| | Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very wellPage 3 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Yea, a few of you summed it up nicely--She totally using him:
She likes the way he treats HER, She is SCARED she wont meet someone that will treat her the way he does, and shes is way stuck on the way he dresses--which is to mean how HE looks as a reflection on HER.
HE deserves a woman who will give back as much as he gives, which is obviously a lot since he treats you so well, and a woman who appreciates him for who he is--WITHOUT changing him. Anything less is a lie, and he doesnt deserve to be used like this. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:24:07 AM | | I didn't read the entire thread so this might have already been covered, but I don't think you could really date someone you're not attracted to. Eventually, and probably sooner than later, you're going to start finding yourself thinking you could do better. This guy might be a helluva guy, but you should probably let him go to be with someone who does find him attractive. It's not fair to him and in the long run, you're going to come out looking like b!tch for leading him on. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 4:10:29 AM | it sounds like you have an appreciation for his many good qualities and you've tried to like him more, yet you just can't make yourself feel what isn't there.....good ol basic chemistry
i couldn't do it at all and if i wasn't attracted to him, i would have stopped long before now. i find myself unable to date someone i'm not attracted to
on the other hand - personality and good treatment are a big percentage of the attraction for me - just not 100% | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 4:19:01 AM | | It seems to be one of the current dating beliefs that there must be instant chemistry - and if there isn't there will never be any attraction. But it isn't necessarily so. If you like the person and like the way they behave then attraction can develop over time. There's just no guarantee that it will. But unless someone actually repulses you physically it is worth giving it a go to see if attraction does develop. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:26:32 AM | Nice guys!! Nice guys. Read this. Read what the OP had to say. This is a classic scenario. It happens all the time. Not only here in the forums or POF but in real life. Make a mental note. Do you want to become nothing but the sugar daddy, being kept around because you provide, do things for her, dote on her, but the girl would prefer if she did not sleep with you.
To the OP, stop using the poor b astart. Stop leading him on. To all the Nice guys. Your idiotic behavior of putting women on pedestals will always lead to the above case. To the point that she will marry you while having someone else's baby, may give you a few pity fvcks to keep you around, and eventually will get sick and tired of your a ss, and cheat on you or simply leave you because you have become more enamored with the remote control than her. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 9:42:38 AM | AuntEmily,
It seems to be one of the current dating beliefs that there must be instant chemistry - and if there isn't there will never be any attraction.
No, it isn't. I hear ya on people who think someone has to be the hottest person they've ever seen, and want to drop to their knees in lust and puppy love 5 seconds after they meet them. I don't agree with that either, but this is clear-as-a-bell different than that.
The OP is treated like a princess and catered to, and -that's WHY- she keeps going out with him, despite him being unattractive to her. That's HORRIBLE. Some will play the game of "tradition" to rationalize their way thru it, but I think deep down inside, despite what grandma may say and whatnot, everyone knows there's something not good with that (which is why she posted the message).
You need to be physically, sexually attracted to the person to go out with them. Otherwise, you're playing games. Sure, arranged marriages CAN work and everyone has an oddball story in which something works... Some people can end up "growing into" the other person and up finding them attractive -- but usually, guess what? That attraction that ended up being there, ends up fading away.
If you're not physically, sexually attracted to them, but you're going out with them, you're doing something stupid and immature. Bottom line. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 9:54:59 AM | | I've kind of been on both sides of this. I dated a girl I wasn't really that attracted to because she treated me good. The way she treated me made me attracted to her. But when she stopped doing all those nice things as much our relationship really suffered... In another relationship I treated the girl great and was strung along till she found someone "better". It sucked. If he is treating you great and your still not attracted to him then do the guy a favor and end it now, don't wait till you find someone else. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 4/20/2009 2:54:31 PM |
The OP is treated like a princess and catered to, and -that's WHY- she keeps going out with him, despite him being unattractive to her. That's HORRIBLE. Some will play the game of "tradition" to rationalize their way thru it, but I think deep down inside, despite what grandma may say and whatnot, everyone knows there's something not good with that (which is why she posted the message).
She's going out with someone who she likes and who treats her well. What's horrible about that? If she has pretended that she is deeply in love with him in order to secure his attentions then that would be horrible. Or if she is having sex with him, despite not finding him attractive, simply to secure his attention then that would be horrible. But simply dating someone she likes and who likes her? No that isn't horrible at all. Dating someone is no guarantee that the relationship will go further, it can be ended by either side at any tiime if they don't want to continue it. She's enjoying his company and he is enjoying hers. What do you see as wrong in this.
You need to be physically, sexually attracted to the person to go out with them. Otherwise, you're playing games. Sure, arranged marriages CAN work and everyone has an oddball story in which something works... Some people can end up "growing into" the other person and up finding them attractive -- but usually, guess what? That attraction that ended up being there, ends up fading away.
Actually physical attraction quite often develops when you get to know someone better. For example most office romances don't occur because people are overwhelmed with the physical attraction of the other person. They happen because people working in close proximity get to know and like each other, have stuff in common and eventually find that feelings develop. Of course physical attraction won't develop if you find someone repulsive. But if it's just that you aren't attracted to start with it can grow. And yes, it can fade away too - but that usually happens if the things that attracted you to the individual are no longer there. And physical attraction to someone who absolutely knocked you out when you first met them can also fade away if they start to behave in a way you find repugnant.
Quite how any of this applies to the OP is another matter. If she has been dating him for 5 months and her feelings towards him aren't warming then perhaps it is time to say that it will never happen for her. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:32:21 AM | I tried it and it didnt work out, he was sweet and understanding but when it all came down to it I just could see us "getting physical".
So I have l learned the hard way that, maybe I am shallow but attraction is important. Not most important but I do have to have some type of physical attraction to the guy.
Besides there are attractive guys out there that know how to treat a woman not all those guys are jerks :) | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:49:10 AM | Do him a favor. Drop him. Let him find some one who can accept and appreciate him as he is. If you marry him, you will only be discontented and you will be destined to stray.
Just be at ease with it. How will you feel knowing some other woman is enjoying his company instead of you?
Does the phrase "Taking for granted" mean anything to you?
Do you really think that this guy loves EVERYTHING about you? Are you foolish enough to believe he's 100% happy with all you offer?
Men, THIS is a modern woman. THIS is what's out there. It's sad, isn't it?
We can only hope this guy reads the message and bolts. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:08:22 PM | If a man is treating you well, I imagine taking you out and paying for meals etc and you have no intentions of getting intimate with him and are not attracted to him, then why lead him on? He will want sex sooner or later and get angry that you have lead him on. You are better off on your own or leaving the door open for someone else to come in.
You are cheating yourself and him. If you are accepting gifts from him then stop doing that. He will get very bitter and may take it out on you. Finish it now. Men dont want friendship with women and if you are having sex with him then you are definitely doing the wrong thing. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:00:38 PM | | Seems like you're with him out of convenience because he treats you well. I tend to believe relationships that are built out of convenience don't last that long and eventually someone will stray, especially if attraction is not there. Perhaps it would be best for the both of you to part ways and maybe later in life you two meet up again (single) and you'll find him attractive. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:28:00 PM | You'll have your answer lickety-split when someone better comes along.
But at least before that happens, boost his ego by letting him know the difference between how well he treats you compared to those who don't.
Remember, the "best you can do" and the "best there is" are two entirely different things. | |
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| Can you date someone who your not attracted to; but they treat you very well
Posted: 7/12/2012 8:48:16 PM | To OP,
If it's his way of clothing style, then simply give him a make over. Some guys just need a new hair cut or a new shirt to make them look bright. And most guys don't care enough to do that themselves.
And could I date someone who I am not attracted to, but treats me well.... hmm
I would say yes, I could. :]
Though I would try to change them to my likings :P | |
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