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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/10/2009 9:18:56 PM | What I bring to the table is me. What you see, is what you get. This is why I tend to be upfront about me and my life in my profile. So that a guy knows, exactly, what I'm bringing to his table. All I expect from him, is the same amount of honesty, and openness, no matter what else is going on in his life.
To judge someone on only certain things alone, like them having a car, their own place, etc, is kind of narrow, because everyone's circumstances are different. Especially with the economy being what it is right now. Aren't we all worthy of love after all, no matter what we've personally got in our bank accounts? I would hope so.
Since I have a job and a car, I do usually prefer it if a guy at least has those same things, but its not always possible, and I try to take that into consideration, on a case by case basis. We all struggle with money, at one time or another and I'm no exception. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:06:32 AM | I bring to the table:
A good education.
An excellent career that pays me a good salary and sets me up for a great future.
I do not own my own home yet, due to having travelled the world for much of my youth, but have now accumulated a sizeable deposit in order to buy one - my next goal.
A solid work ethic - even though I work for one of the most prestigious companies in the world, I am not a snob and if I lose my job tomorrow, I will scrub floors, wait tables or flip burgers at McDonalds to earn money - and have done all three!!
No car - I don't need one in London but could easily afford one.
I don't want or need a man's money - I can live a good life on my own earnings. But neither do I expect to find myself supporting a guy who does not have the same sense of duty or who is unwilling or unable to take responsibility for his life.
I would find it difficult to respect a man who did not go out and earn an honest living - or at least make every effort to, should he find himself unemployed through no fault of his own.
I am not making blanket judgments about men here either. I have a girlfriend who is out of work, having worked 20 years in the same profession as myself, who was offered a job as a cleaner but refuses to do it. While I fully understand that she doesn't want to "lower herself" as she puts it, she is making a choice to continue to struggle financially.
For me it would be an easy decision, but then of course we are all different. Perhaps because I come from a very poor family background I don't have the same hang-ups about doing manual work. Lucky me! 
Stargirl. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:51:28 AM | | I have a friend who is gorgeous, single mum with no car, lives with parents and cant get a guy. She REALLY has zero luck. Its because the man would have to support her, drive her everywhere and whatnot. Where as i had the opposite problem, i had wayyy too many wanting to be with me mainly because (in my view) i am financially independant, I can afford to put money into my appearance other women often cant (not being rude) have my own cars, nice house and they gain more than they lose by being with me kwim? So even though my friend is extraordinarily beautiful and much prettier than me, this is why she cant keep a guy in my opinion. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:04:35 AM | your right . chairs would be good too 
i think irish women are less into money and want to be charmed and made to laugh. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:17:17 AM | Blame it on the ex. Shame on some of you men saying that.
There are a lot of just plain lazy bums out there with no jobs, drug problems,still married, 28k in back child support to thier minor children ect., with a profile up. puuuuulease!! | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:36:15 AM | Taking credit for owning a home and other things stolen from the ex during a divorce....
Shame on some of you women for acting like your someone of value after cheating on your husband and stealing all he worked for during the divorce.
I worked for what I have and lost much more than what I now own because I was stupid enough to get married.
Come on people... Tell exactly how you got what you now have to bring to the table.
And lets start telling about what we lost during our marriages and divorces.
Let everyone see how many women lost everything they worked for..
I'll bet more men have been screwed by the courts than woman... | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:28:24 AM |
Come on people... Tell exactly how you got what you now have to bring to the table.
Well for me it is mostly skills, knowledge, and wisdom as well as my desires, yearnings, and goals that I bring...
How I got them?... um many of those things get multiplied when you share them. I got them by always learning something new. While many men would have their nose in a football game on TV I would be using that time to learn something I did not know. While some men were intimidated by something if it were broken and decide to just give it to someone else and say "fix it" I would simply look at it and reverse engineer it so that I understand how it operates. Once I understand how it operates I could then figure out at which point in the process a failure results in and correct that damage.
After working on many different things that instead of specializing by memorizing a specific thing, I instead taught myself how to understand HOW things work.
That is how I learned and gained what I bring to the table.
I do know what you are saying nebula. I have seen it many many many times. A woman bragging that they have a house and would in many cases even look down at a man that does not. Yet when you head over to the city hall and pull out the file for their property it shows many times their ex husband bought the damn house and it was awarded to her in the divorce.
Many are so proud of what they have achived and would be very quick to snub someone that does not own their own home at the moment. Those same ones are also generally the same ones that live with theirselves by using justifications. they are constantly justifying that they have it BECAUSE they deserved to get it in the divorce. They say things like it is for the kids, or their ex was a real man and gave it in the divorce so his children would have a roof over their heads.
It is the justifications that clue me in to the type of lady she would be. There are many women out there that if the judge did not award her the house then she would likely be living in the basement of her parents house.
You need not worry too much. There are easy ways to figure out which kind of lady it is you are considering. All you need is an understanding of what is allowed and a trip to the municiple facilites and 10 minutes of your time and you can tell what kinda person they are.
I personally have caught a few liars this way. I wasted a few months getting to know her and listening to her bullshyt. Like this example. I was getting to know a woman and I don't know it was her way to try to impress me or if she just really had the dilusional thoughts of how the world works. After awhile and many subject changes and long talks she got on the topic of her house and felt the need to tell me that her ex was a bum. That she had to do everything. She then decided to start the lies. When we were talking about where the house came from that she was so proud that she has she must have figured the topic was asked to figure out who bought it.
Of course being the reserved person that I am and totally believe if giving people their own rope to hang themselves, she did exactly what I suspected.... She started to justify her home ownership.
She was rambling on and started saying the dumbest things. Like bashing on that her ex didn't help buy the house that she bought it. This is the part when I started laughing inside. She started to explain the the reason the judge awarded her the house was because she showed him that she was the one that paid the down payment for the house, and that she showed she made all the house payments.
The stupid part? LMAO I had already stopped into city hall. Her ex was first on all the paperwork. the photocopy of the cancelled check used to pay for the downpayment was from his single account not a joint account from her, and the part that really amazed me. He still owned the house. According to the paperwork if he contacted a bank he could still use that house as collateral on a loan because he was still listed as the owner.
Even if he didn't take out a loan just the simple fact of his name being on it meant that it was still linked to him.
I am one of the ones that belives their SHOULD be consiquinces to divorce. I believe neither should be able to remain in the home regardless of the children. These senerio's play out over and over and over all over this country. It is starting to get to the point that the women in the country are getting the mindset that they are entitled to have their lives remain constant even after something as major as divorce.
The trend that is being seen is there are many women out there that are using marriage and children as a way to increase their quality of life. They have been married a few times and each time they have managed to increase their list of assets.
Scarry part???? Those are generally the ones bragging the most about all that hard work they did to get to where they are in life. They are ones bragging and boasting about how they have established "x" amount for a value and that because they have then they will not settle for someone else that has not.
Shoot I have even seen one that says all her ex's took from her but the numbers don't lie...LMAO... she is a beautiful woman but nasty on the inside cause she is a vulture.
oh well I have no clue why I typed all this out.. I can only assume it was because someone needed to read it. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:10:57 AM | Well Dreams, contrary to my last comment, I wouldn't advise you put your most recent post in the About Me section of your profile!  | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:32:19 AM | Well Dreams, contrary to my last comment, I wouldn't advise you put your most recent post in the About Me section of your profile!
Yeah I know I have a way of not being always as nice as I seem... I sometimes consider myself as a balance... I have many great qualities and also many not so great. I can be a wonderfull compassionate sweatheart at times.. but also can be an azz at times...
I have been accused of being TOO honest at times because I say what is on my mind.
Women everywhere ask for honesty but if they encounter a man that is honest they then back track and say well no we want honest but not too honest... they only want honesty for the good parts and would rather there be deception on some things but I can not be that way.... My honesty comes with a warning label... I am honest about the good and the bad...LMAO
I know there is one out there for me somewhere that will cherish the fact that she will never have to wonder where she stands because I wear my heart AND my mind on my sleve. I try not to be mean but I also do not puzzy foot around with words of deception.
I am what I am... nothing more and nothing less.
I have not been burned before so my words do not come from a scorned heart.... they simply come from a desire to learn, understand, and from communicating.
If I were to listen to some people that say there is only one person that fits for me perfectly then that means I have a 6.5 billion to 1 chance of finding her....
I think I would have better odds winning the lottery while standing on one leg during a lightning strike than I would in finding just that one lady that is absolutly perfect for me.
With those kinda odds my thought is I better just be myself and completely honest about things to try to reduce those odds a little. Oh and yeah I am aware that my comments would cause all the scorned women that have not moved past their pain to walk right on by me and not give a second glance.
That is not really a bad thing.
edit well oops 6.5 billion to 1 would be all and I do not know what the number is for how many women are out there.. but I still think it is about right because I would need to be the one for her just as much as she would need to be the one for me... so maybe the odds are about right.... | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:39:23 AM | Shame on both. I gave an ex a house I paid for, so don't go there. I was so glad to be free , just gave it to him and walked away. I never accepted child support and never took a dime of anything I didn't work for, just for the pleasure of not having to deal with him. Never had a man support me,buy me a car or give me anything. Period
Oh wait, I got a flipping salad shooter one year for Christmas:laugh
But your words wound me to the bone
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:58:43 AM |
Blame it on the ex. Shame on some of you men saying that.
There are a lot of just plain lazy bums out there with no jobs, drug problems,still married, 28k in back child support to thier minor children ect., with a profile up. puuuuulease!!
When I first saw this I thought about posting a really sarcastic remark, but you know what, I thought I would just post this, it was my sons Birthday this week, he neither received a present or even got a phonecall from his mother who was 5 mins down the road. One year she spent christmas eve, and christmas day out on the grog with friends, with the same result, its a regular occurance.
All of the above I can easily apply to some woman as well.....
I may not be rich, I may not be the best looking guy, nor the fittest, and I certainly not perfect, but for someone who has had to deal with what I have to deal with in the past, Im a damn good father, and certainly worth more attention than I normally get on these sites, but I do realise that one of these days, Ill find someone who brings all the things I bring to the table as well. People are too busy constantly striving to be better or do better than they did the last time, that they at times forget what the blazes their here for in the first place.
As for all the comments on divorce settlements that annoys me as well, personally I know that especially when kids are involved, settlements are most of the time done to provide a house for the kids, and for their future, and parents shouldnt be loosing sight of that either. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:35:05 AM | I don't understand how so many men (yes I know this is not gender specific but I am a woman) can say things like "I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I don't own a home, I'm such a nice guy" but they just don't understand why they can't find anyone. What exactly are these men "people" planning to do in this late in life, long term relationship??
This is the posters question:
Answer in short. Everyone, men and women on this site and out in the "real" world will run into these types and should not be suprised anymore. But blaming an ex for not having "a pot to P in"as my Mom would have put it, is no excuse not to get back on your feet and do something with your life. Move on, get a job, start a bussiness, get another house and car. Take care of your child and try and do the best you can. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:54:36 AM | Angelic, thats all well and good in America but not everyone lives in America.
For example, if I lived in a major city, the chances of me wanting to own a car are slimmer, if I lived in Japan you can bet your bottom dollar your chances of owning a home would be slimmer even still, and in these economic times judging people on whether they have a job, could mean by tomorrow they dont.
If I didnt have a job, sat on my butt 24 hours a day, didn't own a house and just expected girls i was dating to give me handouts, and do everything for me I wouldnt even want to date me.
So because I have all those should I also expect the same from every woman I dated as well in order to feel like I would have a worthwhile relationship with them, and for them to be a nice girl. Im to old to change my core values and I will never place the value of someone on material possessions. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 10:29:58 AM | | What I bring to the table, whether it be in a relationship with a man or any other individual in my life is my personality as a whole. It has nothing to do with what I do for a living, what I own, my education or any other thing that I consider "stuff". All I can bring to the table is the sum of my parts with respect to my personality and the person I've become because of my life experiences and how I personally treat people. I don't need to list my attributes and proclaim I am this, that or the other thing. I am true to who I am and don't put on false fronts or inflate or flaunt my abilities or accomplishments - in fact, I'm more liable to downplay them because I'm not any more exceptional than the next person, nor am I beneath them. People take me as I am inside and out. You either like me or you don't. I'm not in any kind of game to appeal to the masses to boost a fragile self-esteem or ego. I find I get along quite nicely with the human race and I've never had to be in some type of desperate search for anyone because I accept who I am and it just draws like-minded inviduals to me. I prefer people to discover me, rather than advertise myself - so far, it's worked great for me. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:43:54 AM | Mackyjones1968.
Everything is up for a debate due to where you live, economic times ect. I thought I understood the posters question. If you only knew the "people"out there that do just that"sit on their butt 24 hours a day" which is the main concern some women have.
People in New York mostly use public transortation and it makes for a good idea to to so. Some people are downsizing (nearing retirement) and don't wan't that house and yard to care for. I am glad to be rid of mine, and now have a small place, drive an economical older car myself. It's not about things,it's about someone willing to do their part, not expect you to handle all the expenses. But on their profile states something completely different. I am not 100% sure the poster is from America,but assumed she was. Most real women out there aren't looking to find a sugar daddy, but nor do they want to have a mosquitoe sucking on them. If I won't let my 23 year old son lay around and flit from job to job, cooking and cleaning his clothes and buying the food, paying the mortgage: I sure as heck am not doing that for some guy. Period | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:58:35 AM | Someone with a lot of possessions, a big house, a shiny car, etc., demonstrates that he/she can acquire and keep possessions, which requires at least that someone be active and at least a bit sensible. But there are plenty of active, sensible people who prefer to drive modest cars or commute, and their homes may even be rented instead of bought and definitely not ostentatious. I'm not materialistic, but I am not a slob or lazy.
I like anjelic's responses on this. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 2:45:54 PM | I'm with the poster that said they didn't know any women that got out of a marriage and took everything they could from their ex. I also know many divorced women who have to work 2 jobs to support their kids...because the dads are deadbeats.
There are many that divorced and remained friends...worked to keep some family balance and continuity. Heck, I seriously do not know one person in my life that doesn't work.
Where ARE all these lazy, no account materialistic people anyways?
I've been here long enough to realize...but I'm still constantly amazed at the bitter, angry, depressed people that are here.
I don't even understand this question. When did relationships become a barter...when did we go back to the days of dowries. Sheeesh, most single people I know are simply looking for a PARTNER to share life and times.
I don't bring anything to the table except for myself...and I'm not about to start listing my pluses and minuses like I'm going to auction.
good grief!
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:20:31 PM | What do I bring to the table? Here is the short list. I have been told on more than one occassion by a man that I had it all, Beauty, Brains and Personality. That made me a triple threat.
I consider myself more of a quintuple threat though, because I have Financial security
(I own my own home, my cars, have a very large investment portfolio and am debt free) and I am "HeII" in bed ( I love sex and have no inhibitions when with a man that I care for deeply, and am exclusively dating).
You can add to that list that I am very generous, very loving, very forgiving, trustworthy, loyal, friendly, cheerful... I have a great sense of humor, strong moral values (if you overlook the fact that I enjoy making love to a man I love, even outside of marriage), have never cheated on anyone in a relationship, am honest, kind, stable...
I would say I am humble ( and probably should , I did say I have a great sense of humor) but the fact that I say I am humble probably disqualifies me from that label. I am great at the art of conversation, I have a diverse list of interests, I am not demanding, I am understanding, I am patient, I am open minded in regards to trying new things. I am an optimist, and look at the glass as half full not half empty.
When I look at a man I see many things in him that he might not even see in himself. I like nice guys, not players. I appreciate the man I have in my life, and see more good things in him than he even knew he had. I make him feel good about himself, and accept him as he is without trying to change him. I am not perfect and I do not expect perfection. I know that what someone can have faults though and be "perfect" for me.
Is that enough? I think I bring plenty to the table. | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:36:33 PM | Ok, this is a biggie, well for starters as a man i think most women fail to understand what a man goes through to have a decent woman. I mean count up the stress that men are going through right now, economy going bad, credit tightening up, yet as the man, you are expected to be responsible no matter what and blame noone for what happens to you, even if it's not your fault. You can be a nice guy, smile be cordial, have nice morals, and still get turned down. Women want men to be perfect, but reality says differently, men do the same thing. Now here's the catch, a man has to be perfect for the woman that chooses him and vice versa. Everybody has their own idea of perfection in a mate. Question is how much of that perfection are they striving to get out of each other. As for me this is what I offer
No criminal Baggage(jail)
religous
not a pyscho
spoiled (to a degree) and spoiling
no debts
No child baggage
single, ready to mingle
down to earth
approachable
loyal
kind
gentle
compassionate
determined
resilent
Humble
funny
Employed
industrious | |
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| What do you bring to the table!!
Posted: 5/16/2009 5:51:27 PM | The OP writes,
I'm not saying there is not a possibility that there is someone out there that will be happy to just sit at home, watch TV everynight, go for walks in the park and have sex but I think most women (especially the over 50 crowd) want to go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert.......after all how many healthy, active years do we have left???? I think to find a long term relationship we need to bring more to the table than good looks and a smooth line.
Far too often people have "sacrificed" their youth (so they feel) so when they do divorce and the kids have grown they feel they have a lifetime to make up for. I'm 56 and my partner is 47. While we do occasionally "go out for dinner, go to the movies, travel, go downtown, shop, go to a concert" they're certainly not things we do frequently.
While I'm retired my partner is still working so who is going to go out during the week. Dinner is fine and we can afford it but to end up spending over a hundred dollars on one meal, unless it's a special occasion, is just a waste of money. Frequently, the person spending that amount of money will be seen later that week in a grocery store comparing prices on jars of jam or packages of meat hoping to save 50 cents. Or they decline HD TV because the cable company wants an extra $25/mth.
All that said what is a romantic relationship? If sex holds any importance whatsoever, if one cares about how another person will treat their body, where do concerts and having a shopping buddy fit in? If good looks and a smooth line aren't important who would want a guy with a beer gut and a two day old beard saying "Hey, baby. Let's do it"?
That's why relationships don't last today. People aren't looking for a romantic partner. They're seeking a buddy, a pal. Going to concerts and travelling and shopping are regular activities while sex becomes the special occasion because there is no "I want you!" feeling.
Perhaps if people were more honest they'd find what they are seeking. "Looking for pal/buddy to accompany me on trips and to the theater and be available for sex, if required." That would screen out the romantic fools. | |
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