| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 8:53:57 PM | First off I am sorry about your job loss but know you are not alone.....as I'm sure you do. As a couple of other posters mentioned, perhaps stick to your job search and the company of those who know you well. These are the support networks you need right now. The last thing you need is being 'grilled' by a total stranger.
Your profile says you are 33. Have you thought about going back to school as a mature student and going into a different field? I'm not sure about the U.S., but where I live (Ontario Canada), there are tons of government programs that offer financial assistance for people looking at going back to school to pursue a new career. It might be worth considering.
I think if we base our criterias on what a person has, rather then on who they are as a whole, we are missing out on getting to know some pretty terrific people. Also remember, you don't need to justify yourself to anyone or explain your current situation, least of all to a total stranger. I'm sure you'll work it out. You seem bright, articulate and in-tune, so hang in there. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 9:00:28 PM | I'm 25 and around here, jobs are scarce. BUT I DO have a source of income, though shallow, it helps. I work odd jobs and fix cars for friends and others as well as do the Auto recycling thing, even though the market is in the toilet. I'd be doing better if it hadnt of crashed. The way I look at it, if a woman wants to look down on me for being down on my luck right now, then its their loss, not mine. Yeah I'm 25 and at home, but thats the cards I was dealt. It doesnt make me less of a man or a bad person.
The way I see it, I'm in a perfect place for the RIGHT woman to find me. That is, one that loves me for me and NOT what I have or havent got. I havent got much but I'm damn proud of what I do have, pardon my french ladies. The way I look at it, my morals and values are priceless and wouldnt change whether I did or didnt have a 9-5 job.
I do have future plans however. I hope to find even a Mickey D's job and start saving for my own place AND schooling. If my Ms. Right comes along then its just icing on the cake.
- Jamie (ksfreebird1983) | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:49:10 PM | "...8 or 9 places"..."5 or 6 places" does not sound like a very serious effort to me. Whereas I'm not an employment coach, I do regularly attend a state-run employment group (in New Jersey) for highly qualified, yet unemployed individuals. Have you thought about something like this in your location?
SP | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/9/2009 11:18:57 PM | | If your dating for fun and your not seriously pursuing marriage let them know that up front. Honesty is still the best policy. Your situation is tough I recently been through the whole ball of wax, I know what it is like to be thrown back into the job market. Concentrate on getting your act together and if you have the fundage to ask a date out do so. Don't be putting on a fake front women when be able to see right through it and besides, there are so many people going through hard financial times they'll understand. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/10/2009 4:46:31 PM | | I think that if you are unemployed your dating routines should reflect your financial situation. I don't think it is fair for a woman to expect to be wined and dined at the most expensive restaurant if that is not what you can afford. And if she is truly interested in getting to know you, it shouldn't matter. However, as part of the age old dating/courting ritual, I do think if you ask someone out you should foot the bill. I am personally dating someone who has been unemployed for a while, and we often go dutch. Every once in a while I find I am paying dutch when I was expecting not to pay at all. It's all about communication. If that continued I would feel I was being used by the unemployed person and it would get old and I was not put up with it. I think the whole idea of dating is getting to know someone and making sure they know you are interested in them as a person. Money helps, but it's not the only way to do this. What you lack in lavish displays of costly meals and gifts, can be made up with open devotion and less costly (and more imaginative) gestures. The bottom line is you want this person to know you are into them, and if you are creative you can find other ways than throwing around cash. If they don't/ or can't understand that, then I would suggest they are likely not the person for you and have different expectations/values than you do and you would be lucky not to become attached to them. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/10/2009 6:38:19 PM | Amen sister!! Positive outlook. Way to persue. Not everyone sees it this way. We all get in our little box but its all about surviving and getting out there. Dang, I should listen to myself. Good luck Wattsup and everyone here that is in the same boat that alot of us are.
I too believe that if someone loves you they will work with you.(' ') | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:50:32 PM | You're not 'unemployed', you're in a 'career transition'. Happens alllll the time, especially lately.
You're a human being and want companionship. That's a primal, normal thing and you should seek it out regardless what your circumstances are.
I do, however, think if you find a woman willing to date you that you don't take her understanding for granted. Make sure she knows her open mindedness is appreciated, or you're dead from the start line. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:57:57 PM | | How come it's okay for women to still live at home with their parents at a late age, like 21, or 25 and older, but not okay for men? | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:48:36 AM | | I have to reply to this one. I dont have a job because my last job I made 22,000 in 3 weeks. The job before that I made 48,000 in 5 weeks. Thats more than most make in a year and that was only two months. I work when I feel like I need to and thats maybe 4 to 5 months a year. So no job no date? find out what they do before you decide that one. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:05:20 AM |
no job , no date
that is my opinion WOW - do you ever make yourself sound like a gold-digger with this post!
I am currently in a "career transition" myself.... and it is nice to see that most people don't see this as a bad thing in these economic times. I have dated men who are not working in the past, and while some of them thought of me as their meal ticket, it doesn't take too much to see that. There are good people who aren't user types and can see past the temporary state of unemployment..... or if they are unemployed, are not into using you and are honestly trying to find a job. Being up front and honest is the best way to approach things.... and once dating, communicate to her - let her know if today you can't afford anything more than a coffee.... or if you have a bit more cash on hand for a movie or dinner. As with any relationship, communication is key. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:18:51 AM | If someone is not going to date you because you don't have a job then that person is shallow and that is very wrong. A relationship is not about how much money you make or what job you hold, its about the love you share for each other.
So what that you can't bring a monetary value to the relationship but you can most certainly bring love and respect to it. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:26:37 AM | Just yesterday, i was watching the economic report.
They stated it should be called the "man cession" rather than a "recession" because the hardest hit part of the market was manufacturing and construction (mainly consisting of MEN)
By all means, seek out a life partner who values your net worth !
I mean really! if she won't give you the time of day during a near depression, You can just bet she will be by your side if your in a car accident, sporting disaster, or become diagnosed with cancer !!
Now i understand that song by The Who, " American Woman"  | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:49:42 AM |
no job , no date
that is my opinion
Wow. Just. Wow. I was reading in the paper that here in my town, unemployment is over 20%. I think it may be higher than that even; nearly everyone I see seems to be looking for employment. Think about it: One in five, is out of work. For the most part, these people did not ASK to be unemployed. It just HAPPENED. Due to outside of their control circumstances.
Makes me all the more glad I work for myself. Kind of hard to lay off oneself, from one's own store.
But I do agree with what I have read- it is one thing to be idle, sitting at home all day watching the television. It is quite another to be actively seeking employment, against heavily stacked odds, or at least furthering one's education so when this whole recession is over, those people can find better work than otherwise would be available. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:53:56 AM | | You can consider dating an unemployed woman. That way you will both understand each other, and will naturally do things together that are not expensive such as hiking, going to the beach (if you live near a ocean), riding backs, walking hand and hand under the stars, and so on. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:54:43 AM | yep I have to agree with Rickeyes58
the kind of people that wont date you because you don't have a job are also the same kind of people that wont be by your side when you get into a severe car accident or diagnosed with cancer and can't work.
that's something you dont need | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:37:32 AM | | ^^^and I agree too. Women who are focused on the financial and no doubt, the materialistic aspect of the relationship are purely cold hearted. In fact, I believe they don't know what love is...so much the better, because they will end up miserable in life. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:47:56 AM | I've said this before and I will no doubt say it again:
It's my opinion that whether a man is employed or not employed has little relevence in whether I would be interested in him as a man.
I AM employed.
I AM NOT seeking a man to financially contribute to my life.
I'm looking for companionship.
If he's employed? Fine.
If he's not? Fine.
Will I financially enable his lack of employment? Hell no.
Will I assist in any other way if I am able? Hell yes, it's called Networking. Been there done that, and will again.
You help people in your life if they're sharing your life.
I understand why it would impact a man to be unemployed for a long time, but that's old fashioned nonsense to not believe it impacts a woman just as much. Yet the question is rarely asked if a man would date a woman who didn't work.
Now - in my way of thinking there's a significant difference between how you unemployed and actively seeking employment AND someone who is a career non-worker and non-seeker.
The IT world is one that has been most especially impacted by our economy. Because in the Golden 80's we were all schooled that IT was it! Now? You have to be a War Game Whiz Kid or a Developing Mega Star to make any money in IT, because you can literally throw a popscycle stick and hit someone with an IT degree. And where once it took a four year degree? Now you can do Community College and out score the big dogs on gold in your contract.
It is how it is.
Personally? Look at ways to capitalize on expanding your role in the IT field. Investigate more moguls like our own ADMIN on POF. The little dude made millions with a cheap and easy idea. If he did it? So can you. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:15:32 PM | Well... I was interested to read this if only to learn whether or not the OP found a viable job but he doesn't appear to have checked back in since his originating post.
I don't see any reason why a person should forget about dating while they're unemployed. At a time that can really test a person's feelings of self-worth where marketable skills are concerned, dating good people can be a welcome distraction from the everyday fight to keep one's spirits up. On the other hand, dating the wrong people can reinforce the negative waves a person naturally experiences during a job search so a person would really have to be strong in their own self-worth not to carry this into their socializing.
Dating isn't about living together, sharing expenses, one letting the other down or any of that expectations/disappointments stuff. Since I tend to date with my focus being toward enjoyment without a great deal of expense, what is important to me is that we be able to tease one another and remain playful. This was especially true when I was younger and having my own fight with trying to find an employer with a conscience.
In these years, however, I would be concerned if I was in a deepening relationship and he was not applying himself to a serious job search. I've been known to lend my drafting skills to helping people prepare their resumes, references and so on but the last time I found all my letters to my ex's prospective employers gathering dirt under the seat of his truck, I sent him home to his Mama.
Get out and enjoy yourself within your means but keep your main focus until things are back on track. I hope the OP has managed to find a good job by now...  | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:59:45 PM |
no job , no date
that is my opinion
Ouch, that's very harsh. And your comment definitely makes you sound like a gold digger. I'm unemployed, been unemployed since January. I worked for DHL and they closed all sort hubs in the USA. My father has been unemployed since December.
We are both looking for jobs but in my area, jobs are very hard to come by. I look online almost every day and very few jobs are opening up. The economy is very bad. Both I and my father have put a good amount of applications in but most don't call back for an interview espically because you have lots of people trying to get a job.
What makes me sick are people who think that everyone who doesn't have a job is a lazy person. My area has one of the highest unemployment rates in Pennsylvania. Also, I worked for DHL for 8 years and I was considered to be a very hard worker, well respoected by my co-workers.
It's kind of hard to date in this bad economy because you have people who judge people who are unemployed thinking of them as lazy people. Yes, there are lazy people who want other people to pay for them. I was at my grandfathers house a few weeks ago and it said that the national unemployment rate was almost 10% and I heard on the radio about a week ago that there are over 700,000 people out of work. It's not that people are lazy, the job market is very bad and getting worse espically with gas prices going up and down, almost like a roller coaster. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:03:20 PM | OP I am right there with you. The thing is open and honest communication. Luckily I'm a musician so that pulls in some money part time but I lost my job in January when I got sick. My day time job anyway. And the economy is so bad right now, with low paying jobs, there are a lot of people like you and me out of work. Just take it day by day, be honest, and find things to do that don't cost much money. Outdoor activities, board games, watching movies - that kind of thing. Try to keep positive. Things will get better.
You don't need to tell the woman everything but do be honest that you are attempting to find work. The recession is bad this year. You are not alone. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:22:34 PM | OP Regarding your question about letting people know that you are unemployed. By all means be upfront about it. Women will appreciate your honesty more than the fact that you are unemployed. I'm too was laid off and it's right there in my profile. Most women are pretty fair and understanding.
And when you do get a job (and I know you will soon), then you can look at the losers who said "no job no date" and say, have you ever heard of Karma? | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:32:09 PM | Not the right woman. I encourage you to invite her to that park, take a stroll by a waterfront. If you look in your local paper or website you should find many things you can do that do not cost money.
I honestly don't think you should discuss your financial affairs with women over the net or the phone. If you like her after th emeet well enough and feel comfortable enough in talking to her about what is going on in your life then do it when you are face to face or side by side, walking.
Go out, have interesting conversation. It is worth more than a steak dinner anytime! | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:57:39 AM | GS: I AM NOT seeking a man to financially contribute to my life.
I'm looking for companionship.
If he's employed? Fine.
If he's not? Fine.
Will I financially enable his lack of employment? Hell no.
Will I assist in any other way if I am able? Hell yes, it's called Networking. Been there done that, and will again.
Ditto.
You help people in your life if they're sharing your life.
What a concept, right?
IMO, if you run into those that do not subscribe to that way of thinking - man or woman - then it's a win/win... they just weeded themselves out, and saved you the unpleasantness of having them in your life...  | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 8/10/2009 3:41:56 AM | I wouldn't advise dating while unemployed. The stress of being behind on bills etc. invariably always works its way into the relationship, and that is NOT what you want nor need; you want to be relaxed so you can ENJOY her.
Concentrate on finding work and forget about dating until that happens. Now, if a woman asks YOU out, and you like her too, accept, but explain that you don't have a lot of money at the moment. If she's cool with that, rock on! | |
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