| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/18/2009 12:30:28 PM | You know I'll never understand the female mind...I had a short relationship with a woman...she'd 3 sons 13, 17 and 21....she brought the 13 yo over to swim in our pool...I'd met her mom...and then all of a sudden it occured to her that she only had 5 years before #3 was in college...and I had 10 years before that happened....so things started to work their way down..I asked her what was up...her response was that I had a long road ahead of me...and she was nearly done....mmmm....wrong thing to say to me...a seemingly intellegent woman...came into our lives knowing what and where we were in life...only to back out with the worst excuse....tata...don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out...good luck and all that...seeya!!!!
Gawd...the nerve of some people!!! | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/18/2009 1:26:43 PM | | Funny how the 'child' thing works. When a woman is young, single and has kids, it's often a deal breaker for guys her own age. I've seen it many times. But when women get older, the tables seem to turn. Many guys apparently deal with their midlife crisis by getting involved with younger women...younger women who get pregnant. With few exceptions, the men in their late forties, and into their fifties, who contact me have children under twelve. Many of them have children closer to five-years-old. That's usually a deal breaker for other younger women, so the poor old guy has to date women his own age again. I'm not sure why, but they assume it won't be a deal breaker for us older gals. Wrong! It's a major deal breaker. I want someone who has already raised his family. I don't want to start over at this age. If he has young children at home, I'm out the door. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:01:53 PM | Funny how the 'child' thing works. When a woman is young, single and has kids, it's often a deal breaker for guys her own age. I've seen it many times. But when women get older, the tables seem to turn. Many guys apparently deal with their midlife crisis by getting involved with younger women...younger women who get pregnant. With few exceptions, the men in their late forties, and into their fifties, who contact me have children under twelve. Many of them have children closer to five-years-old. That's usually a deal breaker for other younger women, so the poor old guy has to date women his own age again. I'm not sure why, but they assume it won't be a deal breaker for us older gals. Wrong! It's a major deal breaker. I want someone who has already raised his family. I don't want to start over at this age. If he has young children at home, I'm out the door.
Hmmm...funny...I never ran out on my first wife...she cheated...and I had adopted her kid...for whom I poaid support to till she was 18...back in 1984 to 1994....and I'd still be married to my deceased wife if she hadn't had ALS...And, oh, BTW....I not interested in someone with absolute/intolerant attitudes...it shows a controlling side that I find quite displeasant...
Yes it is true of those that make assumptions...mid-life crisis...pffft to you^^^
Mid | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/18/2009 2:41:40 PM | 2Irish, I think you are taking her stance on things too personally. Many, many single women that I know ended up basically raising our kids alone after the divorce. We did not have much time for ourselves. Now we want to have a different life since our kids are now grown.
Younger kids are a deal breaker from me as well. Like she said, it is amazing how many men went after a younger woman and had kids late in life, relatively speaking. I know of two men who have two sets of kids, some in the 20's and then much younger kids. There are all kinds of relationship issues that come along with dating someone with kids. They can be an asset if you are looking for a larger family, but more often than not, women are ages are seeking men without those obligations, IMO.
You sound like a very giving man, adopting your first wife's child and paying CS. It has got to be hard to be a single, widowed father as well. I do hope you find someone wonderful. There are women who are willing, for the right man, to take on his kids. There are women as well, and me included, who would not be willing. It has nothing to do with the man himself, it has to do with lifestyle. It is no offense to anyone, just a compatibility issue. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/18/2009 3:07:17 PM | Well, It was the sowing of the wild oats inference...the philandering man...who abandons his family for the younger woman in that mid life crisis thingie that set me off....it seemed to be an assumption that was directed at my post...
I actually missed out on raising children...and was a weekend dad for too long...and never felt the continuity of a family...so, I happened into my friends office and there was an available younger woman...and we both were attracted to each other...and that woman became my wife...before we became pregnant...and then we'd 2 girls....
Now, I do realize that there are women who've done their time...and it is not those women I seek...in fact...it's those women I do not wish to connect with...yet, I found someone briefly who started out under the pre-text of acceptance...only to change her mind...which is a womans perogative....until my young girls become involved...and then you've done the unmentionable....sooo....anyone who is caplable of doing that...in my book...is beyond description...and no-one whith whom I'd ever give a second chance in my life...not to mention shouldn't have been given the first chance....and I'm sure that there are men who've done the same thing...and it never floated right in my estimation when I'd seen it happening. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:53:34 PM | Wow is there ever alot of childish people giving answers in here , no wonder there are so many bitter single people out there. Now dont get me wrong and if you are in your 50 plus then I agree that kids might be getting in the way as you are close to maybe retiring unless you are a workaholik then good for you and have it it with no life anyways as you are always at work .
Many people you read about being mostly females are just starting to have kids in there 40 after they have finally made it in the working world so what do they say about having babies and really young kids now . They love it . I myself have 2 speacial needs kids full time as the ex wanted her freedom more than her kids and so be it . I make it really clear before i get together with a date that they are there so it is real easy for them to say no thanks way before even starting to message back and forth . The funny ones are those that say after meeting that they didnt know I have kids . cmon people cant we all readin here or are we just window shopping .
Yes a persons kids can be a deal breaker and yet they can be the paste that holds the relationship together to start with as well.
Just an opinion here so lets not be jumping a person okay .  | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 4:01:08 AM | Nobody jumped anybody and all of us who have been single for a while may have dealt with this issue ourselves. I certainly have. There are lots of men who will not date a woman with kids,especially if she has not respite from them. My ex did not do visitation on the weekends, nor take them for the 30 days in the summer. I had my children 24/7 and consider myself very lucky.
Those days are behind me now and I am not wanting to see my man only on every other weekend or have to adjust my life to his visitation schedule. I love kids, I am a teacher, but I have finished the phase of my life when my schedule has to revolve around kids.
2Irish, I was not inferring that you were anything other than a straight up man, but there are men who did go look for the younger woman and now, they have a second family as well as being divorced again. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 5:54:10 AM | | I do not know if I could go there again if the children were less than say 6. It would depend upon how much I was into the woman, I suppose. Although the last woman I seriously dated was childless the one before her had a son who was 6 years old when we met, a great kid! The one before her two girls who were 6 and 10 years old when we met. So I figure 6 is about my lower limit. At least they are in school at that age. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 8:38:41 AM | At this point in my life I would rather not date a woman with children under 21, nor would I date her daughter.  | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:06:48 AM | | I never thought so until I started meeting 54 year olds with 9 year olds. Major dealbreaker, especially if the guy can barely support himself and is going to pay child support even after he retires. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:07:51 AM | | im afraid it is a dealbreaker for me--nothing personal but im juss not in that place in my life anymore--i spent 21 yrs raising mine and now its my turn to do what i want,when i want--and if that makes me selfish then so be it-- | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 10:15:10 AM | Seems like having young children is a deal breaker for
a lot of folks that are older and have grown children
I don't see the problem...it's a preference just like anything
else.
Doesn't make the person that doesn't want young kids
selfish and doesn't make the person who waited until
later in life to have kids weird.
I don't see the problem really. | |
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| Younger children as dealbreakers
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:22:01 PM | Well its seems this topic has gotten yet another second breath ..or should I say third..lol. I have come to the conclusion that there are as many opinions to this question as there are people who many chose to answer it.
I have noticed that many are passionate about there choices and their reasons for such choices and they are entitled to feel that way no matter what others may chose to say about it.
As for me I continue looking ..and who knows I may find one, or I may not. Time will tell and I still have plenty of time left lord willing. But to all I wish the best of luck in their search.  | |
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