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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 11:43:04 AM |  well I'm glad I could spit it out for you Girlygirl. And I totally agree with vanilli also. Why should you be the free ride for Mr. Sweet nice & loving? Tell him to trade his convertable in on a Geo metro and get a grip on what's feasable to his pocketbook. It's a reality check. My Dad told me when I was 20 I had tunnel vision. I asked what he meant, he took his hands & put his finger tips and thumbs together to form an oval. He put his hands up to his eyes to say that's what I saw through- that tunnel. But if I got out of that tunnel I could use my peripheral vision. Very true, because you not only see what's in front of you, nut everything that's going around you. We just have to open our eyes to things. Funny thing, another thing my Dad said was I should use my head for something other than a hat rack. But those bits of advice carry through just about everything life has to offer us. Not everybody mooches off, uses, or plays others. Those that do are considered to be a con artist in my eyes. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:19:12 PM | 1lostlake, I am glad you agree with me. As a person when I gave a party or treats to some friends,money,etc. I don't complain if they don't reciprocate, I gave that freely expecting nothing in return just their company/being a friend at the moment, as a woman when I gave something to a man I don't begrudge and bad mouth him to friends/strangers that he did not matched what I gave him or gives nothing in return. I have that respect in him whether he is moocher or not. So my rules is I gave only I can afford to lose. I take that* lose *word back there is really nothing lose in this word it will come back to me someday perhaps . Have you heard about " What you sow is what you reap ?
Vannili | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 12:19:45 PM | | Im awseome too ,however im not naive to think that someone that has worked hard in thier live to attain independance ,would ever want to be persued or persue someone who ,would make it obvious to them that work and the future wasnt a priority.However sometimes men and women are afflicted with disabilities be it mental or physical and the biggest words for them is ACCEPTANCE and UNDERSTANDING.If you cant accept and understand my physical disabilities then what am i or any other person to do.I m holding off trying right now and im pretty sure there are alot of us out there men and women .No matter what i say in my profile or in person ,my disability will always be in the forefront and everything i cant do and not what i can do ,or the person i am ,i am a man who knows all you have is your word and that what you say is the truth and can be backed up.I am a proud man and would never look for someone to take care of me,I dont want your money or possesions , I want your love and respect as I would show them.I will never let my disability take the person i am away from me ,and many others think the same .Im trying my best and will always try to improve my life and right now im trying it through education .I accept a person for who they are and do not discriminate ,I want a chance to prove myself as a good man with a disability,My heart isnt disabled . | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 1:49:31 PM | Vannilli, I have heard that saying, it's called karma. I am a true believer in that. Though sometimes it takes a long period of time to come back home. But I refer to a moocher as someone that does it very often on all situations, not just on occasion. There is nothing wrong in giving any gift and expecting anything in return. That speaks volumes of what you as a person is made of, a great heart. And that is exactly what everybody should bring to the table. I'm my eyes anyways.  | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 1:50:52 PM | | Vannilli, I have heard that saying, it's called karma. I am a true believer in that. Though sometimes it takes a long period of time to come back home. But I refer to a moocher as someone that does it very often on all situations, not just on occasion. There is nothing wrong in giving any gift and expecting anything in return. That speaks volumes of what you as a person is made of, a great heart. And that is exactly what everybody should bring to the table. I'm my eyes anyways. | |
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| And...
Posted: 3/5/2009 2:02:15 PM |
This is what I bring to the table in a relationship:
...you are smart AND a redhead. Wowza!!
I guess the problem is that I'm picky about my long term potentials
I knew there was a catch.... | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 2:09:29 PM | | Egads the pre-nup, already going into a relationship looking at the end.........and getting to the end and wondering why it ended. A self fulfilling prophecy. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 2:38:08 PM |
And he's just one of many, many "losers" I have known who aren't losers at all, even though they're not for me. To someone, they are valuable, or at least they were at one time. I know my daughter is valuable to me, no matter how much of a loser she is to many or most people. Perception is everything...to me, a spiritual man (not the one in your story necessarily:) who is a minimalist and who has a heart full of love sounds like a breath of fresh air...to others, he'd be a loser. Same man - different angle. And as always, to each their own.
oldsoul, I found your post profound on a number of levels. Thanks for sharing.
Your story reminds me of a woman I knew years ago who's outward appearances contradicted what one might think of her. She was a strikingly attractive woman who dabbled in modelling, and did some stage acting. She was a minimalist as well. She lived in a one room apartment in the old end of the city. She lived by very modest means, worked, went to university, and travelled regularly.
Judging her on looks alone, one would have thought that she would be the type to be drawn to glamour and beauty. She actually had very little interest in superficial things and vanity. She was all about spirituality, the acquirement of knowledge and existentialism. Getting to know her had a long lasting impact on my judging people by outward appearances alone. Her inner beauty eclipsed her outward beauty in a way that constantly reminds me of the analogy of an oyster revealing it's pearl.
To this day, while I can appreciate and admire superficial traits that a woman might possess, the aspects that really set one woman apart from another, are the inner layers that are only revealed once you really get to know them. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 3:50:21 PM | I recently told someone that after reading these forums getting into a relationship scares me. A lot of the reason behind that is that I see what people have written on their profiles and I compare it to what I learn of them on here, I guess most of that started off when I first started dating.
When you compare what they say they are looking for and what they say they "bring to the table" with how they actually are, it is a totally different picture. This is why so many people have problems with dating because its very rare that people actually know who they really are, and what they really want without pretence.
I can look at some of the people close to me that seem to have all these qualities that you are portraying as the things that you would find attractive, or would make you want to look at a long term relationship with someone. They have all these things that people use as a benchmark in life, except the basic's for each other - love, friendship, and respect.
I was asked once while I was sitting on a pier overlooking the Ocean enjoying the sunrise in one of the countries I visited, why would I want to be seen sitting around like a local, I just said "sometimes the best things in life are free"
The issue I see isnt with the people your dating, its really with what you are looking for and what you want out of life. Me I would be just as happy in the middle of nowhere a thousand miles from anything, except the people I love. Does that make me seem boring, probably, would it be boring, no.
I look at what a lot of people have in their lives, and one of the reasons I bring it up is when I travel and stay in different places, I have found that you dont get to know the people by staying in hotels. Most people are put off by the fact that in person I am very open, and will go from a hesitant email to wanting to meet, because I want to learn about what kind of a person you really are and how well you actually know yourself. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:06:06 PM |
This is what I bring to the table in a relationship:
Financial stablitliy
Employed
I like Sex (actually I love it with the right guy!!!)
Can mow my own lawn...if you've seen my yard you know that is a chore
I like sports
I'm NOT a former drug user or alcoholic
No criminal history......well, maybe a few speeding tickets
I can hold my own in a conversation
have a house
have a car
I can fix a toliet
Not afraid to get dirty
I like to tickle and be tickled
Affectionate
Playful
Mischievous
Drama is strictly in my professional life (no I'm not a hooker, madam or drug dealer)
Adventurous
I can cook
Can clean.......don't like to but will do it
Oh, I shower daily and use deoderant
Change the "guy" to gal per sex, add two boats a plane, add live theatre and the symphony and a sprint car..... we could be twins. Of course you live in a state other then Iowa.......That is the way the cookie always seems to crumbles, damn!
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 4:58:14 PM | ( In case the quote post doesn't come through on this my second attempt , this posting is in response to SassyRedhead10 's posting from 3/4/2009 at 7:00:09 P. M. on the first page of this thread .)
Now THERE'S my kind of woman .  She matches me almost point for point ......... ( I couldn't care much less about sports though ) . I do have some skills and abilities " I bring to the table " that she doesn't mention , that should more than make up for my total disinterest in sports . Too bad she automatically dismisses all men over 50 !
Alec ,
( camper33 ) . | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/5/2009 5:35:07 PM | Those are my exact words. I see profiles where women ask that a man be honest, have a sense of humor, and all those other traits. I always read what it is THEY want. Men are the same ladies. When it get down to it, women are looking for Denzell/Tom and men are loooking for Halle/Princess Di. There is NOTHING wrong with that UNTIL those seeking are NOT bringing the same to the table. If you seek a Tom, you better be a Princess Di or Halle. Too often I read profiles and after a few messages, I sense something is amiss. Why NOT call it like it is and let the chips fall where they may. Too man hurt women on line who want to blame the "Next" man for what happened with the "last" man. You want a rich man...be rich. You want a doctor, be a doctor. You want ...well you get my drift. I have seenwomen here who are damaged goods, got tehkids but no support. First off MEN. please stop that. My mom was a single parent as well. So I know the "fun" of doing without.
So please do not hate on this but if you seek a man with integrity, please have that.
If you seek a man with money...please have that.
If you seek a man with honor...please have that.
Thanks | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/6/2009 9:16:41 AM |
after all how many healthy, active years do we have left???? I think to find a long term relationship we need to bring more to the table than good looks and a smooth line. As my mom is in her 70's and so is my dad, I am guessing another 20 or so years. That is a life time of fun and interesting things to do with someone special. Lots of time!
Bringing things to the table is usually a business expression. It indicates to me a very cut and dry business transaction. My love life hasn't been treated like a transaction, but at the same time I did look for someone that I was mentally attracted to as well as physically. The fact that he has a good job was important as you can't buy gas to visit without money.
My bf said he was attracted to what I wrote and then my appearance. When we met, we have furthered that interest. We continue to explore each others' interests and desires. More of a sharing a path and seeing where our destination might go, but it is the journey we are enjoying.
No table set up for negotiations. That was the divorce. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/6/2009 9:26:52 AM | | girlygirl,Life is easy and MEN are not really complicated,we have to use our mind/common sense and strategy like playing chess to mate the KING. '' These* nice guys*,who don't have a job,don't have a car,who don't own a home ,what is their evidence that they are nice ? Our own SELF is the # 1 that we have to treat nice, it is our obligation to bring the best on our personal table,before we bring something to some one's table. But if wheel of fates smack us down that we lose our car,job and house it is okay as long as we don't lose our good faith and our hope that along the way some one will help us to stand on our feet again,call it GOD or HIGHER FORCE or friends. If a lover is wipe out I will do my best to help him, and if he leaves me for another woman that's the break ,I will considered my love/ help as CHARITY. Who doesn't want to go to posh restaurant for dinner,concert,shopping, travel ? It is a choice if the woman will foot the tab for both of them or stay and cuddle on the couch watching an old movie from a vcr that cost the man $.50 from a thrift store . I read you very well,I am a woman too. But the difference between us is I don't demand what a man brings to the table,whether it is a big serloin steaks, or a rotten potatoes that he hussled, I will match it what ever is on the table. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/6/2009 9:34:20 AM | Stability and a roof. Tradeoff is that I have to put work in front for the time being because without it, those things go bye bye. I've got no problems going out a few nights on a weekend but during the week, I'm tired and when I come home and relax by watching a little TV, I end up usually fall asleep on the couch. I know, boring and dull.
One of the issues I always come across is someone that can't comprehend how hard my job is . It's both mentally and physically challenging and beats me down. Try working in 130 degree plus heat for hours at a time during the summer and think how you would feel. The last thing I want to do is even think much less go out. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/6/2009 10:38:30 AM | I'm not answering what I bring to the table, it's on my profile, I think it's clear and succinct and if someone can't figure it out by reading that then they are not a man I'd be interested in spending any time on.
However I am going to address the issues raised about people wanting this or that without understanding what they have to "offer"
Unrealistically high expectations and the strong desire to live outside the limits of your own reality are what has brought this nation to it's knees financially and crashed our economy.
People who could not be content unless they had more, bigger, better than they could control with prudence, present with pride, and live happily ever after with.
Those same people who made the largest financial lack of control in our banks, or corporations, our nations revenues....are being driven by the people who bought homes they could never pay off or afford, in towns they had no ability to live in or maintain the "status quo", driving cars that burnt up our fuels and our resources that destroyed our roads and were not affordable for people to drive, or pay for and did not generate any profits for our auto industry.
When people learn to understand being a responsible and caring adult with ALL the "gifts" we as a people have? Including relationship...then more people will live happily ever after with what IS in their own front yard. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/6/2009 12:48:19 PM | I DID NOT write this, but found it the other day but I almost fell over laughing when reading it:
The following is a quintessential W4M advertisement
"BBW Single Mom seeks her 1 and only"
I'm a 21 year old single mom of 2 wonderful little boys. They are my world so you have to understand that. You also must be at least 5'10", stable, have a good job, intelligent, in shape, good looking, good sense of humor, family oriented understand me, a good guy, have 2 tattoos and a few piercings, go to church, have a motorcylce, enjoy the outdoors, love to read, and be willing to do anything to get me. You SHOULD not expect sex in return for all these great qualities that I am demanding, but rather you need to just spoil me and take care of me because I deserve it. Oh, and I am a BIG girl so if you don't like a real woman then go somewhere else. I need my prince, are you out there?"
What guys are thinking when we read that:
1. Being FAT doesn't make you a real woman
2. Guys want SEX and sometimes a relationship... so if you aren't offering both of those things we aren't interested
3. You do NOT deserve anything. You earn respect, you don't deserve it based on the fact that you are female.
4. Don't make ridiculous demands - if you are actually looking for a real guy then don't list a bunch of qualities that no guy can match especially if they in no way describe you.
5. You don't actually want the nice guy that you claim to. If you did, then you would call that geeky guy who liked you in high school, but you didn't have the time for because you were off getting some from the jock/musician/stoner/etc. who got you pregnant and left you because you got fat and annoying. Women always say they want nice guys, but time and again they turn them down. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/6/2009 12:52:37 PM | Last year, I met two women at a Halloween party. Both were in their mid-30s and were kind, passionate and intelligent. And yet I fear that they will remain single for a lot longer than they desire. Why? Because of all the arbitrary rules they've set up for what Mr. Right is supposed to be like. I asked one woman for further clarification.
"Of course, he has to be attractive, thoughtful and successful, but there are a few other things that are really important to me, which are kind of hard to find."
I leaned in, wanting to hear more.
"Well, first of all, I'm Jewish, so that's a deal breaker right there."
OK, I thought. Jews only make up 2 percent of the U.S. population, but preserving a religious tradition is a very common desire.
I asked her what else she was looking for.
"He needs to be as passionate about animals as I am," she said. "I own two dogs, I volunteer for the Humane Society, and I want a guy who feels the same as I do. If there is a stray dog at the side of the freeway, I want him to stop whatever he's doing to pick the dog up and bring it to an animal shelter."
A cute, kind, ambitious, Jewish animal activist. Of course. There have to be at least...six of those in the greater Los Angeles area. But five of them are women. And the one man is already married. So I've got two women dressed as French maids who are wondering when Prince Charmingstein will arrive with three leashes and a 4 karat ring in hand.
Talk about a fairy tale.
Limiting our options with a narrow search
We all have dreams. We all have standards. We all have ideas about how it's supposed to look. But when we remain trapped in our fantasies, reality suffers. And nowhere is this more apparent than in the online dating space.
Because of the perception of choice -- just pop in some search criteria and dial up a spouse! -- we think we're being open to lots of people.
In fact, we're narrowing our search far greater than we do in "real" life.
In real life, if you start talking to someone at a party who is intriguing, you'll probably get a phone number and set up a date. You may not find out until later that he's a different religion, or political party.
What we think we want merely serves in limiting our options. For example, I've got a friend who is 24 and runs a multimillion-dollar corporation. He never got a college degree, so he wouldn't appear in many women's educational searches. Too bad for them. I've got another friend who is 64 and still goes hiking, fishing and skiing. She's beautiful, youthful and vibrant, and completely off the radar for most men. It's a shame, isn't it?
Are you too picky? Take the test.
Look through 100 profiles on a dating sight and ask yourself the following questions:
1. How many did you find attractive?
2. How many met your criteria: age, height, weight, income, smoking, religion, etc.?
3. How many wrote interesting profiles that would make you think they'd be compelling conversation on a date?
4. What percentage of your online dates do you "click" with in real life?
Multiply all of those numbers together and you'll see that the number of people who meet your requirements is probably less than 5 percent. That's right. Out of 100 people online, only five are even dateable.
So out of those five, how many of them will love your family and appreciate your quirks? How many of them have the same long-term relationship goals as you? Most importantly, how many of the five think that you are cute enough, thin enough, young enough, rich enough, smart enough, kind enough and interesting enough? Probably not too many.
So what does all this mean? Are we doomed to a life of solitude and loneliness? No. We might have to adjust our perspective a bit, though.
First of all, it reminds us how hard it is to find somebody special. Signing up for online dating for a month in hopes of falling in love is pretty much the equivalent of signing up for the gym for a month in hopes of becoming Mr. Universe.
Second, it reminds us not to be so narrow-minded in our searches. In order to expand our options beyond, say, 1 in 100 people, we need to open up our age range, our height range, our body types, to people we might not have considered otherwise. Until we give others a chance, what hope do we have that they will give us a chance?
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/9/2009 11:38:59 AM | | I'm a college student, so by your definition I guess I should just be a monk for 3.5 years. Oh well, so much with finding people to talk to or hang out with, just me and my computer for company I guess, eh? Thanks for the realization of how stupid it is to want to actually get out and meet differen't people in a new place, I just moved to. Silly me. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/9/2009 11:53:04 AM |
What do you bring to the table!!
well I've been known to be sitting on a dinner plate naked when my man came home from work....
does that count?
I bring me......if that's not good enough......I keep fishing. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 3/9/2009 12:12:55 PM | Not sure what I bring to the table...but I know what I don't bring to the table...and I think that's worth more.
No drama No health issues No ex issues No bad kids issues
No bad marriage stories No bad job stories No unhealthy addictions
No recovery programs No police record...etc etc etc
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