| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:17:18 AM | | It depends on the man. If the children are spoiled and little princes and princesses and the man consistently choses the kids over you in a relationship, it's a deal breaker. If it is a normal well adjusted family, he helps clean up after them, and he gives enough adult alone time with you including some romantic get aways, doesn't pitt you and the kids against each other, and doesn't contradict you in front of the children, then it is not a deal breaker. A potential life partner, after all, could be the person you grow old with and be with forever. Kids grow up and move on with their own lives. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:48:15 AM | Young children would be a dealbreaker for me. At 51 I no desire or patience to put my life aside any more for kids, that's my preference. Enough is enough. A woman at my age should have been done with kids by now anyway.
Dogs are another dealbreaker, most of the time they are worse than kids. I've changed hundreds of diapers with no problem, but I can't stand the site of dog $hit and the accompanying stench. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:24:33 AM | | I have a friend with a 4 yr old and the child is not the problem its his mum, she makes great efforts to put off any women he goes out with. I have tried not to let her win, but I know shes gonna be influencing this lovely child for a long time. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:31:23 AM | | I AM 47 AND ALL MY KIDS ARE GROWN AND OUT OF THE HOUSE...NOW IT IS MY TIME TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN...AND BE FREE TO DO WHAT I WANT...I LOVE KIDS...BUT BEEN THERE...DONE THAT... YES IT WOULD BE A DEALBREAKER FOR ME... | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 9:40:07 AM | | Generally, it would be a deal breaker. She would have to be something really special to convince me otherwise. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 11:08:31 AM | | While I love children I would have to think long and hard before having any type of relationship with a person with young children. I have grandchildren now and love them so much but it's a part time thing and doesn't play a role in my day to day stuff. If it did that would also be a potential dealbreaker for me. I've already done the parenting thing and as a grandparent I expect my children to take on that responsibility. That's how I brought them up. I'm not saying that I wouldn't take care of them if the need comes up but I don't expect to do it on a daily basis. I almost feel the same way about pets. They require time that at this point of my life I don't want to give unless you can afford a pet sitter while your away. I expect to be free to do the things in life that I want to do now. Billions of dollars are wasted on pets while at the same time millions of children are starving or being abused. I'll never understand the rational for that. This is not to say that I don't understand how people become attached to pets but just a matter of priorities. Human life verses a dog, cat or anything else you can think of just doesn't make sense. It is only for the owner that needs affection without rejection. I would rather see a person taking care of his or her kids than that but in either case I'm not interested in having a relationship where a child or a pet is even a concideration. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 2:42:50 PM | Children should never be a deal breaker because you should be aware of their existance beforehand, but I have had really shallow people tell me that their pet can not get along with me.. How triet!!
I mean come on , can't you come up with a better excuse than that. I would never harm any animal or human but can people really talk with their pets and have them understand exactly what was said? This I have got to see.... | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 3:13:56 PM | I'd never say kids are a deal-breaker (as long as she's receiving financial assistance for them from the ex lol). I happen to like kids, understand them very well (because I was a kid once too) and deal with them as fellow human beings. If she wants me to be a disciplinarian, I'm afraid she's out of luck--I'm a pushover.
But if she DOES require my financial assistance and the family outtings get a bit ridiculously expensive (sorry, hon--I can support one, not three or four) I might have to end it, or at least put a damper on my participation in those activities like restaurants or trips to Boomers or Disney World. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 3:55:45 PM | When I was divorced, 45, and still coaching youth soccer, I was very open to a woman with children. At 57 it is another story. My thoughts now are about where to retire, spending the next 5 years or more waiting for kids to grow up just isn't in the cards for me.
If my own were still in school it would be another story, so I think this is very dependent on individual circumstances. | |
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Savona
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Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 161 | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/21/2009 4:32:16 PM | | Yes it is a deal breaker for me. If children at home are on the profile, I just continue on. I've done my time. Loved it but I am done. I have grand children to spoil and that is enough. All the fun and none of fuss. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 7/22/2009 6:48:49 AM | | Oh the shoe fits so differently on the other foot. I posted a topic about women with kids who build there entire lives around them and expect the men they date to do the same as well as talking about the kids constantly. I was treated like meat in a shark tank for not wanting to hear all about the little darlings day and night. it reminds me of parents when their kid gets in trouble, they blame it on "the wrong crowd" and it seems the kids who ARE the wrong crowd have no parents to be found. They`re always someone elses kids. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 11:56:37 AM | Getting involved with a woman who has young children is definitely a deal-breaker, but only if she "doesn't want children" as well... sorry, but if I have to bear the burden of helping her raise her children just to be with her, she should be willing to give birth to one of my own demon-spawn...
But in general, I tend to avoid the women with small kids like the plague...
Sorry... | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:03:09 PM | | I would like to have a little girl who can learn my native language from me. My native language will be popular like English in near future. The big thing is that her dad must be the right one...LOL! | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:23:20 PM | I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years. Does not want to get involved with woman with small children.
He started dating a woman 13 years younger who had 3 small children. All the while he dated her... months, he went on about he just wasn't sure if he wanted to deal with her 3 children.
He thought they were sweet children, thought the mom was the best.
She finally got tired of hearing it and said look, it's a package deal and refused to see him anymore.
Then whined to me for months about how she just didn't give him enough time to get used to the idea.
6 months wasn't enough, lol
I am 47 and have 3 kids still at home, 8, 16, and 14
I make it clear I have them...I have met men that were 50 and had 2 and 3 year olds...
I guess it just depends on where your at in life.
Kids don't bother me...but I also have them. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:29:57 PM | | When I was young, I could have only had one in my country. My son is a big man. Sometimes, I really miss having a little baby. When I take a walk in my neighborhood, I feel that those neighbors' kids are very lovely and cute. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:30:32 PM | Men my age and older (51 +) with young children under 15 would be a deal breaker for me. A while back I dated someone with a 4 year old daughter, I realised I had no control in the relationship, but the ex wife did. We would have plans for a Saturday night date, and at the last minute the ex would need him to have the child as she wanted to go out... he was frightened to refuse as it was a bad situation, and she would punish him by not letting him have the child at other times.
My children are grown, so I have the freedom to go where I want and with whom I want, and would appreicate someone in my life with the same flexibility. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 12:44:22 PM |
A while back I dated someone with a 4 year old daughter, I realised I had no control in the relationship, but the ex wife did.
Experienced! I see... | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:26:35 PM | Dependent children are a definite deal-breaker for me. My son is 25 and he relocated to another state 2 years ago to begin a very successful career right after getting his Master's Degree. My job is done and he's truly one of my greatest accomplishments.
The last thing I want to do is go backwards and do that all over again. I made many sacrifices while my son was growing up and being honest, I don't want to have to make them again. I've earned this freedom and I'm not giving it up.
I also make it pretty clear right on my profile that I'm not Carol Brady and not looking for a gentleman that comes with dependent children. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 4:48:25 PM | OP, first of all you should add a picture(s) to your profile. You'll get more responses. That said, wow, I've read some of the responses in this thread and there are a lot of women out there that not only will not date a man with a child at home, but not even one who seems to have their child infrequently! I can understand your frustration. I would not rule out dating a man who has a child or children at home. I've said it before in other threads. I have one at home part of the time, too and I've had the odd experience of someone drop an e-mail exchange when I mentioned that I have a child.
I guess the only thing to do is to keep looking for like-minded women who have children close to your son's age. Another single parent is more apt to understand, I think. Then again, some single parents are unwilling to date other single parents which truly amazes me. But I don't think you're going to find many 40+ women willing to do the parenting thing with you. That's just my opinion. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:52:58 PM | I would MUCH prefer to date a man who has young children...
That's because I have a young child of my own...
When I met her father, the deal MAKER was his children...
Seriously... I fell for his kids much faster than I fell for him.
I'd see it as a huge plus that a man's children could go on play dates with my girl. What about the single men out there who are unable to have kids? Wouldn't it seem ideal to meet someone who already has a young one? Perhaps I'm just being idealistic.
It's a bit of a bummer to see just how many people feel so strongly about young children being deal breakers. Seems as though there are far more people closed to dating someone with young children than those open to it.
Hmmm... | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/17/2009 7:20:54 PM | Being a single mom, now going on 6 years, with two at home 11 and 13? I put it out there from the get go. Most say not an issue, but it is, cause they don't answer again. I guess most just don't want to get their hands dirty. I have come to realize that dating as far as I go? Is going to have to wait a few more years. By then I won't care! Those that want the no baggage, no attachment sort of lifestyle? I have no interest in. I have a family and room in my heart!
We are not young anymore. Everyone at this age? Has a history... good , bad or indifferent.
Just my thoughts!
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