| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:38:03 PM | Most, not all, look at looks and little else...tis how pee brains operate I believe.
The most natural thing in the world is for people to date those they find attractive. It's not just men. I don't see an awful lot of women picking unattractive men either.
I doubt seriously that it's, "and little else". It's more a "filter". I know that, for me, if I don't find a woman attractive, then nothing further will happen. However, there are many women, who I find initially attractive, but as we talk, we discover that we're not a match for any of a dozen different reasons.
Pursuing an intimate relationship is "selective", and nature attracts us to only a small percentage of the opposite sex to begin with. From there, "all the rest" comes into play, and whittles down "attraction" from the "many" to the very few. It's such an obvious part of male/female attraction, that I have to wonder about people, who comment on it with negative judgment, or viewing all who aren't attracted to be flawed, or have "pee brains"(sic). Appropos of nothing at all, one would think that an intellectually gifted woman would know how to spell "pea". | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:51:34 PM | OK, I've got the dang Cheetos, so you can quit looking for them!
OP, your list doesn't come close for me.
I'm a good cook...and a good house keeper...so those don't apply, nice to share the load.
1. attraction and chemistry.
2. Integrity and morals.
3. An open communicator
4.Minimum baggage.
5. Compassion.
6.Passion....sex is great, but without the rest........
I suppose all the above equals compatability to me. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:05:42 PM |
Appropos of nothing at all, one would think that an intellectually gifted woman would know how to spell "pea".
Hey, maybe she meant brains that urinate! Apropos or not. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:12:49 PM | This is my share-- wo/men wants to feel good in their inner core with someone, ahh,it is like street drugs , feeling great with no sweats, and no care for the world. but that is not reality, we have to be aware and take responsibility of our shared life with some one. Guys looking for ACTIONS ,? so am I as a woman I do ACTIONS too, all the DIFFERENT ACTIONS I can do ,not just in sex. If a woman has self confidence she will not have a doubt in her mind======== ,Will he love me ? Can I trust my heart to him ? Will he be there for me ? These are shattering hopes. If a person has love and faith *within *he/ she will not be heart broken looking for love *without.*.. The bottom line is a person should not rely his/her happiness,contentment by someone but by his/herself... | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 5:19:05 PM | I don't see this so much as a man vs woman thing but more as an individual thing. I guarantee you that what I'm looking for has nothing, or very little to do with my gender but more to do with my individuality/personality.
And yes of course my gender has greatly influenced who and what I am, but not as much as some people seem to think IMO. And even if many, most or all people don't agree with me, it just goes to prove my point that we are indeed i.n.d.i.v.i.d.u.a.l.s. and even though we are alike and share many commonalities, we are all different.
I suppose that I could have have answered your question by simply stating the obvious...I'm looking for love, affection, acceptance, passion, my best friend, my partner in crime and blah blah blah...but really...what woman OR man isn't to some degree looking for those things or at least some of those things or a variation of???
So my question (and my point) is...if we're all basically looking for the same things, then how come we're not finding "it" ????
And if all women and all men are basically "looking for" the same thing as some people would like us to believe, why aren't we interchangeable??
I mean...if all that's left is the exterior or "chemistry" factor, we could divide POF by sex, age, height, weight, hair color, etc. and just pick and choose what pleases us once we've matched their personality traits with ours......see what I'm getting at?
That's why I guess I never get those "looking for" lists...what we're looking for is so much more complex than just listing a list of attributes, and if you or I or anyone knew the whys and hows and whats to put on that list and how the hell it all works, none of us would be here. Not even the ones looking for an intimate encounter would be here - they too would have found what they were looking for and they'd be happily encountering!
/off
Sigh. Don't mind me OP...so what am I looking for in a nutshell? Someone who "gets" me (and who not only gets but who also puts up with that ^ )
Wish me luck;)
IMHO
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:10:45 PM | I never get those "looking for" lists...what we're looking for is so much more complex than just listing a list of attributes, and if you or I or anyone knew the whys and hows and whats to put on that list and how the hell it all works, none of us would be here.
Old Soul, you hit on a critical point. None of us can reduce attraction or chemistry to a list of attributes. I could meet two different women, who have the same sort of "look", and one would attract me like a magnet, and the other leave me cold. Part of that, of course, is how the other is reacting/responding to me. A big part of attraction is when the other is likewise attracted, and most emotionally healthy people, aren't attracted to people who display disinterest.
There are some things that are generally true for women and for men that are different, but we're more alike, I think, than different. Besides, trying to apply general gender traits to a specific person almost always is going to be "off" in one way or another. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 7:26:58 PM | In general from what I have seen, the main difference is that men are looking for women and women are looking for men.
The idea that women look for feeeeeelings, ooooohh, feeelings, while men are about activities might come from what it is that men and women look for each other for. Women look for men to DO things for them, so they think of men as being about action. And men look for women because of how women FEEL, meaning both how they feel to touch and the fact they have emotions like love. Then again, they also have emotions like hate. Hmmm.
The woman who thinks of a man as a creature of action will want him to be actively providing, supplying, fixing, yard working, etc. That will make her feel good. The man who thinks of a woman as a creature of emotion will want her to feel him, while he does her. I guess maybe men are about the doing of things, come to think of it. I see your point. Or as the kids say these days, I feel you.
We're all looking for a good time that never ends. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:25:51 PM | I love all the differences in people. On a first date after we had dinner/drinks, he wanted me to help him pick out some new shoes. I was wondering if he was testing my knowledge of Mens Italilan leather shoes vs. English? Or he hadn't had a good long look at my body standing up since we had been sitting. Since I caught him catching a glimpse at me in a full length mirror in the shoe store lol, I think I got my answer. Anyway we went out for awhile after that. I like your last couple of points
I know this is only my theory but it does explain why guys heat up so fast at the beginning of a relationship them cool. ("he just disappeared") They realize they need more than just a playmate.
It also explains why women say they have so much trouble finding a relationship. By the time the guy has got to the point of sharing his emotions....she's already decided he doesn't have any and bailed! That's why a woman should be content within her own life. She won't obsess if he needs some space. If she really loves a guy, then she can hang with the guy while he is figuring this out, and not assume the worst. Hopefully he will have enough respect to clue her in as soon as he realizes he wants to open up to her. An intelligent woman who has confidence within herself can usual tell when he is being authentic with her. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:33:09 PM | Men look for sex and find love, women look for love and find sex. Simple enough? ,Sometimes ,but then you meet someone amazing, awesome and the most wonderful man you didn't dare dreamed existed and you fall hard and your mouth gets away with you and you lose the best thing that ever could have happened to you because too many of us categorize men and women the same. Being burned and played in my opinion has repurcussions that are long lasting and unfortunately are carried into other relationships all because people aren't honest in telling you what they are really looking for from the get go. Everyone is different in what they are looking for, wanting and needing. Do I need a man to be Mr. Fixer upper and take care of me? No, as I am a strong independent woman and my faith has been tested a lot lately and yes there is a man who has my heart but doesn't feel the same but I have to go on with my life. To be honest at this stage of my life I don't want to be a cook, housekeeper or anything domestic, I want a happy carefree loving relationship. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 4:16:24 AM | | This is a good forum topic but I think guys and girls want a lot of the same things. But I thing a better subject would be on how to rank these things in order that guys and girls want. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 4:48:35 AM | I can speak for me, what I look for in a guy is:
1-Emotional support, meaning companionship. Feeling I have someone that is close to me even if he is not around. Someone caring and warm.
2.Someone with whom I can feel free to express myself, I don't need to hide my real feelings , moods, etc. just to please him. He accepts me as I am and likes me that way.
3. Wonderful intimacy, and that should not be a problem if 1. and 2. are in place.
JMO | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 5:34:18 AM | A man wants actions? Sex partner, Enthusiasm about THEIR hobbies?
And to be taken care of? Cooking, house cleaning? In other words its all about her making ME feel good?
How incredibly delusional in this day and age. That sounds like a list from the 1950s yet if a woman in 2009 asked for a man to provide a home, a good paycheck and to support her and some kids they'd all be screaming about Women's Lib and how the whole dating world has changed since then and women should be splitting the cost of a date or household expenses 50/50. With good reason.
I have always worked. I have no issue with splitting things 50/50 I think that is exactly the way it should be. But with the right to pay half the bills comes the right to have my own hobbies, not give a shit about yours and expect all household chores and childcare to be shared equally. Mommy no longer just raises the kids or is expected to be a homemaker on top of a her 8-5 job. Dinner? Whoever gets home first better have it under control.
Sex partner? You'd better be holding up your part of the bargain too pal, because it means we both get to enjoy it ALL the time. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 5:50:54 AM | How incredibly delusional in this day and age. That sounds like a list from the 1950s yet if a woman in 2009 asked for a man to provide a home, a good paycheck and to support her and some kids they'd all be screaming about Women's Lib and how the whole dating world has changed since then and women should be splitting the cost of a date or household expenses 50/50. With good reason.
The only delusional thinking that I come across is mainly from the divorced and conceited women here who spew the feminist BS and that still live in the past.
I wouldn't and I'd actually have no problems with it. The only problem with that though is one cannot find a woman that is good enough these days to actually want to run the house and raise their kids. It's being passed off to the schools and TV to raise their kids instead while they're out conquering the world.
In this day and age it's cool to be a welfare mother brought on mainly by feminism. So many independent women I tall ya at every taxpayers expense though. Something a lot of you all should be so proud of.
Oh and for many of you divorcee's with the independent mindsets. Did you all get that way because you actually worked for it or because your ex-husbands had to pay for alimony and the house due to the way the laws still give women an advantage? I'm not saying this applies to all but it does for a good sum.
have always worked. I have no issue with splitting things 50/50 I think that is exactly the way it should be. But with the right to pay half the bills comes the right to have my own hobbies, not give a shit about yours and expect all household chores and childcare to be shared equally. Mommy no longer just raises the kids or is expected to be a homemaker on top of a her 8-5 job. Dinner? Whoever gets home first better have it under control.
I tend to have no problem with that either but you put too much faith in women to hold up their end of the bargain. For many, paying half the bills means they have 100% say so with their SO's check and that means control of where he can go and what he can do.
Sex partner? You'd better be holding up your part of the bargain too pal, because it means we both get to enjoy it ALL the time.
That's cool too but if I'm never capable of doing anything right, my choice in clothes suck and I pay too much attention to my cars and get reminded of it on a constant basis, it kinda kills my sex drive. In other words, stop being a nag. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 5:56:20 AM | i'm looking for someone who is looking for me, and vice versa 
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 6:22:12 AM | You're on the right track, but please, please for your own good at least, drop the madonna/whore thinking. Women want a sex partner too.
The sexes may approach their goals in vastly different ways, but every human being on the planet wants the same thing -- to love and be loved. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 8:45:37 AM |
Women want a sex partner too.
Which women? Please name names and supply numbers.
IOW, put me down as being incredulous on this point.
Perhaps I've read too many POF threads by too many women trying to avoid being anyone's sex partner, or regretting it if they were.
If women wanted a sex partner it would seem to be a rather easy thing to find. At least lots say that, usually in a sentence which includes some disclaimer that that's not what they want. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 8:51:23 AM | | I don't think women want to love and be loved. I think they want to avoid having to love or to subject themselves to being loved. I think they had a go at love and didn't like it, not the way it really is, and so they want nothing more to do with it. This they achieve by holding out for the kind of man who will love them the way they want love to be, and he is somehow not around to find. It's a crafty defense against reality. Men start with love and balk at being sidetracked by the fantasy. It's a recipe for mayhem and irony. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 8:56:55 AM | Overly independent divorced women who don't know how to raise children, depending on TV and schools????Alimony and a house?
For a single guy with no kids you sure are jaded. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:00:23 AM | There was actually a study done on this and someone posted a thread on it a while back. From what I could see, men and women were pretty much looking for the same things but I suspect that their definitions are not the same.
This is kind of like the needy thread, one person's companionship is another person feeling like they can't breathe.
Jim, you need some therapy. I and most of the women/parents I know aren't passing off raising our kids to anyone or anything. Everyone I know works for a living as I have always done, doing way more than my share during the marriage and getting out of one that was verbally and emotionally abusive.
I don't expect your viewpoint would be appreciated by any woman, kids or not because it clearly illustrates that you think very, very little of women in general and are on a dating site why? | |
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bsg789
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 9:00:31 AM | | I think men and women are largely looking for same things. Someone who is reasonably attractive, has a good personality, compatible in terms of common interests / values / beliefs etc. Of course some people ( regardless of gender ) may put more emphasis on looks while others may put more emphasis on personality. Of course different people can have different interests and physical types that they are attracted to. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 2:03:11 PM |
I don't see this so much as a man vs woman thing but more as an individual thing. I guarantee you that what I'm looking for has nothing, or very little to do with my gender but more to do with my individuality/personality.
Yep.
There are numerous threads here on POF, on any number of topics, that prove it's the individuality of the person, and not the gender that either separates us, or brings us closer together. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 2:24:10 PM |
Perhaps I've read too many POF threads by too many women trying to avoid being anyone's sex partner, or regretting it if they were.
If one thinks that the fora reflect anything other than occasional interesting conversation, and a source for introspection, he's going to get a warped impression of how women, or men, feel and think. | |
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