| funny one liners
Posted: 7/31/2005 9:37:31 PM | AND I almost forgot this one....
If we quit voting, will they all go away? | |
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| funny one liners
Posted: 7/31/2005 10:59:20 PM | Let me clear a place for you to sit.
Wipes face
Good! Now have a place for my boyfriend to sit too!
Spanks his ass
Michelle | |
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| funny one liners
Posted: 8/1/2005 7:37:30 PM | Constipated people don't give a crap!
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
I have the body of a God - Buddha. | |
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| funny one liners
Posted: 8/1/2005 7:52:12 PM | what has 70 balls and screws old ladies?
BINGO | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/1/2005 10:30:52 PM | 1. Jesus is comming, look busy.
2.There are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can't.
3.All generalizations are false.
4.I'm with me!
5.I found Jesus, he was behind the sofa the whole time.
6.I wanted to be positve, but I didn't think it would work for me. Then I got a really good feeling about my negativity. Now people tell me I'm ambivolent, like I give a crap.
7.Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove.
8.This is your brain on drugs, with a side of hashbrowns and bacon. | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/2/2005 5:53:21 AM | | I have always wondered. How does a belly button collect all that lent to make a lent ball? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/2/2005 8:25:45 AM | | It's not a beer gut. It's a fuel tank for a sex machine! | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:42:44 PM | Okay I got these from a beer commercial... I think
Man_ Are you from Nashville because your the only Ten-I-See
Man- Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again
As seen on a bumper sticker: If I wanted a b**ch I would have bought a dog.
On Stankervision: Aren't you that magician that makes buffets dissapear?
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 159 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/6/2005 1:01:57 AM | Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Do illiterate people understand alphabet soup?
If ducks don't echo...why do duck calls?
When chickens lay eggs, is it incest? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/6/2005 7:58:34 AM | I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back! | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/6/2005 9:10:09 AM | | "I can have any woman I please.... problem is, I'm not pleasing any women" | |
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Garf
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Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 162 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/6/2005 7:41:54 PM | | I farted so you would smell better. | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/10/2005 11:49:22 AM | Military people and maybe some other will get this one...
What do you call a group of terrorist just standing around? A TARGET OF OPPORTUNITY!! | |
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reveen
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Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 164 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/10/2005 9:17:07 PM | Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit
a bird in hand is safer then one overhead
friends come and go but enemies accumulate
And for you poker players out there just remember one thing.....
a smith and wesson beats a royal flush | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/10/2005 11:45:57 PM | I swear to drunk im not god ossifer
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/11/2005 12:50:50 AM | "Run away from the light at the end of the tunnel, if its whistle blows"
"If I told you,you were in my dreams,would you make them come true?"
"My Kharma ran over my Dogma"
"vegetarians are animals,they eat living plants" | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/11/2005 4:38:47 PM | This one is so lame I find it funny.
IF I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/11/2005 4:45:53 PM | | giraffe walks into a bar, says highballs are on me | |
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juliew
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Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 169 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/11/2005 10:08:22 PM | | What's the difference between a wh*re and a ****? A wh*re will sleep with anyone but a **** won't sleep with You. | |
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j-roc
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Joined: 5/24/2005
Msg: 170 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/12/2005 12:10:59 AM | | Is it just you, or do I smell bad too ??? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/12/2005 12:36:38 PM | nice legs what time do they open
if i throw a stick will you leave me alone
you must be going on vacation because nobody packs that much ass
save the trees wipeyour ass with an owl
lets play carpenter first we get hammered then i nail you
people like you are the reason people like me need medication
stupidity is not a crime so your free to go
my anger managment class pisses me off
im trying to see things from your point of you but i cant stick my head that far up my ass
my parents said i could be anything so i became an ***hole
i apologize in advance for staring at your boobs
join the army visit exotic places meet interesting people then kill them
lets skip the insults and get right to your asskicking
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/12/2005 9:46:26 PM | Your breath could nock a buzzard off a shit wagon.
Before You Criticize Someone, Walk a mile in his shoes. That way if he gets angry, he`ll be a mile away -- and barefoot.
Boldly going nowhere
Boyfriend Wanted: No Experience Necessary will train !
Buckle Up! It Makes it Harder for the Aliens to suck you out of your car
Don`t Believe Everything You Think
Dyslexic Devil Worshippers Sell Their Souls To Santa
Errors Have Been Made. Others Will Be Blamed
Go Directly To Hell do not pass go do not collect $200
Hard Work Never Killed Anybody, But Why Take Chances
Heavily Medicated For Your Safety
How do You Tell When You`re Out of Invisible Ink
If at first you don`t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If Ignorance Is Bliss,you Must Be Orgasmic. 
I Have Plenty Of Talent & Vision. I just don`t care.
I`m The Man Of This House and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
It`s Not a Beer Gut. It`s a Liquid Grain storage facility !
I`ve Run Out Of Sick Days,So I`m Calling in Dead
If You Think Nobody Cares You`re Alive try missing a couple of car payments.
No I Didn`t Sell My Soul to satan, but we did work out a rent to own deal
"Okay, Okay! I Take it Back. Un**** You!"
Practice safe sex... Go **** Yourself!
Remember... Pillage First, Then Burn
Smile If You`re Not Wearing Underwear 
Sometimes I Think I Understand Everything then I regain consciousness
The Beatings Will Continue until morale improves
Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
Watch Out for the Idiot Behind Me (seen on a bumper sticker)
Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
Work: It Isn`t Just For Sleeping Anymore
All Stressed Out And No One To Choke
Due To Intense Mind Fog, All Thoughts Have Been Grounded
Hi. I Don`t Remember Your Name Either
It`s Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now
They Are Not Hot Flashes, They Are Power Surges 
You Found God? If Nobody Claims Him in 30 days He`s Yours | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/13/2005 12:07:03 AM | "Call me paranoid but how DO they know what's now playing
at a theatre near me?" | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/13/2005 7:26:05 PM | With a personality like that it's a good thing you are dumb and beautiful.
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Hi, wanna screw? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?
Your face or MINE!?
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Non-conformists of the world, unite!
He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.
When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Ok that should be enuff.
Enjoy all | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/13/2005 7:40:51 PM | Very funny stuff wrock!!!!
JJ
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