling instead of sticking to the issue. Your ad hominem was far more off the forum topic than me discussing why "thank you" simply isn't in order sometimes.
And for the record i am not attacking you as a person, I am simply attacking your statements which to me are errant.
Ah, but you were attacking me as a person; in fact, every post in which you have addressed me has been a personal attack on some level. When I made the comment about not doing what was expected of me, it wasn't aimed toward you--it was a general comment, but you jumped on it like a duck on a june bug and seemingly, couldn't wait to tell me what a horrible person I am!
If that exists in your world then i would not want to live in the word of bitterness and cynicism that you live in.
I didn't ask you to live with me--and more ad hominem.
The most I will say about you is that you are extremely touchy and very judgmental. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:19:46 PM | By the way, Cynical, I also said in the same post:
I always say "thank you" for dinner or anything else that ANYONE does for me.
Did you notice that statement? Did you see the use of the word "always"? If not, let me point it out to you now.
Have I offended you in some other forum? That is the only reason I can come up with that you would take an offhand comment and blow it so much out of proportion! | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:20:09 PM | I think you should definately expect a thank you. It's just good manners. I usually tell the guy thank you and I follow up with an email and tell him that way too.
Not sure what age range the poster is (not that it should matter) but it seems the younger generations missed good manners 101. Not all but a lot. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 4:48:11 PM | "Just a quick question here--most of the young women I have taken on a date rarely say "thank you" for anything I purchased them. I try not to create dates that involve a lot of buying things, but sometimes it is unavoidable. I don't have an issue with paying--it just seems a bit impolite for her to not say "thank you." I don't expect worship or sex; just two simple words.
My circumstances have meant that I've mainly dated girls from a wealthier background; perhaps this has something to do with it?
Should I be annoyed by this? Is there some aspect of dating/female psychology that I'm missing that would explain this as not being impolite?
Thanks much, I really would like others' opinions on this."
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*Laugh* One question: are you loaded?
Girls from a "wealthier background," those two words make my stomach turn up side down. Not only because I dislike rich people but the fact that you actually pay for their meals or whatever. Personally I don't pay for anything because I don't have to. I don't expect women to pay for me either by the way. No. I expect us to pay for our own things. If she insists, fine, but I won't return that gesture only because she bought ME something. If you think that money will make you more successful with women you could just as well go to a prostitute. You get the same personality and they don't care about YOU as much as for your wallet. The chicks that you're dating use you, nothing else. That's impression I get here. The richer the cheaper if you get the point. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 5:24:35 PM | "The appreciation is not the impetus of the behavior..... But, it is a desired response."
jmo, it is the required response . Now, "Thank you for meeting me", or "Thank you for your time" are nice little unexpected extras on both parts and would be desired, and also serve well for that hasty retreat.
In any case the op said "young" women, so in order not to pick on the youth, i'll have to surmise some of us are not doing our jobs? | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 7:34:06 PM | For whatever reasons, a sense of entitlement runs deep in today's culture. Financial and social stature has little to do with it.
[quote="nickinaz"]I try not to create dates that involve a lot of buying things, but sometimes it is unavoidable. Gotta question this. How can a date unavoidably involve a lot of buying things? It's a date, that's it. If there's even a hint that you need to flourish a gal with gifts just for her to say "Hi" to you (proverbially speaking), then you will be buying her stuff forever and never get as much as a "thx" in return. Without being insincere or superficial, have the confidence to have the confidence in yourself to meet women who don't fit the patterns causing such grief.
Key to this is to honestly assess what it is that you're looking for ... i.e. what is it that attracts you to that type of person? I think it's safe to say you're a "giver." As with magnetic poles, givers & takers repel the same but attract the opposite. The reasons are obvious. There are a lot of humble, respectable women ... and there a lot who are much less-than-honorable. And yes, the same goes for us men-folk. If you keep doing the same thing, time after time, but expect different results, nothing will ever change and you'll go on feeling this way indefinitely. A dumb analogy, but one everybody understands is, if you hit yourself on the head with a frying pan and don't like it, there's a simple solution. Stop hitting yourself on the head with a frying pan.
Whatever you do, though, don't compromise your core values and dignity in an effort to become what you think others think you should be. You'll do just fine and find out the whole world is not full of ingrates. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/4/2009 11:39:08 PM | Yes i have always said thank you when doing or going out with some one, even if i do pay my own way. People just dont have good manners and more and lost there values. To me that is very rude of some one not saying a simple thank you to some one that is not showing some one else the respect.
If i wanted to treat some one like a dog i would have taken my dog to dinner instead of the person i was with. | |
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Noon75
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Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 99 | |
| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:01:03 AM | | To me this all comes down to one important concept.....Manners....Some people have them and others do not. I actually find myself saying thank-you to people who really should be thanking me....it's just my nature....Some people were either raised wrong,or they just lack the natural ability to thank someone for a good deed. | |
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| Should I expect a thank you after paying for the meal, etc.?
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:06:41 AM |
Girls from a "wealthier background," those two words make my stomach turn up side down. Not only because I dislike rich people but the fact that you actually pay for their meals or whatever. Personally I don't pay for anything because I don't have to. I don't expect women to pay for me either by the way. No. I expect us to pay for our own things. If she insists, fine, but I won't return that gesture only because she bought ME something.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but this person makes my skin crawl. I am so glad I've never come across him in the dating world. I'd give up and get some cats if all men were like this. | |
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