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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 2:29:11 PM | """"I know this is only my theory but it does explain why guys heat up so fast at the beginning of a relationship them cool. ("he just disappeared") They realize they need more than just a playmate. """
There are 1000's of books and magazine articles on these topics. You asking this question to the general public is like asking them "Please explain the most recent theories on Dark Matter and Dark Energy".
Go get some books (from the library) on "men and women"....
The instinct is for females to make babies, and males to get impregnate them....its been that basically for 500 million years. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 3:20:38 PM |
i happen to like cheetos too..
however being a woman i ALWAYS know where my cheetos are...
I agree, I love cheetos and I ALWAYS know where my bag is!! Also as a WOMAN, when I loose my lipstick, keys or purse, I KNOW TO PICK THINGS UP, or move something, in case it is behind or underneath something! Things don't just jump out at you when your looking for them. 
OP I would agree most men (not all) are looking for an activity partner. At least here on POF. I have read so many profiles that say they like to, AND want a woman to:
Sky dive, ride motorcycles, scuba dive, para-sail... IMO a lot are looking more for an activity partner than a relationship on the emotional end. The ACTION you were talking about. They always think with their ***!!
Me personally, why would I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? A personal choice. However I wonder, is this a Peter Pan thing. I don't expect men to want join me at a decorating show, a day shopping with the girls...
I think most people (men and woman) are looking for chemistry, and companionship. Chemistry and Companionship is different for everyone. Chemistry for me is physical, mental and humor. I want good sex AND good conversation AND a good laugh. As for the companionship, I'm looking for someone to share both activity times and quiet times, and appreciate some alone time. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/20/2009 4:15:43 PM | Oh and for many of you divorcee's with the independent mindsets. Did you all get that way because you actually worked for it or because your ex-husbands had to pay for alimony and the house due to the way the laws still give women an advantage? I'm not saying this applies to all but it does for a good sum.
I don't get alimony!!!! I did get this way "independent mindsets" because I work my butt off every day...I get up at 5:30, after work, I run errands, come home, I do the laundry, help with homework, be a "mom taxi cab", cook (o.k. maybe not so well but it is eatable), make decisions, mow the yard, do the garbage, pay the bills, go to school activities, fix the toilette, do the worrying, cut the hedges, go get the car fixed, talk with my childrens teachers, cheer for my children, try to clean out the dryer vent (hate heights), get the new fridge when the old one breaks,....in between I try to find time for me and play time for me and or the children....help my children through their up and downs . OH and did I mention go to work everyday and make the big decisions, pay the bills and do the worrying, probably so, my day starts at 5:30am, it usually ends around 10:00pm, a long day!
And the list goes on, Maybe that's why a sense of humor and postive outlook is so important, to keep the sanity!!
Through this, my daily living, I AM independent, it's not just a mind set, rather a verb!!!! | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:31:47 AM |
(dana40000) Women want a sex partner too.
(colonelingus) Which women? Please name names and supply numbers.
IOW, put me down as being incredulous on this point.
It's like Bigfoot:
Everyone's heard of him, but very few people have actually seen him...
Arlo  | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:42:44 AM | Physical attraction, intelligence, creativity, self-assuredness, flexibility (very important), no fear of spontanaety, acceptance of others to include family members: those are traits I'm looking for.
I couldn't respect a "Mr. Mom". A man who is manly enough to wash a dish or clean a bathroom or put on a load of clothes is great, but one who is too much in touch with his feminine side is a huge turn-off for me.
There seems to be a dirth of what I would consider "real" men these days. Rugged, with grit and ambition yet who are tender and powerful at the same time. It could just be me, but I've taken a survey at work of both men and women and the women are looking for the same things I am (some also want a man who makes her laugh), and men are looking for (easy sex) and a "girl". That has taken on new meaning aside from the obvious gender issue, boy vs. girl.
Now it seems, my "girl" means a number of things, the mother of your child, your sig, your sex partner......but there seems to be a lack of depth and committment of devotion to another human being. Its as if people and relationships are disposable like a Mickey D's sandwich box. Once its empty, it can be trashed. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 9:08:10 AM | Well i have to admit that i have met more guys on the net that wanted just the sex more than a committed relationship but im not saying that some dont want it though.
Perhaps its just that the person who u meet has already been thru the committed thing before and it didnt work out so for now they just want someone to hang with and be a lover. As for myself well i am looking for that committed relationship as well as the sexual part of it. Ive met a wonderful man on another dating site in Jan. and we talk about everything and we are both looking for the same thing, so when it comes time for us to be together sexually we will know what each other likes. I know i'll be able to please him as well as him pleasing me and i look forward to the day when we can be together !!!!  | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 9:52:44 AM |
Women want a sex partner too.
Which women? Please name names and supply numbers.
You're gonna have to accept merely my picture and a vague location. Heh.
If women wanted a sex partner it would seem to be a rather easy thing to find. At least lots say that, usually in a sentence which includes some disclaimer that that's not what they want.
I'll go on record, if that helps; I want a sex partner, too. I wont bother adding to the list because most of what ELSE I want on top of that is probably pretty obvious.
There aren't many large differences between what men are looking for and what women are looking for. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 10:10:08 AM | OP I believe you have a point. But keep in mind, this list will change fdaily. At time SEX may not be the priority based on some other important thing going on in arelationship. Hopefully they balance out.
I like chatiing more than the other things. While I do enjoy them, it is stil NOT always my priority.
Cleaning the house is not a real thought for me. generally I keep a fairly clean home. Obviously, if company is coming I step it up a knotch, haha. Each day she is with me satisfy that thought. No need to wonder about tomorrow. I do not wnather wondering If I will be ther efor her, so it is fair that I do not leave her with any concerns along that line.
Companionship was mentioned above and that IMHHO covers all six "desires" you mentioned. I do not put a lot of stock in "chemistry" because it is so misleading. You see a sexy man/woman and think they can "deliver" and find out they can't. Or you put more stock into looks more than other ATTRIBUTES. As soon as the "looks" are gone, or the sex is not as good today as yesterday, then what is chemistry called.....???
Just my .02 cents worth.
Mattlock | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 11:36:06 AM | Differences in what men and women look for.... Posted: 3/14/2009 12  41 PM The discussion in Ask a Guy was "what top three things does a guy want in a relationship?". I want to change that up a little. What do you think the differences are in what guys look for and what women look for in a relationship? My thoughts....and only thoughts. Feel free to share yours! Guys are looking for ACTIONS. He wants a sex partner. (obvious) He wants a woman who will play with him. (share his hobbies and interests.) And he appreciates what a woman will do for him. (cleaning, cooking, taking care of him) Ladies are looking for EMOTIONS. Does he LOVE me? (how many times have we seen that thread?) Will he be there for me? (will I have his emotional support and protection?) Can I trust him with my heart? (Is he available and open to love and be loved?) Now, mind you, these are generalizations. And of course women want things on the man's list and vice versa. I just think these are the PRIMARY things...or the initial things. As the relationship progresses, I really think that both men and women will be looking for the things on the other's list. That's when the relationship either flies or dies! I know this is only my theory but it does explain why guys heat up so fast at the beginning of a relationship them cool. ("he just disappeared") They realize they need more than just a playmate. It also explains why women say they have so much trouble finding a relationship. By the time the guy has got to the point of sharing his emotions....she's already decided he doesn't have any and bailed! Sounds good on paper...but what do I know? I spent Friday night alone!!!
I think this holds true to a certain extent, but everyone is different. I do think we want the same things eventually, but men and women just approach getting those things differently. I did learn that sex is the fastest way to sabotage a relationship with men if you have it to soon. (Some) need more time for their emotional side to develop, otherwise it just turns into lust and nothing more.
As a personal example, I also think this is partly why I'm not getting as many replies to my profile. I'm not offering men a "plan" (marriage/kids) to attain. Men like a plan, and that includes dating. It can be frustrating sometimes how we view the exact same things, so differently, just based on the way we are wired.
Dating teaches me something new about men every day. I always find human dynamics fascinating. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 12:43:58 PM | MEN - want sex.
WOMEN - resources and genes (for making the species perpetual)
Women needs feelings as an additional "exchange" to try and keep men around to raise their kids and condition what men want and what they can control on men, that's why women can have even sex after menopause.....to keep men around.
If men wanted to drink just water in their lives we could see women staying and guarding water and ask a price for it.
In this life almost everything is exploited on the "what do you want" level and what your needs are.
Do you need gas for heating? Well then energy companies would make sure they will get their money from you and there is no way around it. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 3:15:51 PM |
MEN - want sex. WOMEN - resources and genes (for making the species perpetual)
Those are the primal drives. However, once reproduction is achieved (or not) I do think that men and women reach a point where they want the same things, namely:
-companionship---someone's got their back.
-loyalty and fidelity.
- sex. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 3:50:58 PM | | I think women like/want companionship more than men..yes men want that too..but if they had had to choose which is more important to them..sex or companionship ..most of them would choose sex..at least when they are relatively young..it would be the opposite for most women though.. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 6:29:04 PM | I agree, I love cheetos and I ALWAYS know where my bag is!!
I have a bag of the Lay's All Natural ones, they don't make your fingers orange!
fix the toilette
can you come over, my toilet seat is unhinged and I can't figure out how to fix it!
I think women like/want companionship more than men..yes men want that too..but if they had had to choose which is more important to them..sex or companionship ..most of them would choose sex..at least when they are relatively young..it would be the opposite for most women though..
Better answer than your first one Seaga (men want sex, women want money). This one I can say you may have a point there, but generalizations, in general, are just that. It's good to realize they don't apply to everyone, so it's good you said "most."
To those of you who were home on Friday night, I was out but at yet another POF event, and now it's Saturday night and I'm home alone, even though there was another POF event not far from where I live. It IS possible to get POF'd out. Don't think of it as pathetic, it's a choice! I hate that we should feel that just because it's the weekend and we don't have a date or a significant other, there's something pitiful about it. I'm going to enjoy staying in my PJ's and maybe watch some Tru TV, drink a little wine, and hopefully get a good night's sleep! Now, if there was a SO with me (emphasis on the S), a little companionship and even sex might not be out of the question!
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 7:25:34 PM |
I hate that we should feel that just because it's the weekend and we don't have a date or a significant other, there's something pitiful about it. I'm going to enjoy staying in my PJ's and maybe watch some Tru TV, drink a little wine, and hopefully get a good night's sleep! Now, if there was a SO with me (emphasis on the S), a little companionship and even sex might not be out of the question!
I agree, Today after getting my daughters' hair done I went to my moms, had dinner helped her out with some chores (she's aging) and drank some Irish Mist, now I'm home on the forums. I like Tru TV too. If there was a SO , then companionship and even sex may be an option. No date or significant other, but waiting to find the right one is worth the wait.
P.S. Sure I can try to fix your toilette. Funny when your great achievements include fixing a toilette, but I not only fixed mine but I changed all the guts in my moms. I was so proud of me. I'm getting better, I haven't broken anything LATELY, while attempting to repair it. 
I don't think meat loaf is supposed to glow in the dark.
Probably not, but at least you can FIND it in the dark!! | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:01:31 PM |
I think women like/want companionship more than men..yes men want that too..but if they had had to choose which is more important to them..sex or companionship ..most of them would choose sex..at least when they are relatively young..it would be the opposite for most women though..
Actually I want it all! | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 8:51:43 PM | As I watch "The Godfather" movie for the millionth time, I reflect on this thread.
I see nothing wrong with simply stating..."I don't really KNOW what I want right now" but I DO KNOW what I DON'T want. I'm NOT going to expand on it here, but it's OKAY to NOT KNOW what you want and just LIVE day to day and feel grateful to be alive and healthy.
If I had a man in my life, I would only be TOO HAPPY to make meals for him, clean? (well...not something I enjoy, but he could make it MORE fun and do it with me) and, well, just enjoying peace and tranqulity is something I would enjoy.
Those silences between us where we smile and hold hands and JUST KNOWING each other without even speaking a word, but for now...I'm content.
~~Beth~~ | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/21/2009 9:11:34 PM | | I think at the end of the day our differences aren't that great. Face it, both sexes are looking for an attractive partner who is honest, respectful, and isn't looking to change or fix others. We all want to feel safe with the one we love. Eventually we all meet somewhere in the middle. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/22/2009 3:22:27 AM | Geez I thought the TOP three things for men would've been SEX, SEX and MORE SEX and not necessarily in that order. LOL ...Or was it SEX, a bigger BOAT/MOTOR, and a FASTER CAR/TRUCK... Hahaha...
Actions vs Emotions (Logic vs Emotions)... Men think logically and women think emotionally. Where the two meet, there is sometimes love... Anyway... Generally speaking I've learned that:
The most important needs for women are:
- Affection
- Conversation
- Honesty and Openness
- Financial Support and
- Family Commitment
Whereas men's needs are:
- Sexual Fulfillment
- Recreational Companionship
- Admiration and
- Domestic Support
If women can fake orgasms, I'm sure men can fake relationships, eh? That's why they cool down so fast & disappear... In Reality though, both must decide on how to become experts on those things that support life and love: namely through intimacy, communication, forgiveness, trust, giving and receiving, commitment and letting go. Each must learn how to do their part on building a strong emotional foundation that will endure time and distance. Sometimes so easy to say, so hard to fulfill... Commitment must be 100% or nothing... 
O/P I'm sure if you weren't so far away, you wouldn't be spending your Friday nights alone...  
**~Remington55~** 
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/22/2009 7:43:42 AM |
(colonelingus) Which women? Please name names and supply numbers.
(El Mariachi) You're gonna have to accept merely my picture and a vague location. Heh.
There aren't many large differences between what men are looking for and what women are looking for.
Put me down as someone who shares the Colonel's skepticism. Given that just about every second woman's profile says, "Must not have messaged users looking for sex or intimate encounters"... makes me wonder what sex really is. Have I been doing it wrong all my life?
Arlo | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/22/2009 7:47:02 AM | Sexual fulfillment has never been a problem for me. Basically I'm a trained Geisha in that regard with skills and talents that most people don't even know about. (Don't ask me why or how) just an interest I've persued like photography or golf. But, having said that, within monogamous relationships.
So, sex, either giving or receiving it and fulfillment, multiple orgasms, weekends spent in bed, etal, is not the issue. The issue for me is being valued for the person that I am. In order for me to "feel" the chemistry, I have to be number one.
Money isn't attractive just as not having it at all isn't attractive. Its all in a man's attitude, his values, his ability to give of himself and his love to another without reservation and with deepest respect. | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:25:26 AM | Put me down as someone who shares the Colonel's skepticism. Given that just about every second woman's profile says, "Must not have messaged users looking for sex or intimate encounters"... makes me wonder what sex really is. Have I been doing it wrong all my life?
Actually I have seen this on A LOT of male profiles. Maybe it is a maturity issue with men.
I look at middle age profiles and most say they are not looking for JUST sex. Women tend to think of this at a much earlier age. Perhaps for woman it is a natural way to think, and for most men it is a learned, that sex ALONE is meaning less. In a relationship with a significant other it is a wonderful thing. It is not that most women don't like sex, It is more that women want sex only in a sincere, honest, mono- relatioship.
I see you are 43. AT 43 I would think you would be looking for more than just sex¿
I think Zephr said it well!!!
The issue for me is being valued for the person that I am. In order for me to "feel" the chemistry, I have to be number one.
Money isn't attractive just as not having it at all isn't attractive. Its all in a man's attitude, his values, his ability to give of himself and his love to another without reservation and with deepest respect.
Me Leona I've never did get to see those condoms either!!! I'll just have to be content with the glowing meat loaf for now! | |
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| Differences in what men and women look for....
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:08:39 AM |
(Arlo) Put me down as someone who shares the Colonel's skepticism. Given that just about every second woman's profile says, "Must not have messaged users looking for sex or intimate encounters"... makes me wonder what sex really is. Have I been doing it wrong all my life?
(justnancy ) Actually I have seen this on A LOT of male profiles. Maybe it is a maturity issue with men.
Or, maybe it's a deception thing...?
Perhaps for woman it is a natural way to think, and for most men it is a learned, that sex ALONE is meaning less.
I totally agree.
I see you are 43. AT 43 I would think you would be looking for more than just sex¿
Actually, at ANY age, I'll take what I can get without having to jump through hoops.
Arlo | |
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