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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/22/2009 5:52:05 PM | Alpha Male here...
There are plenty of women who like strong men. Ironically, many of them are submissives/etc. playing in the fetish world.
Unfortunately, what a young man learns is that the more he mistreats women, the more women, and the more beautiful women he will have. Unfortunately, there are many women who do not understand or appreciate how to be well treated.
I think we have serious misconceptions about what strength is in our culture. for instance, courtesy and politeness is a sign of strength. I still enjoy being a gentleman.
My strength derives not just from character, integrity, or strength of spirit or mind, but because of the hardships I have endured and overcome. I have been tested and know myself.
Of course, there's the fact that I can hold women down with one hand, while taking my pleasure with the other. :) Oh, and the fact that I can beat up your boyfriend.
Yeah, that kind of power doesn't hurt.
Funny thing is, as a big guy, with really big energy, I have to tone it down all the time, or I scare people.
The worst part of being an alpha, is that those with control issues will see an alpha as a bull sees a red-flag. You can be completely peaceable, but they will go to war with you. And there is always some idiot volunteering for that position.
I think discourtesy, bluster, disrespect, and lack of empathy are not signs of an alpha, or a strong man. An alpha can be a deeply empathetic and emotive human being, yet still be able and ready to lead.
The very word husband comes from farmer - as one who cares for his plant with tender care, to maximize her beauty and potential. And that's not SNAG, that's profoundly masculine, and goes to the heart of the male desire and potential for love. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independent, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:01:58 PM | Hi wild heart,
Thanks! A nice comment to brighten up a day that was otherwise.....
Yes he can. If a woman thinks he can't, then she's been living under a rock. Most men "hide" their compassionate softer side, but watch a man at play with his children or the way he touches his wife's cheek. I've seen the men in my life in these roles
Irish | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:12:45 PM | My sincere apologies to Kirsten7 and Frau
After reading and analyzing my earlier post (msg #61), I can see how some parts of it came across as INSULT(S). I am sorry I didn't put it in the right context . It was never my intention to insult anyone. So again, my sincere apologies.
Thanks Flittery (msg#74)
Amen, sister. I believe I know what you're meaning. Alpha male is a dirty word these days, it seems.
It certainly feels that way. We men these days have to thread an extra-fine line between been seen as a "wussy" or "an over-bearing", egotistical pr*ick"etc etc. Its not a position anyone wants to be in. I remember vividly being told "I would rather you do most of the cooking than opening (car) doors and pulling out chairs for me"! Needless to say, I was baffled as to how to behave from then on.
From the responses to this topic, I have so far learnt a lot of new words (albeit derogatory) for men. I didn't know we are considered so lowly by some women. Even to the point where someone just said "I just wish they would shut the feck up. Most of them dont make any dang sense anyway."
This is quite an interesting post. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:20:03 PM | It's not gender specific. Strong, independent, outspoken wo(men) scare the hell out of EVERYBODY.
Very true.
The worst part of being an alpha, is that those with control issues will see an alpha as a bull sees a red-flag. You can be completely peaceable, but they will go to war with you.
When two people are not at a peer level in a relationship, a power struggle will inevitably occur at some point. And there is no winner in any power struggle. Both lose.
I've seen where someone might be drawn to a dominant type, but harbor an undercurrent of resentment of the dominant that causes problems from time to time in a relationship. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/22/2009 6:36:43 PM |
We're not letting men be men??? Oh no... Who says we have any influence at all never mind "letting" them be whoever they wanna be...
The only thing I could think when I read this thread is that some should really put their Saturday night booze down and back slowly away from their puters!
I agree with the OP...at least that sometimes people get flamed for being outspoken and stating their opinion. I'm just not convinced that it is only the women flaming only men.
And, Silken...not pointing fingers at you...so, don't bother looking into my history...I freely admit that I have been the "Flamor" and the "Flamee". | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 5:30:38 AM | Very interesting responses so far.
I understand how some of you feel about the issue. However, this is a personal observation and hence I do not have "numbers & stats" to quote here.
I have chosen not to respond to certain comments directed to me personally by a few of the posters here. So far there has been more intelligent responses than insults.
Lets keep it at that. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 7:49:46 AM | When I first read the subject line I thought it an interesting twist as its usually threads like this are stated the other way around. But I'm afraid a lot of it I don't agree with.
I am outspoken when I have to be, because there are some things I will not tolerate. But yet, I don't feel the constant need to show my manhood just to boost my ego.
I don't feel the need to "act" like a man because I'm already born one. I learned early on to "be myself" not on a version everyone may expect me to be. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:05:45 AM |
When I first read the subject line I thought it an interesting twist as its usually threads like this are stated the other way around.
That was along the lines of what I immediately thought... not exactly a "twist" so much as a simple gender reversal of the oft heard (from women) supposed reason why they can't get a date, which is of course wrong because it's a projection from them onto men they don't even know; it's the only way they're capable of understanding what's going on - or not going on, if you will.
So, in that case, if you change the subject line from a question to a statement I basically agree with it. All these alleged smart, strong, independent, successful, yada, yada, yada women just aren't approaching and pursuing men. Why? Because they're chicken. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:22:35 AM | I don't always associate strong and independent with ---> outspoken.
Let's remove gender here also, because I've found this to be true regardless of whether you're male or female.
I actually feel "outspoken" is more a sign of a control freak or a very needy person. I've found more strength and independence in quiet people in general. They tend to be more confident and not in need of hearing themselves speak constantly. I tend to be far more reserved and quiet myself, however, I am far from weak or needy. I consider myself fairly strong and independent because I'm not barking out orders to others all day long to get them to do for me that which I should and am quite capable of doing for myself. I do not need to be the center of everyone's attention either.
I tend to feel that people that are quiet and more reserved are far more confident in themselves (whether it be male or female) they tend to be far more content by themselves, with one other person or in smaller groups. This is not to be confused with being *shy* or *timid*. The confident type also knows *when* to open his / her mouth. They don't beat around the bush or speak in riddles and innuendo's. They are honest, direct and to the point, which isn't really the same as what I interpret as "outspoken".
Outspoken implies a far greater desire for social consciousness and awareness that the confident ones do not require. Outspoken tends to be far more gregarious and extroverted. Outspoken needs to be heard and seen. Outspoken needs to be "the life of the party" -or- "the one in charge of the party". The less spoken and far more confident types simply do not need to hear themselves talk all the time or feel any great need for vast social validation.
Mike | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 8:36:10 AM | I am going to place myself in the catagory of being outspoken. Sometimes a lot of people on here don't like that. Tough. I live in the real world, not some "politically correct" police state. Don't like it? Then grow up and realize that people are people. They make mistakes, have their own opinions and are a product of their genetic makeup and their socio-economic lifestyle.
It doesn't matter how hard you try...you can't live a lie.
If it scares some woen, then, perhaps, they are not ready to take on an adult relationship with someone. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 9:08:39 AM | OP, I think you’ve noticed something a lot of men have noticed for themselves the last few years.
Now I don’t think it is all or even most women that feel/think this way but there are certainly quite a few that have a “jar” that they expect any man they date/marry to willingly place his balls into and then say goodbye to them as said “jar” is then placed someplace he will never see again. (metaphorically speaking that is)
Now the question may simply be why are there women out there that seem to expect this,
is it …Feminism ? ,
is it … Societies idea of what the Modern Independent woman is supposed to do ?
is it …The rise of female dominance after thousands of years of male dominance ?
is it …Spoiled rotten little girls who got everything they wanted from their daddies ?
is it …Because metro-sexuals don’t need their balls as they don’t use them anyway ?
Pick one pick them all, as I’m sure there are women that fit each one, but I have no doubt they are out there, each and everyone of them.
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:35:52 PM | The dirty little secret is that women want both ... a strong, opinionated man who is independent (as often women say they want in their profiles and especially forum comments) and men who they like to mold (reality).
The same dichotomy -- i.e. contradiction -- exists in women's minds about "nice guys." They say they want nice guys but end up looking for badder boys to be their boyfriends and husbands.
Honesty is a hard thing for some women to grasp. They should start with being honest with themselves and honest in their profiles. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 12:42:11 PM | I have found people; men and women who pride themselves on being outspoken, blunt, brutallly honest, or whatever word you call it; are really just insecure rude people covering it up with those terms.
It also means that it is perfectly their right to be blunt, but not for others to be. These people can dish it out but crumple when someone is "honest" to them.
Seen it happen time and time again.
Strong independent men certainly don't scare the heck out of me. Just the insecure, loud, controlling ones. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 1:09:36 PM | A lot of women seem to ask for a man who is a "bad boy"on the outside, and a "nice guy" on the inside.
A guy who is independent, doesn't need a woman.
A guy who is outspoken, doesn't need to agree with anyone, including his woman.
That, is a guy who has guts on the inside.
He's not a "nice guy", a wimp, on the inside.
Maybe women just want someone who looks like a criminal, but is really a complete wimp? | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 1:38:12 PM | Being independent means not needing a man or woman in your life Scorpio, but a person that is dependent isn't much of a lover or partner at all in any relationship. There has to be balance between two people, and enough strength so each person has bearing on the relationship. If one person is always conceding, they're losing sight of who they were to begin with, and being 'molded' into whomever the opposing partner wishes to be with.
OT: Some of my favourite male posters would be considered outspoken, and never cave just to appease people that seem sensitive. I wish I could meet more men like them in the area that I live in. Being outspoken, strong and independent doesn't have to mean being boorish, abusive or rude. There are a lot of times I don't even agree with what they're saying, but I love that they believe it and aren't afraid to share their thoughts on the matters at hand no matter the repercussions. | |
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| Why do Strong, Independant, and Outspoken MEN scare the hell out of the modern-day woman?
Posted: 3/23/2009 3:50:06 PM | Wow! Star, you do seem to be caught up in some generalization here.
Most women do not want to 'mold ' men to her own whims.
Are you confusing the people who have unresolved issues and show up in the forums to
vent their venom as if in therapy?
Don't credit then for being mainstream, for it would be unfair to do so.
Although , this site does seem to invite them, a price because this site is wide open
to anyone, which does make it's good purpose somewhat murky to navigate. | |
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