| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:20:55 PM |
I dont think women who claim to get so many messages that they cant respond to all can have any Idea how demoralizing it is to be completely ignored. That's not to say that it is somehow their fault, but it's probably something they'll not be able to relate to.
hardwood69: Sir, I hate to burst your bubble. Women do get ignored and rejected, that was the point of my original post. I have approached men many times, just being friendly or wanting to dance, an approach does not mean I want to marry the guy or take him home. He is out at a dance hall and stands there talking with his buddies. A lady asks him to dance and he looks at her like she is bothering him. Believe me honey, we do get ignored and rejected. The rest of the story is, often (now don't send me cards and letters) but OFTEN the guys ARE looking to take her home or is just desperately lonely and wants somebody, anybody. I have been amazed, after rejecting the suggestion of "wanna f.." how often the fellow gets mad! Like that is going to change my mind? So trash us women if you want to, we put up with a lot also. It is no more fair to blame us if our radar is sensitive than for us to trash you because of what others have done to us. We are ALL human just trying to get along the best we know how.
Again, Thanks Guys for putting up with some of us who come across as rude. I am sure I have, didn't want to but he just wouldn't take no for an answer, or I was preoccupied or tired or ..... As I often say, I want some one who wants ME, not someone who just wants someone. I expect many fellows feel the same way. A little empathy folks, ok? | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:39:57 PM | I have much more compassion towards men as far as the rejection issue.
But, considering men still control and own most things on this planet (including us in many countries) women need to have an advantage somewhere. (if that includes online dating...so be it)
I've gotten used to a certain amount of rejection over the years since women are allowed to be more aggressive now as far as asking a guy out first. I've been shot down my share of times. It stung, but it made me braver to go on and ask the next one I was interested in.
I think this is why men develop a much thicker skin with dating. If they have no choice but to get used to being shot down with dating on a regular basis, it makes it easier to move on to the next one, and to keep trying. I think more women need to learn to do this. It would save them a lot of grief since most women, are not as used to rejection as men are.
Rejection sucks...but it is a part of life. I think it makes us stronger, if we can survive it. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:51:40 AM |
I think this is why men develop a much thicker skin with dating. If they have no choice but to get used to being shot down with dating on a regular basis, it makes it easier to move on to the next one, and to keep trying. I think more women need to learn to do this. It would save them a lot of grief since most women, are not as used to rejection as men are.
I totally agree with this. The more you deal with rejection, the less of a big deal it is. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:06:01 AM | | I used to keep trying after being rejected, but got tired of being shot down constantly, so do not think that it is worth it anymore to move on to the next one. My skin has gotten a lot thicker in some ways, however it also seems as if men have started to put more and more weight on a woman's appearance the older they have become, and I have done the opposite when looking at potential dates. Maybe men are not good about choosing women who would find them appealing, but since I am not a man I do not know. Maybe part of the problem for men and women is that so many expect lightning to strike 2 seconds after meeting someone and if they do not feel as if they want to have sex with someone instantly when they meet them they move on to another person. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:24:55 AM | I just wanted to say, if not getting answers to emails is rejection, I get it all the time.
I *just* got rejected for being INTP instead of INJP! [I'm not sure if that is shallow or not, either. ]
If this is rejection, man, it's easy!
Next... | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 9:58:05 AM | ewwwwww who would date a "J"? I'm an ENTP, can accept an "I", have not dated any S's that I know of, but never an "F" or " J" ewwwwwww.
You dodged a bullet young lady, thank goodness for Myers-Briggs. Now I just happen to have a nice check list of 29 dimensions for rejecting people...far, far better than this mere 4 criteria lol | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 10:15:37 AM |
men and women is that so many expect lightning to strike 2 seconds after meeting someone
It's all a great illusion isn't it? There's always a bigger better fish to land so if you didn't get all weak in the knees in the first 5 minutes of a nice romantic coffee sit down.. throw him/her back and keep looking...
Welcome to the instant gratification society. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 10:27:41 AM | I just don't get why people who may not be able to attract people in a bar or in public get on a dating site like this and whine when they don't get attention.
The internet does not make things easier, folks. Just different.
Nobody owes you a G*d d*amn thing. I regularly don't respond to emails.
Why?
Because I can.
;) | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 10:33:23 AM | | I think women are 10 times more afraid of rejection than guys are, which is why they never ask anyone out. In real life, a woman can kind of feel a guy out first and ask him out only if she knows he's interested. But online, it forces women to put themselves out there and face possible rejection head on. But I think a lot of women on here are not really fishing, but just checking their nets (inboxes) for any "keepers". So they don't really know rejection unless they are actively messaging guys they might like. They just figure the guys will come to them, and if they don't, they don't. But the ladies that do make first contacts truly know the feeling of rejection I'm sure. And it's not pleasant. But you can't take it personal. Guys learn that early on. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:47:30 PM |
It's all a great illusion isn't it? There's always a bigger better fish to land so if you didn't get all weak in the knees in the first 5 minutes of a nice romantic coffee sit down.. throw him/her back and keep looking...
Welcome to the instant gratification society.
Actually, before the internet I'd pretty much get the same feeling from a guy I was into offline pretty quickly. I don't see how that's a new thing. You have to have attraction in order to want to date someone - regardless of where you meet them. People are probably used to having attraction in person quickly - so expect the same on a meet from the net. I can't blame them.
I just don't get why people who may not be able to attract people in a bar or in public get on a dating site like this and whine when they don't get attention.
The internet does not make things easier, folks. Just different.
I agree with this - if you're not good socially, dating will suck for you regardless of where you practice it. If you're great offline dealing with people, you'll probably get an idea what works for you here also. But one will not solve the problem of the other - they are better used together, not in place of each other. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:22:38 PM | | Beachdancer, I did not mean to imply that ALL women know nothing of rejection. The point of my post was this: People who get a large, or at least steady amount of messages don't seem to be able to understand why a person who gets few or no messages might want to get "rejection messages" rather than none at all. I continue to be surprised at the vehement responses which that assertion seems to provoke. If you feel "no response = no interest", fine, don't respond, you don't owe anyone a response, but be open to the possibility that other folks might have a different view according to their circumstances. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:35:00 PM | Once you accept the fact that "NOT everybody is attracted to you" , it makes perfect sense and you don't really give a "dayuum" after that.
Also, hot women are a dime a dozen.... if one doesn't like you, next one does...  | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 7/27/2009 8:00:41 PM | | Sorry hardwood, I didn't mean to sound vehement. As far as read/delete, I was talking about those who I email that aren't interested. I found I would rather they read/delete than send me something lame like "I don't feel the attraction." I put in my profile the conditions on which I will read delete and give anyone not interested the option to do likewise. I answer most of my mail. Probably I come across rude sometimes, I hate to hurt someones feelings cause I hate someone to hurt my feelings. In the dating world, it is inevitable though. So we gotta get thicker skin, as many of you have said. Right? | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/21/2009 4:14:58 PM | Ok I can definitely add to this thread. I used to accept rejection when I was younger, because the avenues and opprounities to meet women were there. Nowadays the avenues are limited or not there.
Walking up to a woman anywhere to say "hi" to is not encouraged these days. I am sure most women can agree on that.
So after years of getting more and more rejections, I started to hesitate. Why? Simply because I wonder if it is worth it to bother after so many other times getting rejected.
Lack of confidence? I don't think so. Some may say yes, but think of it this way. When you keep trying something and you don't seem to succeed at it, you tend to avoid it more. If you are successful at something, it is easy to do.
It's also like this. You see a woman who catches your eye who works at the coffee shop you go to each morning for a coffee. You always say hi and make small talk, but then you think 'How many other guys have doen the same? She must get hit on all the time, last thing she needs is another guy doing this to her"
Dating today is mostly for the good looking people. They get more success than us average joes. And so sure we should accept and embrace rejection, but at this age, I figure why bother accepting it and experiencing it? | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/22/2009 10:57:25 AM |
Lack of confidence? I don't think so. Some may say yes, but think of it this way. When you keep trying something and you don't seem to succeed at it, you tend to avoid it more. If you are successful at something, it is easy to do.
Approaching is the success...you cannot control the success of something that it takes two people to pull off...there's always an outside factor.
Again the success is in doing, not the outcome. I never kick myself for any other reason except that I don't approach or say something to a guy I have interest in. It's never about what he says back - because I can't possibly predict that.
Taking the outcome personally doesn't help.
I approach men - some aren't into me. That's not about me or my worth or even my success...it's just a matter of a non mutual matchup. You have to find a certain number of no's to get to a yes (unless you're lucky and your deck got shuffled in your favor with all the yesses on top and grouped together).
Sometimes it takes weeks, months or years until you really click with someone, which is why it's better not to bank a whole lot of your happiness on it. It's a great accessory to life, but not a requirement to be happy.
It's also like this. You see a woman who catches your eye who works at the coffee shop you go to each morning for a coffee. You always say hi and make small talk, but then you think 'How many other guys have doen the same? She must get hit on all the time, last thing she needs is another guy doing this to her"
What if she's thinking "this ONE guy comes in every day and talks to me - I like him but is he talking to me because I'm serving him coffee?"
If you're not dating her now, finding out if she's interested won't change that. Nothing to lose there UNLESS you make it about your self worth.
Dating today is mostly for the good looking people.
"Good Looking" is subjective. Case in point. Some guys think I should model (they usually have sight problems); others think I should be fed to sharks for bait; still others don't see me in a crowd. This is the case for everyone....sure some at different levels, but no ONE person is good looking to EVERYONE.
They get more success than us average joes.
To someone less than average, you might be out of reach...it's all a matter of where you stand. To me a guy 5'9" is taller. To a girl 6'1" he's shorter. See?
And so sure we should accept and embrace rejection, but at this age, I figure why bother accepting it and experiencing it?
Because you are stronger than what you percieve to be rejection. Rejection is literally only doled out from someone who knows you well and decides they don't like you. Someone not having attraction to you isn't rejection, because rejection is a choice, unless you want people to date you despite not liking you (I doubt you want that). It's like a coroner who views a body - after the first three, you get used to it. You realize it's common and you do it because it's part of the big picture. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/23/2009 8:56:19 AM | Well I did actually approach some women last night. Got totally ignored by one, the other gave a polite "not interested", the third said "You are not my type sorry" and the 4th did actually take me onto the dancefloor and did give me her number near the end of the night...then I see her hanging off another guy outside taking his number. As I walked by I said "I'll call you tomorrow" she said "Whatever" My friends thought it was quite the burn though that she was like that but hey what do you expect at a bar?
Although women say they all have different tastes, most, not all, have similar tastes when it comes to looks/image. I found that there were quite a few men that were along the same lines and those seemed to be winning the women's attention more. Even seen a girl try 3 times to get a guy's attention as she was hot for him, he caved in the 3rd time. She was giving him some come on eyes and he was nice in his rejections but I guess he realized she wanted him so he figured why not? LOL
I'll stick to only taking chances on women who I may have a chance with, all depends on how they look and what type of men they usually have approaching them.
Average looking men don't get many dates as a opposed to good looking men. Is just how it goes. Lack in looks and women will most times look past you. Just how it goes, nothing wrong with that. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:57:11 PM | hello,
Briefly-Women are being more often "rejected" than in the past because of multiple changes in our society.Second they are not in a social or psychological sense capable of handling rejection as men understand it. Third men are not as "commitment" oriented as women by nature. Last men often later in life seek "revenge" for the multiple rejections they received when younger. Get ready for some "pain" ladies here it comes! 
Brandon Green | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:05:06 PM | | Each of us sift throught thousands of profiles and personalities and only one (if any )will capture our imagination....just another intricate detail in life that is both wonderful and tragic. I would say it's likely her head is in a cloud. You should try again in a month... | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/24/2009 9:34:05 PM | | Rejection usually occurs when someone is asking out someone who belongs to a different social group. A playboy blonde isn't going to want anything to do with a gothic guy or a chubby guy who eats doritos while watching sportscenter. The really cute guy that looks like a moviestar isn't going to want an overweight woman. White people usually date white people. Black people usually date black people. And so on. If people stayed in their social group and their league, they'd be a lot happier. The only exception is a hot woman. She can get whatever guy she wants, though it's likely she will find a guy like herself too (if she's artsy hot, she'll find an artsy guy.) | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/24/2009 10:35:28 PM | | A lot of good points on here, especially from grkboy. Well here's my two pennies on the subject. Dating, whether you want to believe it or not is a game of numbers. It's like selling a product, but instead it is YOU you're selling. A good salesman knows he will rarely make the sale on the first call made. After a few more calls, then he may make one sell. If the people don't buy whatever he is selling, he doesn't take it personally. Eventually, if his salesmanship skills are up to par, he will make a sale. With this is mind, you have to approach dating in the same manner. Any rejection you face is just one more "no" to an eventual "yes". It's the key to being prosperous in the dating game. You shouldn't take rejections personally because women, or men for the matter, may reject you for reasons that may have nothing really to do with you. In most cases, he/she really doesn't know you so what else do they have to go on except maybe physical attraction for the most part. Even that isn't always the case. It's a good reminder of how nothing in life is promised to you. Everybody should go through it. It should build strengh and character in people instead of taking it away. Just never give up. If you see something you want, then go for it unconcerned with the outcome. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Hope this helps. | |
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