| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 1:04:38 PM | I always wonder about statistics. Like 1 in 3 women suffer some sort of abuse. Or only 10% of the abuse gets reported....
Do you remember that radio ad from a few years ago that said every man was a potential abuser?
I'm not disputing women being abused. I've had a couple family members in those situations. With one, her anger was taken out on me and the ones trying to help her and not her abuser. So I know it happens. What I think they need to do with the statistics is give more details behind them. I think it is statistics that led to that claim in the radio ad. Sure it was intended to be shocking but it was also misleading and fear mongering. After all, isn't it like saying that every person is a potential murderer? | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 1:06:07 PM | Just another interesting "fact or stat", in 85% of domestic homicides, the extended families of both the victim and abuser were aware of the abusers behavior yet failed to intervene because of fear of repercussions to themselves or to the victim.
So in layman's terms, it seems that families also play an important dynamic in recognizing abuse and dealing with it. Families of abusers often enable the abuse by making excuses for the abusers behavior, casting fault upon the victim by taking the abuser's side in imaginary indiscretions. Families of victims often enable the situation by turning a blind eye to the situation.
Society as a whole plays an important role is educating young women and men about breaking the silence of abuse and reaching out for help. Teaching children at a young age what abuse looks like means they may be able to recognize the early warning signs of an abusive relationship and get out. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 1:18:01 PM |
Society as a whole plays an important role is educating young women and men about breaking the silence of abuse and reaching out for help.
I completely agree with you ~*GEM*~. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:11:58 PM | | I disagree that stats for abuse aren't acccurate. I think you need to once again google. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:12:02 PM | I was punched in the back by an ex once......so I clocked him back - just wish I would have taken a couple of teeth!!
Quite a bit of information on this post, good for you ladies - all of you for educating yourselves. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 3:33:30 PM | | There seem to be some areas of confusion here.There are many types of abuse and I imagine that incidents that are reported involve primarily physical violence.A lot of other situations exist that are not as apparent but still constitute very real abuse. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 5:54:29 PM | ^^ Agreed. I was dating a guy for a couple of years that, now looking back, pulled 'ice cold' for weeks at a time if there was something I said he didn't like. It took me a couple of years to figure out because I was was working 80hrs a week and really didn't pay attention.
Anyway, again widow, you're right. It's not JUST the hits - it's a myriad of things. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 6:25:09 PM | | I did see the pictures of Rihanna's face being battered and bruised. However, I haven't seen the evidence that shows there is zero doubt who did and what happened. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:09:42 PM | well as far as rhianna goes, obviously he hasnt beaten her up good enough yet, else she would have left
personally i say " hit her again ike!!!!"
when it registers in her little brain , thats the only time she will leave
until that time i wouldnt waste the newsprint putting her "poor me , look at how pitiful i am " story
the stupid thing took him back and didnt even press charges.
i guess trailor trash comes with all kind of bank accounts | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 8:10:25 PM | I wish that the psychology behind someone taking an abuser back into their life was better understood. Female or male, there is a dynamic that is very hard to explain - the contritness of the abuser after the abuse , the promises that it will never happen again, the control that the abuser exerts over the abused as part of the relationship, the fear of being alone, the list is endless
unless you have been in the situation, or have supported someone that has tried to break the cycle, you really aren't able to pass judegment on the victim | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:14:20 PM | lol well if that just doesnt enable all the abused out there
why not just pity them some more?
i was in several abusive relationships with violent women, as far as i see it , i got exactly what i deserved
and i learned my lesson too
I wish that the psychology behind someone taking an abuser back into their life was better understood. Female or male, there is a dynamic that is very hard to explain
actually its really easy to explain , its called low self esteem , no self worth and dependancy
how hard was that to explain?
heres a clue , if your being abused , and your over 16. get the hell out
dont look back , if you stay.......... you deserve to get hit until it sinks into your head deep enough to matter to you | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:54:03 PM | ***opens hand smacks TRBL on ass --- he stays!***
@ TRBL - in all seriousness, why is a man drawn to women that are abusers? Did you come from a family were the woman dominated the man? What characteristics does an abusive woman have...like did you get hit? | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:54:09 PM |
unless you have been in the situation, or have supported someone that has tried to break the cycle, you really aren't able to pass judegment on the victim
I would never pass judgment on the victim but I still have difficulty understanding their motivations. Is it low self esteem that lets the abuser come back? Is it the idea that they can fix the abuser? Is love really the reason? You are probably right that I won't understand unless I'm in the position of the abused. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:05:40 PM | Thanks sambo!
I really don't think that it is easy to understand why someone stays in an abusive situation. Sometimes they don't even recognize how abusive it really is! If they have grown up with a lot of abuse, they think it is normal!!! | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:10:05 PM | Why victims stay: http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/page4.html
This page is directed at women but really it would work for any victim | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:11:29 PM | I'm sure self esteem can have something to do with it. But that is not all of it.
I think it's more to do with it being a cycle, not necessarily a self esteem issue. Children learn from what they see. That is why role models are important and that is why it is important to break cycles of abuse so your children don't relate love to being abused. If you see your father abuse your mother, you relate that to how a man shows he loves a woman. You then subconsciously choose an abuser because you subconsciously think they must love you because they are abusing you and that is what your father did to your mother and you think your father must have loved your mother.
It works the other way too. If you grow up seeing your father show your mother affection and treat her with respect you relate love to that and subconsciously seek someone who treats you like that.
When I say father to mother, that can be in reverse too (mother treating father with abuse or respect). I am just using that as an example.
Then there can always be another role model affecting how you see love too. You could grow up seeing your parent abusing the other parent but you have an uncle who treats his wife with respect and you chose them as your role model instead and you get out of the cycle that your parents are showing you.
It's all very complicated. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/13/2009 10:53:27 PM | no sammy , my dad was extremely violent and beat the hell out of his kids
my dad tried to control my mother all the time they were married. whenever she made a friend, he moved to somewhere she didnt know anyone.
when we lived out in ardrossan about fromthe age of 8 to 12 , there were countless times me and my older brother walked from ardrossan to edmonton at around 8pm and went to my mums work on the east side of sherwood park. my mum would get off work at 11 pm and me and my brother would be sleeping in the back seat of her car. it scared her the first few times, after that tho she left her doors unlocked
they got divorced 3 yrs after he threw me out on the street when i was 12. which didnt do em alot of good, however my mum started dating another guy after that , shes been with him for 25 yrs and he treats her like gold.
i could tell you lots of stories of abuse if you really wanna hear them lol i dont think ill type em out tho as most arent pretty.
there is no excuse for violence tho in any form of relationship
as a stupid kid i didnt know that, the only way i found out that all dads didnt beat there kids was when we moved to the city and i actually saw other dads be nice to there kids. i truly didnt know what was wrong with them when i saw it, i thought it was unnatural
well since u asked sammy lol theres your answer haha
as far as the women i eem to attract, well yah mostly biker mamas and bipolar wackos
really all i ever wanted was a nice lil woman who was cheerful and chatty
instead i got the wet wild party favor
i know i may act like a chauvenist or a dominator, but really im pretty laid back and easy going lol . its just more fun to be a smart ass | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:30:27 AM | | I have to admit your comments have been pissing me off, Trubble, so thanks for sharing. A lot of us use humour and facades as deflection from pain. Nothing irritates me more than people who insist on having their opinions on sensitive topics heard when they have no experience on which to base their comments. You, on the other hand, are a fellow survivor, and it makes sense to me why you're a smart ass. Of course, your comments in the threads will probably continue to piss me off LOL, but that's okay......keeps life interesting. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/14/2009 9:06:35 AM |
really all i ever wanted was a nice lil woman who was cheerful and chatty
I thought she just had to be able to make you a sammich?  | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:36:20 AM | lol@u well sammiches are a necessity to lol
i didnt think it was relevant tho haha
in my experience tho , the most violent people are the ones that have the least self control. this is why they seek to control all the people around them , in some way i guess if they think they control their surroundings, thats a substitute for self control.
myself , i dont like to lose my self control. its kind of an insult to myself to allow someone to make me lose my head, i prefer to make them lose thier head first, hehe, the only reason i never hit one of my gfs after she attacked me, was because i refused to give her the satisfaction of it. id prefer to demean her attack and just laugh at her, that always makes them madder and by that time im already on my way out the door. you cant win a fist fight , by punching the other person back. you only win by making them feel puny because they resorted to physical violence.
a bruise will heal , however if you attack their ego, that lasts forever or at least a lot longer than the bruise | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/14/2009 10:07:09 PM | wow TRBL ... thanks for sharing that with us - that's eff'n whack. I can't eff'n imagine some goon touchin an innocent child. I could physically feel the effect of your story today and needed time to cool down before posting. What type of animal beats the snot outta kids so bad that they take cover in a car....ugh!! I can't even describe what that does to me.
I'm thankful that your mum is enjoying life with a man that you respect.
its just more fun to be a smart ass ...uh, hello? I've seemed to have picked that up!!! You're just a huge pussycat that can handle his own, but prefers to keep the peace!! | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/15/2009 7:30:44 AM | What happens to us as children shapes who we are as adults.
By sharing Trubble, you've made sense of alot of questions I had about you.
Makes alot more sense now.
There are many kinds of abuse though, not only physical. Emotional, verbal, financial, all carry the same impact as a fist yet show no bruise. These are the hidden types of abuse that are often prevalent in middle to upper class and often no one has any idea it is occurring.. until something breaks that silence. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/16/2009 10:12:40 PM | Abuse....Threads being deleted, and no one says anything everyone just sits quietly fearing the powers.......It is not normal, there was civil debate which was a welcome change from the kumbayah "does he love me, he loves me not" how long before a guy says he loves you?....blah blah blah....You all take it, as what can we do?........You are the ones who made this forum for what it is, and participated someone tossing your threads, and deleting them is abuse....I guess it is difficult to know what motivates you to this type of abuse... | |
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/17/2009 10:40:10 PM | If every woman out there would dump an abusive man the first time, and never allow him back in her life... Eventually most of these guys would learn not to do this. Forgiving this behavior is demonstrating that it is acceptable. I think All women, ( and a minority of men) who experience this should ditch the guy; and if necessary get out of Dodge.
I also think as humans it is our responsiblity to help people get out of these bad relationships. | |
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| Once Bitten Twice Shy ..
Posted: 3/17/2009 11:14:42 PM | ^^ well how about you put on your armor plated body gear and go and try to do some of what you preach.
you can try as much as you want to get some of those morons to leave violent relationships, they wont leave until like i said before. they got smacked around enough and have learnt their lesson.
like my friend says " hit her again ike!! i think ike turner made spousal abuse popular
^^^^oh btw save your hate email for someone whom it may affect, i get enough and frankly , theres a line around the block to nag at me so step in and dont try budding ahead of the others | |
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