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 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 76
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
How did I miss this thread?

I don't believe in relationships. Looking for "a relationship" means you're looking for an entity that can't possibly exist in advance of its existence...so one tends to meet a person and size them up to see if they might potentially fit into the notion of what a relationship is. I think one then meets people as potentials rather than as people.

Far, far better to forget relationship and focus on relating. If you relate well, if things between you resonate and there is compatibility over a broad spectrum... you just "get" each other and naturally want to spend time together, uh, relating.

Relating is how you co-create relationship. Whether that is a friendship or love.

Back when I was dating I had on my profile, "let's meet, get to know each other and see if we develop the legs to walk into next month with." My sweetie emailed me and said, with six days left in the month I didn't expect much of a commitment.

After we met, I asked him if he could handle not being exclusive, nor making any commitments beyond "now". I explained my picker was broke and I figured (at least part of ) my problem was getting into relationships too fast and it becoming "a relationship". I wanted to take a different approach; relate with the person and let it grow on its own, or not. No labels, no promises, no intentions other than honestly being together as long as we wanted to be together. So maybe I'd break his heart, or he mine, or maybe it'd be long term, or something in between the two extremes... but I couldn't predict which, or what or where or when. The only commitment I was prepared to make was he would always know where he stood with me... I think leaving someone wondering what you're feeling about them is plain cruel. I think both should also feel free to "take the emotional temperature" of the building relationship at any time.

I still feel extraordinarily fortunate that he "got" me; that he understood I wasn't about being a player, or dating him whilst shopping for something better . It was many months after we dated, when he asked if we were exclusive... and some months after that it evolved to committed... and committed then could be described as exploring "long term legs". We live together now... and even that step was taken from the pov that if the living together didn't work for everyone involved, we'd go back to living apart and continue on together. Where we live doesn't effect how we relate... how often, certainly.

One of the things I find is... coming up on two years with him... I'm still viewing it as "now". It is still how are we relating now, what does he need now, what do I need now. String together an infinite number of nows and you get forever.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 77
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/5/2009 10:58:05 AM
^^^^ Oh, margo, there you go making sense again.

Stop it, already. The rest of us always look like a bunch of wienie-heads when you start posting....



 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 78
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/5/2009 4:46:28 PM
Yesterday I visited with a fellow who has been single a while longer than my 15 years. He is 62, highly social, and has been at practically every singles function I ever attended, and I have attended many. In other words he gets around and knows a LOT of singles. I posed the question of how many singles over 45 he has known he has seen successfully remarry. Between the two of us we could not recall more than a handful out of the thousands of singles we have met over the past 15 years. Of course I am sure some we did not know well quietly remarried and are living happily ever after but...He and I could easily recall several who have remarried and redivorced (if that is a word) at least once.

So based on what I have seen happen and not happen around me I expect to continue my tack of happily dating, engaging in more or less serial monogomy for a long, long time.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 79
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/5/2009 10:25:04 PM
I'm looking for a woman to date, have sex with and see where it goes. If those basic essentials are there, we can work on saving for the house, kids, savings, etc.

To be thinking about the grand scheme when you don't even know if you're attracted to each other is flawed thinking that will end in, best-case scenario, a breakup before pregnancy, or worst-case scenario, the OP-aforementioned married and then divorced and paying alimony and sharing custody disaster.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 80
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:23:12 AM

Most guys I think now look for a woman to date, yes, have sex with and see where it goes. If it lasts 6 months or 6 years or the rest of their life is not the goal when starting out. Happiness is the goal, and since that is the goal, not establishing a certain lifestyle, house, kids, savings, planning for the future together, since no one really knows how it will go.

Most women don't need anyone to define them. They are looking for the same things men are.....they also have had their share of past problems. And starting out they aren't always interested in a full time instant relationship. I believe that it will take a natural progression.......either it will work or not. I don't try to sway anything my way or manipulate things to work the way I want.
Both sexes have people that want instant relationships that are needy and define theirselves by being a couple or needing someone to take care of them.....both sexes also have people that don't think that way. They want the very same things...to meet someone that they can spend time with and just see where it goes. Yes everyone has baggage. Yes everyone by this age has been hurt and have losses. But handling those losses with grace. Carrying that past baggage Like a Monkey on Your Back isn't very appealing to either sex. Happiness is dealing with the past putting it in its proper place and moving on....its not about forgetting those life lessons so that it can happen over and over again.........Cheers
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 81
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:26:18 AM
What Margo said. Absolutely.
Obviously, in this particular setting(online personal ad sites) you have to put down some kind of definition for what you seek as your ideal.
But you don't MAKE these things happen...they just do. Now, if you feel that you MUST be half of a couple in order to have validity as a human being, then you get into the " I'll MAKE it work!" mindset.

Far, far better to forget relationship and focus on relating. If you relate well, if things between you resonate and there is compatibility over a broad spectrum... you just "get" each other and naturally want to spend time together, uh, relating.

Relating is how you co-create relationship. Whether that is a friendship or love.


And neither category would countenance "using" another person for mere entertainment and/or sexual gratification purposes. I do think that one has to acknowledge the very real possibility of encountering someone trading in counterfeit love or friendship to meet their purpose, but you cannot allow fear of those posers to be immobilizing.
Cindy O
 desert wildflower
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 82
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:21:19 AM
Okay, so many older men have been "whacked" financially and have had to take care of family members. If they would have been smart, (like my ex) they would have made legal provisions to totally screw their wife out of everything from the start, regardless of how much SHE also put into the marriage . I get sick and tired of men saying that they had to "give" their wife "half " of "their" stuff. I most recently heard that from a guy that made less than 100K while his wife made 400K. He complained how she got the 2 Mil house and that he had to "Give" it to her. "Give" me a break. I know this isn`t always the case, but it often is. Men tend to think that everything made by both the man and the woman is his, and when the divorce occurs , normally at the woman`s request, he has to "give" her half. Gee maybe that kind of attitude may give insight of why she wants to leave in the first place.

So now after the man has had to "give" up some of his stuff, he chooses to stay unattached, find a companion to share "his" hobbies and "his" bed. Take it a day at a time, no emotional connection, don`t take the risk of having anything taken from him again. If it doesn`t work, so what? Find a new woman to have sex with.

Well, Yes, if he is honest from the beginning and she accepts this, it really can`t be defined as a player. He is a man looking for a f*ck buddy. An d that is all he has to offer a woman. No building of a future together possible. But the problem is, that women are security and stability oriented for the most part. We do get emotionally attached to the man in our bed, normally, and do think about building a mongamous future with one man, even if we are older. Men often feel that the only reason for a LTR is for procreation, and once they have completed this, they are off the hook. We want to be in love. We want to know he will be there for us, not necessarily financially but possibly emotionally. But often that isn`t even an option. These type of men want their sweets and needs met but don`t want to fill the emotional need of the woman. So yes, I guess they are not players. I would more use the words narcissistic or extremely selfish, not necessarily with their finances, but definitely with their hearts, if they had one to begin with.

To a woman, usually sharing her heart and body is not a hard cold contractual transaction. I think many men would prefer this. Yes, he has all the right in the world to take this stance, justify it, live it. But we as women may choose to accept it or not deal with it. Don`t worry OP, there is always some woman that is willing to be a f*ck buddy, in hopes that maybe he may have a heart in there somewhere. Then when she is done, you can find another. Hey if it works for you, why fix it. Don`t have to convince me. F*ck away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 JJSTL
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 83
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/6/2009 2:30:31 PM
I am 53, but look far younger than that. Still...I seek a woman in my age group. My reason is that I have already helped raise four boys. Three belonged to my ex. My baby-making days are over. I am not a player at all, but perhaps I should be because that's what I've discovered a lot of women in my area are.. .seeing several different men every week, including more than one an evening. I would like to just get a one-on-one CHANCE with any woman (in her 40s to mid 50s) who I select.
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 84
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/6/2009 2:58:40 PM
I am at the same place you are. I have noticed that dating has changed a great deal since I was married for the second time. I doubt I will ever marry again and if I do he had better treat me with respect not cheat.
What I am finding these days are men only interested in having sex or sending them a picture of my privates so they can get off, cheap porn, huh? I have been asked if I could be a third partner with his wife and himself and have been asked by a male aquaintance if his married friend could have sex with me, I told them NO. I couldn't have sex with someone's husband, that is why I am here now, someone was having sex with my husband.
I have made a pack with myself to not lower my standards just on the whim of some man unless I really want it too. I'll wait, I hope one day the right man will come along and restore my faith in men. I know there are some decent men out there somewhere.
 bob2013
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 85
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/6/2009 6:17:42 PM
For the last group of posters, I will repeat this DOES NOT represent ALL men, just a segment of the older male population. Yes this is how they are viewing relationships, post procreation. They no longer want the house with white picket fence, nor college tuition plans, or other trappings they had in their first marriages. This represents a different phase of life for them.

Now there are still many men looking for a committed one woman, hopefully rest of their lives, relationship.

As for those contacting you for sex, one night stands, intimate pics and the rest. They do not represent the whole male population. Even you have to admit not every guy contacts you for sex. Even if that is the case, many, many women write on these forums every day, that is not their experience. Now if that is your case and EVERY man contacts you just for sex, it must be something YOU'RE puting out there that makes these guys think that about you. Think about it, Bob.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 86
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/7/2009 4:46:42 AM
I don't think any farther than can I have a good time with this person.......my picker is also broken. So now whenever I date I am in no hurry. I never preplan a future with anyone. Just dating on the internet is hard enough. I have meant men that the goal is to be married and yes women also. But my goal is to take it one day at a time no more no less. Whenever my mind gets to whirling I get into trouble with it. I try to think ahead of the situation. So for myself it is a one day at a time date. If I get to the place that we OMG have sex.....I still stay in the moment and don't believe sex is a commitment to marriage or a future together. I also don't allow anyone to use me for it since I feel that I am totally involved and I can say yes or no. It takes a lot to love and to put your heart out on the line. It should be natural not forced so why would I force anyone into caring for me? There is a lot of different things that go into relationships. Today I don't think Men and Women are any different from each other. I think anyone that has come out of a long term realtionship needs time to heal before they move on and that includes trying different things. That includes going through different stages....saddness, bitterness, acceptance.....sadly some will stay in these stages and build a hard shell around them.....others that are lucky can move past them. But I think staying in the moment is key for myself. Not preplanning or malnipulating another person to get what I want....it always turns out badly for myself. I don't use my womanly tricks on anyone.....either they like me or they don't and I don't have the energy to play games with another person. I don't think men and women are so different at this age. Most of us have built homes, raised children and enjoy our freedom. But saying that.....Love is a Blessing....whether it is for a minute a second a life time. It isn't preplanned or nor is there a life time plan. But staying the moment is a really good way to look at a relationship.....not thinking for the other person and only being responible for myself is the key for me. Someone mentioned fear.....fear is stage and only a stage but it cripples some for a life time. It is covered with anger and bitterness that people proudly carry around as a shield. You can see it and smell it.......and I won't spend my time trying to get around it. I stay in the moment and live for myself. If and when I find someone to share it with I will if not I am already happy and whole I don't need another human being to fill that spot for me.
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 87
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/7/2009 8:39:55 AM

Most guys I think now look for a woman to date, yes, have sex with and see where it goes. If it lasts 6 months or 6 years or the rest of their life is not the goal when starting out. Happiness is the goal, and since that is the goal, not establishing a certain lifestyle, house, kids, savings, planning for the future together, since no one really knows how it will go.
If you don’t picture your future (maybe w/o specifying the partner) you won’t get anywhere. You will spend a lot of time with different women and every time you’ll think that the right woman has to be met yet. So, it’s important to know the definition of “happiness” for yourself…just to spare some time when looking for the happiness. Maybe if you answer yourself this question, you will be happy w/o any dating site.

But my goal is to take it one day at a time no more no less.

To take something somewhere you have to know what is that you want and where are you going. Sounds good as it’s written but think about it.
Let’s say one man wants to date happily ever for weekends, you both have your places to live and have no desire to wake up in the same bed every morning. Good for you both.
Another man wants almost the same: happily ever after, but spend with you every possible time, fall asleep and wake up next to you, hold you in his arms and don’t understand a thrill of seeing you once a week.
You can go one day at a time but in these two cases you will be in totally different places after a while and it would help to know from start what do you want life wise and who do you prefer as a partner in your journey.

Not preplanning or malnipulating another person to get what I want

It’s why it is so important to find the right person who wants exactly the same. Then you don’t have to bother to manipulate him/her into anything, they will want it voluntarily.
 shipoker58
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 88
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/7/2009 8:52:58 AM
I think it comes down to defining what a successful relationship is. I feel a successful relationship is based upon mutual happiness, whether it lasts a weekend or a life time. If we both leave a relationship as happy or happier than when we entered the relationship, then it was successful. I know couples that have stayed together although they were miserable...not not a successful relationship. I also know people who were together for na short time and parted and are great friends,,,that is success, in my book.

My last wife and I are still friends. I even helped her get her "lover" into this country, and I performed the wedding ceremony. We didn't have a successful marriage, but we did and still do have a successful relationship. Our marriage only lasted 5 years...bur our relationship is eternal!


....JMO
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 89
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:13:34 AM

If you don’t picture your future (maybe w/o specifying the partner) you won’t get anywhere. You will spend a lot of time with different women and every time you’ll think that the right woman has to be met yet. So, it’s important to know the definition of “happiness” for yourself…just to spare some time when looking for the happiness. Maybe if you answer yourself this question, you will be happy w/o any dating site.


No where did anyone say that I didn't want to meet someone special. And no where did I say that I didn't know what I wanted. But as far as setting a goal to meet someone special I haven't. My picker is broken.......period. I have changed my lifes style and put the focus back on myself instead of someone else. I have looked at my behaviors and attitudes.....Insanity is doing the samethings over and over getting the same results. I am living a new way. I have a healthy attitude. I have a healthy life. I am not bitter nor do I blame others for my past and my future I don't plan that far I stay in the moment. And for the I am not a guy but a woman. Yes I do understand why men don't jump into a relationship and take their time...for the most part it is very healthy. For me it is One Day at a Time. And yes I can list what I want....but it hasn't worked so far so I quit doing it....because lists change. I realize that not everyone is going to meet my standards...heck no one has.....lol So back to the basic's.....Are they a man? Are they nice? That is as far as I think. I am in no hurry. I find out about them along the way it doesn't need any help from me.............Cheers.........
 nah112
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 90
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/7/2009 9:12:53 PM
I’ve been divorced 29 yrs. At first I was too hurt and untrusting, then I came to a place that I dealt with my anger and pain and moved on. I lived my life day by day not looking for a fix most days. But occasionally I did look for someone to hold and feel close too but I easily walked away most of the time because I knew that was all it was because I truly never invested anything but my time and it didn’t last long because of my own actions. Just as there were times I would have like to have had more time to see if there could have been more but the other person was only doing what I had done before, passing time with there own immediate needs.

I have said for many years likes, wants and needs are 3 different things and that most never learn the difference in the 3 for more reasons than one, but usually the reasons are nothing but excuses when all is said and done. We as individuals all live in our own individual world until we come to a point in our life that we declare to ourselves being an individual alone is not enough whether it’s for the right reason or not. Or whether we pick the right person to come along on our adventure of so called road to happiness of the moment whether we see it long term or not.

For my own self I’ve always felt and said “If you are around because I need you, you are being used and I don’t know about others but I hate like h*ll being used. Therefore, if you are around because I want you, then your friendship and you are important enough and valued more that what you own, have or don’t have and those are of no importance to me or our relationship or a reason to want or not want to grow old with you.

Even with all the above said, in my life I’ve looked for mutual truth, honesty, respect and honor on the same level I gave and even with meeting some wonderful men over the years it’s still eluded me for us both to have been on the same plateau at the same point in time when we met for it to have happen. Hence, I still seek and can only hope I live long enough to feel the joy of being loved, honored and respected in the same level that I would give in return.

In my world life and relationships are about taking responsibility not handing out blame to others because of my own short comings and that is a two way street for anyone involved in my world …. Guess that’s why I’ve been single so long huh …….

But i must say this thread was an interesting read... thanks all
 OpenBSD
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 91
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 4:13:36 AM
Great post margo ever think about writing a book?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 92
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 6:05:54 AM

But you don't MAKE these things happen...they just do.


Here I think is a fundamental problem in the thinking about relationships. The basic truth is that both partners in a relationship are active partners, and they create the relationship in all its aspects. It is true that one may filter out possibilities based on all kinds of preferences, but the lasting relationships don't "just happen". Each partner is motivated to cement the relationship and reacts in a goal directed manner to achieve that goal. If either of them stops doing that, the relationship deteriorates and ends.

Its a question of accepting responsibility for outcomes that is important to the success of any relationship. People really don''t want to accept that they are the ones that create their own future, but when your really think about it, any other approach to the issue has no reasonable basis. If things "just happen" without your own personal contribution being important, then you are caught in the random flow of events over which you have not control. Not only is this just not true, its a completely depressing outlook on life which offers no hope.

You do choose, you do modify your own behaviour to succeed, and so does the other person. The relationship prospers when both people act to make it happen, and the reactions of each reflect the actions of the other. Like it or not, most people are exactly where they want to be in life, whether they choose to admit it or not.
 BOT TAK
Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 93
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 10:53:43 AM

but the lasting relationships don't "just happen".


It always puzzle me when people think that something great "just happen". Nobody thinks that a career "just happen"; you have to get education, experience, work hard sometimes w/o too many time off...and then it happens.
Life style doesn't happen - people work hard to get some things in life OR they choose not to and enjoy the life how it is...but it's their choice as well.

When it comes to relationship, everyone hopes it will just happen...good luck with that
 OpenBSD
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 94
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 6:35:07 PM

I tell ya...... what I see here, way too much..... allmost predominantly, is this very unfortunate "War" going on between Men and Women. Its going on outside the forums too, of course, its just that a venue like the forums allows us to see it rather graphically. Like most wars, we can choose to build ever bigger and more destructive weapons and keep up the fight.... or, perhaps we could consider throwing down our weapons and take some time to see if we are really fighting about anything worthwhile>????


LOL I hope you're joking I don't see any "war".

It always puzzle me when people think that something great "just happen". Nobody thinks that a career "just happen"; you have to get education, experience, work hard sometimes w/o too many time off...and then it happens.
Life style doesn't happen - people work hard to get some things in life OR they choose not to and enjoy the life how it is...but it's their choice as well.

When it comes to relationship, everyone hopes it will just happen...good luck with that


Actually there's some truth to it. Many people find the love of their life when they aren't looking. A job and relationship is different. With realationship you're looking for compatability whereas a job you need the requirements.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 95
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:52:24 PM

Many people find the love of their life when they aren't looking.


that's completely different from when you're IN a relationship. for a relationship to work, both partners have to be committed to working AT it.

and the best ones look like no work at all!

 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 96
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:35:01 PM
I know that you asked the guys...but being a woman I feel entitled to put my two cents worth in. Go figure.
Life isn't what anyone ever expects it to be. We have experienced pure unconditonal love, children, heart breaks, disappointments, health issues, betrayals, divorces and death by the time you reach this age. We have taken the hand that life has dealt us and either have become bitter by life's constant disappointments or took life by its tail and dealt with it and moved past the disappointments and learned from them. If you only see life at its worse that is all your ever going to see. But if you look for the good life seems a blessing. Each of us have to find our own way. Sometimes our ego's get in the way and stop us from truly experiencing the essense of life. I have been told do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I would prefer to be happy. Which means that now I look at my disappointment. I look at my part in the problem. My attitude my behaviors.......I try not to let my ego get into the way. I don't assume someone of the opposite sex is out to get me or only wants one thing. I take each person on their merit and find what is now valuable to me that I see in each person. I no longer look for the ONE. But figure if its going to happen it will without my help. I no longer let my past dictate my future.....
Yes you can see some that let the past damage their futures some are called players because they don't seem to fit us and we have to call someone a name if we don't understand them. But each of us are trying to find our own way. My 70 something year old Father is dating.......he told me women are players. That tickled me. My Daughter whenever she was 18 yrs old told me all boys her age were players. Guess their is no age barrier in this. But we only label people whenever we don't understand them and labels are a very hurtful thing. I no longer label someone that doesn't fit me. I am not going to waste their time or mine. I move on. But this is dating. Doesn't seem to really matter what the age is we still seem to be encountering the same problems. Just some tend to run deeper the older we get. Race, age, sex its all the same its easier to point fingers at the different sex and blame them. But to learn to enjoy those that you spend time with whether its a hour or a year or a life time is amazing. It opens you up to our differences teaches you respect. Makes you more open and willing to understanding that we are all human with wants and needs. Yes hopefully for all of us we will again experience that pure human feeling of love. And I wish each of you the best.
 syphoned
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 97
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:59:05 PM
I climb mountains just for the view. It's interesting to see all the "views" posted in this thread. It gives you insight on what mountain they're standing on. My divorce will be finalized in 2 weeks, but I have been separated for 2 years, so I don't think the hill I'm standing on would be very useful. But it's all a matter of perspective. Thanks for a great thread.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 98
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Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/15/2009 4:27:32 PM

Each partner is motivated to cement the relationship and reacts in a goal directed manner to achieve that goal. If either of them stops doing that, the relationship deteriorates and ends.

But there has to be that spark that motivates BOTH prospective partners. That's what I mean by you can't MAKE it happen.
Of course if your priority is "get into a relationship" then I suppose some could cement a relationship with someone who is attracted to YOU,even if you don't feel much for them, your premise could be valid. You might even be able to keep that onesided relationship going a long time.
Hell, I could have made all sorts of relationships happen if I just wanted to have a male partner at my side. In fact I could have had relationships where I clearly had the upper hand. But to do such a thing feels WRONG to me.


Its a question of accepting responsibility for outcomes that is important to the success of any relationship. People really don''t want to accept that they are the ones that create their own future, but when your really think about it, any other approach to the issue has no reasonable basis.

I have chosen to create my own future with the idea that finding someone with whom I shared chemistry (which is about WAY more than sexual attraction!) and compatibility would be delightful and I will try to not create barriers to that possibility. But I've also decided that I do not need a "relationship" so badly that I will become involved with a man that I don't feel that connection with, just because he's attracted to me. And if that means I remain by myself, I'm OK with that.
I certainly hope that there's someone out there with whom I can share a mutual interest in "act(ing) to make it happen", but to modify my behavior to create an involvement with someone just because he's interested in me, is not what I'd choose to call "success".
And yes, at the moment where I am in life is fine. I'm willing to make a reasonable effort to be where I can encounter prospective relationship partners and I consider that effort to be fun and positive. But I'm also so confident of my personal validity as a human being WITHOUT a partner, that I will not "modify" my behavior to include dating men I feel no chemistry with,and call such a onesided arrangement a "success".
Cindy O
 amethyst10616
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 99
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 4/15/2009 4:41:13 PM
"And yes, at the moment where I am in life is fine. I'm willing to make a reasonable effort to be where I can encounter prospective relationship partners and I consider that effort to be fun and positive. But I'm also so confident of my personal validity as a human being WITHOUT a partner, that I will not "modify" my behavior to include dating men I feel no chemistry with,and call such a onesided arrangement a "success".
Cindy O "

Amen to that!
 danceslaughing
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 100
Relationships and Women, hey guys what do you think?
Posted: 6/24/2009 9:09:19 PM
Hey JJSTL, I think I hear what you're saying...but, isn't any "date" a one-on-one chance? Earlier in this chain, a participant discussed the merits of taking a new "date" one day at a time and focusing on relating v the "relationship" because a relationship takes time to develop. I like the way she sketched that image. Let me explain:

I'm 47, but (according to my friends) look younger. I have NO IDEA what ANY age should look or feel like, so I feel alive every day; I'm guessing that must be my definition of feeling young. To me, you are either in the process of living (and growing physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually), or you are dying-the young are choosing to live, the old are dying.

That said, I'm past the age when I would want to start a family, and although I always wanted children, my ex did not, so I'm a middle aged woman, without children, who is now happily on my own with no responsibilities for anyone but myself and my dog! At this point in my life, my choices of which men to spend social time with can be based SOLELY on how any particular gentleman makes me feel in his presence, how we interact, and how we treat one another.

Soooo, as I gently take any relationship one day at a time, I am free to NOT SETTLE for almost.......I can "shop" "comparison shop", whatever makes me interested and happy!!!!!javascript:smilie('')
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