|
|
|
|
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/14/2009 10:45:59 PM | | someone who know what feels good. He or She has high sex drive, and enjoys physical contact and touch. If they do not fall into this category it makes no difference if they are good communicators, and are able to laugh. | |
|
| |
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/14/2009 11:49:56 PM | Oh, man, did this question ever obssess me! I'm embarrassed now to admit how determined I was to fit into this idea of the perfect lover. I bought into a system/code/ideology/complex something or other, that we all know is dysfunctional but that we all do in every relationship until we don't anymore. Not many of us take notes on what happened that caused us to stop doing it because the stopping was usually a side effect of another activity.
That system/code/ideology/complex something or other is the mere act of being goal oriented, driven to success, compiling a resume, a list of attributes that will make people like us, respect us, and bless us with food, clothing, shelter, sex, companionship and support.
What makes it dysfunctional is that in intimate relationships all that success driven, goal oriented mind set stuff defeats the "goal" of relating. Intimacy is not competitive. Intimacy is not a contest. When two people are intimate they aren't trying to achieve something and therefore there is no failure. To place a matrix over the top of intimacy that plots a course, sets a destination, and creates a success/failure outcome prevents the intimacy that was the original experience, the climate that got you to take your clothes off in the first place.
We take our clothes off, become intimate and then put a different set of clothes back on, the garment of success.
What I had to realize was that I'd already succeeded. My clothes were off. All the working to make money to buy the carefully chosen clothes, the great haircut, the shoe that reveals the leg, all that worked. All the forum boards and Cosmo magazine articles and lunches with the girls achieved their end. All the masturbating and fantasizing had drawn to a close.
Here am I, and there he is. Naked. This isn't a dress rehearsal. We aren't here to figure out how to become intimate, we already did that. Now we're going to experience being intimate.
The only way we can experience being intimate is to be our unadulterated, unpremeditated, reflexive, completely honest selves. If during a sexual encounter we're still trying to pour ourselves into a size six suit for success, fit some generic mold of "great lover" we've effectively shortcircuited the entire event.
He got me naked because he wants me, not a blow up doll. He's touching me because he's interested in how I respond, not how she does. He's pushing me because he wants me to reveal myself, not reveal Penthouse Magazine or some hardcore two walruses one bucket video he saw. He wants me, my responses, my limitations, my beauty, my neuroses, my enlightenment...
Now I've done things I never thought I would do and gone places I never thought I would go and I had to finally let go of my idea of the perfect unihibited no limits lover who could take anything her partner dished out. There were times I said red, enough, I'm done, I can't anymore. What I learned through those experiences is that if I do things, go through with things, endure things that prompt me to build elaborate defenses to cope with them I've failed, not the reverse. By revealing my limits I made myself vulnerable, not protected myself. To say "red" recognizes the power of my lover, honors that there's energy between us, defers the next move. It's not aggressive, it's passive... it's also often a validation of reality, the only place you can share experience with your lover.
To defend and endure is to countermand the intimacy. It's a throwing down of the gauntlet. It's entering into a contest, issuing a challenge, inviting your lover to compete with you rather than share with you. To crumble, to beg for mercy, to recognize the power that person has over you is to reveal the real self, replete with weaknesses and vulnerabilities. To safeword is to dare to be honest. It took me a long time to understand what real intimacy was, to be ready to show where my end was, where I stopped and some b@stardized coping mechanism stepped in. I was lucky to have a patient man who wanted all of me and who wouldn't settle for less. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:10:42 PM | | Different things. I am not going to mention what makes me tick in particular.......In general one thing I would need to see: a good mix of physical strength and moral/internal sensitivity. No morals=no love= bad sex. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/16/2009 1:24:45 PM | I could write a big long dissertation on all the little things that make a good lover, but I think I'll just stick with the big 2 for me...
Enthusiasm and a genuine desire to please. With these two things on your side, you will at least be a good lover (if not great) regardless of your tools. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/16/2009 5:31:09 PM | | EXACTLY LAVINIA!!!! I could not be with anyone that i had no desire or ability to love.... I mean if youre just indescrimimnatly sleeping with some one ...thats sad...I choose my lover based on feelings... that tingle ya know... there has to be a hope of something more than just gratification for the moment...I may end up just with loving you as a freind... or maybe more ... but i would hope that there is love in there somewhere.... | |
|
| |
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:08:06 PM | "genetics. if she enjoys me and cums without problems. bad lovers dont cum due to bad genetics"
Unbelievable rubbish!! Bad lovers don't bother or care to find out what takes their partner over the edge..the problem is yours not hers. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/21/2009 3:26:04 PM | ..////////
..................ME
I am the answer you been looking for........ | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/26/2009 6:54:49 AM | To still be in love, after the "honeymoon " is over.
If your lucky enough, good chemistry makes for good love,
like glove in hand,two peas in a pod, love is so natural... | |
|
| |
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/26/2009 2:06:48 PM | | Thanks for bringing up love! It helps a bit....A good lover knows how to use his whole body as an instrument so to speak. It's a higher form of communication. You need to listen to the other, do what feels good and lose yourself. No inhibition. Forget the "shame" (some people are so damn uptight) and just follow your body. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 2/28/2009 4:16:21 PM | ,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,M E ................ | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:25:05 PM | ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]][[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
M E ! ! ! ! !
[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]:modhammer: 
| |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:37:16 PM |
Enthusiasm and a genuine desire to please. With these two things on your side, you will at least be a good lover (if not great) regardless of your tools
Roy Scheider (Fosse) to long legs in purple leotard, All That Jazz: "I can't make you great dancer, or even a good dancer. But I can make you better" (i.e., good enough!). Lol.
Actually, ChinaSB, I agree with you wholeheartedly-without those two ingredients, no lover is good enough. Except I just have this thing for blondes that won't go away.  | |
|
mnstud
|
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 116 | |
| |
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:13:45 PM | In my opinion an amazing lover is
A man the has special little details....tokens to show I mean a lot to him and that I am important in his life.
A man that is passionate and loves foreplay....a man that enjoys to perform vaginal sex!!!
A man that has a warm smile when he sees me.
Lover and making love is not all about sex...much of it is emotional connection...and that is what triggers an amazing sex. | |
|
| |
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:47:14 PM | | First of all being comfortable in your own skin is important. Then passion, imagination, attitude, energy and drive go a long way. Then throw in focus and the desire to please as well as be pleased and it really gets interesting. Throw in love and I'm a goner. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 3/27/2009 7:01:49 PM | C0C0LPS
I stated is NOT ALL about sex....of course SEX has to happen to reinforce the emotional connection. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 3/29/2009 8:03:43 PM | 1/They have to have the desire to be a good lover; and the ability to let their lover decide exactly what that is.
2/A willingness to listen to what your lover, and their body are telling you, and the ability to change what they are doing in an instant in order to meet what their lover needs.
3/A delicate, sensitive touch. The ability to alter their touch from feather light to strong and firm; and knowing when and where to use each.
4/Imagination, and the ability understand what is needed at that moment. (Wild Monkey sex; pull the car over, I've got to have you NOW, sex; and candle light, bubble bath, hand dipped strawberries, with 6 hours of foreplay sex)
5/Most of all, they must get pleasure from giving pleasure. Sometime their lover may have numerous orgasms; and they may not have any; but they are happy and satisfied knowing that their lover was happy and satisfied. | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:34:31 PM | .............ME.
" If you wake up in a small red room ,with no windows or door,
Do Not PANIC , You are just in my heart ! ! ! "
_____xxxxxxxx________xxxxxxxx
____xxxxxxxxxx______xxxxxxxxxxx
___xxxxxxxxxxxxx___xxxxxxxxxxxxx
___xxxxxxxxxxxxxx_xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
___xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
____xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
_____xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
______xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
_________xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
___________xxxxxxxxxxxxx
_____________xxxxxxxxx
______________xxxxxx
_______________xxxx
_______________xxx
______________xx
_____________x
___________x
Bow
canikissyoubaby@aol.com
" A friend Loves at all times ..." Proverbs 17;17 | |
|
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:34:43 PM | Waht makes a good lover?
Her taking the time to gargle my cum in her mouth, right before she swallows it. And of course having her stick her tongue out afterwards. Just to prove that she consumed every las drop.. | |
|
| |
| What makes a good lover?
Posted: 10/6/2009 1:39:24 PM | i find it interesting that not one woman has shared what makes HER a good lover, this is indicative of the general attitude north american women have towards sex in general, they dont think it up to them to have a great sexual experience, this is a sad state of affairs ,women that are good lovers are labeled as s luts, w hores, and generally looked down on and passed by as potential long term partners
its time attitudes change, its time for 'it ti be ok' for women to be sexual, creative and imaginative | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
