| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/13/2005 8:07:00 PM | seen on a bumper sticker....6 out of 10 women are battered...and I'm still eating mine plain!!
JJ
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/14/2005 6:33:50 AM | You always hear people breaking off relationships the nice way but i figure they just never finish the sentence
1)It's not you, it's me....me not wanting you anymore.
2)I need my space... so pack your stuff and leave before I throw it on the lawn.
3)There's just no future with us... thank God for that.
Then there's the way you can blow people off
: i would go to the ends of the earth for you
:Yes but would you stay there?
:I would do anything for you
:There's a bus that leaves in 30 minutes be under it in 20
:We still on for our date tonight?
:We have a date-when did that happen? | |
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leafs6
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Joined: 12/1/2004
Msg: 178 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 12:17:10 PM | heres one i love:
just cuz u HAVE one doesnt mean u have to BE one!! | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:38:38 PM | | hey would you like to go dinner and moive{dinner as in i eat you out ,moive as in i film it | |
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403640
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Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 180 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:50:40 PM | | you know you're getting old when... you feel like the night before, and you haven't been anywhere.you begin to outlive enthusiasm....you decide to procrastinate but never get around to it...........you're still chasing women but can't remember why.....you sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go....your knees buckle but your belt wont....dialing long distance wears you out....the best part of your day is over when tha alarm clock goes off.....you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there...your back goes out more than you do.... | |
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403640
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Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 181 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 1:58:19 PM | | bumper stickers...the sex was soo good that even the neighbors had a cigarette....I don't have to be dead to donate my organ....Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine....I took an IQ test and the results were negative.....Very funny Scottie, now beam up my clothes....CAT the other white meat....Remember my name, you'll be screaming it later....Welcome to shit creek,, sorry we're out of paddles....If you think I'm a ****, wait til you meet my mother...I still miss my ex but my aim is improving | |
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403640
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Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 182 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:19:40 PM | | MALE BASHING: why don't women blink during foreplay? they don't have time..why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? they don't ask for directions. why did god put men on earth? because vibrators can't mow the lawn. why don't women have mens brains? because they don't have penis's to put them in. why do men masturbate? because it's sex with someone they love. why were men given brains larger than dogs? so they wont hump womens legs at****ail parties. why is a mans pee yellow and his sperm white? so he can tell if he's coming or going. okay I think I'm done for today, | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 2:26:19 PM | | why me... because every other seat was vacant | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 8/31/2005 8:08:10 PM | 403640....you're hilarious!!!!
I had a really good one to post here...but I forgot it...I'd hate my memory if I could remember what it is!!!
JJ
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Sentin
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Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 185 | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:39:27 AM | | CHEFS LIKE TO TASTE IT FIRST! | |
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aarian
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Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 187 | |
| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:56:54 AM | Couple of my favorite bumper stickers:
Picture of a turtle giving you the finger and it says "I may be slow but I'm in front of YOU!"
Bosses are like diapers... full of sh*t and all over your ass
Welcome to Texas.. Now Go Home!
Honk if you have never seen an oozie fired from a car window
Keep honking.. I'm reloading | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/13/2005 9:40:05 AM | aarian once again you make me giggle... i just bought a shirt that say How about a big tall glass of shut the f up! :) that's my funny ;)
oh and to agr8...."Dj's do it better with their mouths." | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/13/2005 11:42:52 AM | If bullets bounce off of superman's chest, why does he duck when the villain throws the gun at him?
Ever notice how other people's stuff is Sh!t, and your Sh!t is stuff? (George Carlin)
(This one is a bit dirty, a friend of mine said it to my sister once, and I was shocked that it actually worked for him.)
"Wanna fcuk...or should I appologize?" | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/13/2005 12:57:15 PM | | aahhh your fulla beans and so is your old man! | |
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ddunc
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Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 191 | |
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ddunc
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Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 192 | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/22/2005 8:22:45 PM | Groucho marx says it best!
http://www.famousquotes.me.uk/famouspeoplequotes.htm
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike
doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well,
I have others.
Groucho Marx
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you.
In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad
to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/22/2005 11:31:05 PM | Rape is no laughing matter... unless you're raping a clown.
Sing like a drunk in a kareoke bar!
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
I'm hot, you're ugly... it's sad isn't it? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/23/2005 12:31:43 PM | How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/23/2005 12:33:38 PM | Q: How many paranoid people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just what exactly do you mean by that? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/24/2005 7:45:07 PM | Gotta quote the Late Great Rodney Dangerfield----or paraphrase
'today was a bad day, I went to put my shirt on, the button fell off, picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off...I'm afraid to go to the bathroom' | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/28/2005 10:49:42 AM | Why do banks leave the door wide open but feel the need to chain down the pens?
Why do we leave a car worth thounsands of dollars in the driveway but lock our junk in a garage?
Why are hotdogs sold in packs of ten but the buns in packs of eight?
Why is the UPS guy still working if he never has cash? | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/28/2005 6:22:54 PM | My personal favorite to a popular question.
Can I help you?
The kind of help I need .. your not qualified for. | |
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| Fun One Liners
Posted: 9/28/2005 8:43:38 PM | Some of my favs.
If they make olive oil from olives what do they make baby oil from?
The floggings will continue till moral improves.
I have to drink a six pack just to look at your face. | |
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