| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 3/31/2009 8:53:31 PM | | Was dating someone and it was going well. About a month in lost my job and all of a sudden it changed. I think that a lot of it was her fear of my leaving and abandonment issues. But anyway she did end it lately. We got along fabulously and had dated for almost three months. I was ready to change my area of work in order to stay here but now I will need to go elsewhere. I emailed all of my recent viewed you people today and put it in there that I was unemployed. I was surprised to hear from some that it didn't matter but they all seemed to be from far away. So I don't know what the answer is and that we had all better try to be open minded and take care of each other. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:04:06 PM | ^^^^^ Good post! I haven't read most of the posts as most seem to be in jest anyway. The economy has nearly ruined my business and now trying to start another. It's very hard being the one that usually picks up the tab, hosts the party etc... and now you are humbled by a dramatic loss in revenue. I've had a few women contact me on POF and let them know I am putting all efforts/moneys into a new business. They say stuff like it "doesn't cost much to have a picnic in the park," which I agree but what happens after the park?
Only good thing is, I'm getting a lot more responses to my profile~ | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:20:39 PM | Hang in there, OP.
There's various ways you can slow the financial bleeding to make your funds last.
You have to decide whether keeping a more expensive apartment is better than having that extra money for a decent date.
One, if you move to cheaper digs, part of the former rent money will at least go to your benefit -- your dating life won't die. Imagine that money just going to the landlord!
Or time to rethink that phone plan... once again, what would normally go to a faceless corporation would now go to your immediate benefit -- you now have date money. Go prepaid and text -- don't make calls.
It's also time to get creative with your dating venues. Free is best. Parks, sampling grocery chain food items..., things you can do for free with your date. IF she is an understanding person, that is...
Second best is home cooked meals. It costs, but not as much as restaurant trips.
For me, when the choice is obvious. I'd rather have that extra funds to date than to give that amount to total strangers...
Good luck! | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:45:35 PM | Accept it. You wouldn't want to date someone who is unemployed right? i know i wouldn't
Focus on your career. Maybe start your own business. Be your own boss. Take charge of your life. Adapt to your current situation. Try a different Field. Go back to college to learn something else. If your head is in the right place. You will be just fine. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 3/31/2009 9:46:13 PM | | I'm confused as to why I am struggling to get a part time job, either is it because of the Bad Economy, or because of the fact that I was fired from my last job. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 3/31/2009 10:00:45 PM | | You bring up some good questions to consider. I think it depends on how comfortable you are sharing your situation with this person and how close you are to her. Has your relationship become so close and intimate that you want to risk telling her all about your situation or do you want to hold back a little bit for awhile longer until you know her better? I would say that if she is someone you think you may have a future with than go for it and she should understand and be willing to go on less expensive dates if she really cares for you. That does take time to build and nurture a relationship though so be careful how soon you share so much. Yet I think it is important to always be honest and not lie so you are in a very difficult situation and may want to hold off from dating for awhile until you at least are in a better place for yourself. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:34:30 PM | not personal to you OP, but i find it interesting that now that the previously priviliged are having a hard time getting a classy job after 6 or so interviews, that they are falling apart. i can't help but wonder how judgemental they were in the past towards others, who worked their butts off in undesireable jobs, just to feed their families--the disenfranchised. well, i wonder how many are following their own advice, making fun of immigrants and telling them to go home and "fix" their country. i wonder how many here are now fixing their country? or how many are willing to do the more menial jobs?
this is going to be a very big learning experience. some are cracking up, some are going on killing sprees and some are banding together to form "community". many are putting together all sorts of "odd" jobs and some are brave enough to move out of their comfort zones. i'm not talking out of my butt. i went through this a good 15 years ago, when i got very ill. so, if i'm any example, you will survive. i pooled resources, lived in a room that i had previously used as a closet and found two boarders. used my squeeky clean fico to get a balance transfer and fought my insurance companies out of my "bed". slowly i got out of the bed and met my next husband. he may not have been the ultimate man in my life, but we lasted almost ten years married and two more "dating" and managed to fost/adopt three teens.
OP, i don't think you'd have a hard time getting a date in this county. if you are rejected, imagine what this kind of person would be after you married her and anything went wrong! however, don't assume that there are not other more important criteria that will be applied. because, how you handle all this will determine if you are respected. the person above, who pays for everything, while her man stays online looking at dating sites (did i get that right?) cites an interesting example.
in this county, we even have a meetup going where people have identified places to go that don't cost anything. many of us are running gatherings in our homes instead of "going out". i do think you should feel this experience and when the economy gets back onto it's feet, which it will, you should not forget it when you see someone else struggling.
i'm not sure you should stop dating, as this may go on for awhile. but, if i were you, i'd be ready to be mobile, look at cheaper positions, think of some odd jobs to get supplemental cash, find a boarder or become one, et al. a portion of your time, see if any dates available. also find a support group for unemployed. they always surface when the job market shrinks. if necessary, go onto meetup dot come and start one--co ed!
good luck OP. make sure you do for others, when you get back onto your feet. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:58:54 PM | | What are you doing dude? Snap out of it! Don't fall into complacentcy(sp). I had a decent job and was lured away to work for a very large firm offering me more than $10,000 more but within 3 months they had laid me off. And so here's what I did: I got over the shock, dropped 100 resumes, went back to school and prayed, prayed, prayed. Then I googled my profession and found a very nice resume, I rewrote my resume and started using key IT terms to prepare for my next job. For me failure was not an option. Then I placed my resume on the 15 Jobwebsites and Craigslist. It took about 90 days before I was working again, but during the whole ordeal I was networking on Linkld and other such sites asking around. When all was said and done I had a great job in which I am still working right now that paid even more than the other jobs. All of this happened because failure was not an option and not working was not an option. I never got a single unemployment check. But I did go hungry and parked my car because I had no gas. My sisters loaned me money which I have paid back. As for the dating - eventually your love interest is going to get a bad impression of you and will begin to look at you as an acceptable loss. But everyone needs love, if they love you they will work with you and be flexible, just remember everything has it's limits. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:18:02 PM | I have no idea what a man should do but according to Steve Harvey (who is a man) is that a man pursues his dream which entails three things ... who he is, what he does, and how much does he make.... and until he gets these three things in line he's not going to be into settling down with a woman... that until he knows these three things he doesn't feel like a man.. and it doesn't matter if he's a NBA player, head of a fortune 500 company or the supervisor online at the local bakery it's encoded in his dna to be the provider and protector and everything he does is geared towards making that happen....
anything less he doesn't feel like a man..
That came from Steve not me...
He goes on with how men want to feel like he is number one, be the best... which can be absolutely relative to what a man wants to be for himself...
I say date.... but if you find it's not working for you then I'd say it's because you have things to work on for yourself... it has nothing to do with what a woman thinks or believes... it's inside you... | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 10:01:21 AM | what's up, i love your post. well explained. problem for some is that the world outside of "tech" is more difficult. teachers are being laid off left and right all over the usa. would you believe that? they were already understaffed before the layoffs. nonetheless, a friend of mine started a consulting practice for special ed youths after school. she has no degree and makes $60 per hour. she is also invited by all the phd's to assist in their research. an active mind will always create some possibility over time. she is also a full time mom of three. dad takes over at night for several hours. so, her work is part time for now. she was told, she'd never have kids!
i'd like to recomment this book: "the energy of money" by maria nemeth, ph.d.
she takes you into your money attitudes, history and situation. from ideas and values to crossing the border into reality. she focuses on where you get "stuck". and how to get "unstuck". she visualized a sort of pipe between tapping into the energy of ideas and possibilities to making things happen. helps you identify why the pipes are sluggish and if there are any leaks. she claims money is just one form of energy--the others i remember off the bat are: health, relationships, work and there are two more i cannot remember before "coffee".
i find most prosperity books, annoying. people " om'ing" for their second tv! i find suze orman practical but not helpful in rev'ing up to have money or get work. this book is energizing and i heard the author speak. she had just gotten off chemo and linked the health part of her life to the money part. as a therapist, she allowed herself to get scammed out of some $30,000 for a wild and crazy investment many years ago--that money would be a much larger amount today with inflation. she owned that in her instance it was "greed". when interviewed about what kind of person would allow themselves to be so stupid when exposed to such a scam, she 'fessed up and started the research for this book. it's helped many, many people.
for extroverts, i recommend a support group for the comradery and brainstorming. for introverts, i recommend forcing yourself to a support group for the info (as a starter). i know being home now and not out there in my 80 hours per week career, that often we think dating is an end all, when we are really just craving socialization and community. the dating will inevitably arise out of "doing life"--assuming you are so inclined and open to that. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:00:19 AM | | I have been unemployed since October 2007. During Summer of last year, like in July and August, I applied at 8 or 9 places, but they never called me back or gave me an interview. Last November and December, I applied at 5 or 6 places, same result happend, no call back or an interview. Gosh, I wonder how some people are able to get a phone call back right away or an interview. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:02:23 AM | Using the name billabongdude on a public forum probably isn't going to help you in future endeavors, I'm just saying. You know the whole Michael Phelps thing | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:42:33 AM | Hey folks -
LETS STAY ON THE SUBJECT - dating while unemployed!!
Give some positive contirbutions as to date while unemployed!!!
This ain't no crying towel for the unemployed - just contibiute to how to enjoy life while being unemployed and dating instead of asking why i am unemployed ?
there is a diffence- -you know?? JMHO! | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:05:38 PM | HI
Well, some women, like myself, have had their fingers burnt by some men who spongue, that does not necessarily mean a man who is not working tho.
I believe as long as u r a nice person, so wot? I do feel strongly in people working for a living and as long as u were trying, which sound like u r, there is not a problem. I would consider a woman that judges u because u were unfortunate enough to lose your job as very very shallow and u r soooo better off without people like that qround u!!
So go for it, just be honest and upfront. But dont be ashamed of your situation ok? I can c u look very intelligent and somewhere out there is the perfect job for u. I had 3 months last year on the dole and god was it hard, but just stay motivated.
All the best
Theresax  | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:08:47 PM | And also i have just read some of the messages of 'so called' support, god there are some asses on here!!!
Like i said, people who judge others irrespective of the situation so aint worth it and that includes those who have judged u on here!!!!!
Theresa | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 2:54:45 PM |
And also i have just read some of the messages of 'so called' support, god there are some asses on here!!!
And that comment just made you one them!
Like i said, people who judge others irrespective of the situation so aint worth it and that includes those who have judged u on here!!!!!
And your judgement call comes from what "higher level" then anyone else's? | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:53:35 PM | | I'm sorry for my negative attitude and frustration, it's just because the situation I am in, I feel like I am missing out, that I have not done something most people around my age have already experienced, i don't like being different. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 5:36:39 PM | Get a job. Dating should be the last of your worries. These are rough times and although having a partner helps you get through the rough spots all your concentration should be on you!!! Time to focus and be 100% selfish.
Revamp your resume, have a professional look at it and network like a madman. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:00:54 PM | having a job is just a factor in someone picking a mate. if that is their sole determining factor, you may be doing yourself a favor if that woman dosent want to date you.
it sounds like you are a hard worker. there are some who choose not to work and draw benefits. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:58:15 PM | I agree with CarolAnn. The deal is not that you are undesirable. It's just that you need to focus on getting a job, not getting a woman. I know people are losing jobs. I have seen it all around me. But when you lose a job, you need to focus on getting another one. Dating should be the last thing on your mind.
This advice goes for man or woman. Unless you have money saved up and can go an undetermined amount of time without a job, you need to concentrate on that first. I'm amazed that some people cannot seem to go any time without worrying about dating. We don't always have to be dating/in a relationship. You can take time off dating to concentrate on other important things in your life. I have to pay my mortgage and car payment. I have to eat. That means I have to work. Dating is nice, but I don't have to date. | |
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Zain.
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Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 71 | |
| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:21:28 AM | I agree.
If you are unemployed finding a date should be the least of your problems. Focus on finding a new job first and how the hell you are going to pay rent or buy food. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:01:24 PM | I see it as a perfectly good opportunity to date actually. When I work on a busy schedule, there is rarely time to pursue a new relationship and get out and meet enough people. You may be short on money, but you are given the freedom of your time. To me that is at least as valuable as money. I agree that searching for a job is important, but it shouldn't take massive amounts of time to do compared to working. I think a person would drive themselves insane if that is all they thought about.
There are a lot of men who are frugal as heck anyways. Most first meetings cost me under $10 (i often do a starbucks meeting or similar). In the past my dating expenses rarely exceed $200 in month and most of that was in useless restaurant charges. Drop the notion of needing to 'go out' on dates and pick things that don't involve having dinner at a restaurant and you will be surprised at how little the money aspect really matters.
So many people seem to view having a standard job as such a wonderful thing. In one respect, it is just an exchange of your valuable time for money.
It is all in the way you perceive it.
Not that I would go that route, but if I couldn't pay rent, I bet the govt. would be dumb enough to write me an unemployment check for several months. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:06:42 PM | I don't get this "all your time and attention should be focused on getting a job". What else should I not do while I'm unemployed? Should I not read books that do not further my career? Not see my friends? Not go to church or to the gym or take my kids to the park? Because that time should be used only for perusing monster.com and collating resumes? True enough, the bulk of my day between 8 and 5 is spent networking and job hunting. That just makes good sense since it's when hiring managers usually work.
Some of us that are unemployed have enough savings to tide us over for a few months so we can find a job that will be a good fit. I find the most debilitating thing about unemployment to be how isolating it is. I'm used to be among people at least 10 hours a day. Socializing has been a great stress reliever. I'm meeting some really great people who have been super supportive. So far, no one has run away in horror when I told them I was unemployed. The offers of help in networking ("well, I know so-and-so who works at XYZ in your field and can introduce you") has been refreshing.
And for the record, unemployment benefits in the US are not a government hand-out. Employers pay into the system to provide benefits in the event they let people go. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 8:14:30 PM | | I will date an unployment women. Working in my book doesn't make up the personality of the person unless he or she is one that needs work to fulfill their lives. I look for the heart, mind, and feeling of that person. Jobs come and go but finding a women who will bring happiness to me is more important then a Job or money. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 8:17:44 PM | experience has taught me not to mention my job nor my employment status when seeking a date. If she wants to know if I have a job or how much I make...it is not here business. I will not ask about her financial status, either. IF we get to know each other better...it is open for discussion, but only then.
...JMO | |
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