| | Would you date someone who is dying?Page 3 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | Absolutely! We are all destined to be here a limited time. If we can make the most of it and find our true love, why not? If only for a short time, to share someone's life with them and allow them to be fulfilled and happy would be more rewarding than anything. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:49:05 PM |
Stelliuvium: If you met someone who told you they didn't have much longer to live, and you really liked them, would you still date them? Timeline : roughly six years.
Of course I would. And I say this as a widow.
If life as taught me one thing, its that life is to short, and I want to milk each and every day for all its worth. Because the one who is healthy today could be killed tomorrow.
Imagine someone telling Lance Armstrong when he was undergoing testicular cancer treatments that the survival rate may be three years. Or someone telling Michael J Foxx that Parkinson's can mean early death in some people.
But hey I am overall an upbeat person and look at opportunities to enrich my life. That ill or disabled man/woman may be the one who gives me that gem of wisdom I have been looking for. Which also reminds me of a Bible verse, Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing, some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Heb. 13:2. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:12:49 PM | Six years??? That's a long time! I'm a cancer survivor. 23 years. I'm lucky, no, I'm blessed.
Each to their own. I'm conscious of death every day. I don't look too far ahead.
You got a crystal ball? It hurts to lose. Hurts bad. You could be with someone that walks away after six years. That's an amputation, a kind of death.
I can't tell anyone what to do. They won't listen anyway. Why should they?
Do you believe in God? "Seek ye me and live." I feel I have an obligation to take risks. To live. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:37:41 PM | Ok, had to jump in on this one! It's only be about a year since I've posted.
I was diagnosed at 12 years old with a neuromuscular disorder and given little hope of living past 18. I was told not to try for college and to focus on a trade school. Forget about having a family and don't even think about children.
Well screw that! I got my BA, was married for nearly 30 years, had 3 kids and now I'm 55 with six grand kids. It wasn't easy and some days are really hard but I'm still on my feet.
What I'm trying to say is "live today for today". Six years is an eternity to someone who might die tomarrow. If you can't stuff yourself on the buffet then order the best meal on the menu, sit down and enjoy every bite!
Bon Appette  | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:25:23 PM | | Aren't we all dying? Nobody gets out of here alive. If I was dating someone seriously who told me they didn't have much time to live, it wouldn't make much a difference to me. If I left them for that reason, I'd be a real dirt ball. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/27/2009 10:26:08 PM | I think it is rather difficult question for me OP, because the answer is I don't know. I think those answers you are getting whether positive or negative, are rather hypothetical. Because in real life situation, those decisions are not made so casually.
If I was not able to enter fully into that relationship, I know for fact I would be friends with this person, providing I like them of course. I wouldn't be with them out of pitty whether it is a relationship or friendship. I find what happens when one enters into a relationship is like inevitable, there is pull and draw, we don't choose who we love. So, providing this is true who knows I may go against all odds, and try to make the best out the time we have. It's hard call, but I am sure I would go through many doubts and questions I would have to find answers to myself, I don't believe things are black and white.. 2cents La Gioconda | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/27/2009 11:45:11 PM | Thanks, it is good feedback, just to read people's first impressions or experiences. I'm not here for professional advice, especially since I've seen more than most people will ever see in their lifetime and am well aware of where research is at in this field of medicine. Again, I don't feel the need to go into all of the details, my main point is that I have always been very close friends with death, so to speak, but it is a dark area. My own mortality is just sort of another karmic piece in my life story. For me, I just want to know about people's feelings and thoughts about this, if it were them, and just try to imagine this six year period as fixed, and not having anything to do with medical technology.
Much appreciated. I am getting alot out of life and have always tried to live it to as full as I can, but it is just weird turning 30 and having completely different considerations about the future than most people my age. It's just an adjustment period right now trying to accept it and continue fulfilling my life's purpose. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:05:25 AM | Bodypro8 you have got to be one of the nicest people around. A person would be blessed to call you friend!!!!! And Tjay14u you have a great attitude!!
And as Auntie Mame says, life is a banquet and most people are choosing to starve. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:08:15 AM | I understand your curiosity OP, and how you think of yourself when turning 30, most people believe they have many things to look forward to. By the same token, death is something that has been removed from the society, especially this society, I am speaking of Western and it's viewed as something negative in life. However, it has always been part of life. I tend to think that our society lives very much a life of illusion, simulacrum, we are so busy with consumption even to notice each other. Still having said all that, I understand your journey is different from the vast majority, and not an easy one.I wish you that your next coming years are filled with lots of love and adventure and you allow yourself to take the best part out of it. I tend to believe that the main thing is finding peace and stillness of the mind in this lifetime, very difficult task to accomplish. Happiness and Love to You today. La Gioconda  | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:53:18 AM | firstly I admire the courage it took you to post this question , good on ya.
Second, of course I would date someone who is dying ..... sounds cliche but we're all dying every.single.day. You may have six years left (and I'm hoping it's many many more than that!) some of the rest of us may only have six days, six hours or six minutes....... point being - you never know exactly when you are going to die (despite what those late night infomercial type pyschics will tell you). I hope someone wouldn't judge me based on a medical diagnosis, illness doesn't define people. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 1:47:08 AM | We can all die in a moments notice. Car accidnet, plane crash. Who is to say. This sounds like an old book... oh yeah. LOVE STORY. Read it. It gives hope.  | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 2:24:16 AM | Life is too short, how true these words ring when someone close to you passes on...today i heard that my first teenage crush had a heart attack...yet looking back at Nathan's life he was blessed to have a beautiful wife and 2 kids..he will be missed. But I know that Nathan made the most of life, he pushed his boundaries, overcame fear and loved like no other...
To answer your question OP..I don't believe I am strong enough to date someone is dying...I believe it takes real strength to be able to do so. wishing you all good things..xx | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 3:48:25 AM | I think if a person falls in love, it is obviously the right thing to do.
I would want to make the person happy until the very bitter end despite the pain and grief to come.
That is called LOVE. If you really feel it for this man, you would not be asking this question...here... the answer would be in your HEART and your decision MADE.
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 5:00:38 AM | Well I think thats a personal choice really ,not one that can be made by others.
I mean if that person is dying they do deserve to enjoy there time here do they not? So me personally I would be there to make the time left happy ,of course ,but I wouldnt let myself get to attached to them as you know your going to lose them. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 5:11:17 AM | Would you dump someone you had been dating when they were dying if they were suddenly no longer dying, and go looking for another dying one to date?
How come dying is not a big red flag, but a guy with a comb-over can't get any love? | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:28:33 AM | If I met someone who I had that very special love for, that very deep and elusive connection with and they were dying, yes I would stay with them for however long they had left.
I would rather have six years of an extraordinary love with someone than a mediocre relationship with someone for the rest of my life, because for me, that would be like death. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:32:13 AM | | better to have loved for 1 day then to never have loved at all.yes i would if the feelings were there.take advantage of what you have in this life, this life is guaranteed you are here, thats the only guarantee we do have . seize the moment. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:34:09 AM |
I would rather have six years of an extraordinary love with someone than a mediocre relationship with someone for the rest of my life, because for me, that would be like death.
Bravo! | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 8:44:35 AM | | I think if you like someone enough you should date them even if they may not have much longer to live. Your choice to be companions with them will bring a great deal of happiness into their remaining life. Being with them will probably bring a great deal of joy into your life as well. | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 9:20:06 AM |
Would you date someone who is dying?
Short answer: Yes.
We are All dying and regardless of what we 'think' or what a doctor tells us Not one of us Really knows 'when' .. only that that time Will come.
That said, OP - it sounds to me more like you are 'convinced'/worried about your death = Because your mom died at a certain age. This is fairly common actually. Most of us (so psychologists say) tend to 'believe' we will die at roughly the same age as our same sex parent passed. Rarely does it actually happen that way, nonetheless it appears to be part of our make up ..
If You BELIEVE you are going to die at a certain time or age, then you may very well do just that - not because you are terminally ill or for any reason other than you Believe it. You say you've been getting weaker and weaker as time passes - Rather than just accepting that it is because you are in your last 6 years, why not Do positive things to improve your energy and overall health?
My Mom passed at 50. I am soooo much like her that I couldn't help but wonder if it was my final year as well. BUT - I also knew about this part of our psychology that has us 'believing' untruths. I (now) believe that had I clung to that mistaken belief - I may not be here today.
I had "Terminal" cancer in my 20's (doctor diagnosed and treated).
# 1 - I did Not believe that I was going to die. # 2 - I did Everything in my power to overcome that disease. In the end (obviously) I won and I firmly believe it is because of my belief system.
OP - I'm not trying to be mean or anything of the sort, but I sincerely do believe that you should talk to a psychologist about this. Tell them Exactly what you believe (about your life/death) and why. Even if you've been given an exact and clear diagnosis - You may well live to be 110. No one knows for Sure.
Live every moment in colour! Look both ways and then Leap Leap Leap!!
"I hope you dance" | |
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| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 9:53:02 AM | Depends on your maturity level and how you value relationships. When I was ill with a terminal disease, I still maintained my relationships and made new ones.
But then, I also recovered and didn't die as expected.....so......? | |
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rune3
| | Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 74 | |
| Would you date someone who is dying?
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:08:48 AM |
I would rather have six years of an extraordinary love with someone than a mediocre relationship with someone for the rest of my life, because for me, that would be like death. The difficulty I see is in developing that "extraordinary love" when you know the other person has a short time limit.
The knowledge would play into everything. If, 4 years down the line, you realise that actually, you've been turning a blind eye and keeping your mouth shut about far too many things and that actually, the two of you aren't suited; what will you do? Break up with them, knowing that they might not have time to get over it before they die or hang around, faking happiness and waiting for the deadline?
Some people are really good at compartmentalising: they could put the death sentence on a shelf and it would not be a factor in every interaction. Other people could not do that and with the death sentence being a factor in every interaction, there would be little possibility to genuinely relate to the person. The situation is totally unbalanced. If they are a jerk one day, will you tell them? If you are upset about something that happens as part of your ordinary life, will you be able to share it without feeling petty? How guilty will you feel if you treat them like an ordinary human being rather than one carrying a huge burden? The only relationship I can see is the kind that might be formed when someone is terribly lonely and has serious martyr tendencies or else, as previously mentioned, is an expert compartmentaliser.
The reality of humanity is, as many others have mentioned: there is always hope. Doctors rarely say "you will die in 6 years" -- more likely they will say "you have xyz and people with this condition often don't live more than 5 years, although some go on to live a lot longer". And you hope, then... There is always hope of some kind.
If, OP you expect to die merely because you "feel weak" and your mother died at that age, you are most likely wrong in your expectation and really should talk to a professional about your feelings as you are letting irrational thinking steal your life. | |
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