| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:44:16 AM |
No, it is the folks who had the children who put themselves in a class other than they were in when they didn't have children.
And so they did Miss Morie! What should we do to them eh? Something life has taught me? Things happen. Period. We can accept or disregard. Plain and simple I guess. I personally, choose not to limit myself when it comes to love/life. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:46:45 PM |
My children have a mother, they don't need a second one.
I've had several men tell me that on this site alone! I think their heads are in the sand. Their children may not need a second mother, but if I live with a man with children who stay at our home, you can be darn sure that I will be taking on a motherly role, and he and those kids would appreciate it. How selfish would it be of me to assume that I could live in that house and never cook a meal for the family, or help a child with homework, or go to his/her sports event or show an interest in their hobbies and on and on. What kind of Dad would admire a woman he lived with who didn't do these things for his children?
So I may not be their mother but I would most certainly feel obliged to play the role, and that is what I refuse to do for someone else's children at this stage of my life. It is my right to make that choice and it does not make me selfish. I do other fun things with my grandson because I want to, not because I'm obligated to. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:54:26 PM | I am sure that is true, but i would not trade the years i had with my kids, especially when they were young, for all the travel, money and adventures in the world. course thats my op.  | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 12:56:50 PM | | You make a lot of sense here shirley. not so sure about the obligated though. when i was married and had step kids it was more of a privilige to be a part of their lives and share fun times. course i like kids and doing stuff with them so perhaps i should keep that op to myself. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 1:28:54 PM |
If your kid is an important part of your life stick to your guns. they are only young for a while and you have limited time to enjoy that. If any lover of mine did not want me to enjoy , and maybe even be a part of herself, those years I would not want her around really. Trust me on this one, the day will come when you will not be an important item in your kids life compared to their friends and gf/bf. Enjoy those days you have and let the people who come in your life know that is a part of your life you are not willing to give up and if they are not onboard with that let em go gracefully.
Thank you, parrothead, those are words for me to cherish. Part of me is having trouble waiting until I have my freedom back, but you have helped put it into perspective, as I will surely also miss those times as well.
Visitation makes my schedule tight, but, as I say on my profile, busy people have time to do more things. People with too much free time on their hands don't understand that. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 2:22:14 PM | | Hudson, you are correct. What Mr. Parrot wrote is so very very true. My two are in their late teens. I ache sometimes for the cuteness of littler kids, being young with them, their sweet innocense of the world around them. Enjoy them whilst you have them... | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 3:32:24 PM | | Moon I think that's why you and I wouldn't have a problem dating men with smaller children. Ours just recently outgrew that age, so it's still close in our memory. I am not sure I could relate to a guy that has kids in their early 20's because I have no experience with that age at all. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 3:51:54 PM | | Love you moon but "I personally, choose not to limit myself when it comes to love/life". I choose to limit anything I know isn't going to work for me. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 4:16:14 PM |
I am sure that is true, but i would not trade the years i had with my kids, especially when they were young, for all the travel, money and adventures in the world. course thats my op. I agree I wouldn't trade the years with my daughter or my grandkids. Having said that I want something differn't for myself now. So no I would not date a man with kids at home. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:01:03 PM | | I have no interest in dating someone with dependant children in his life. However, tomorrow an 8 week old rottie foster puppy will arrive and I can't wait. Many men choose not to date me because my breed of choice is rottweilers. I don't get upset with them............I don't require that they have the same prorities that I do. Have a nice life is all that I wish them. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:29:49 AM | Well, I'd like to add that I think being a good father makes a man more sexy. I like to see that side in a man - it adds to his complexity and depth. You get to see how compassionate, loving and mature he is. Good parenting skills in a man are a turn-on, imo.
my breed of choice is rottweilers.
 Who would have guessed?
No, Moraima, I agree with you. We should all be free to do what we want.  | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:33:23 AM | | I'm perfectly happy to view a man's parenting skills with his grown children and theirs. Thats' as close as I need to be to a man's children and is a close as he will need to be to mine. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 11:02:13 AM | | I just had a 17lb. China doll of a rottie girl arrive for fostering. I know that many would choose not to date me due to my rottweiler habit. I am fine with that. People have to choice to consider rotties as a dealbreaker..........no hard feelings. I think everyone should respect and accept everyone else's personal preferences. The fact that I consider younger children as a dealbreaker shouldn't be something that people get upset about in my opinion. Some people do however get upset if complete stranger who they would never date anyway say that they won't date people with children. That is just the way it is, and probably won't change. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 11:23:34 AM | I felt differently when I was back at the "45" year mark.
But now I'm over the "55" one...
and while I still love being around children..
there is just a bit of ,"whew, a bit burned out (mentally.. not physically) on this", that will hit me if the grandkids are here, with me in charge, for more than a one night sleep-over!
What I'm trying to say is that, no matter what people stomp their foot and say about "I'm still young!!!"... there IS a difference between 45 and 55.
 but if I remember, and my memory is not to be depended upon sometimes, (ha), the OP is down by that 45 year anyway. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 11:36:23 AM | | I have children who are young, 14, 11 and 7 they have their dad in their lives, i dont find any problem at all as if someone cant accept that i am have to run at times to take care of them then i feel he should date someone else. I love my kids and they will ALWAYS come first in my life, doesnt mean i will neglect my man as he would be an addition to my life not a replacement for my kids. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 11:43:24 AM | Molly Maude said
.....when there are children involved, the DRAMA increases ten-fold ... it gets complicated ... and ... for the most part, I CAN'T NOT love the kids..
Well said Molly!
That is precisely the reason why I would not become involved with someone who has younger children. Been there done that!
Brandie | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:27:18 PM | "Been there done that!"
I too, like a lot of people, have tried to with "when there are children involved, the DRAMA increases ten-fold". I just figured after a while, why attempt to date someone when I know it isn't going to work. If folks think that makes me a mean, then that is up to them. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:41:18 PM | Hmmm lol Well it is not a deal breaker but I am almost done with my 2nd round here so it would have to depend on the circumstances. I have one 29 ,28 and 17.
It's not what I would immediately sign up for but I do love children .If I felt that I was needed spiritually in that situation I would probably step up but it would have to be a life altering moment in time.
IMO teenagers need someone with energy, determination and patience I say if you still got it and you feel like YOU have somethings to contribute to their life than go for it.
However I think this is a question that someone should take a long hard look at themselves and decide if they have what it takes to do right by this child rather than what another child can do for your life. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/29/2009 3:31:59 PM | You need to face facts, until your child is a teen and can be left home alone without much concern, you will have a very difficult time finding someone. I'm a dad of two, and dating won't be a reality for me for 8-10 years. Right now, concern yourself with your son.
One thing that confuses me, if you don't keep the fact you have an 8 year old from them, how are finding out after the fact?
You need to be upfront at the first conversation so there is no miscommunication.
Good luck | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/29/2009 5:56:59 PM | One thing that confuses me, if you don't keep the fact you have an 8 year old from them, how are finding out after the fact?
You need to be upfront at the first conversation so there is no miscommunication
Well I have in my profile that I have a younger son..so its not so much of an issue that it is an after the fact thing as much as his age is when they find out.
While you may feel that your stated facts apply here I dont think they do for me. I also understand the point you make in regards to raising my son and concentrating on him and I have to add the following... If I were still married I would still be concentrating on raising him and having a relationship.. I am quite capable of having time for him and someone else in my life as well. I see many folks who say that they spend all their time devoted to their children now that they have lost a relationship or moved on. If that is their choice I dont have a problem with it. For me I know I can still do both and neither will be lacking any of my love. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:00:23 PM | One thing that confuses me, if you don't keep the fact you have an 8 year old from them, how are finding out after the fact?
You need to be upfront at the first conversation so there is no miscommunication
Well I have in my profile that I have a younger son..so its not so much of an issue that it is an after the fact thing as much as his age is when they find out.
While you may feel that your stated facts apply here I dont think they do for me. I also understand the point you make in regards to raising my son and concentrating on him and I have to add the following... If I were still married I would still be concentrating on raising him and having a relationship.. I am quite capable of having time for him and someone else in my life as well. I see many folks who say that they spend all their time devoted to their children now that they have lost a relationship or moved on. If that is their choice I dont have a problem with it. For me I know I can still do both and neither will be lacking any of my love. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:11:21 AM | Sheesh! so much judgements and critical attitude about this. I think a bunch of you should just wait till they get robotics developed to the point of replacing people for companionship and sex. har! And... as a matchmaker... I say Don and Moriama are perfect for one another. Why look farther. ha! Oh, come on now.... don't go gettin' all serious on me.
Yes, of course... we are always entitled to our personal choices. No problem with that. But I'm seein' way too much unecessary opinionated add-on's here. Its really not about kids is it? Its about whether the people we get mixed up with are healthy and functional. Healthy parents do not have co-dependent relationships with their kids. Healthy parents are not in continual battles and drama with their ex's. Healthy parents (people) are healed, growing and available. thats what we want. Kids are wonderful. for reasons I will probably never know, I have not gotten to experience a normal family experience over extended time. But, my children are pieces of heavenly stardust in my life. When I am with them, I am elevated and transformed into my higher self....(mostly ha!) They are truly a source of wonder and magic. Mine range from 34 all the way down to 12. from three different mothers.
I know: ha! A lot of you women would be throwing holy water on me and holding up crosses trying to make me go away. Or...stay away. Or maybe, disappear back into the Hell from which I emerged. har. But, there is a perfect woman out there for me. And me for her. She could be childless... or have a brood with even young-uns. I sure couldn't predict. Happy fishing everyone. | |
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*Don*
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Joined: 1/30/2009
Msg: 98 | |
| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:15:50 PM |
And... as a matchmaker... I say Don and Moriama are perfect for one another. {msg. 97}
[laffin] ... Yes, it's been said before, sir. And if relationships could be sustained by couples being in total agreement on just one thing, then you would be right. I've not known them to be that way, though.
D | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/30/2009 12:49:55 PM | Pinebreeze, for me it is not about drama from the kids or their momma. I don't care if they're the most mature, well-behaved and studious children who ever walked the face of the earth. I just don't want to raise any more kids. I don't want to be obligated/required to be at home (or somewhere at an activity) with them. I've done it for almost 30 years and I'm just ready for something different in my life.
I'd also prefer that the man not have adult children with major issues/problems, but that may be asking for a lil' too much... especially since my own daughters can be a source of exasperation at times.  | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 3/31/2009 2:20:38 PM | Windroper I enjoy reading your last post to Pinebreeze
I wish to add that one isn't only marrying or dating that other SO but the children, pets and yes there other family members and friends as well.
Also another old saying is if you wish to know what your lady will be in 20 something years check out her mother. And how a man will take care of his lady check out how he treats his momma...
One thing for sure, ain't nothing perfect. Well except for me... One can only hope to get so much out of a relationship. | |
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