| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 3/26/2009 2:32:04 PM | The dating scene can be tough out here.
but if you meet the right guy or girl and it feels right. the kids will be an added plus and if he or she really cares for you then he or she will be glad to do what makes you happy and if your children are sick that should make them sad so he will be kind enough to still show he cares and vise versa if it was his child that was sick the woman should show just as much compassion :-)
marcia | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 3/26/2009 4:33:35 PM | I am too. In a way it's good to know that there are other single parents out there who find it hard to get out and meet people to date.
My son starts nursery soon so I'm hoping that then I will have a bit more time to myself to start looking for a job and then hopefully also find a 'suitable' man!
I've been on several dating sites and from those sites I've been on a few dates but I've not found the right match yet. I have to wait for my mum to visit before going on dates as I wouldn't trust leaving my son with anyone else. She only visits every 4 or 5 months so some potential dates are put off by then anyway as they don't want to wait that long! That sort of narrows it down a bit to who's worth dating.
Althogh I'm on this site and a few other dating sites it's a bit offputting when all you seem to attract is nuttas and weirdos. As a single parent I think it's very difficult to get into new relationships anyway as there are more than just the two of you in the relationship. You have to make the right choices for your children as well as yourself. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 3/26/2009 5:49:19 PM | | I am a 42 yr old single mom of two. Mine are 19 and 17. My kids dad hasn't been around for 18 yrs his choice mostly. It is not easy being a single parent. Hun I am legally blind and did. The reward is worth it. My kids have a lot of love and respect for me because I showed them the same. Be patient, it will happen. I would only expect someone with kids to understand about not having a sitter. Arrange to meet publiclly, you don't have to put nyone off. If they don't understand then they are not worth the bother, like I said look for a single dad or someone who has children. I have been talking with someone for three weeks who is a dad and understands, we haven't meet yet. But, we enjoy talking to each other almost daily or texting. Be patient and enjoy your kids. They will be grown efore you know it. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 3/26/2009 6:08:21 PM | An idea is to invite your friend to the activity provided it is public and your kids would not be identifiable to them, you could arrange a quick "hi" type meeting. Other wise my advice is to remain a "free agent" until your children are out of the picture. I had found one long term relationship (lasted 2 plus years) on here then she decided to find a better deal. I learned it is very unwise to bring someone new into a childs life if you are not 100% sure the relationship will last, I have found people who meet on line sometimes are not who they claim to be and it usually takes some time to discover the truth. I would recommend staying the course time goes by fast they will be off to college soon! Good luck | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:01:53 PM | | oh sister i'm in your boat! i have 3 with no family near and am doing it alone 24/7. i finally found a baby sitter about 3 weeks ago. but what do u do IF you find someone you like after that first date? I can only afford her once a week and would never ask someone i just met to pay for the sitter. but why am i even thinking about this. i've had 4 dates with one person on here since nov. and haven't seen them since before christmas. i feel that somebody's REALLY gotta like ya to date ya with kids and limited income. maybe the wait will be worth it for us yes? Keep me posted! Good luck! kiss! | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:12:18 AM | Thanks to the later more positive responses and people in the same situation as me or similar I was beginning to think I was only 1 or being really silly or summat. I have been chatting to a few guys on here, I explain the situation from the off and if they dont like it then they not worth it. I have not met anyone yet but have been asked. They seem Ok bout meeting during the day when is convenient to me as they understand my situation. So when we have chatted a bit more I may meet for a coffee and a chat and walk or something. But I do have to say that by chance not through looking but purely by chance on a chatting site I was on got talking to this guy, he younger dan me, but he said hasnt got a problem with age it just a number and understands about my kids. We get on really well and have exchanged numbers and text every day now, he lives probably closer than anyone chatted to on her and his birthday day before mine. He wants to meet, says we can go for a coffee and a stroll shopping when it suits us both with work commitments, no pressure and no hurry. Like someone said above, sometimes we can try too hard and fate will just play its part. Like I say I am keeping my options open and finding out about him and the ones on here chatting to, before make any decisions as to where I am going. I have told them that I just want to chat to start and see how we get on. I am not playing the field or being unfair to anyone. When I know is there one who particularly stands out then I will meet that person and hopefully we will hit it off.
So I am keeping my fingers crossed and feeling more happy and confident about my situation than I have in a very long time and maybe that is why things are taking a turn for the better I thing your confidence shows and you as a person are happier. Even the kids have commented that I am happier. I have not told them anything. I have made tentative enquiries with my kids friends parents if they would be able to go for sleepover mayb for me to have a night out and then I could return the favour and one of my daughters friends mum said that her and her husband are going to a concert and that would be great.
Good luck to us all who finding it hard at the moment, but if we relax about it maybe fate will step in and take control and we just have to go with the opportunity when it presents itself.  | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:18:09 PM | In the same boat, dads dont care, 1400 miles away, my choice to move, ex husbands choice to abandon n run off, dating while raising 2 kids is very hard. My focus is on my kids, one wiht a disability, so that and my history with relationships, I think, scare men off. it is all in if you want it badly enough. My rule of thumb, My kids are first and foremost, I am second. i tke very small amounts of time to myself, I rarely get out, my friends and I exchange homes to visit each other, Ihave not worked for the past year due to disability that had my whole focus, and am going back part time, odd hours, mostly weekends, prob. so it kills any kind of social life I may have, and I do not have one anyway. I want one tho. LOL
Use your imagination, take a lunch date, your kids are a little older, take a lunch date at the mall cafeteria while your kids are in a movie, or leave them at home with a list of rules. and plenty of snacks. I dated a man off and on for 3 yrs (only man I dated for 3 years, but still off n on) and it was how we met, for lunch during school hrs a couple days a week, get a friend to help, I advertised for a trade off with another mom,once. luckily I have a couple of friends who would keep mine for me for a few hrs tho. My family lives n hr n half away, my moms side lives 1400 miles away, and i do get breaks during school breaks, which I have been lucky to have. lol as I like to believe, I wont find it, it will find me. its a struggle but someone out there will be the it, someday. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:23:36 PM | It's nice to hear that the OP is actually thinking of her children first and not putting her love life above all! Too often I read postings where parents are whining that their children are a pain in the @ss and that it's messing up their personal life. Makes you appreciate a mum that is considering her childrens feelings in all of this.
I too have children - they are slightly younger - and I can wait till I meet someone who is on the same page of life as me. Until then, I am having fun and enjoying my family because very soon, they will be gone.
Don't put pressure on yourself to find someone and in life don't add anymore time limits . Things will happen... keep yer chin up and good luck..... | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:25:50 PM | | lasting 2 plus years is not bringing someone in and out of a childs life. it did last some time. I wont introduce someone to my kids until after some months have gone by, then ya never know how long it will last. I dont believe secluding yourself is the answer, the kids do not learn anything about relationships, and nothing is 100%. as most would like to say, and i live this too, the kids are the first and foremost, everything revolves around them...but we need 'us time' 'me time' . not just dating relationships, but all your relationships will teach the child, by observation. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 4/26/2009 2:18:32 PM | I'm in the same situation, if anything slightly worse as I have 3 children and my youngest is 6. I work a 9-5 Mondays to Fridays and so daytimes are out. It can be done but it isn't easy. The first thing you need to do is learn to trust your kids, not just for you but for them. Sure it's scary to leave them alone but they are old enough to be left alone for a couple of hours without starting a fire. Even my 6 year old knows how to call the emergency services and knows our address (not that I leave him without his 16 year old sister).
I always make sure my kids have a means of contacting me when I'm out and never go far. As well as limiting yourself you are sending the message to your kids that they can't be trusted. Start little by little, maybe 30 mins, just go for a walk by yourself, then 45, then an hour. Until you can learn to trust your kids dating is going to be hard | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forgethem. Will I find love?
Posted: 5/12/2009 4:29:10 PM | | I have 2 kids myself 23 and 11 and have been on my own for 11 years. My kids have always lived full time with me.Their father hasn't seen them in about 3 years. He talks to the youngest every week but hasn't spoke to the oldest in 2-3 years. About 3 years ago I started dating a co-worker. It started out as a friendship, the boys knew him as someone that I worked with. They would talk with him when they would come to my work to see me and they wanted to include him in activities since he has similar intrests. Then we would invite him to meals at our house and sometimes when we went out. So when we started dating it was no big deal infact my oldest was the one who suggested we date he said"he is good to you and we like him." We dated for 6mos and he has lived with us for 2yrs. I think I just lucked out but if you meet a man with kids I think the whole kids activities thing is a good way to get to know someone and still be with your kids. I think you have to be very inventive when you are single and alone. I hope I have been any help. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:15:51 PM |
well the way you mention you seem a bit stand off ish and you think of your self before others but and you seem to have an negative attauide which alot of guys will run like faster as lighting bolt for the hills as you word your comments and you have kids and dont want more so which means alot of guys wont take the risk of you and you would scare them for sure and you putting the kids first thats your opion if a single guy with no children he would be last in your books and alot of guys wont risk to baby sit your kids unless your after a single father and i know for sure i would not want to be raising your kids either and you have only been on here a couple of days and lot of people are here longer than you have been and still dont get replys or contacts good luck :
I actually didn't see much in the OP's first post that seemed particularly negative.
On the other hand, your run on sentence lost me after the first two lines. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 6/2/2009 6:48:20 PM | | I agreed with footballmum don't listen to Ben advice. Ur kids ar a bit grown 14 n 11 u can go out for a coffee on Saturday afternoon n meet ur date spend an hour n chat then com bac home,u can't remain single, u need a guy besides u,pray hard n u will get d write man.Finally amend ur profile about ur kids first ok.don't be lonely always to avoid dementia sickness,try n make frnds if not on pof try other means @tru ur close gf can introduce u to someone,all it takes is to examine d man attitude. best of luck. | |
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| Mum of 2 kids 24/7 - no family near and ex choosen to forget them. Will I find love?
Posted: 6/2/2009 11:55:46 PM | if there are any critical remarks about single moms.. consider where it comes from.. probably a bitter person who has inner hate for the family they've destroyed, abandoned, etc...
I'm just saying.. there would obviously be no other reason for it.. after all... the world knows what a incredibly difficult job it is, and most men admire it.
If they don't,.. not worth the time.
Am I right or am I right? | |
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