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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 1:51:25 PM | | Sounds like a relentless stalker....THIS WILL NOT ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU"RE HOPING FOR. It will only reinforce her feelings of being smothered, and push her further away from you. It sounds more desperate than anything I've ever heard. It DOES NOT i repeat NOT come across like a sweet expression of honest heartfelt love. It's pushy, and WAY over the top. Put it in a drawer and read it again in a week, see what you think. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:31:13 PM | | Hey look, You want her back pretty bad, thats obvious. Sorry I've been there done that. If you feel it necessary to send the letter send it. See what response you get back. If she says no, stop contacting her and let it be. Move on and find someone else, she can only hurt you more now. Sorry thats all the advice I have. Hope this helps. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:53:34 PM | I say BURN THE LETTER!!!!!!! 
If you have any pictures of her, then burn those too. Before you do, go to Amazon and use their "MP3 Downloads" search engine to find a KISS song called "Burn B!tch Burn" ($0.89). Play that while burning the letter and/or her picture(s).
Sorry..., couldn't resist! | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 4:55:00 PM | omordako ...
Look, I realize you're hurting and it feels like your world is crashing down ... but, honestly ... you're not listening. The letter is NOT going to help you. Do NOT send it. WALK AWAY and stay busy with CONSTRUCTIVE behavior. Walking away is the only hope you have at salvaging anything with this girl. Do you want to end up with a restraining order against you? That's where it may end up if you don't give her space and back off.
I'm sure you mean well by the letter, but you're moving from desperation to borderline stalker behavior.
One question you need to ask yourself ... are you really asking us for advice, or are you just trying to validate behavior that the majority of people here have advised you against? | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 6:55:31 PM | So, this girl cheats on you, breaks up with you, manipulates you, dumps you again and is seeing someone else...
And you want to:
deep down I want to keep calling, keep texting, and deliver flowers to her work!
This chick have beer flavored nipples or something? Just pay your neighbor $20 to kick you in the nutz if you're that into getting hurt. | |
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Ettien
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Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 30 | |
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:21:27 PM |
I talked to her on phone for 50 minutes today. She said shes not dating anyone, and he wasnt there when I went to dorm. She said she was busy studying and scared of how I came up to her room even after she said no she was busy.
She said she put "in a relationship" because shes tired of getting 10 messages a day from guys hitting on her.
I put an away up 2 days ago "You know its bad when you call a suicide prevention hotline, are on hold for 32 minutes, then somebody picks up/hangs up on you......message me if ya care, but you wont"
And she told me she WAS going to give me a 2nd chance...but now because of the away message, and coming up to her dorm room, she is too scared to be with me. She had a friend in 8th grade kill themself, i explained to her I wasnt suicidal just depressed. I lied and said I was drunk when I did that away and I'm never drinking again. She said she can never forget how I scared her by doing those 2 things.
I asked her if she wants time to think, she said no she wants a clean breakup, but we can still be friends she said. She said she'd come over tonight for 2 seconds to give my stuff back, I said no make it in a few days, because I'd rather see her when shes more calm.
She also said today on the phone that she loves me, but again, too scared to be with me now.
I asked if I sound stupid/desperate...she said yes. She ended the call by saying she has to go to class, which is a lie because her classes are all done in the morning...
What do I do now?
See that "start" button down at the bottom left of your computer screen? Click there, then go to SHUT DOWN and step away from the computer. Your controlling and immature behavior is a self-defeating cycle, and I don't blame her AT ALL for not wanting to get back. Do NOT send the letter, it will only push her further away.
You just gotta move on, man. IT'S OVER. FINITO. Learn from it so that your next relationship might work out for the long haul. Think of her as an important chapter in your life, but certainly not your WHOLE life. She made a pit stop during your life journey, you guys shared some good things, some very bad things... and she picked up her stuff and drove on. Don't chase after her. Stand back, watch her ride off into the sunset and carry on with yourself.
People come and go in our lives. The key is to remember the (good and bad) experiences that they taught us... never repeat mistakes... and continue to solidify yourself as a man.
You will find another girl... EVENTUALLY. Start anew. There's just too much bad history with this girl for it to work, bro. This is not a time to HANG ON.... it's a time to LET GO.
End of story, period.
Good luck. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:06:29 PM | Honestly, OP, I don’t even know why you keep posting to your thread asking for advice, because YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO what anybody is saying.
STOP contacting this girl, for the love of God and sanity. You are creeping me out with every new post, so I can only imagine what she’s thinking right now. Between your IM to her, the 50 minute phone conversation, and this letter you’ve drafted…I honestly felt bad for you yesterday, but frankly, I’m starting to side with the ex gf at this point.
Next thing you know, she’ll have a restraining order against you, and you’ll be asking “what should I do now? How long do those last? Can I still at least call her?”
My sincere recommendation is that you print out this thread, schedule an appointment with a therapist, and let him/her read what you’ve written here. Your behavior is bordering on crazy and it doesn’t seem like you’re able to control yourself. Seriously, get yourself some professional help before it gets out of hand. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:10:46 PM | I agree with the other posters here. STOP!! That letter is just going to drive her further away. She might have another guy, or she might not. Doesn't matter. You are done. Leave it alone and start working on getting your life back.
If a guy did the things you are doing, it would scare me, too. I know you really want to change her mind, but this is not doing it. Leave her alone. Maybe in a few months, you'll hear from her again.
You're young. Go on with life. I'm sure you can find another girl in no time. Just have fun, concentrate on you. | |
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Exxes
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Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 33 | |
| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 12:03:57 AM | Wait wait wait hold on...... The suicide hotline hung up on you???????? LMAO!!
seriously....dude, wheres your balls.... you dont go telling 19 year old girls that you wanna fall asleep holding them,,, that you NEED to hold them while you sleep...just to sleep.. cmon man, usually id chastise people like you, but im turning a new leaf here.
that falling asleep stuff is what you do with your wife, not someone who just turned adult. y'know? keep your head up, and dont hate the girl... its not her fault.... shes just a girl.. nothing more.
Exxes  | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:01:46 AM | | Unless you like all this drama nad calling the suicide hotline...then you need to let this girl go. Trust me....You will find another girl who not only makes you feel as good as she has.....but someone who won't have you feeling so down and depressed. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:18:37 AM | Sorry for not listening, but my heart says fight for this girl.
I just had a chat with her on AIM...i think it went pretty well, maybe a 2nd chance coming my way...? You're just going to bash me, but here goes, let me know what you think of her comments.
[08:25] OoMordakoO: i have a question...i know you said you'd stick by me if i was bald and had no teeth...but what if i had a mental illness that was a disability? would you of stuck by my side?
[08:26] her: of course...why would you ask?
[08:26] OoMordakoO: because I would stick by your side and help you with it too...
[08:28] her: ok but thats such a random ? i thought u were gonna tell me u had something at first
[08:29] OoMordakoO: and a disability is a lot more serious than what I did....and what if I do have depression like my mom? That is a medical disability michelle...in all the time ive known you, its never been like you to ignore me, I assumed because of our time together that was OK to come and face you
[08:29] OoMordakoO: the doctors keep saying i have anxiety/panic attacks, so maybe they're right, and maybe depression too...
[08:32] her: i didnt ignore you Jeremy i've had other things to do but i did ignore you when you mentioned on AIM about the suicide
[08:32] OoMordakoO: youre leaving me in my biggest time of need...youre passing out (here i put a lot of good memories we had together)
[08:33] her: yea i really wasn't thinking of that when you came upstairs to my room
[08:34] OoMordakoO: & i understand that now. it was wrong of me to do that, i understand youre worried about this test on thursday and i dont want to make things more difficult for you than they are
[08:34] OoMordakoO: i want to make your life as easy as possible and stress free for you
[08:35] her: why couldn't you say all of these romantic things before to me? you said love will grow over time why say it now?
[08:36] OoMordakoO: my mom says that couples fight all the time, but its necessary in order to grow a stronger bond with each other, because when they get back together, they realize they never want to go through that again, never risk losing the person again...you went through that feeling when cheating on me, that you never want to do that again, and I believe you 100%...now im the 1 that screwed up and im realizing that I never want to go through this again either
[08:37] OoMordakoO: I always said romantic things to you Michelle, and I show you it too...and if i had a chance, I would show you 10 times as much how much I love you
[08:38] OoMordakoO: Our trip to botanical gardens was so romantic
[08:38] OoMordakoO: & the festival of lights...
[08:38] OoMordakoO: Im not crazy like Chris, I'm so sorry you got that vibe by me coming upstairs =[
[08:39] OoMordakoO: and now more than ever I wish we took more pictures together as a couple
[08:39] her: and you never put up our pic on facebook from valentines day
[08:40] OoMordakoO: my hair looked really bad in it, and it embarrassed me, i didn't tell you. but if it doesn't embarrass you, then i wish i told you and i would of put it up
[08:40] OoMordakoO: i just wrote a ton of things and all you respond to is the pic? :(
[08:41] OoMordakoO: ive hurt myself through this even more than you hurt me by cheating on me by realizing what a mistake i made
[08:42] OoMordakoO: and i don't care if i sound desperate, because i know you're my soul mate Michelle
[08:44] her: but here's the point u were embarrassed but i was'nt!!!! that pic meant a lot more to me then your haircut did and you should of realized that out of the many times i had asked you to put it up...i have to go to class
[08:45] OoMordakoO: & me work....bye
at which point I text her saying "hope you have a good day, I emailed you the picture, please think about what I said" and she responds "hope you have a good day too"
Now I'm not gonna talk to her for a couple days unless she contacts me... | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:28:07 AM | Jeremy:
I'm not sure why you're reading interpreting this conversation as a good sign...I don't see much input from her, and what is there from her isn't overly positive. To me, it seems like more manipulation (comparing a control issue to mental illness). She even asked you why you're saying these things now (meaning, after the relationship is over).
I still don't think overwhelming her is the right answer, but you are an adult, and free to reach your own conclusions, so if you think what you're doing is right, by all means proceed. I don't get the feeling that you're paying attention to any advice that is being offered here, so I'll stop offering any. I wish you the very best Jeremy, and I hope we don't end up reading the conclusion to this story in the papers....You take care. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:50:11 AM | Jeremy ...
I have to agree with anonymouslyme on this one. You're still coming off as manipulative (as in, "I have an illness, please have pity on me."), needy, and controlling. None of those are attractive traits.
There's really not much more that can be said, that already hasn't been covered. We're not bashing you ... just trying to offer words of guidance based on our own experiences. If you're not going to heed it, then there's no point continuing the thread. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:51:02 AM | I agree with the above poster. :| Nothing really good comes out of that conversation really...
She said she would stick by your side even if you had mental illness, and then she said she was worried that you were going to tell her something. (if you did have mental illness, would she really stick by you?).
You said she left you "in your biggest time of need". If you meant by this biggest time of need is losing her, grow up.... Everyone goes through a broken heart all the time. They never ask their ex to be there for them when they're going through a break up. That wouldn't have been a break up if their ex stick around for them when they're going through a break up. Now, if she was leaving you when you were having some kind of a family crisis or other things, that's a different story.
You're just not listening to anybody about anything. Why bother posting another post really? You're pushing her away, you're manipulating her, guilt tripping her, etc. You're not only hurting yourself like you had already mentioned to her many many many times so she would come back to you. But, honestly, if you really cared for her, if you REALLY loved her, you would have respected her decision and her choice of a clean break up. But yet, you're not respecting her, and you're still pushing her to stick with you, and that's SELFISH. No matter if you think you should fight for her.
Now my question for you to think about, what if she doesn't call you or contact you in the "couple days" you said you're not contacting her? What are you going to do then? Wait around? Move on? Or contact her and manipulate, throw a hissy fit that she didn't contact you, or pester her into getting back together with you? (I would bet 20 bucks, you'd do the latter).
PS: At first I felt kinda bad for you that she cheated on you etc etc, but now I feel bad for her that you're stalking her around like that. | |
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| Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :(
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:09:03 AM |
Sorry for not listening, but my heart says fight for this girl
Sorry to say, but your heart is not what’s causing this irrational, obsessive-compulsive behavior, and your actions are not those of love. They are actions of manipulation due to your feelings of desperation and apparent fear of abandonment.
You’ve referenced mental illness (depression, anxiety/panic attacks) and it seems you’ve been raised with the belief that dysfunctional relationships are normal. Fighting all the time does not build a stronger bond for couples. Yes, disagreements will arise, but when arguing/fighting becomes the rule rather than the exception, something is wrong.
As I already said, you need to take these issues up with a professional or you will continue to find yourself in the same place over and over again. Five heartbreaks at 23? You say this one is the worst, but I suspect you demonstrated similar behavior when the others ended. Obsession/desperation is never attractive and is likely to blame for your previous relationships ending. | |
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