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 Helen1967
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 76
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...Page 4 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

I called him on the cell. He answered right away and we talked.
Last night he was watching the basketball game and fell asleep. He woke up at 12:45 and knew he messed up it was too late to call me. He sounded so relaxed talking to me on the phone. I think you are right I should maintain touch with him by phone, and I need to relax.

Oh I'm so glad to see this! He must've been really relieved to hear from you.

And I think you're right, it will be OK. Neither of you has rushed into this, or is now; you've taken your time to be sure of what you want, and now it's time to give it a real shot. Best wishes!
 bella4u4ever
Joined: 1/2/2009
Msg: 77
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 3:40:45 PM
He's scared and wants to run cause he doesn't know how to handle it. It's just how they are...lol. Been there before and won't go there again! How I handle it now.... No sex until he's committed, because if I sleep with someone my feelings only get stronger so no sex no matter how much it kills me! I am not one for casual sex or serial dating anyway... it's just not for me. I swore after the last time I would date with the concept of dating and not getting emotionally attached, but that is easier said than done. Since u haven't slept with this guy yet don't! If your like me then you'll like him to much and it will be harder to detach yourself.
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 78
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 3:55:47 PM
OP
You are having a drastic reaction,or change of actions plan. I don't think is necessary...of course its yr decision.
I also don't think anyone thinks badly of you except a couple of sore men, that can't believe a WOMAN can do what men do all the time : MULTI DATE!!!
I think you should not delete or close yr profile...maybe just hide it. I think POF is a healthy palce to stay for friendship and forums if you don't want to date anymore.
2ndly no need to delete his number or email addresses...you know can just keep it all and call fewer times... you never mentioned you call him too much anyways. Calling shows interest not desperation.
I don't think you are pressuring him....you just found out you really want him for more than being ONE of you dates.
Don't pull back so drastically. Just maybe engage in more personal activities, like book clubs or those i/o dates...he will be happy and relived to see you have a life and that dating is important but not by far the only thing you have to do.

Maybe...I don't know what you think..... if he ever asks you again about other dates...tell him you kind of feel awkward talking about them...so if not too much problem, you rather skip subject. No need to tell him you stop dating others....LOL.
I think you need to relax and continue doing all you were doing...he liked you natural with little, medium or no pressure for a more one on one deal...this is the woman he liked. Maybe if you try and change too much....then he will get confused!!!

Good luck.
 Blujeansnteeshirt
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 79
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 4:21:00 PM
When >>I<< to the 24 hours of silence thing, it has nothing to do with running away. Below are some of the reasons I would go silent for 24 hours.

1. Everyone needs space. Women too! I certainly do not want to over burden a new great woman that I am just nuts about with pestering her 24/7. Giving her some breathing room gives her the choice to reach out to me that day if she feels she is missing me without making her feel closed in. It's just being thoughtful.

2. A day spent with MOM! Remember, there is another woman in my life, MOM! As often as I can, I drive over to my mom's home, pick her up, take her to the grocery store, make sure she gets what she needs, carry these things in the house for her, fix things around her house, and then visit uninterrupted with my MOM. Family is everything, so, there is at least ONE day dedicated to MOM each month.

3. A day with my daughter where there are no distractions. She gets her quality time with me that involves fun, that day is all about her.

4. Illness. When I am sick, I do not like to pester other people with my being ill, laid up and bored out of my mind. So, I shut in, shut the world out and whine in privacy to my dog. Why subject a girlfriend that presumable is so important to me to THAT? Consider me missing in action for 24 hours unless you find yourself missing me, in which case, I'll be more than happy to share my cold or flu with you and we can both feel miserable together. Now, how's that for sharing is caring? ;)

So, there are many reasons why a guy will go MIA for 24 hours from time to time. That is unless you have my cell phone number, in which case, there is always a way to get ahold of me. I am using myself as a hypothetical here.

OP, I'll wish you the very best with your fishy.
 sas2009
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 80
Simple...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:00:22 PM
do the same d.....thing....disappear!
 widowedmom
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 81
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:09:20 PM
If he was interested in a gal his son would have never known about his dating [quote ]
He has FULL custody of his son meaning he gets no relief of parental responsibility. He does not have family in the city. To date when his son was young would have meant a baby sitter. I do not think he was motivated to date when his son was young. He has dated but only superficial dating, no relationships of substance.


he isn’t concerned about you dating other men
Because he knows he is #1 on the list as has been since about the second date. I have been accessible to him every time he has contacted me. He knows how I feel about him because we talk and I think he thinks the other men are going away on their own. He also knows I have problems kissing someone else because of how close we have become. I think he wasn't ready to tell me to stop because we have not discussed what my expectations will be if I do, and he wants to take things slow. I think this is the most involved he has been with a woman since his divorce.

After reading so many other posts on this thread saying call him, I asked my girlfriend to give me back his number, reentered it in my phone and called him. We talked an hour. Everything was fine. He fell asleep last night watching the basketball tournament and woke up at 12:45 too late to call . He was relaxed and in good humor as always.
Told me he misses me. We will talk later. I didn't tell him what I did deleting all the phone numbers.


unless he’s hoping he wins out by the process of elimination.

Exactly! Only it is beyond hope. We have sat in my living room on the couch and kissed around the clock literally. We feel comfortable with each other and time passes effortlessly when we are together. He knows the competition is no where close to him.
He is the only one who even knows where I live. The others I am still meeting in public places.
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Simple...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:23:12 PM
I cannot judge the circumstances of your relationship, but I can tell you of my experience and the experience of my friends.

Not only are we widows, but we had happy marriages. When we finally came out of our fog and decided it was time to date, we all (yep, everyone one of us) within the first two years of dating, met someone who was terrific. Someone who made our hearts pitter patter, and made the kisses wonderful. They said the words we never thought we would be lucky enough to hear again.

I was fortunate. I had gfs who had already gone through the heartbreak of meeting men who were a romance addicts, so when they saw me falling into the trap, they were able to catch me before I fell too hard. If you don't know what a romance addict is, there are lots of sites on the internet that will clue you in.

From what you have written about the back and forth between you and this man, if I were your face to face friend, I would caution you to be very careful with your heart. Some of the best advice I've gotten since being widowed is from a notorious player...in relationships, believe only what you can see and touch.

You have to do what you believe is right and best for you, but make no mistake, a man who has found everything he wants is not about to take a chance on losing it by not committing to an exclusive relationship, unless he is a person who believes in "open" relationships, and is that something you want?
 SereneWilderness
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 83
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:25:07 PM
Best to not JUST LISTEN but See how the MAN behaves. Words are just words...and best to go sloooooooooow in all ways.
 verityone
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 84
view profile
History
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:31:10 PM

... but, but, but.... seriously, what the hell do you think HE'S thinking?

"Hmmm.... she says she likes me, but she tells me she's going out with other guys, playing the field, and I'M merely one of a dozen or so....

..... Why the hell is she playing this yo-yo game with me? Sheesh...."


Sorry OP, but after reading all your posts on how you handled this...... you are messed up....
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 85
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:34:48 PM
Way to go OP....
Another advise...when unusual behaviour happens at his end.....no need to think negative...
Just like this time...there is a perfectly logical explanation to for him not calling or whatever...
Its very clear he likes you, he enjoys you and he even misses you!!!! Just relax and be happy of what you are starting to have with this man.
 preciousroze
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 86
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:38:22 PM
Unfortunately yes I have seen it and its confusing. Its as if they tell you everything they think you want to hear over and over, in hopes that they can get you in bed.

I dont know why honesty these days is such a horrible thing. You would think they would want to get to that woman or women that want just a sexual encounter, and skip all the other ( romantic hassels ) they go through just to get into bed with someone who doesnt really want that a meaningful relationship.

Ok hold on before the negative comments get printed, I know that not all men are like that, but it SEEMS as if the MAJORITY are, so if your not then i commend you.
 preciousroze
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 87
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:41:36 PM
a whole day once a month with mom wow !!!

thats ummm great glad you can spare the time lol
 Liven4TheMoment
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 88
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:29:42 PM
It's called "the dance". When you draw close to them they pull away, when you pull away they come closer.
 forumgenie
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 89
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 7:37:21 PM

When >>I<< to the 24 hours of silence thing, it has nothing to do with running away. Below are some of the reasons I would go silent for 24 hours.


Blujeansntshirt - there's a difference between 24 hours (1 day) of silence and 96 hours (4 days) of silence.

I've reread all of the OP's posts. Sure people need "alone" time but she and her honey have been talking since October - 5 months ago - and they've had 6 dates in 7 weeks. Any guy who can go 4 days in between dates without contacting her - to me - is not interested enough in her. I don't have time to date several times a week because I am a widowed mom with no family in town but that doesn't preclude me from talking or texting daily with my guy. Why? Because I like him and have no need to date anyone else.

It seems to me that you are giving him all the control from how often you hear from him to asking him if he wants you to stop dating others to expecting him to pace the relationship. If you want to call him, then call. If you want to date only him then put your big girl panties on and communicate this to him. When we date we risk being emotionally vulnerable to our partner but hey, if we never did it, we’d never fall in love, right?

Unlike the other poster who said "this is all about you", I don’t think so. You’re giving him all the power. I think you’re too afraid of taking that risk and telling him how you honestly feel: “I want to let you know I like being with you and I’ve decided to stop dating other guys. I like the pace our relationship has taken so I’m not looking to speed things up, I just want to be exclusive.” Then the ball is in his court.
 looking1962
Joined: 10/12/2008
Msg: 90
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 7:49:52 PM
you are everything I ever wanted in a woman is a line of b/s. coming around when he wents to is using some one dump the loser. be more picky in the future. keep your pants on. than if they stay around 6 months or more it was worth the wait.
 lookin4one2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 91
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:11:42 PM
OP, it has been interesting following this thread. Methinks that perhaps you may have jumped the gun a bit in terms of actually putting fingers to keyboard. Perhaps you should have waited for the couple of days your guys asked for, and then sat down with him and really have that heart-to-heart about your futures BEFORE seeing the problem that more than likely is NOT there. To me it seems that you have created a lot of "what if" scenarios, and used up a lot of emotional fuel unnecessarily.

The advice you have received seem to fall into two general categories.

There were the negative ones, warning you of doom times ahead. It's no wonder that some of those people are still on POF. Don't they know that you have to break eggs to make an omlette, that you have to take a chance for love to work? You may get hurt along the way, but at least you've tried, rather than expect everything to work out perfectly, without the occasional hiccup!

Then there were the positive, supportive comments, that make me wonder why those writers haven't been scooped up by someone already, if they actually lived out their own advice.

Whatever happens down the track, please let us know how things eventuate, and good luck!
 MahoganyRush
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 92
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:39:35 PM
Im sorry looking4one2, but thats a load of crap, two general categories, well we know what category you fall under I think.... listen you can be as positive or supportive as you want the reality is he positively playing games with her if what she says is true, and we only have her word .

Any one who says " you are everything I ever wanted in a woman/man" and does that, is either two step from a complete idiot or the biggest game player out there, remember talk is cheap, action dictates.

You can tell the OP to run around and smell the roses and hopes everything will be alright, and that what we call living in " la la land" or face reality that 1) she might of picked a flake 2) she might missed the warning signs 3) the guy might of changed his mind 4) she jump the gun a bit early, only time will telll.
 widowedmom
Joined: 7/4/2008
Msg: 93
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:54:44 PM

Then there were the positive, supportive comments, that make me wonder why those writers haven't been scooped up by someone already, if they actually lived out their own advice.
Whatever happens down the track, please let us know how things eventuate, and good luck!


Well, I have learned one thing from all this. That is that all the modern day psycho babble they shove down peoples throats these days, about women should not do this, and men are that, does not apply to 100% of the population. We are each unique unto ourselves.

My behavior in this relationship has definitely been tainted by all the negative people out there that tell you things like don't call a man, if he doesn't call he is not that "in" to you. Listening to this kind of bull is what gets me in trouble in the first place. I really feel this man is a gentle soul. While he has not openly discussed the things that led to his divorce, obviously he has avoided trying to have a meaningful relationship since then. One thing I do know is his son was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 18 months. For two years he was involved in cancer treatment and frequent trips to Children's hospital while his son was being treated. When the marriage ended he ended up with custody of the son, so obviously to me he was the more nurturing parent. The current visitation situation is almost non existent. His son might see his mother one day every month or two an they live in the same city.

I can not imagine what it is like to face a terminal illness in a young child. He and his son are extremely close. His son plays baseball, and every day after work he throws a ball with his son as part of his son's training. He is a devoted father. Any man that can be this nurturing with a child is fully capable of sustaining a relationship with a woman.
The problem is not knowing what he harbors from that failed marriage ten years before. For whatever reason, he has allowed himself to be emotionally vulnerable to me. The times he has made obvious dating faux pax he has been very apologetic, and admits he is not used to dating, and is clueless what is expected of him. I view this man as a diamond in the rough and well worth the time and patience to reveal the precious gem within his soul.

I think all the time he took talking to me all those months before our first date showed his genuine interest in getting to know me. We come from very different backgrounds, I had a positive, loving marriage, he of course came from a failed marriage. We both however have face major health care crises with someone we love.

I do think the times we have not talked can be explained by two obvious things. Before he met me, he had a busy life. He filled his life with work, his son, some hobbies, and responsiblities like maintaining the house, laundry, cooking, yard, and trying to work out at the gym. By his own admission he needs about 30 hours a day to get things done.
The second issue pertains to being gun shy. Not having real experience with a woman in a decade. There is no way this man is a player.

Now if I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, and ignored all the psycho bull being shoved down our throats, I could have avoided all the angst I have felt these past few weeks. If I deliberately avoid calling I get anxious as time passes waiting for him to call. If I call once, his pattern seems to be to call multiple times for several days in a row. When someone on this thread said (and I am telling you how I heard it not the exact words) "Don't be an idiot call him!" that is exactly what I did. I called around five o'clock. We talked about an hour. He was watching the basketball game tonight, and has called me three times, during the breaks between games just so we have a few minutes here and there together. He obviously responds to the encouragement he feels when I demonstrate interest. From here on out I am going to throw out all the
garbage that might work for other couples and go with what seems to work for us.

The one thing I did today that made this entire thread worthwhile, was to delete all the phone numbers in my cell phone of the other men I have spent time with. I want to spend my time with him. The other men are great guys. They deserve more than my second best attention. I need to take away my safety net and take a risk . I have not told him yet that I did this. I feel a new sense of freedom, and no longer feel the urge to call another man when I really should be calling him.

The nay sayers who think he is a player have just managed to piss me off. The supportive posts have just reinforced my feeling that this is a genuinely nice man worth being patient with during his awkward indocrination into the world of relationship. I know I am one hell of a woman, and have a lot to offer a man. I should never have doubted that he was sincere when he said I was everything he ever wanted in a woman. I am going to go with the optimistic posts. The glass is half full.
 TheFallenJester
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 94
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 8:59:38 PM
I'm not sure if it's been addressed yet, but it could just be as simple as him not wanting to smother you. I've been guilty of that myself, and he may just be cautious of not wanting to do the same...
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 95
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 9:08:11 PM
the yo yo treatment means he's not interested. Don't waste your time with people like that.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 96
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:46:00 PM
I agree with you OP, you need to learn to relax and get in touch with yourself. Truly, it sounds like he has a control over you in some intangible way, since you are dating others, but HE is the one you truly want to get to know and go from there. The question is -do you want to date others? or is it only a mere distraction, as you put it earlier, so you can save yourself from yourself. I suggest to spend more time with yourself, and stop focusing on all those men at the same time. Find peace withing, stop dating for a while, until you are comfortable to pick up a pace again. Allow time to pass, write a journal, what are you getting out of a current relationship with a man you care for, are you patient enough to give more time to it? What is your intuition telling you? Are you happy with the way things are. I don't believe in the books that are written, that once we understand the nature of the opposite sex we will be able to navigate more successfully. The point is that those books maybe great in helping us to understand that we (men and women) are not the same and we think differently, but then there is more to the person that just their psychological make up based on gender.
I suggest to let all those men go, and focus on work on yourself. You won't be receiving instant answers from posters, you need to find them yourself. La Gioconda
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 97
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 11:05:35 PM

Well, I have learned one thing from all this. That is that all the modern day psycho babble they shove down peoples throats these days, about women should not do this, and men are that, does not apply to 100% of the population. We are each unique unto ourselves.

My behavior in this relationship has definitely been tainted by all the negative people out there that tell you things like don't call a man, if he doesn't call he is not that "in" to you. Listening to this kind of bull is what gets me in trouble in the first place. I really feel this man is a gentle soul. While he has not openly discussed the things that led to his divorce, obviously he has avoided trying to have a meaningful relationship since then. One thing I do know is his son was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 18 months. For two years he was involved in cancer treatment and frequent trips to Children's hospital while his son was being treated. When the marriage ended he ended up with custody of the son, so obviously to me he was the more nurturing parent. The current visitation situation is almost non existent. His son might see his mother one day every month or two an they live in the same city.

I can not imagine what it is like to face a terminal illness in a young child. He and his son are extremely close. His son plays baseball, and every day after work he throws a ball with his son as part of his son's training. He is a devoted father. Any man that can be this nurturing with a child is fully capable of sustaining a relationship with a woman.
The problem is not knowing what he harbors from that failed marriage ten years before. For whatever reason, he has allowed himself to be emotionally vulnerable to me. The times he has made obvious dating faux pax he has been very apologetic, and admits he is not used to dating, and is clueless what is expected of him. I view this man as a diamond in the rough and well worth the time and patience to reveal the precious gem within his soul.

I think all the time he took talking to me all those months before our first date showed his genuine interest in getting to know me. We come from very different backgrounds, I had a positive, loving marriage, he of course came from a failed marriage. We both however have face major health care crises with someone we love.

I do think the times we have not talked can be explained by two obvious things. Before he met me, he had a busy life. He filled his life with work, his son, some hobbies, and responsiblities like maintaining the house, laundry, cooking, yard, and trying to work out at the gym. By his own admission he needs about 30 hours a day to get things done.
The second issue pertains to being gun shy. Not having real experience with a woman in a decade. There is no way this man is a player.

Now if I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, and ignored all the psycho bull being shoved down our throats, I could have avoided all the angst I have felt these past few weeks. If I deliberately avoid calling I get anxious as time passes waiting for him to call. If I call once, his pattern seems to be to call multiple times for several days in a row. When someone on this thread said (and I am telling you how I heard it not the exact words) "Don't be an idiot call him!" that is exactly what I did. I called around five o'clock. We talked about an hour. He was watching the basketball game tonight, and has called me three times, during the breaks between games just so we have a few minutes here and there together. He obviously responds to the encouragement he feels when I demonstrate interest. From here on out I am going to throw out all the
garbage that might work for other couples and go with what seems to work for us.

The one thing I did today that made this entire thread worthwhile, was to delete all the phone numbers in my cell phone of the other men I have spent time with. I want to spend my time with him. The other men are great guys. They deserve more than my second best attention. I need to take away my safety net and take a risk . I have not told him yet that I did this. I feel a new sense of freedom, and no longer feel the urge to call another man when I really should be calling him.

The nay sayers who think he is a player have just managed to piss me off. The supportive posts have just reinforced my feeling that this is a genuinely nice man worth being patient with during his awkward indocrination into the world of relationship. I know I am one hell of a woman, and have a lot to offer a man. I should never have doubted that he was sincere when he said I was everything he ever wanted in a woman. I am going to go with the optimistic posts. The glass is half full


Widowedmom.. . .So good to hear that you finally have clarity within yourself. Life after a divorce, or death of a loved one is one huge roller coaster...You will meet all types and many of them will be nothing more than stepping stones, some will leave imprints on our hearts, whilst others will be mirrors there to reflect on our weakness and strength…

Wishing you all the best
 BrianMc777
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 98
view profile
History
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/27/2009 11:22:58 PM
Since you're still dating other people, he is afraid of getting hurt. That is all there is to it! Contrary to what some women think, guys really do have feelings. Tell him that you really don't want to see other people anymore, because he is the one for you. By you not pressuring him, he is taking it as a sign of you not caring . He really does care for you, it's obvious. Tell him, he is everything you want in a man. He needs you to take the lead. When he draws you in, and leaves, chase after him.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 99
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:47:56 AM

Our last date was cut a little short because his son paged him and needed him to pick him up, it was 1 am. I joked that the night was still young, and perhaps I should call one of the other guys and go out.


Ohhhh that was REAL nice, OP. Just the thing a man who is interested in you likes to hear. Yes, i know that he is aware you are also dating other men, but to say something like that? Yeah ok you 'joked' about that..... but ill bet on the ride to go pick up his son he is re-thinking this whole thing.
 1984,loveis
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 100
You are everything I ever wanted in a woman...
Posted: 3/28/2009 3:00:58 AM

I am not sure about it myself OP. I don't date very much, so I probably can't offer very good advice. However, from my own experience from 'chatting' with men from here is that very, very, very few are actually interested in being in a relationship. Sure, they may have missed human touch, flirting, but majority are not ready to date, not to mention to be in a relationship. Online dating has become some kind of distraction, social thing and way of life. It seems easy to connect, but how many are interested in making it into real time.

La GIOCONDA...

Girl I could not have put it in better words myself...
Men here are NOT really interested in a relationship,
May I add SEX is what the greater part of this community is into.
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