| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/26/2009 1:59:24 PM | sounds like similar problem , ive been fighting a 3 year legal battle just to speak with my children . and to date only had deformation of my name caracture and also includes a criminal record as a result . does make me a bad parent ex or person ?
let me tell you something , doesnt matter whats happens in family breakdown . youl do absolutely anything to see your children .
ps "dont hate your ex anymore than you love your children"
www.fathersforjustice.org.uk | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/26/2009 3:34:41 PM | | You have to prove her an unfit mother. If you can get witnesses to come to court and testify would be really helpful. My brother got custody of his kids, but he was able to prove her unfit. If she got full custody the first time because you were messed up, I think you will have to find a way to prove to the court that you have straightened up and are not longer living a life that would be harmful to the children. Once again bringing in witnesses to testify and maybe documentation from doctors and the like. You need documentation on the things that she has done. Dates, people she was with, witnesses who saw her or the children in any compromising positon. Its almost like being a detective. But if she is an unfit mother, than its what you have to do. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/26/2009 6:45:35 PM | Hi km
Separate your feelings of wanting to have your children with you from the question of whether the authorities would believe that the children's grandmother is able to look after them for this short period of time.
If you have any concerns from past behaviour of the grandmother,then voice them to the social services agency;else you will waste your time.
Again focus long term on the approach you are going to take;there will have to be
major structural and lifestyle changes to your life if you are genuinely concerned
about the future welfare of the children and resist trying to 'point score' or gain
short term responses to the problem.
As a man you would have to make huge sacrifices in the future;concentrate on them
and leave the social welfare agencies well alone unless something significantly
effects the welfare of the children that they are unaware of;hard to leave alone for you
but you need to do so. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/26/2009 7:06:28 PM | | Hi I live Connecticut which is a stong womans state. I have custody of my two children. If there is drugs or large amounts of alchol involved its a lock. Stability is also huge in a childs life. To many people in and out is also a stong case. Don't think you can't win. Times are changing. Get a good lawyer go get it done. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:17:07 AM | | I would think you would be able to go back to the courts and ask for temperary custody while she is in basic training ... By rights you are the natural father | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/27/2009 1:16:18 AM | | Ask for a CFI and make sure you have proof and documentation of the accusations you are making as to why the kids should be in your custody. It's not true that women always win and you of course should have an equal chance. I can't give legal advise so I can't say any more than this but it also depends on what state you are in, Colorado does not go "custody" they do allocation of parental rights which is what most states are turning to as the law believes co parenting is ALWAYS better for the kids and all decision in regards to kids are made in the Best Interest of the Child | |
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k m
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Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/30/2009 2:56:06 AM | | Thanks guys i feel really posative about this now and just cant wait to hold my girls in my arms and love them and take care of them every day of their lives. I just sit and wonder what kind of person is willing to give up her kids for 8 months at a time to go and put her life at risk. Thats why i know i am much better for the girls | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/30/2009 3:38:36 AM | | i sympathise totally it took me 5 years and 10 000 pound in legal costs to get my little girl back from her "unfit" mother not that im suggesting the mother is unfit by any lenth hang in there and be brutally honest with both social services and ur solicitor hang in there m8 and dont give in if you want it enough u will get there i thought id never get alisha back but i did and its the best thing ive ever done s dont give up | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:38:43 AM | | Please seek advice FNF who i used hav whats called a MCKENZIE friend system to help you in court with reprensentation for a minimal fee(expenses petrol etc). If there is no compromise from your ex partner then proffesional help is what is required. What has been your contact with your children so far | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/30/2009 3:58:48 PM | [hi well to cut to the chase really. i split over a year ago and was to messed up to do anything about it at the time but as i got myself back on my feet i realised my ex was getting worse her actions were getting out of control sleeping around drinking lots and introducing the girls to diffrent guys even spending weekends at a time in hotels with the girls and guys. i applied for full custody and have a hearing on the 20th july after the social servises report has been completed. she has also joined the army and will need to go away for periods at a time from 4 weeks to 8 months. i however have a great job earn a fair bit and can offer stability but i just feel women always win and all i want is to be there and look after my babies the best way i can any guys out there got advice or women that could help ????? thanks ]
Hello. First off, this is my first post on this site. How old are your babies? I would be very well known in the social services department by knowing the right people to call at any given time. You say, "sleeping around drinking lots and introducing the girls to diffrent guys even spending weekends at a time in hotels with the girls and guys", catch her in the act and report her to social services. I am not saying to "stalk" her as to say i am looking out for the well being of my children. Getting a good "tip" from a former friend of your ex would be a good start! Keep a log of every incident, dates and times even from before the divorce was finalized. In my opinion, depending on how old your kids are would determine if counciling should begin and occur. Start indoor and outdoor activities. Keep the kids limited to 1 hour of TV, PS3, Nintendo and XBOX 360! Remember, what you put into your kids is what you will get out of them! Follow them closely and they will grow with you! Feel free to PM me anytime. Good luck and have a great day. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/30/2009 11:56:04 PM | | Wait, dude, you say what person is willing to give up her kids for 8 months to go and put her life at risk... didn't you say you were in Iraq? Last I checked, we're not drafting people. Way to be a hypocrite. | |
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k m
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Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 37 | |
| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:52:37 AM | | Bing147: very simple my dear friend i went there when i was married and the ex wife was with the girls i asked to go out and do that knowing my girls had at least one parent to look after them. My point is if she has custody and goes which 90% sure she has to it will take two months training and six months out there who has my girls then a childminder her mother a baby sitter no none of the above thats aswell as all the other training camps for up to six weeks at a time she has to attend aswell as her over night duty and as a private she has no option thats why the girls should be with me i dont do any of the above thanks | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:55:28 AM | | Make sure you have your attorney move for at MINIMUM joint custody, and for the child to remain within the city limits, with your ex going to the military, the judge wiull have to award residential custody to you. I got joint custody but the mother has residential custody so long as my daughter isn't taken out of erie county. Basically if she takes my kid away she'd get arrested and I'd get custody by default. The court ALWAYS moves for the best for the child, not the parents. Also your child(ren) will have his/her/their own court appointed attorney to represent their needs/best interests. Yoo bad you're not in Buffalo NY or I could help you out. Let me know if you need any advice, I spent months working on my case and got the most I could. Even with your ex acting irresponsibly, you need proof. I won because my arms were bruised after my ex beat the shit out of me, and ripped up my clothes I was wearing right outside of my workplace because I wouldn't give her my car for her to take my daughter and leave. I'm sorry you have to go through some sh!t storm. It's not fun, and is stressful. Just keep your head as clear as possible, and sleep when you can. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 3/31/2009 11:45:04 AM | | Well ya, while she's gone you should have the kids unless there's some sort of reason you wouldn't. But you went after the very fact that she's doing it period. | |
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k m
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Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:31:16 AM | | i have just found out that my ex wife is giving up the girls on the 4th of may for 11 weeks to complete her inital training in the british army i am going to court to get full custody as she intends to leave them between a mix of friends and grandparents for the duration if i get temp custody and rehome them re school them and prove she will have to go away again for even longer what are my chances of getting full custody permenant of them | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:24:23 AM | [hi well to cut to the chase really. i split over a year ago and was to messed up to do anything about it at the time but as i got myself back on my feet i realised my ex was getting worse her actions were getting out of control sleeping around drinking lots and introducing the girls to diffrent guys even spending weekends at a time in hotels with the girls and guys. i applied for full custody and have a hearing on the 20th july after the social servises report has been completed. she has also joined the army and will need to go away for periods at a time from 4 weeks to 8 months. i however have a great job earn a fair bit and can offer stability but i just feel women always win and all i want is to be there and look after my babies the best way i can any guys out there got advice or women that could help ????? thanks ]
k m, has she said why she would not want you to look after your kids when she is away? It would seem like the obvious choice, I'm just wondering why she doesn't want them to stay with you?
When you said you were messed up initially. How long did that last, and how often did you see your kids?
Are you no longer in the army yourself?
you said she was sleeping around. That can be quite subjective. How many guys are we talking, although to be fair the court would not really be interested in her sex life providing it didn't interfere with the children's lives.
Drinking lots? Every night or every weekend? 2 glasses of wine or 2 bottles? Sorry, but it's still subjective unless you can give the courts a straight number.
And spending weekends at a hotel with the guys and your girls? I went out with a guy for 3 months and went away for the weekend. Me and my girl in one room, him and his girl down the corridor in another. My ex husband called me a feckin whore for that. So, again, where is the context so we can see the whole picture.
I also apologise if this doesn't sound supportive, but I've heard similar where things are taken out of context. Just checkin'  | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 4/21/2009 11:12:52 AM | Oh, and another wee one. How often do you see your kids now?
The courts would take this into consideration in deciding if they should stay with you, unless there were unusual circumstances. | |
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k m
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Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 43 | |
| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 7:34:26 AM | | god this is giving me a sore head now lol. we had a meeting with the cafcas officer 5 weeks ago and we all decided the girls would come to live with me mon to fri and she would have them every other weekend. things went really well and all the court cases and hearings were replaced with a directions hearing where the district judge was stamp the custody order we had agreed bearing in mind the girls had been living with me for 4 weeks at this point . when we went to court her lawyer said she had changed her mind and that is was a stupid mistake to give the girls to me and she would like them returned to her mother untill we could have a final hearing on 20th july. because it was only meant to be a directions hearing the judge couldnt hear any evidence and i have had to give the girls back to her mother who had the originall cort order saying that untill a desishion had been made the girls were to stay with her . i am totally devastated and feel like giving up but for the sake of the girls i just cant it is costing me every penny i have to do this and she just doesnt seem to care atall she has hit the drink in a big way and updates on her face book like(god i am shitfaced again lol) tell me this. i know she doesnt really want the girls but doesnt want to look bad in front of her mother or the eyes of the army. i hope i will be given custody of the girls in july because if i dont she is moving them 4 hours away to nottingham and putting them in a boarding school and i really just want to live a normal life with my girls and be there for them everyday. any advice would be more than welcome folks | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 9:46:59 AM | I don't know the English system well...but the same undercurrents likely apply there as they do here in Canada. A man has to work twice as hard for half the recognition. Mothers in these situations tend to fall into a natural "mothers rage" that blinds them to logic and reason. They sound the "alarm"...all in the name of "the poor children" and often win just by default. I truely believe that this is a symptom of our current evolutionary place...and not something most women choose with a sound and clear mind.
Fight brother. Aint nothing badder than a protective Silverback Gorilla. Be that Gorilla because it aint a level playing field and you need that kind of equalizer. Trust me. Go get your girls. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 10:38:07 AM | KM
"she has also joined the army and will need to go away for periods at a time from 4 weeks to 8 months." If she is going active duty she will need what is called a Family Care plan. The Army requries this because of TDY, and Deployments. That is the US Army. So, the back door to custody is having her being the Gaurdian in her family care plan. She will need someone to watch the kids for 9 weeks for BCT. Then again for her A school, however long that will be. It depends on the job.
Also talk to her, and ask her about joint shared custody as well. Tell her, that you wish to be the parent with primary custody. This would, also allow you to work out visitation that would work for her new life. It depends, on where she going to be stationed on how you work the details out. If she stays close you might be able to work something out where she can see the kids several times a week.
I might have other suggestions, but I would need the whole story. Good luck. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:24:58 AM | Edit: You should ask her to be the Gaurdian indicated in the Family Care plan.
Also like others have said, don't look at it as a all or nothing situation. She is their mother, and has a right to the childern as you do. My best advice is to sit down with a negiotiator, and work out an arrangement that works for you both. I would recomend this line in this too: " And whenever, both parents can agree" That allows flexiablity should life circmstances change. It took me 2 solid years to get my son, I got the best result when I got the lawyer out of the mix, and talked to her face to face. Things have only been getting better ever since. | |
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k m
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Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 47 | |
| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:30:53 AM | | we did the face to face thing and thats when it was agreeded i would have the girls mon to friday and when we went to court she had changed her mind again | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 11:53:26 AM | | Ah, when we came to agreement we got her lawyer to draw up the papers and bingo, signed by a judge and we were done. I guess you have to assure her that you're not going to keep her out of the girls life. And never, and I mean never, bad mouth her. Did you discuss the Family Care Plan with her? Will she be stationed close enough that she can see the childern often? My ex and I both see our son everyday. I have primary care and I keep him over the entire weekend. Should she want to do something like go on a trip, we talk about it and I relinquish, my normal custody for that period so they can have a good time.I think you mistake was getting CPS involved, unless the childern are being significantly harmed, it makes you look petty. I would call your lawyer, and see if all four of you can have a sit down and come to a conclusion before everyones dirty lein is aired in public. Family courts are often packed and prefer not having to go to trial. Once, the both of you have an agreement have the lawyers draw up the papers. I would include a period certian for review...say 5 years, if not already stated in law. Also have that "And whenever, both parents can agree." That will give both of you a warm and fuzzy about it. | |
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k m
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Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:02:20 PM | | god i wish i could i asked her lets just stop all the court stuff as she had already agreed to me having the girls. but like i said now she has changed her mind and we dont have any contact atall now with each other there is some other stuff been said and done but dont really want to mention it in here as it is pretty full on as it involved her 7 guys and a camera just after xmas when she was meant to be looking after the girls. i really dont want to do this in court but she is so messed up and doesnt seem to care as long as her mother thinks she is fighting for the girls. i have handed the pics and video to the lawyer and it will be shown on the 20th i have tried to avoid this but she is being so mean and nasty with me these days she really is leaving me no choice atall i dont want any of this i just want my girls and would never stop them having mum in their lifes as long as she doesnt start doing the same as she done up untill she joined the army. | |
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| can i win custody of my wee girls as a dad
Posted: 6/27/2009 1:18:50 PM | | Then call your lawyer, have him contact her lawyer, and you all sit down to a nice lunch and hash things out if you can. If you give her some assurances that she will be able to see the girls, and that it isn't forever, you might be able to avoid having a mess on your hands. Let her know that you are interested solely in the girls welfare, and that you don't wish to embarass her, because in the end it will not be good for anyone, you her, and esp. your little girls. Why would Gram have a problem with a win-win? That is what you need is win-win. If Gram is the problem, then add in some visitation, for her in your agreement. Do everything you can to make peace. How do you think you can make peace with her? | |
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