| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/24/2009 10:46:53 PM |
How have you guys dealt with all the rejection?
I'm not sure how others deal with it but it bothers me; I won't lie about it. I'm someone well aware of my personal inadequacies and shortcomings, so a lack of interest on the part of someone I'm interested in... Phew, just nails all those insecurities home. But I take everything personally, I'm a natural sensitive and always have been. Fortunately and delightfully though, I'm finding that as I get older, rejection as well as other areas of life, are in fact becoming easier to accept. I don't expect it to ever be just a breeze where things roll off me like rain, but still... a little easier. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:41:33 PM | Seriously... Next.
Develop the mentality of Next. If he or what he was doing was so much more important than the msg that you put effort into, forget about it. Actually thank him / her whoever.. they just showed you that you can do way better and that they weren't worth your time in the first place. There's alot of idiots out there, don't sweat them for a second. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/25/2009 11:56:41 AM | Seriously.....Dance!!
If it's not meant to be, don't wallow in self pity. ...tell yourself he/she can suck it!
I personally recommend 'Heart of Glass' by Blondie
Works for me!! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGU_4-5RaxU&feature=fvst | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/25/2009 12:25:32 PM | | I learned how to deal with rejection, I just think to myself it's there loss and there missing out then just move on the next girl. I send alot of messages to girls here and get nothing but I will keep trying for the moment. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 8/25/2009 2:24:03 PM | I see rejection as a blessing.
If it's not meant to be well it's just not meant to be.
At least I know I wasn't wasting my time with someone who wasn't into me anyway.
Move to the next and find somebody compatible with you..... | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/23/2009 11:41:53 PM |
How have you guys dealt with all the rejection?
I'm not sure how others deal with it but it bothers me; I won't lie about it. I'm someone well aware of my personal inadequacies and shortcomings, so a lack of interest on the part of someone I'm interested in... Phew, just nails all those insecurities home. But I take everything personally, I'm a natural sensitive and always have been. Fortunately and delightfully though, I'm finding that as I get older, rejection as well as other areas of life, are in fact becoming easier to accept. I don't expect it to ever be just a breeze where things roll off me like rain, but still... a little easier.
whatacrazyplace
Exactly what I was trying to address in this thread. I especially like your last sentence. I guess, in a way, I don't want it to become just a breeze, where things just roll off me like rain. It seems to me that people like that don't really care about anything or live in denial. As long as it hurts me, I remember it hurts you too. Does that make sense? As an illustration, a went on a few dates with a fellow and he kinda fell for me, I simply did not feel the same toward him. However, I could deal compassionately with him because I have had the same thing happen to me.
What is that saying? Something along the line of , be kind, you don't know what battle someone is fighting. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/26/2009 6:13:35 PM | I can generally take rejection well but in moderation. It's REALLY discouraging to keep trying on online dating cause the rejection is alot "colder" and more frequent (if you've sent out alot of mails). It doesn't feel good when you see a whole list of "read delete".
At this point, I've stopped with mailing girls on this site. Maybe I might try again a few months from now. But I've come to terms that this online thing ain't my cup of tea.
Just here for the forums | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:48:50 PM |  Speaking from experience... I've found many people male/female alike, do take rejection personaly. Once a woman in a bar showed a little interest in me. I was friendly towards her. Here's the catch: I was with another woman I had met earlier in the night, and we both were enjoying each others company. So I did not show interest at the time in the other woman, even thoughe she was somewhat attractive. Later that night, I approached her and she was rather ignorant. Reading between the lines, she felt totally rejected by me earlier on, even though I tryed not to come off that way. Motto of the story: Some people are too sensetive and wear their hearts on their sleeve. And therefore could jump to a negative conclusion, and be wrong. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:59:31 PM | | it suxxx. no way around it. on all levels. as far as early emails, not a big deal. but when the communication seems to be positive and we seem at least matched so far, either having met in person or just planning, and then the guy either vanishes or chooses not to pursue further dating, it suxxxx. if i can see big differences, then i can understand. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/26/2009 10:01:41 PM | Isn't rejection inevitable, but the point of online dating is that it takes place privately so there's no public humiliation? No more walking to the other side of the room, trying to pry a woman loose from her group of friends or worrying about sexual harassment at work. Instead, you can take some flattering pictures, take time to post witty banter on your profile and send messages to 100 women who are exactly your type and play the percentages.
Conversely, for women who are worried about their reputations they can hook up whenever they want without appearing to be loose in public (a pre-arranged online meet-up as opposed to meeting a stranger at a bar)?
Meet up in a public place. Add water (or other beverage). I fail to see the downside. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:22:24 AM | You do have a point, but when it happens all the time, over and over, the person getting rejected is really the loser in the end. They end up empty-handed, and maybe they didn't miss much anyways, but they are still empty-handed never the less.
The way I handle it, honestly is become borderline jaded. I don't know if it is because where I do to school (86%male) or because I have a personality deficiency that inhibits me successfully meeting women. Anyways, back to the topic, I am to the point where I see a girl and she is automatically filed in the "prob a b*itch" folder in my mind and I move on, that's my method of dealing with it. I know it's not going to get me anywhere, but it's my way of protecting myself from letdown. If I can never get built up, I can be let down. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:32:49 AM | Women have been dealing with it too....
How many times have you tried to give green light to a man you like, all that eye-contact, welcoming attitude, and he didn't even notice you ?
-Well, you think he didn't notice you.... 
You get closer, eye contact, stare, waiting for the guy to approach, and the guy gets up and leaves ! - well that's rejection! | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/27/2009 9:18:32 AM |
I see rejection as a blessing.
If it's not meant to be well it's just not meant to be.
At least I know I wasn't wasting my time with someone who wasn't into me anyway.
Move to the next and find somebody compatible with you.....
Wow....common sense. Yes, if someone who doesn't want you isn't your type by default, then it's knowing you don't match someone and moving on. It's not personal to you, because you don't really know that person enough for them to honestly reject you for who you are.
People who can't see anything from the other side of the fence tend to take this harder. If anyone ever liked you that you just weren't into, you know it wasn't your fault you didn't feel the same. Therefore, duh - you know it's not someone else's fault when they don't feel the same way you do. Same difference. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:08:31 PM |
Women have been dealing with it too....
How many times have you tried to give green light to a man you like, all that eye-contact, welcoming attitude, and he didn't even notice you ?
-Well, you think he didn't notice you....
You get closer, eye contact, stare, waiting for the guy to approach, and the guy gets up and leaves ! - well that's rejection
That is rejection? The guy never said anything to you and you never said anything to him.
Oh man, if I approached every woman that looked over at me and smiled, I would be having more rejections than I can deal with, I have had enough over the years as is.
Many times us men don't know what to say if we do see you looking at us, because then it isn't the question "I wonder what she will say if I approach her" it now becomes "Ok now what do I say to her and not blow it?"
Big difference in thoughts when a guy "thinks" the woman is interested before he approaches her as opposed to the unknown of approaching her.
Plus not everytime a woman looks at a guy does it mean she is interested, also not every guy knows how to read signs universally. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:38:27 PM | I can't sleep, so I was thinking. Or maybe I'm dreaming, I'll see in the morning.
Men deal with rejection more than women. But it's not because women reject more--it's because men ask a jillion women.
It's almost unheard-of for a WOMAN to have a mass-mailing out to 100 guys. But lots of men claim they do this on PoF (then complain about all the "rejection", ie, no replies).
It seems to me that women focus on a few men that they have already pre-screened, and then get rejected by them. But the advantage is, we only get rejected by a few guys, while men are getting rejected by a 100 women. [Of course, then we're deemed too picky, so we can't win, either.]
Basically, we ALL get "rejected" until we don't. And even then, chances are almost 100% that we will get "rejected" some time down the line.
Rejection probably outweighs acceptance by about 1000% (guesstimate). | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:53:02 PM | Just to be honest with you I have seen a lot of read deleteds. I really don't think that there's really any women that are genuine; there usually full of shit just like a soiled diaper. 
Edit: I would crank up me wize magic or humans being by Van Halen | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/28/2009 8:13:12 AM | You get closer, eye contact, stare, waiting for the guy to approach, and the guy gets up and leaves ! - well that's rejection!
No it's not... that's you leaving all the hard work up to the guy... and the guy decided not to approach you for whatever reason.
Now if you actually got up and approached him and he says he's not interested... THAT'S rejection.
Now as a general comment... this is one of those things that should be taught in high school. It's should be part of Sex Ed. Personally I think sex ed should be replaced with Relationship education... which would keep the sex ed part, but add a whole bunch of other related things... like role playing when it comes to approaching someone for a date and learning how to do it *well* and in a creative fashion... and handling rejection gracefully as well as analyzing all the different reasons someone might not be interested.
And it should also cover things like *modern* etiquette (For example, it's rude to start texting friends during a date right in front of him/her) and stuff like the legalities that surround relationships.
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:02:12 AM |
No it's not... that's you leaving all the hard work up to the guy... and the guy decided not to approach you for whatever reason.
that's my post you're quoting ....
When a guy decides "not" to approach when she's wide open waiting for him to...that's a rejection. Not everything has to be put on words. Rejection is a rejection. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:15:23 AM | ^^^ In order to be rejected, you have to actually put out the offer. What you described as rejection doesn't qualify because you actually haven't put yourself on the line by approaching and making contact. You're leaving it for the guy to put himself on the line and make contact and have you sitting pretty deciding whether to accept or reject based on his approach.
EDIT...
Wait a 2nd... You're a guy. You should know what I'm talking about.
Also consider that the guy getting up and leaving might be doing just that... getting up and leaving ONLY because he didn't even notice the girl.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:27:58 AM |
Women have been dealing with it too....
How many times have you tried to give green light to a man you like, all that eye-contact, welcoming attitude, and he didn't even notice you ?
That's not rejection though. It's not like those actions required you to put yourself out there. It also be misconstrued as you just being a relatively nice person, doesn't necessarily mean the guy is going to see it as you're so obviously interested in him.
Why not just go up to him and ask him? If he says no, oh well move on. I mean, if we're to believe that men and women are equal, why not help that along by putting yourself out there and not doing the whole "signals" bit with "OMG how does he not see I'm interested in him, I twirled my hair three times and pointed my left index finger at him". | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:29:30 AM |
getting up and leaving ONLY because he didn't even notice the girl.
Sometimes yes. We look but don't see. However most of the time, it's just that we're ( I am) not interested. She's been staring at you all night. Tried to get closer a few times, so that you go and talk to her... instead you just walk away.
I personally have been in this situation many times. They probably thought I was either gay or had gf etc..or even maybe shy. But the reason was the fact that " I was not interested" - and to me it's a rejection.
Same thing when I try to flirt with a woman, and she completely blocks me. No eye contact, cold body language .... again no words are exchanged but it's plain old rejection.
Reading body language is very important. One's eyes, gestures - facial expressions, what they do with their hands - very important. | |
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| Rejection-men have been dealing with this a long time.
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:48:11 AM | HA ha, so some of you men want to "define" rejection BUT won't allow women to "define" it. So I'm beginning to think that maybe it's all in the definition of rejection!
Personally, if I am "rejected" on PoF (read/deleted), I don't "count" it as much as if I am rejected in real life. For one thing, in real life, I am embarrassed if a guy says, "No, thanks, you fat cow." Online, the ole read/deleted is more of a puzzlement, but since no one else knows about it, it's not embarrassment. I *can* understand that CONSTANT read/deleteds can wear away at you, undermining your ego.
Sometimes I wonder which came first--the mass emails or the rejection? Like, are men rejected so often that they give up and say, "WTH, they all reject me, anyway, I may as well hit on as many as possible in case one doesn't say no"? Or, did men START by the mass emailing thing and find out that women don't respond to it, then it started chipping away at their self-esteem? | |
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