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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:11:39 AM | | it seems to me that all women are intrested in is money! so why dont you save up for a week or two and lye beside a roll of it ,i meen how shallow what are women bringing to the table in this world of equal oppertunitys!! | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:34:41 AM |
I'm not trying to stir the pot here...but this topic reminded me of a post that was made last year. Here's the gist of it: guy is in his mid-30s, has never left his parents' house, dropped out of school, "doesn't believe in work" and has never held a job (shuns work because he is working on his 'spirituality'), had a lot of issues, and was wondering why in the world women don't want a man who has nothing to offer but a heart full of love? (his words, not mine)
Yes, but men want to be judged on their own merits not on somebody else's. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 6:50:23 AM | I see your point Cooldude, but while one wants to be judged on 'merits' - what is considered a merit is on a person by person basis. What I mean to say is - while this guy thought it was perfectly okay to pursue his spiritual nature and felt that work would delude that...that's fine, it's his life. Doesn't mean a woman has to buy into that. If he wants to live his life like a schlub, that's his business. He's not 'owed' a date, a fcuk, or a relationship. You're not owed love in this life.
The guy may be kind, spiritual, what have you...but it is a woman's right to decide whether his values go with hers. It's not about money, it's about going in a direction that is parallel-ish with your own.
I won't apologize for not being interested in a man who mooches off his aging parents, bluntly declares he doesn't believe in work (where does the food in his belly and the clothes on his back come from?), and has no direction save for some hazy spirituality while he sits in his parents' basement. No way.
I'm glad I bought a dog, easier to keep than this guy would have been. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:09:41 AM | | mackeyjones1968 I really don't believe that I, or most women, are looking for the wrong thing. You don't go into a relationship thinking about money or knowing anything about someone's financial situation. Usually in talking and getting to know someone the conversation leans towards your hopes and dreams for the future and often times the subject comes up....yes I'd love to go to Hawaii this winter....I'd love to go on a cruise...I'd love to go into Vancouver for the weekend. It's all just talking and dreaming but the first time they ask to borrow $20.00 for gas or tell you they're short on their rent, etc. it's kind of a mood killer and makes you wonder why they were tentatively planning anything at all with you. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:25:58 AM |
I'm not trying to stir the pot here...but this topic reminded me of a post that was made last year. Here's the gist of it: guy is in his mid-30s, has never left his parents' house, dropped out of school, "doesn't believe in work" and has never held a job (shuns work because he is working on his 'spirituality'), had a lot of issues, and was wondering why in the world women don't want a man who has nothing to offer but a heart full of love?
I totally understand what you're saying and while some or most people may see that guy as having nothing to "bring to a table" or as "out of their league" or whatever, I prefer to simply think that he's not for me and leave it at that.
Case in point and not to pick on your post or stir the pot either...I just need to use your example to make my point is all:)
I once knew a man just like the one you described, except that he lived on his own, whenever he could afford it that is. Other times, he was homeless and he lived on the streets.
But he was far from a loser in my eyes...he was and still is one of the kindest and most beautiful soul I've ever known. He had a brilliant mind but he was struck with a (severe) mental illness in his late teens...he didn't want to be drugged and I don't/can't blame him... I saw what those drugs did to him.
So after many years of doing it their way, he opted out. And in between his delusions, his brilliant mind came shining through. That's not to say that I would have had chosen to have an intimate relationship with him under the circumstances, but to me and to many who knew him, he wasn't the "loser" that 99% of people saw when they encountered him.
To them, he was an unwashed and unkept worthless loser......to me, he was Terry, a lost and tormented soul.
And it's ironic that his death made him "worthy" as he made the front page of our local newspaper when he died. He became the first person to die of exposure in the small city we both lived in at the time, which brought the plight of homeless and mentally people to the forefront, at least for a little while and until something else became more newsworthy.
Little did I know at the time that my youngest daughter, a bright and gifted child, would be afflicted with the same type of mental illness in her teens and that everything I learned from him, which to many was "nothing", would become the most valuable lesson of all in helping me deal with her illness.
And he's just one of many, many "losers" I have known who aren't losers at all, even though they're not for me. To someone, they are valuable, or at least they were at one time. I know my daughter is valuable to me, no matter how much of a loser she is to many or most people. Perception is everything...to me, a spiritual man (not the one in your story necessarily:) who is a minimalist and who has a heart full of love sounds like a breath of fresh air...to others, he'd be a loser. Same man - different angle. And as always, to each their own.
IMHO | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:32:39 AM | ^^^Oldsoul - thanks for posting this...food for thought. While I'd consider being "my example's" friend ... sure no problem, I wouldn't see him as a romantic prospect. He may not value work, but I do. I'm not looking anymore, because I've found a good man...but: Women are looking for a partner, not a grown child to look after and be a replacement 'mommy'.
*goes off mulling things over* cheers! :) | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:42:49 AM | As we look at the economic world around us, there will be more and more people out of work and with fewer potential replacement jobs because of the economy. What would you expect them to bring to "your" table when they are trying to find something to put on their table. Some of these men are divorced and make paying child support their priority even in economic hard times.
I think what is most important that a person bring to the table is truely valuable possessions....their heart, honest heartfelt intentions and the spirit to keep on trying in a very difficult economic time. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:49:12 AM | I just read your post oldsoul...and all I can say is "bless your heart". Yes, it is oftentimes difficult for people in today's society to look past the exterior and see that for the most part there is good in ALL people. I like to think I am an empathetic human being and can imagine myself if I changed roles with people less fortunate in any way. I am not sure I would have the strength and endurance to survive as well as they have.
One of the things that I always try to keep in mind is that all of us are put on this earth for a reason; perhaps this man's reason was to "teach others to be more accepting of those who are different in some way and to celebrate that we are all God's children." | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 7:56:10 AM | So don't we have to look at what we bring to the table in a more realistic way??
Did you consider the possibility that you won't know what someone brings to the table until you actually talk to that person for a while? Seriously, if you're looking honesty, integrity, intelligence, etc., are you going to sort people based on whether they own a house, cars, etc.? If you do, then don't complain if you end up with what you selected.
Doesn't mean a woman has to buy into that. If he wants to live his life like a schlub, that's his business.
No, but women ought to accept what they have bought into.
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:08:06 AM |
Doesn't mean a woman has to buy into that. If he wants to live his life like a schlub, that's his business.
No, but women ought to accept what they have bought into.
Abelian, with all respect, I don't understand what you mean here. Can you clarify? Do you mean that if a woman starts to date a guy, and their aims, etc... don't match up, she has to just accept it? I feel that women and men should put up with what they can put up with, accept what they can accept. If the situation becomes untenable, it's time to say goodbye.
I remember another post from a young woman who had recently moved in with her short term boyfriend. Upon moving in, he quits his job suddenly, without communicating with her, and starts just sitting at home playing video games. Months went by, she's going to school and working, while the guy sits at home not looking for work or going to school. He spends the day playing video games and would cook her supper the odd time. He ignored her birthday and didn't even make her a card. She started going into debt supporting them both while this healthy, grown man sat at home playing xbox.
Everytime she broached the subject of his situation, and looking for work to help out - he'd start a fight or just ignore her.
In this case, was she wrong to ultimately break up with him? I don't think so. It's his business if he wants to sit there and play video games, but to bring his girlfriend down with him, bringing her into debt, was wrong.
She "bought" into the relationship, he moved into her place very quickly (within 6 months if I recall), tried her best, she felt devalued and ignored, ...so does she have to stick with this relationship forever? No. Why should she? When one person's choices and decisions start to affect the other negatively, it's not right.
Cheers! | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:30:56 AM | The biggest problems is when these subjects come up they always point the finger at the man as if women dont do the exact same thing, (the same is the reverse of course). I was married to a woman who wanted everything and gave nothing, I started off life working as a farm labourer when I left High School, and worked my way up to what I have now. That includes a lot of hiccups along the way. By your words I would be someone you would pass by. Im quite sure if you met Bill Gates when he was younger you would have passed him by as well (Im not him btw or anything like him).
How many men (woman) have turned their life around because of the encouragement of a partner who believes in them. How many great men (woman) have been bought down by their partners.
Im not saying that you should not becareful about who your dating, but dont use what people have as a premise for dismissing them, pfft its not as if a G/F hasnt asked me to get them something because they were short on cash, I didnt think any less of them.
Behind every good man is an even better woman...always like that saying.. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 8:42:57 AM | what do i bring to the table? for starters the opinion that women that judge a man by his monetary value before anything else need an open palm man hand slap to the face for being so naive.
mtv and the rest of the pop culture in this country (USA) has everyone thinking that if you arent rich , you arent shit. and its not a good thing.
so what do i bring to the table? not much in the way of money, thats for sure. but where i lack in fiscal, i make up in other departments. I'm a very skilled laborer, i grew up doing construction, computer work, mechanical work. i went to school for electrician (a career that sadly never panned out), i have worked as a mechanic for two different garages, and i've done a lot of general labor at factories and groundswork. and i am right now coming home from almost 10 months on the road for work (well, it wasnt completely on the road, i ended up at a shop for 6 months, one of the aforementioned garages), with an interview lined up the day after i get back for a job that promises to be quite fun should i get hired.
with all of that, no, i've never made a lot of money, at least not enough to matter, what with school bills, dr bills, and of course, child support (common in this country) to pay. i've had some nice vehicles, but time and again i've had to sell them when money was low (in between jobs). in the overal scheme of things, fiscally i'm not really where i should be, but eventually i will get there. in the mean time,
what else do i have to offer? a great personality to share with someone that can handle some eccentricities, good cooking skills, i clean, hell i can even sew. and of course, i offer my dedication and emotional support to whomever i am with. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:06:33 AM | | With MOST people, I don't think being financially stable and having a job are enough. There are too many men and women out there who are looking for somebody to TOTALLY support them; looking for the "golden parachute" so to speak. Thank God the woman I'm seeing now isn't like that. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:08:45 AM | "I think most women (especially the over 50 crowd) want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert"
"I'd love to go to Hawaii this winter....I'd love to go on a cruise...I'd love to go into Vancouver for the weekend. It's all just talking and dreaming but the first time they ask to borrow $20.00 for gas or tell you they're short on their rent, etc. it's kind of a mood killer and makes you wonder why they were tentatively planning anything at all with you."
girlygirl555
I'm glad to hear that you have a boyfriend. I personally would not want to date someone who was so shallow to ask me what I brought to the table at the same time she was talking about going to dinner, the movies, shopping, to a concert, Hawaii, a cruise, and Vancouver for the weekend.
Here's what I know. I did split half of everything I earned when I got divorced. I see the house my ex lives in now and I know she is proud of it too, but I don't mind because my kids live there half of the time. I don't care that her boyfriend lives in something that I paid for, but that's besides the point. That's all in the past.
Here we are in the present. I'm lucky. I retired from my first profession and have a guaranteed income with cost of living raises for the rest of my life. I got a good education and have another great job now. What scares me is getting into another marriage with someone new and splitting all of my assets again.
Too many people are too shallow for my tastes and concerned about what I bring to the table. Bring your own assets to the table.
You want to go shopping? Good for you. Go ahead and spend YOUR own money. I am not 25 years old anymore and don't date someone who is. We have worked our whole lives for what we have and we can each buy ourselves what we need and want. Joint accounts at this stage in our life? You must be high!
You're an adult, right? Then buy your own stuff. Why do you worry about what you can get out of me?
I am a nice guy and I don't have trouble getting a date, but I'm not an immature man and I'm not too easily taken by a woman who is concerned about what job I have, what I drive, or the house I own.
You ask about money and that's how I answered you. I hope that answers your question about what I bring to the table. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:13:13 AM | | Why is it that everybody is so worried about what the other brings to the table??? I don't choose partners for the house they live in, the car they drive, the balance of the bank accounts, the type of job they have, clothes they wear, or anything of the nature. Only thing that anybody should be asked to bring to the table is their heart- and a good heart at that. Other factors in looks and body often play a role in that also. But some physical attraction is needed for chemistry. Just that simple. The factors that I could be unemployed, drive a beat up truck, live in a shack, and wear jeans with holes doesn't change the type of person I am on the inside. If you need a mansion, lexus, 6 figure income and anything of that nature, then you will probably be looking for love the rest of your life, and I'm definatly not the one for you to begin with. But not saying it wouldn't be nice to have that lifestyle - but let's get real- most people aren't millionaires on here. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:34:59 AM | Dear 1lostlake
Wouldn't it be a perfect world if that was true!!! Unfortunately, on the plant earth, in the year 2009, it is NOT!! New statistics say that 60% of marriages will end in divorce within 10 years, and that there are over 35,000,000 people on dating sites in North America alone. I think if we could base a relationship on a good heart we would all be in a relationship. The most wonderful man I have ever known (still love in many ways and still talk to) is actually someone I met on Plentyoffish last year. He was extremely handsome, very fit, very kind and gentle, a heart of gold, the best lover I have ever known, was completely in love with me and even proposed....BUT (of course, the ugly but) he had two girls at home spoiled rotten by an indulgent father, and he came to me with his financial problems which included not being able to pay last months rent. Does that make him a bad person?? NO Does it make him any less of a man with a good heart??? NO However, I am not his mother and I can not deal with the pressure of trying to make a 58 year old man's burden lighter. Of course, I did help him many, many times but it is not something I can take on as a life-long project. Also, how awkward is it when he suggested we do something fun on the weekend when I knew he had absolutely no money so in saying yes I knew I was going to pay for the hotel, pay for dinner, etc. Is that okay sometimes?? YES It is okay everytime NO!!!! | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:01:07 AM | I'm not into studying statistics of thing that doesn't make a hill of beans. I understand what they say though. I smell whatcha standing in. But if your lifestyle exceeds the pocketbook, then you have to change the way you live. We all have limits in which we can live, and it's not that we have to keep up with the Jones'. Could be that if he can still keep up with them through somebody elses pocketbook. I just can't speak for you or him on things, but I personally have problems in asking my GF to pay my bills or bail me out on hard times. I mean I wouldn't even go borrow a cup of sugar from my neighbor. The last time I asked anybody for any help, I was doubled over in pain from a kidney stone and had to go to ER. I couldn't drive myself, and had to call someone to take me & drop my kids off at their grandparents house. That was over 2 yrs ago. So as for asking to do a wkend getaway while I'm broke, not happening. It's called having your priorities in correct order. Other fun things can be done at home that cost little to nothing. Just may not be like going to the NASCAR races this wkend or wherever doing whatever. But I may 1 of a few men (& women) that has the priorities in the right order. Who knows?
Oh that's like the old man standing on the street corner smoking a cig holding a sign asking for money to buy food. I'm like dude, you have money to buy your smokes & not food? Come on, if I was to give you money , would you give me your cigs? Answers no. Why? Priorities not in order. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:07:21 AM | | Dinner and a bottle of cheap vino usually........occasionally a plastic tablecloth and a bottle of honey, depending on my company... | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:09:34 AM |
Abelian, with all respect, I don't understand what you mean here. Can you clarify?
What I mean is that what people say they want and what they actually use for selection criteria are quite different. What they say they want is usually something that sounds good, while what they actually use for selection criteria is usually what people would call ``superficial.'' (I personally think that no criteria are any more superficial than any other.) I think women happen to be worse about using different criteria than that to which they admit or state than men are. That's why so many women on this forum complain about ending up with so-called ``players.'' | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:12:35 AM | | Very excellent post 1lostlake..YOU TOTALLY NAILED IT!!! It was actually very much a point that I obviously didn't verbalize very well. It's not just about how much somebody has or doesn't have it's about their priorities. Actually, the man in question drove a new convertible. Very cool!! but why are you driving a new convertible if you can't pay your rent (and forgot this one.....I needed to buy groceries more than once because he couldn't afford lunches for his girls). I guess the bottom line is we all have live a certain lifestyle and if we're comfortable with it and that's what we're used to it's kind of hard to change. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:57:37 AM | girlygirl , you have a point there , you can not be the hostess in a party all the time, I believe that in a relationship contribution is fifty/fifty tangible and intangible matters. I totally agree with you ,that a man even how* sweet *and *loving *he is has to carry his own weight and not to burden you with his financial problems ,he wants to have a good time and you pay the tabs and you don't have a money tree. You have enough responsibility to yourself without adding someone else .
The bottom line ---it is a nature of a person to play games to win with nothing on the stakes but his/her charm which cost nothing. I learned from this cute little girl 3yrs old ,she came to my garden and hand me a bunch of crashed flowers that she pulled from their plants, she said to me in a sweet way "I am giving you this flowers ,what will you give me in return? I was amazed that an early age she knows what is a compromise ,I told her I will give her an ice cream and cookies if it is okay with her mom. So compromise is the name of the game that you should be good playing it and surely, it is a win win situation. Complaining and diatribe till you are blue in the face is a cheap shot . Do yourself a favor give your best shot to your self and don't cut yourself short ,by giving a free ride and a free dinner. Vannili | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 11:39:11 AM | Gawd, I was willing to cash out a childs interest in my ex's condo...$39K......I'm not interested in your assets, or lack of! But if you don't mind(and I don't give a crap if you do) I'll continue to play mine close to the vest, none of your business! That is, until things get real serious..I'm talking marriage!!!!! In that case...might be time for a prenuptial agreement! In which case...we're both looking out for the others future!
Yankee girl...it's awesome...not aewsome! | |
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