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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??      Home login  
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 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 26
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Walk away with head held high and know that there will always be a little something in your heart for that person because unrequited love never goes away - you only grow stronger because of it. It's actually a gift that it hasn't worked out - use it as a stepping stone to something bigger!
 mopar123
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 27
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/28/2009 6:47:43 PM
I agree with most of the posts here, it's all up to you and only you can decide what to do. Were it me, I'd let go, heal and live my life the only way I know how :200% full throttle, pedal to the metal!!!!!!!
 SweetSmartNSassy2
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 28
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:34:19 PM
OP, Cinema is right. when a man wants to be with you, nothing on God's green earth will stop him. he'll walk on his knees over broken glass 20 miles down the interstate to get to you.

when he doesn't want to be with you, you could send a custom limo with ESPN on the tv in the back, a full bar and anything else he would like on the drive and he won't even get into the damn car.

go read "He's Just Not That Into You." Best book I ever read, even at my advanced age. and you know something? as I read it, I realized I knew all this; I just need validation of what I knew to be true about men and relationships. and I'm not man-bashing here; it's just how it is. turn it around to the woman's side and you'll see the same behavior. if we women aren't into a man, how many ways do we find to not have any contact?

move on, let yourself heal, find someone who thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread!
 Ettien
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 29
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/28/2009 7:47:43 PM

I was seeing this guy for awhile only to find out he wasn't into me as much I was into him. However he did say he enjoys our conversations and that he would like us to remain friends. I wouldn't mind continuing a friendship. However, I'm upset because at first he was into me. I don't know what changed, he called all the time. Wanting to get to know me more, wanting to hang out a lot etc etc. He was funny,charming and I was really falling for him.Then all of a sudden he changed. He got cold and distant.I call him and we always talk, he doesn't seem like he's avoiding me, he calls but it's not as frequent as before. To be honest, I'm trying this friendship thing out in hopes of him coming around and changing his mind but I just doubt it. Should I just end things with him altogether?



I went through something similar. I think it's best to cut back hope, talk to them casually (i.e. no more than necessary) and if they remain the same, if they don't initiate contact, it's truly time to move on with your (love) life. This guy obviously decided you weren't the right one for him, and as much as you're infatuated with this guy, know that true love only works both ways. And if it's 1-way, it simply wasn't meant to be. You can take some solace in that. You win some, you lose a lot more. But keep your chin up, you're 22, there's plenty of time left.

It'll sting for a while, but you'll get on with your life, trust me.
 House Music Derrick
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 30
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/29/2009 3:10:39 AM
You are lucky you met such an honest person to sit down and say you know what instead of cheating on you I'm going to be honest and say I'm not that into you.

You have nothing to be angry about it sucks but its better then catching him giving it to someone else in your bed one night. Peoples feelings change it happens we are people we don't know what we want.

What doesn't happen often enough is people willing to have a sense of honor and be honest.
 Kingty
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 31
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/29/2009 6:31:44 AM
If he's willing be just friends he's not gonna change. If you hang around as a friend he'll just keep you on the bench while he test everyone he comes across while you get to hear all the details. I've played both positions. If yall are gonna be friends be friends if you want more deal with the pain and keep moving becuase he's not gonna come around.
 elsbethlette
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 32
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/30/2009 6:03:19 PM
I strongly suggest you google and read about "The Ladder Theory".
 spacetolet
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 33
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:25:28 PM
Delete all contact information now so that you won't be tempted to get in touch. When I broke it off with my bf, I packed up all his stuff, dropped it at his house and then deleted all his contact info. But then I was angry and that gave me the impetus to do what had to be done. Think about how this guy is hurting you maybe that will give you the motivation to drop contact.
 Dr Jonus
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 34
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:30:14 PM
Get out of your comfort zone. Date / go out with someone different: race, style, gender, lifestyle-(healthy-ish). Someone new a fresh, this way you can concentrate on if you like the change or not. He will eventually be gone.
My thoughts.
 moniquesc
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 35
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 3/31/2009 6:59:28 AM

To be honest, I'm trying this friendship thing out in hopes of him coming around and changing his mind but I just doubt it. Should I just end things with him altogether?



Please don't do this....What I could see happening is that he might meet someone and later break up with them only to come back to you as a rebound type thing. Then your feelings will become even stronger and he will once again waltz away to "friendship" land leaving you even more heartbroken.

I have been in this situation only once b4 and it was crazy. He came on soooooo strong and everything was great....then it seemed like overnight he didn't want me anymore....didn't call 10 times a day like he did b4, showed no interest in going out or seeing me.

It's not you it's HIM.
 Sunshine33066
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 36
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/1/2009 2:27:33 PM
In the early stages of dating, "feelings" is a fickle thing. As you are getting to know someone, anything can change your feelings. It can turn to total obssessive infatuation or it can turn to the arctic iceberg. There is no telling.

The good news is that if it goes cold, it could still possibly go back to being hot. I was seeing someone that I really thought didnt connect with me so well...but everytime I walked away, I'd miss him after a couple of days...and go back....did it so many times, that I just stopped walking away....he just does it for me-I accepted it, so although, i'm not chasing...I'm not running either. So, hey, there's still hope. Your guy may be in his "fickle-stage". He may have walked away and he may miss you when he does....Just dont hold your breathe, but there's still hope. Just dont chase after him...give him his space to work out whatever he's got going on in his head
 MOTORCYCLEMAN4U
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 37
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/1/2009 2:41:51 PM
Tell him you feel more for him than friendship and that it hurts you to see him because he does not feel the same. Then kindly ask him not to contact you wish him the best move on.
 Frau Bl├╝cher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 38
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/1/2009 3:15:45 PM
Nothing is worse than having strong feelings for someone, getting rejected, and then being asked to suckle at the teat of friendship. If you want to be privy to all the other women he dates, if you want to watch him fall in love with someone else, if you want hear about how happy he is with someone other than you, then go right ahead and be bosom buddies and lifelong pals. IME, the best way to get over him is to end all contact.
 Goodboy75
Joined: 3/12/2009
Msg: 39
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/1/2009 3:41:23 PM
You need to move on and only think of him as a fond memory of what could have been. Everyone deserves to be treated as special from their significant other.....not like a piece of merchandise that can be put on layaway.
 spicynicegirl
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 40
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/1/2009 3:59:16 PM
OP don't you hate it when this happens? I'm twice your age and I'm here to tell you it doesn't get any easier the older you get...................good luck with it all.
 shadowm89
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 41
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:20:46 PM

Walk away with head held high and know that there will always be a little something in your heart for that person because unrequited love never goes away - you only grow stronger because of it. It's actually a gift that it hasn't worked out - use it as a stepping stone to something bigge


i agree with her on this one
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 42
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 9:02:14 AM

Then all of a sudden he changed. He got cold and distant.I call him and we always talk, he doesn't seem like he's avoiding me, he calls but it's not as frequent as before
Avoid him altogether and cut off communications. Why should you waste your time on people who won't treat you right? Life is too short, find someone who will value you as a person. Good luck.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 43
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 12:27:07 PM

In the early stages of dating, "feelings" is a fickle thing. As you are getting to know someone, anything can change your feelings.


Aint that the truth.

OP go and find someone that *you* dont want, then you`ll see how this whole thing can work sometimes.
 ryansmsk
Joined: 11/4/2008
Msg: 44
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:34:20 PM
well you just have to gradually move on and try to meet other people , i've definity been thru a few situations like this where i was really into someone yet they seemed uninterested and even at times upset that i was even into them that way . sometimes it best to just except the fact there not into you and move on to other things and other people .
 Senor_Taco
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 45
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:39:03 PM
Y'all need to do more reading. She was with the dude for two years. It wasn't a throw-away thing. This is coming off a TWO YEAR RELATIONSHIP that is going to hurt when one person feels the need to stray.

I agree with everyone else here that if you can't see each other as friends in the long-term, then end it. Although, you do have other options. You can take some time away from each other to gather your thoughts, and if he comes back to you, then that's great (you know, if he doesn't want to stray again)! But, if nothing else, at least you can be confident that you were strong enough that he didn't need to validate your life for the time that he wasn't there.

In the book "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the lead character falls in love with a woman as a teen and continues to love her although she ends up marrying a doctor. He spends the next fifty years of his life trying to replace her, sleeping with every woman in the world while having that nagging hole in his chest push him away, making him distant. He comes back to his first love as her husband dies and sees her husband's funeral as an opportunity to pursue her, but she turns away, naturally. It isn't until he realizes what he's done in his life, that his need for her pushed her away, that they finally find each other again and truly fall in love.

You have a history together. Memories can both be a blessing and a curse, but the way that you view those memories can change how you feel about it. Be happy that you had that time together and find a place within yourself to let go. Call him in a month or three just to see how things are going. See how you feel about him then.
 Senor_Taco
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 46
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How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:42:19 PM

His excuse was that he was too busy with his life at the moment to continue a relationship and he felt we drifted apart as well. For some reason, I don't believe that but whatever.. This going to be hard to just let go of a 2 year relationship. I don't even remember how my life was like without him, this is seriously going to be hard for me..
 sweetsexyandavailable
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 47
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 6:43:41 PM
>>How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??<<

you get under someone else
 StillBoredFme
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 48
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:15:08 PM
I'll share my experience with you, maybe it will help...
Like you I was really disappointed when I got dumped because she was the one to ask me out. She grew on me and I ended up liking her more than she did me. Eventually she ended it saying, sometimes you realize your better off as friends. After the break up she texted me and stuff a couple of times. I chose to ignore her because I was angry (she wasn' t completely honest about the break up). Eventually I gave in and responded to her texts. Our communication was never the same, she went from making me feel good about myself to making me feel bad. So I decided to move on and gave up on her. I wish I never gave up because I still think about her all the time. Now all I'm left with are memories and old pictures that I try to never look at. So if you have any hopes of getting back with this guy keep in touch. It's going to be extremely difficult, but it's the only way to give yourself a chance. Good Luck Girl, hoped I helped you out a little bit.
 cannpeters
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 49
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:45:36 PM
You may need to spend some time with no contact with this guy. Often when one is staying friends with someone hoping the other person will change his/her mind about a relationship, the person is hurt. What if he starts dating someone else? How would you feel then?

I stayed friends one time with an ex-boyfriend because I hoped he would remember what we had and want me back. I was very hurt when he told me months later that he was seeing someone. I broke off contact after that. I just realized it was doing me more harm than good to try to stay friends with him. He thought of me as a buddy to talk to while I had hoped he would fall for me again. We eventually became friends later on, but only after I got over my feelings for him and realized it was never going to happen.

Save your feelings and move on. It will be much easier after a little bit of time. Yes, it's hard at first, but you can do it. Most of us have had to at one time or another. And guess what? Life goes on, and we are fine.
 *in*spiration
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 50
How do you get over someone who doesn't want you??
Posted: 4/3/2009 12:09:48 AM
You cannot be "just friends" with him. You want him as a boyfriend. You ask about getting over someone...

Not that a compulsion exists with you, but turn this over a bit in your mind:

While walking the sidewalk I approached a tavern where I found a man looking about as if he'd lost something. He was looking through the curb and along the cars, up and down the walk in front of the tavern. I asked, "Are you looking for something?" "What is it?" He replied, "I can't find my keys." "Oh", I said, and continued: "Where do you remember having them last?" He said, "In the tavern for sure." "Well, why are you not looking for them in there?" He then said, "Because the light's better out here."

How often we look in the wrong place when we find ourself in trouble.
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