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El Efe
| | Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 28 | |
| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/1/2009 11:39:33 AM | Given what I know about women...and I'd like to say I know a lot...I can say with confidence that changing this poor sap's shirt will not make her attracted to him. He needs to fundamentally change as a person in order that to occur.
Sadly (or amusingly, depending on your vantage point and moral compass), the OP will remain in this lie of a relationship with her man while she readily soaks up attention from sexier guys like the simple little sponge God made her to be. Then, there will be a tipping point when she gives in to her desires in a lusty explosion of "it just sorta happened". I hear they make movies on such premises.
F. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:57:17 PM | | This is a difficult situation. It is entirely possible to find someone very interesting and want to spend time alone with them but not feel romantically towards them. Assuming that you both do want some sort of relationship - friendship, romance, or otherwise - then at some point there has to be a 'negotiation'. This would be where you and he decide what relationship you both want or can cope with. You may not be able to agree on this, in which case unresolved tensions will eventually cause it to fall apart. I've learned from experience that there has to be an agreement; it can't be a one-sided decision. But how to introduce the topic? You need to get across to him somehow that you like spending time with him but just as a friend. It's not fair to mislead him. I'm assuming that here you are dating him and that he thinks this a romantic situation? In which case, I guess you want to head off a physical approach before you are both embarassed. If it is still an undetermined relationship then it's even more difficult, because by saying something you are presuming he has romantic intentions when he might not have. That could be perceived as presumuptuous and insulting. Maybe saying something like 'I'm meeting various people as friends at the moment rather than getting romantically involved' might prompt a discussion about the situation without presuming anything. I'd be interested to know what happens. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:10:52 PM | The thing is i do want a relationship with him , i dont think im using this guy at all .
the whole clothes thing we went shopping together , i picked out thingsthat i thought would look nice on him i even offered to pay for it but everything i did pick out he just wasn't opposed to it . he just likes simple black colors .
i know everone is thinking what attracted me to him in the first place if this is the way i feel , to answer that question what attracted me to his was his intelligence and and his geeky look , he wears glasses etc , he's so goal oriented always talking about jobs, so into his education, and loves the whole media production things when it comes to computers etc . so thats what attracted me to him .
i though as time went on he'll grow on me and ill be able to look pass his appearance but its gettign to the point where its annoying me . because im a girl who likes to keep myself looking decent at all times , and when we do hang he just comes anyhow . i did tell him about how i feel about that and it makes me feel likes he's doesn't put effort into his appearance . he says he going to change that but , he not open to any of my suggestions . it just leaves me like blahhhhhhhhhh..................
so i really am trying here with this guy but its like how far can someone's nice ways go verses their physical appearance .??????????????? | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:39:07 PM | | Here a little something i was told when i was younger by my mother which to this day i still believe in and will always believe in. Dont judge people by there looks judge them by whats inside of them. I had my share of girls who i had people tell me why am i with them because the way they dress. I just tell them because i like the way they are i believe everyone should have the right to dress how ever they want to. If u cant accept the fact that this guy is treating you with respect but yet you dont like the way he dresses then i think u need to let him go. Because im sure there alot of girls out there who would be more happy to have someone who respects them more then what they look like. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/2/2009 2:40:22 PM |
so my question is how can you go about dating someone who your not that attracted to but scared to loose them because your scare you wount meet someone else who wiill treat you that way.
I think the better question is how can you cheat someone this way. I am not trying to be harsh yet I feel I have to say this. To me if someone stays with someone they dont' have a connection with because of the monetary gain or the way they are treated; that is worse than cheating on the physically. To do this is to cheat them out of the chance to really find that person to love, and be loved in return...
Yes, it take c0urage to leave a safety zone, so who said having courage was with out fear. Only the truely brave will swallow their fear and fly when needed.
My advice is cut him loose if you can give to him what he gives to you. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:16:48 PM | Let this guy go find a girl whose tumblers he aligns. You're not doing this guy any favors stringing him along.
Think of some guy who you're attracted to, but who treats you like crap. Imagine him treating you the way this guy treats you. Are you still attracted to him?
If yes, good. Go out and find a guy like that.
If no, well, you have deeper problems. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:16:40 PM | | Dress him and open his eyes to fashion...... if your still not attracted to him......there are other guys out there that will treat you like a princess....right now you sound like someone who wants to settle even if though not entirely happy.....Also what happened to honesty cuz honestly things wil become bad once the truth is revealed and its more painful then + it can be also considered a true waste of time which leads to anger and regret..though i personally believe time isnt wasted if you view it as a learning experience...please note learning experience like that sucks ....good luck. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:27:28 PM | | listen if you dont want him entirely let him know. Let him know how you feel about everything....if your not using him your surely leading him on.....let him go....life is short....havent you heard that women want to change men and it doesnt work.....or how about you can't show an old dog new tricks......if your not suffering now you will be and so will he.. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:53:02 PM | | I have found that over time, a man who treats me well, starts looking pretty darn sexy. Your post seems to hint at the way he dresses makes him unattractive and I can empathize. This is where you become pro-active. Go clothes shopping with him and buy him clothes that you would like to see him in. Ask him to wear these clothes when you go out together. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/3/2009 8:57:22 AM |
Dress him and open his eyes to fashion...... if your still not attracted to him..
Awww, why go to all of that trouble, and money?
Have him come over to your house, strip him naked, check it out from every angle, and then see if you find him attractive!
OT.... If you aren't attracted to someone you are doing him a HUGE disservice by remaining with him. Release him and let him find someone to love who appreciates his "quirkiness". | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/4/2009 8:02:04 AM | Hmm here is a twist...what if he is not attracted to you? What if he just treats you good because he views you as a really good friend and wants to keep your friendship. Maybe it is in his nature to treat people very well, people that you like and care for. You do not have to be romantic to treat a person well.
Just a thought... | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/4/2009 2:24:38 PM | I think it is interesting that almost everyone has advised you to end the relationship. The next thing will presumably be your boyfriend posting a question about why women dump nice guys.
I think the first question is whether the problem is that you don't fancy him or that you don't like the way he dresses. If it is the clothes then it is worth trying to do a deal where he wears what he is comfotable with most of the time and on special occassions, family events etc he dresses up in smarter clothes that you are happy with. But you may not succeed. I have a friend who will only ever wear jeans and a t-shirt, even to weddings and funerals. I'd find that very hard to cope with in a boyfriend, not because the clothes matter to me but because turning up like that at formal events appears to me to show a lack of respect for other people.
It is possible to become attracted to someone you don't initially fancy - and I speak from experience here. I didn't fancy my boyfriend at all when I first met him and he didn't fancy me. We agreed to be platonic friends. But somewhere along the line, as we got to know each other better and like one another more, the attraction also grew and I am certainly very attracted to him now. So it is still possible that the physical attraction might grow. But if you've known him for 4 months and like him a lot but don't feel any attraction developing I rather doubt if it is going to happen. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/4/2009 4:27:02 PM | | It's not really fair to either of you. Let him find someone who really wants to be with him. And you shouldn't settle for someone you aren't attracted to. It doesn't matter how well he treats you. You need to let him go sooner than later. It's not nice to keep him around simply because you don't want to be alone or until you find someone else. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/5/2009 6:37:05 AM |
what attracted me to his was his intelligence and and his geeky look , he wears glasses etc , he's so goal oriented always talking about jobs, so into his education, and loves the whole media production things when it comes to computers etc . so thats what attracted me to him .
Geeks generally aren't known for their fashion sense. If he usually wears black, it could be that it's safe for him - he doesn't have to worry about matching complimentary colors and patterns. It's just black. It's also possible that he's color blind. You may want to ask (in a gentle way that doesn't call his taste into question...).
I tend to agree with the others who say you should end the relationship because you're not just concerned with him looking a little dumpy, you're calling his appearance "annoying". That's a big deal. It's also awfully arrogant for you to be trying to change him after knowing him such a short time, and how many men like that? If he were asking your help in selecting his wardrobe, that would invite your input. But you're trying to make him into something you think is important, not accepting him as he is. You're not raising an issue about hygiene or bad behavior, just the way he dresses. It doesn't sound like he's a slob, it sounds like he just doesn't come up to your "standards" of fashion. If you want a clothes horse, go find one, because if you raise the issue again, I guarantee this guy will kick you to the curb across the street. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:17:12 AM | If you're hanging with him because you like how he treats you but you aren't attracted to him you're just being unfair to the poor guy, just let him go so he can find someone that IS attracted to him.
On the other hand, if you think he's great and spend a lot of time with him, if you really really like him and not just because of how he treats you, then why the hell should you be overly concerned with how he dresses? | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:34:13 AM | This may not be popular but the answer is yes.
I lived in Asia for a while (for work) and met alot of women who said that looks was not as important as the "kind heart". So, many of them were dating and marrying men, not based on how good looking or good the chemistry was, but based on how the man made them feel as a person, as long as they were decent looking (and that is an easy decent).
But Asia (I worked in Korea, Japan and Hong Kong) has a different mentality than America, where value isn't put on as much on physical attraction.
Americans (and Canadians) put alot of value on looks and chemistry. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/17/2009 8:51:08 AM |
Ive been dating this guy , for about 4 months now
he's really great in the way he treats me he literally treats me like a princess, he;s a really nice guy , very goal oriented to sum it up everything that im seeking in a man
i've had my fair share of losers in my past.
the problem is im not that physically attracted to him, and the way he dresses kinda sometimes just turn me off.
im not a materalistic person i dont care if someone shops at wallmart, kmart, whatever as long as they can put together whatever it is they wear nicely.
i dont want to let him go because i do like him and like i said he's treats me really good and these days its really hard to find a goood guy who can treat you good .
so my question is how can you go about dating someone who your not that attracted to but scared to loose them because your scare you wount meet someone else who wiill treat you that way.
Yeah, people will tell you don't judge a book by it's cover and may call you shallow and insensitive, but the reality is that in the long-term if you aren't physically attracted to someone your relationship is going to suffer in more ways than one. How can you bring yourself to be intimate with someone who turns you off physically? From personal experience, that is a recipe for disaster. You are going to find your 'eyes wandering' from time-to-time and then one day there's a good chance you're gonna act on that urge. The longer you stay in it --the harder it'll be to get out of the hole you dug.
Out of curiosity: what do you bring to the table for this guy? since he treats you so well. Do you reciprocate? Hey, maybe you are keepin it real and did think it'd work out in the long-run ..who knows? who can prove it? A good sign is that you tried to talk things out.. But it still just seems like you're trying to have your cake ant eat it too because you're afraid of not meeting someone who "treats you this way". You can't CHANGE PEOPLE. People can only change themselves! Either you accept it all with the good and the bad or you kick it to the curb and keep it movin'. At any rate --you need to tell him FAST and tell him the TRUTH. To whom much is given ...much is required...and on that note --not everyone has their screws in place properly..feelin' me???
It's a learning experience..do LEARN from it..don't make the same mistake twice, and move on... | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:17:05 AM |
the problem is im not that physically attracted to him
That is a HUGE problem. You're DATING someone you're not attracted to, and you're using him for attention, comfort and feeling wanted. OMG. That's worse than being used for sex. When someone (usually gals of course) are used for sex, it doesn't last more than a few nights... but you're dragging this poor sap along for 4 months?? Unless you told him "I'm not attracted to you, but you treat me well, so that's why I still go out with you," you're being horrible to him.
You may think your situation is "different" or "unique" -- but it's simply using someone! You're knee-deep in using someone because you've been dating for a good while. Tsk tsk! No - that's not alright! | |
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