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 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 26
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Most guys I think now look for a woman to date, yes, have sex with and see where it goes. If it lasts 6 months or 6 years or the rest of their life is not the goal when starting out. Happiness is the goal, and since that is the goal, not establishing a certain lifestyle, house, kids, savings, planning for the future together, since no one really knows how it will go.


Great thought Bob. If a person is so cautious climbing to the top of a mountain some beautiful vistas on the way to the peak will be missed. S
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 27
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:07:29 AM

Most guys I think now look for a woman to date, yes, have sex with and see where it goes. If it lasts 6 months or 6 years or the rest of their life is not the goal when starting out.
I do kinda think Bob should have mentioned, (previous to the "6 months or 6 years" words), a few other words. Like "6 days".
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 28
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:18:02 AM



Most guys I think now look for a woman to date, yes, have sex with and see where it goes. If it lasts 6 months or 6 years or the rest of their life is not the goal when starting out. Happiness is the goal, and since that is the goal, not establishing a certain lifestyle, house, kids, savings, planning for the future together, since no one really knows how it will go.


Great thought Bob. If a person is so cautious climbing to the top of a mountain some beautiful vistas on the way to the peak will be missed.


This is, IMO, an interesting response simply because I would have read Bob's comment to mean the exact opposite.
i.e. People are so busy enjoying the vistas that they don't concern themselves with getting to the peak... Getting to the peak isn't their objective.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 29
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:21:10 AM
Well,Bob, many of the women who participate in the forums are yearning for the dream that will allow them to live the live you have already done and have escaped from. Its quite true that once a couple becomes bound beyond the initial physical and emotional attraction, their priorities become organized around all kinds of things other than each others' personal needs. Its also true that its easier to live better as a couple than it is as a single person, at least in the material sense.

A lot of the complaints that are voiced, are, in my view, just a lament at the loss of the good life, and the regret that its resumption appears to be of poor prospect. The women blame the men, the men blame the women.

Then there are those who don't post to the forums, but go out instead and rebuild their lives towards their goals. Unfortunately, you rarely hear from them. Their profiles simply vanish when they strike pay dirt...
 123carrie
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 30
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:29:48 AM
I believe all men and women have their own reasons for being on a dating site. Some are hoping to meet their next spouse, some are seeking uncomplicated intermingling with the other gender and some are just looking for friendship. From my point of view, none are wrong. Each of us joins POF for our own reasons.

What I do find disgusting though is when people who are not upfront and honest with their agenda. There are enough POFers to go around to meet needs in each category so look within yourself and behonest in the way you present yourself and your goals.

As the number of notches increase, the tree weakens..........
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 31
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 7:43:25 AM
""Happy" isn't a word I would ascribe to a majority of the forum members."

I don't know the majority of members. I do know myself, and I know my single friends. We are happy people.

"you can't have happiness just for yourself (unless you are alone) when you are with someone your happiness is always related to them and theirs to you in some way"

I don't agree with the above statement. "IF" (doesn't happen often) I am unhappy, the person I am in a relationship with can't fix it, any more than I can "fix" it so they will be happy. Yes, I have been in more than one relationship where the other person went through something that made them unhappy. I didn't see any rule that said I had to be unhappy too. That wouldn't make sense to me, and it wouldn't have helped the other person to be any happier.

No one can offer emotional security to a person who hasn't got their own emotional security. There is no "fix" in any relationship that heals people. People have to work through and fix there own issues. It would be nice to go to someone to get "fixed" but life doesn't work that we. We have a responsiblity to ourselves to do the fixing of our problems.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 32
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:34:41 AM
While I have had some very good on-line experiences, as of late I am growing very leary of on-line dating for two reasons:

1. SOME of the men I have encountered on-line hold ME accountable for every sin every other woman in their past has committed. I have become exhausted by this attitude in men, really I am not her, yet these men still seem to think I either owe them something or need to prove something to them because of her. Sorry not gonna do it.

2. SOME men seem to have a line up of women at their disposal and for them women are interchangable, doesn't matter who the woman is, as long as there is a woman in the picture.

After my last experience, which by the way shook me to my core BECAUSE OF MY OWN BAD JUDGEMENT (I don't blame, I am fully accountable for my mistakes). However, I also learn from my mistakes. I really do believe in my heart that there are a lot of really good men out there who do indeed want a committed, monogamous relationship but, I think that they are also running into a lot of women who are looking for their White Knight, Sugar Daddy, Whatever to save them or support them and because of this I really cannot blame a lot of men for their attitude's towards relationships and women.

Having said that, I think there are members of EACH gender who are ruining things for those of us who really do have a goal of becoming involved in a relationship. While I can only speak for myself, in all honesty, at this very moment I am scared shitless to become involved with someone on line again. So while I can understand why some men have the attitude they do about staying in the moment and happiness being the goal, for me that would never work because I am looking for someone who is in it for the long-haul and unfortunately for me and those like me this sort of relationship is becoming more of the exception than a rule. All I can say is, good thing I enjoy my own company.
 hamango
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 33
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 8:46:46 AM

SOME of the men I have encountered on-line hold ME accountable for every sin every other woman in their past has committed.
Take some responsibility for your gender. Pay the debt you owe and start even.

People have misgivings and doubts so they want reassurance and to be able to imagine the better outcome, so they fixate on whatever past problems went unsolved. That's going to be a sticking point and don't think you're exempt from doing it yourself. There is some extra work involved when the once burned twice shy folk reach for the fire of love.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 34
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:04:29 AM
"People have misgivings and doubts so they want reassurance and to be able to imagine the better outcome, so they fixate on whatever past problems went unsolved."

A prime example of what either gender has to do for themselves. Others can't "fix" it.

"There is some extra work involved when the once burned twice shy folk reach for the fire of love. "

If they haven't done their own extra work, they aren't ready to date anyone in my opinion.
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 35
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:15:15 AM
Hi guys I'm back, again let me assure you some of this does not reflect ME or who I am, just see this as a developing trend. The "bad boy" thing was brought up with the read-delete element brought in. To me this a woman coming out of a very blah relationship's achille's heel. She craves the excitement she has not had for 8 or 10 years and this guy fills the bill. She will NEVER give another nice guy a chance, if he seems hum drum, he's dead to her.

"Right, Bob? Put up and/or shut up... and be happy, happy, happy". Well again, not my view or opinion for what I seek. Yes I want to be happy, I want her to be happy. I would like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, maybe I did, time will tell.

"If you don't want a life mate type of relationship" This is a big one, some start out to replace what they had, some go to the "it's got to be ME" school of things. Personally I think the site should get rid of that "what your looking box" email, friends, date, relationship, etc. I'm not sure how many, but a lot of people don't have a clue what they are looking for. Worse some lie to us and to themselves like a guy looking for sex who puts down LTR or a woman who says dating when she is looking to be entertained only. Or a woman who puts down LTR but cannot trust so no such thing is possible.

"yearning for the dream that will allow them to live the life you have already have and escaped from." I'm not sue this is the exact way I would phrase what some feel. Some on here were perfectly happy with what they had, their other half moved on, they didn't escape, they were escaped from. Still as I said what they sought "house with picket fence and kids" at 20 or 30 something is now a moot point at 40 something. They changed diapers, mowed lawns, made that life theirs, now they seek something different for the second half of their lives.

Loose quote to capture the spirit "some men blame me for sins of past women or have a line up of women". Unfortunately we have broken people in both genders. There seem to be users/losers in both groups, they didn't heal from what they percieve was done to them and are taking it on whoever they meet. Women who use men for their wallets or dinners 5 nights a week. Men who use women for sex or money. It's all bad and for those who encounter them it will not go well.

Hope this answers my view on some of this, great discussion, keep it coming, Bob.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 36
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:26:32 AM

Take some responsibility for your gender. Pay the debt you owe and start even.

People have misgivings and doubts so they want reassurance and to be able to imagine the better outcome, so they fixate on whatever past problems went unsolved. That's going to be a sticking point and don't think you're exempt from doing it yourself. There is some extra work involved when the once burned twice shy folk reach for the fire of love.


While there is some truth in what you write, I will not pay someone else's debt. My own yes -- someone else's no.

While I understand that trust must be earned, I also believe if you go into a relationship expecting someone to hurt you, because you know there are people who instead of seeing the best in you or at the very least hoping for the best, they are just waiting for you to screw up because of other's past screw ups. Those people, who cannot start with a clean slate, have no business looking for relationships. Because of the simple fact that they CANNOT trust and if you cannot trust you cannot have a relationship.

You know, I have screwed up, made mistakes, had bouts with personal jackasserory and yes even been a bit@h. But at the end of the day I have always owned my behavior and I have apologized for it and I have even asked for second chances, sometimes granted, sometimes not. However, what I think some people tend to forget is this, people make mistakes afterall we are only human. Some people also tend to fixate on what went wrong instead of what could go right because staying in their own little world of blame and hurt is so much easier than actually trying to have a relationship.

As I said in my earlier post, at this very moment, I am scared shitless to become involved with someone from the virtual world again because I made a bad choice and I trusted the wrong person, but at least I trusted. And because I am able to trust, here I am at least trying to get to a place where I feel comfortable enough to employ on-line methods once again. Some people don't even try, they don't take a chance and they are expecting an entire gender to make them feel safe again. What those people don't realize is this, the only one who can make them feel safe again are themselves. So you know, I can reassure someone till the cows come home, but it's not going to do me one damn bit of good if they cannot trust me because of what some other woman has done to them, now is it?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 37
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Posted: 3/22/2009 9:27:46 AM
"lot of people don't have a clue what they are looking for"

Isn't it time people who don't know what they want figure it out "BEFORE" experienting with other people's feelings.


"It's all bad and for those who encounter them it will not go well."

Op please consider that now everyone is carrying around damage. I see so many people who assume that everyone had the same bad luck as they did. Not everyone was a victim, not everyone victimized others.

Life is about making good choices, not about rushing to find someone to complete us no matter what.
 *Don*
Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 38
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:50:36 AM
I’m not really sure what you’re asking me to think about in your opening post, sir. You mention a lot about (what appear to be) the prevailing attitudes in the forums – much of it, not so nice. I think what many of the readers and participants in these forums forget is that this is (primarily) a dating site, a free one, one growing rather quickly, and as such, will have a number of people passing by – many just out of serious and/or long-term relationships with someone. And if you think back, OP, to the last time that you were just out of a serious relationship, the time when maybe your heart was broken, the life that you had been used to was suddenly changed ... if given an open forum such as this to express your thoughts, what would you have said ??

After people have been on this site for a while, as their past relationships move farther into their past, as recent wounds heal, they mellow in their attitudes. They realize that that type of attitude is very self-defeating unless they plan on staying on this site for the rest of their lives. But for a while, for those just fresh on the site, newly out of something that shook them emotionally, attitudes will be what they are. And really ... are there any on here that can say that they were any different ?? I’m just thankful that I didn’t know about this site when I went through my own divorce. I would have made an azz of myself.

My opinions only, of course ...

D
 Tuanda
Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 39
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:05:24 AM
I think the affect of having been burned can't be underestimated by men or women.
I also think Sapphire Eyes nailed it right on!

When I started dating my ex-husband , if I remember it correctly, we didn't have it all mapped out then either.
I think we decided how the next step would go as it came up.
I dont' think there was a lot of focus on a long term game plan. (That may or may not have been a good thing.)
We started with chemistry, spent time together doing a bunch of different things including sex and evenutally moved in together. After living together we discussed marriage and we both went back and forth for a while on whether or not that would be a smart decision. A year after that we got married and were married for 10 years.

But I think there were some mutual agreements.
We were exclusive. That was never an issue.
We both wanted kids, although that never happened.
We both wanted to work and contribute to our financial goals and we did that.

The part I find kind of sad is the people who say they will NEVER get into a LTR again under any circumstances. To me that says there is still a world of hurt there.
I don't think the dating websites would be so full or any of us would be here at all if we really wanted to stay alone.

What I would like hasn't changed much from when I first stared out.
I would like to meet a man, spend time getting to know him by him doing a variety of things including sex and hopefully have enough fun and common interest or goals to let it naturally continue. Then take it to the next level..living together or even marriage if we feel like that would be desireable at that time.
The difference between then and now is that I have learned a lot about how to better deal with the unexpected things life throws at you and I have grown up.
I hope I would be more mature in handling situations.

I am as afraid of getting hurt again as anyone else.
So at times it can be messy for sure.
But I still think working through that is worth it and I also think you can only really do that by actually getting involved. Risking nothing gets you nothing.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting an emotional attachment.
When we say that I think we are saying we want someone to love us....and if you don't love us or care about us..then is looks like it is just sex.
I am not really comfortable with sex with a lot of different partners even though I have given the casaul thing a try here and there. I figure don't knock it till you've tried it.
But it left me feeling empty and at times even more alone.

I know I don't need a man who loves me to be happy on a day to day basis.
I feel happy most of the time as my life goes on. I enjoy my work, my family and my friends. There is a lot that is good.
But I do think having someone you love and who love you back, takes life to a different plane.

Sometimes I wish that men got the idea that if you seduce a woman's heart and mind, the body is given happily, freely and with great desire. I've never heard of a woman holding out when she was totally into the man.
 GreenEyesBlondeHair
Joined: 11/5/2007
Msg: 40
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 10:30:48 AM
TUANDA what an awesome post, I should tattoo it on my forehead

Very true & positive.

I learn some really good things by being in the forums
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 41
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Posted: 3/22/2009 10:48:23 AM
Feeling secure within ourselves is the key, yes.

Then why do we need another? Because we humans are social creatures...we require a little validation that we're sexy, powerful, whatever, from another human being...helps us feel MORE sexy, powerful, etc. We're creatures who want MORE. So maybe the issue, if it is an issue, is greed-?

And sometimes we just get lonely...in a cold, hard world, with no thanks and no appreciation for our effort and our souls beyond a paycheck, there's great comfort in cuddling up to a warm, fuzzy body and soul.
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 42
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:12:14 AM
Tuanda, I agree, great post. You are right many, many hurt people out there. How many do you see on here 3 weeks or 3 months out of a 10-12 year relationship? How is that possible? You mean they were able to leave or be left, heal the hurt, deal with a new life, deal with anger, change from relationship mode (whatever that meant in their lives) to single life with no transitional difficulties. Wow, I'm impressed, it took me a month to figure out where everything was in my new apartment and neighborhood, never mind my feelings.

As to you and what you wrote, I concur with alot of what you said, although I'm sure you have changed what you are looking for. No not the basics chemistry, spending time together, exclusive and so on. But the house, kids, plans idea, you are entering a different phase of life. You are seeking someone to have chemistry with, be exclusive with, have sex with, but where you are now is different than where you were then.

Yes some will say they will not have a LTR due to what happened, some are all about ME, some show the pain by what they write on these forums. Problem is coming out of something does not always give us insight to either what will make a good relationship or who we will find that with. "Doing the same thing expecting a different result is the true definition of insanity" applies here, if you select the same wo/man type over and over expecting someone else to emerge, your nuts!! So when they that are hurt go out with the same wo/man type who they married the first time and say this time it will be different????????????? Bob
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 43
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:27:00 AM
Ya know Tuanda, I agree with every you said in msg 39 with the exception of these two line:


I also think Sapphire Eyes nailed it right on!


and


Sometimes I wish that men got the idea that if you seduce a woman's heart and mind, the body is given happily, freely and with great desire.


The 1st, simply because I don't buy the notion that all these men are walking wounded and the 2nd because SOME men DO get that idea.

A whole heck of a lot of us men have been there, done that and things went sour (just as many of the women have had happen). It isn't fear or hurt that is keeping me from anything. It's not wanting to repeat past mistakes.


I would like to meet a man, spend time getting to know him by him doing a variety of things including sex and hopefully have enough fun and common interest or goals to let it naturally continue. Then take it to the next level..living together or even marriage if we feel like that would be desireable at that time.


How is this any different from the men Bob described in his opening post? To me it looks like the same thing.
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 44
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:30:01 AM

The part I find kind of sad is the people who say they will NEVER get into a LTR again under any circumstances. To me that says there is still a world of hurt there.
I don't think the dating websites would be so full or any of us would be here at all if we really wanted to stay alone.
That's a great answer to my thoughts

Then why do we need another? Because we humans are social creatures.... We're creatures who want MORE.
I agree here, too
People must want more, we people should have goals besides careers(which sooner or later won't need us), children(who already have their own lives and would be happy if their parents would get some, too) or friends. Friends are great but there should be very special connections of souls, spirits, bodies, everything...it's why human being can't be happy just with themselves

And sometimes we just get lonely
of course
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 45
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 11:34:18 AM

Sometimes I wish that men got the idea that if you seduce a woman's heart and mind, the body is given happily, freely and with great desire. I've never heard of a woman holding out when she was totally into the man.


While I agree 100 percent with that statement, I think there are SOME that wouldnt be true for.

The arm candy wifes...I have talked to soooo many men that say as soon as they got married the sex stopped, one poor man was married for 14 years and only had sex after the 3rd year one a year...not his choice, he said she wouldnt talk about it, just said after the baby she didnt like her body...(yes i know most will say she was out of shape and he was saying things but based on this man being involved with me I would say that is total bull :p) No one in a relationship has the right to withhold sex from the other person, especially without telling the other person why and working toward fixing the issue.

Women use sex as a weapon, a power trip...some women really dont like sex and will marry a man for security that they have no emotional attachment and no physical attraction for. Most men like sex if you dont like it you should tell them up front vs pretending you do to get them involved with you.

It is all about perception and seeing there is more than one side to a story, understanding what role you played in your past relationships success and failures gives you the opportunity to make the next one better, if you constantly blame the person you were involved with then you dont heal, you dont grow and you wont be able to have a truly rewarding future relationship...

my issue is now most of the men I have recently been talking to are OK with that, they dont want to heal cause they feel they have everything in life they could possibilty want...I know here locally a good percentage of the women will show up to a man's house and sleep with on the first date all as a way to get some interaction with a male...the part that blows my mind is the men arent seeing that they are being used ...they just dont get it...they arent that special to make her jump in the car after 10 min of talking online and come over...if she didnt come to their home she would have gone to someone's elses.

I really believe the reason men are totally not into relationships at this time is directly related to the number of women who will literally sleep with anyone and call it sexual liberation...it isnt they are still trying to entrap a man using sex and I think the men are smart not to fall for it.

So how do you find someone who does want a positive complete relationship vs someone who is using smoke screens to just get laid?
 hamango
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 46
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:06:07 PM

So how do you find someone who does want a positive complete relationship vs someone who is using smoke screens to just get laid?
Offer something else along with sex.
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 47
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:07:31 PM
Sapphireeyes, nice post. "So how do you find someone who does................" God hon, that is the 20 million dollar question!! If there was an honest answer, these forums probably would not exist and poor Marcus would be out of business!!

I know for my part, it has been trial and error, women I thought would be a match after reading their profile, just un/read-deleted my emails. Phrases like I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh or his personality must show through or looks are unimportant or the hundreds of other code phrases for personality over looks are BS. They still have to have attraction first, then chemistry which is really the same thing, only in person in my opinion. How many first dates, well unfortunately, you women have to do a lot more than guys, you usually have 3 or 4 times the options.

For the guys, this online thing can work if you are healed from the last relationship and have an open mind and heart. Still neither sex has any control of those seeking the next best thing, in other words, you'll do for now till someone better writes me. But you have to work at this, and not get down on yourself or angry. Mostly I think you have to be happy with yourself, then develop patience, lots of PATIENCE. My thoughts anyway, Bob.
 cfd1616
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 48
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:11:59 PM
Any meaningful relationship can't happen if you're not happy with yourself. No one can give you happiness, it's you accepting who and what you are. And more importantly, why you're the way you are.

As for relationships, for myself, as Bob stated, my wants and needs have changed with my age and prior fulfillment. I already have children, not looking to make more, I have my house, truck, motorcycle, toys, etc. My career is set. Plan on retiring in 2 or 3 years.

At this point I'd like to meet someone who will be a complement to my life and lifestyle. Someone to be friends, sexual, serious, goofy, happy, sad with, I'll miss and will miss me.

I had that for 30 years and hopefully learned not to become complacement and take the other person for granted.

Most definitely sex is there, but I don't believe for the majority of men, sex is the be all and end all of meeting someone.

But I've been wrong before.

damn, that's a long post.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 49
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:19:30 PM

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting an emotional attachment.
When we say that I think we are saying we want someone to love us....and if you don't love us or care about us..then is looks like it is just sex. I am not really comfortable with sex with a lot of different partners even though I have given the casaul thing a try here and there. I figure don't knock it till you've tried it.
But it left me feeling empty and at times even more alone.

I know I don't need a man who loves me to be happy on a day to day basis.
I feel happy most of the time as my life goes on. I enjoy my work, my family and my friends. There is a lot that is good.
But I do think having someone you love and who love you back, takes life to a different plane.


That's it exactly it Tuanda.......


So how do you find someone who does want a positive complete relationship vs someone who is using smoke screens to just get laid?


THAT is the question Sapphire.
I really don't think that the men who post on here have the slightest notion of the sheer quantity of attention we get that is for no other reason than to just get laid... using whatever lie or tactic necessary. And what may have started out with a decent guy, as a way to get his dating skills back up to speed.... ends up becoming a lifestyle end in itself.
 parrothead 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 50
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 3/22/2009 12:28:26 PM
Not sure what I am replying too there Bob Do a lot of folks perceive men as players? sure. Are they really? that is open to debate. To me a player is a person who has an agenda that is open and transparent to themselves from day one. Get their kicks and whatever happens to the other person is "on them", I think most of us are in the pond at this stage of life because something with someone did not work out. We are not here because in the middle of a great relationship we decided to get up one day and say the heck with it i want to go to internet dating and give up this happy relationship. we have all had our ups and downs in love. question is really what do yo do with it? one thing that makes me late for the door is another point you brought up, blaming. i live by a pretty simple belief. every problem i ever had i was there. that means i had a hand in it somewhere. i cant fix anyone in my life past or present and i refuse to dwell on that. i can fix me and learn from what happened and not repeat my own mistakes. if more of us would just let that stuff go and live in today then finding a happy relationship with ourselves and then with someone else would sure be easier.
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