| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/28/2009 3:40:19 PM | Update, lost the job due to economic down sizing at the beginning of the month....
and guess what, hot girl half my age wants to go out now that I have 'time' for her
Its a crazy stupid mixed up bizarre world. Maybe she sticks around after the next job starts, until then, enjoying the ride. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:11:52 PM | I found being out of work was a psoitive when I was dating.
It meant I could give my girlfriend the attention she required.
It was only when I got a job that she cleared off !
Women want the attention and the money but they cant have both realistically. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:24:38 PM | Based on your title cos I didn't bother to read the post....its a headache LOL,...anyways, if you are active looking for a job thats good. If you are lazy and depressed and expect us to understand then I have no sympathy for ya!
Unemployed people needs some loving too | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/29/2009 3:07:02 AM | This is a very interesting topic namebd. And, I can relate to your dating experiences of feeling a cut below a womans expectations, when it comes to dating during lean financial times.
My business is very slow, so I'm pretty much unemployed, but get no unemplyment compensation. So, I'm probably in even a worse scenario, since my retirement is paying the majority of my expenses.
Anyway, my experience has been similar. Over the past couple of years I have taken out a number of ladies and typically after a date or two the great majority of them reveal concerns over the level of entertainment I have been able to afford. Please keep in mind that I live in Southern California, so expenses are high as are the expectations of many, but not all of the women.
What is surprising is that I was taught when growing up that ladies should love you for who you are as a person. So, it has been a bit of a downer to learn that is not typically true.
I learned this when my cash flow dried up and had less to spend on dating. It was like a night and day experience. As long as I had money to take them out to an average or better dating experience all went smoothly and well. But, what I noticed was when I tried to be creative and still do something with them, but maybe not at the level I used to be able to afford, then they just didn't stick around for long.
These are actual scenarios. I met this woman for coffee at Starbucks in the Santa Anita area and she asked if we could go across to BJ's Chicago Pizzeria to the bar for appetizers and beer tasting. Apparently it wasn't good enough for a first date. Then the next date I took her to The Original Spaghetti Factory for dinner and she asked me why I didn't make plans with her for after dinner. Because, I hadn't it was supposed to be an indication to her that I wasn't very interested. No it just wansn't in the budget... That was our last date.
Then I invited another woman to dinner, and she would ask if we could see a movie after dinner. It sounds like fun but I told her maybe another time. And, she would ask does it have to be one or the other? And, eventually I had to tell her that I wasn't in the position to do both and why don't we do see a movie next time. This happened with her twice and I realized she wasn't the one for me. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't be a problem, however when one is on limited funds it just is.
There are other stories I could share but I'll end with this last one. I met a gal a few weeks ago. Our first few days were really nothing short of awesome. However, once we had been out a few times and realized that I was on a real budget, it really changed her feelings for me and she was blunt about it. She apparently eats out regularly at full scale restaurants and does not cook and was not willing to go to a Daphnes's, Baja Fresh, Corner Bakery or Panera Bread kind of place where you ordered at the counter. That along with my business being slow I think at least were a very big part of the new relationship to going South. In all fairness, there were other issues it didn't work out, since she eventually told me that she wasn't interested in having children, which is an obvious problem for compatability. But the point is that the criticism or rejection is often there in one way or another.
Now, to add a little balance here, these women may just not have been for me and I for them. And, I love women and respect them very much. My rocks were my grandmother, my mother and my sister and I have a ton of female friends. So, this is not coming from a woman hater or anything like that. I am however sometimes frustrated that things do not get further because of what appears to be a financial judgement and that can be bruising to a mans ego. Especially, when he is spending money that he really shouldn't because he really wants to see a relationship work with someone.
Being in Southern California, my experience is not unusal to men in my financial position, as I've compared notes with more than a few. But, I'm still staying optimistic even though it can be challenging. My mother still maintains that it only takes one. And, I believe she is right. I don't know when I will find her or she finds me, but I think it is important to remember that we are not dating the entire human race of the women's species.
I know there are some women that are not willing to accept a guy in my position. One of those such gals is a good friend of mine...so that is how I know. But, as many have said in the forums here, there are enough kind and warm hearted women out there that will be understanding during these difficult economic times. So, that is the hope I am holding out for. One would think that there would be good women out there with some vision and belief that the future will be brighter. Just one... | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/29/2009 6:17:38 AM | OP must have found a job by now, he hasn't been up here answering his thread in some time. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:14:44 AM |
That, or just be honest with women you are dating and tell them you're unemployed but highly qualified in the field you work (IT).
The OP stated he was in IT Staffing, not IT - meaning he worked for a company that headhunted and placed people in that field, he didn't work in the field himself.
I have a couple friends and a family member that were also laid off IT placement jobs. Actual IT people haven't had as much trouble. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:14:34 AM | I don't have any issues with dating someone that is unemployed and actively seeking a job.
I would much rather eat a McDonald's and go home a watch a DVD with a man that sincerely cares about me, than to be wined and dined at a fancy restaurant with a man that is just trying to impress me.
Money certainly makes life easier, but in my experience, it doesn't make one man better than another. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:51:59 AM | I can relate to this way to much.
I lost my job back in December and the only thing I have found is part time.
At this point, I am just going to enjoy life as I can and whatever happens happens.
If a woman comes along that understands me and I understand her, our employment statuses won't make much of a difference.
But no McDonalds. I will just throw a Bubba Burger on the George Forman. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:52:09 PM | | I must be unusual as i am currently dating someone i met on here who is currently unemployed, They have a profession that they are stuggling trying to find a job within this current recession. I think it depends on what you are looking for in a women and the heart of the women. I fell for my guys character and love for life. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:58:32 PM | | ^^^So I hear, I'm in school for an IT degree now, so I hope you're right. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/30/2009 4:32:23 PM | It doesn't work. My ex was fired from his job and he pretended to go to work each day until there was no money coming in. I had to put in more hours at work to take care of all the bills, groceries, and whatever. It causes resentment when one does not help with expenses and doesn't help with any of the child care or chores around the house. He expected me to continue to pay for his cigarettes, beer, his lifestyle to stay the same. I didn't see it that way and stopped doing his laundry. Later he was able to find another job but I had enough of the lifestyle and filed for divorce. A few months later I then met another man that had a good paying job but he quit his job saying he had hurt his back. He expected me to pay for everything too. Earlier this year I met a man and he finally told me he was out of work and I stopped dating him afraid the same thing would start happening having me pay for everything. I have never dated a man that has totally taken care of me, I have always worked and am independent and I expect the man to work. I also don't date anyone on disability been burned that way too.
If I were you I would concentrate on getting your life back on track and find a job or go back to school. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:05:57 PM | | Normally doesn't work. They should take care themselves first before trying to take care of others. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 12:23:47 AM | My biggest issue about someone who is curretly unemployed...he nor I know where his next job is going to end up. Could be 5 minutes away. Could be 5 hours away.
I've already attempted to be reasonable with people who are "in the process" of getting a job. But it just doesn't work. I have a very good career that I honestly love doing what I do and pays very nicely and has decent benefits. I worked hard for it and don't plan on leaving. I dont really see the point in investing time or emotions in a relationship if we dont know where he's going to end up. Now if he wants to date after he's settled or can at least give me an idea, we'll talk then. And honestly, I dont think it's fair to date if you dont know if you're even going to be able to stick around after you have find a job. My intentions are long term though. And I like stability.
Really has nothing to do with money because most people will find something to support them in the meantime that pays the bills. And as long as there's compromise on that front Im happy with PB&J sandwiches. :)
But Ive been called selfish and inconsiderate for not giving up my career and moving with someone who wants to pursue their own. Whateva :) | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 12:27:29 AM | women don't understand unemployment because it happens very rarely to them.....
REALLY?!?!?!?!...... I WAS TOTALLY FEELING FOR YOU UNTILL I READ THAT STATEMENT. I was laid off in March. So was my sister. So... "ouch" Dude...NOT COOL. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 12:50:31 AM | My condolences go out to those who lost their jobs, their homes, their lifestyles and their relationships.
Last year, I worked for a Nationally Publicized Business, which, months later, declared Bankruptcy. I was given a MANDATORY LAYOFF, as half of the Employees were. Months later, the remaining half were given the same Mandatory lay off.
It amazes me that some people can be so shallow. I've heard these times called THE GREAT RECESSION. It amazes me how someone can refuse to date a potential partner, because he or she lost their job. Do they expect that person to create a job out of thin air ?
Let's be realistic...Banks and Insurance Companies got their Bail out money. Most of the Unemployed won't get the same treatment, because Unemployment and Workman's Comp. give people A FRACTION of what they earned. And that's until Unemployment runs out, or PERHAPS The Insurance Company decides that you are too expensive to continue paying out Workman's Comp. Benefits. It happens more than we care to admit.
Karma can be a ****. What happened to others can happen to you. Especially in these trying times, when 1 in 8 people are having trouble feeding themself.
**************Let's try to be more understanding of our fellow human beings, especially in times like these. For many people, it's about trying to survive. ******** | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 1:18:41 AM | | It is getting harder and harder being unemployed because the dole is falling in real terms or growing less then inflation in australia at least with the government lowering taxes and passing on spending back on individuals so whether a person is unemployed or not is a bigger issue then ever. Rent and mortgage costs are getting higher so it is hard to make ends meet without worrying about dating and other entertainment. I think the biggest thing to face when dating as an unemployed person is societies expectation that you look after yourself otherwise your useless which knocks the confidence but is great if you can find someone that likes you for you while unemployed because you will have yourself a true partner who will stick with you through thick and thin. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:28:42 AM |
Rent and mortgage costs are getting higher so it is hard to make ends meet without worrying about dating and other entertainment.
Exactly. Dating is a form of entertainment, not a priority. When unemployed, your priority is doing what you can to improve your situation, not finding a date.
If you're already involved, that's one thing, but when you're not - dating doesn't help the situation. How anyone can relax enough to consider dating is lost on me. Therefore a guy who was actively seeking dates when he wasn't working would be a sign to me of someone who's laundry list is badly arranged. I don't care that he's not working so much as where his energy was being directed.
I have been unemployed, and honestly when I was I had no stomach for dating (not that I have much of one when I am working either) - I was too worried about getting back on my feet to enjoy it.
If you meet someone accidentally, then fine - but to be on the hunt for an SO when you don't know where your next job is coming from is backwards, IMO. | |
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Sannia
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Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 144 | |
| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 5:00:32 PM | I have to agree with WomaninProgress.
It's a matter of priorities and of direction. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 7:39:12 PM |
I have to agree with WomaninProgress.
I'll have to remeber that one when you too are unemployed and the Man of Your Dreams shows up.......
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:00:47 PM | So is it realistic to date people looking for a long term relationship when you don't know if that person will even be in the same state after he finds a job?
If someone already has friends, family, and a succesful career, why is it such a bad thing to want to find that in a partner? I don't see how it's selfish or insensitive to want your partner to be on the same page with you.
I understand times are tough right now, but I still dont understand why people are being critisized for having their priorities straight.
It's like a double edged sword. It's selfish for me to refuse to date someone who's temporarily employed, but just as selfish to expect me to uproot myself and leave what I've accomplished just because he found a better job elsewhere. My job and life are just as important. Which is why I wont date anyone unless they can provide some sort of stability since that's what I can offer them. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:40:35 PM |
I'll have to remeber that one when you too are unemployed and the Man of Your Dreams shows up.......
I'm not one to dream about men - I'm more of a realist. What I want single doesn't go out the window just because I met a guy, never has.
However as I said (but I'll repeat one more time), if you meet someone unplanned, that's different. Actively seeking a date when you should be searching for places to send your resume is backwards. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:05:20 PM | | I've seen it time and time again...a lot of women state that they are seeking a man with a job. And quite frankly, I see this as reasonable, as I wouldn't date a woman who didn't have a job. It's probably best to wait until your back on your feet before you start dating again. From what you say, I don't think this will take long. | |
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:21:06 PM |
Goldman raises estimate of September job losses
The Goldman economics team, led by Jan Hatzius, said in a note to clients that they expected Friday’s employment report to show a net loss of 250,000 jobs, up from their previous estimate of 200,000.
So you know what why don't we have CLASS Society
NO JOB - then you have no RIGHTS, NO Liberty, NO Persuit of Happiness...
IF YOU HAVE A JOB - you can do what ever you want....
I have an Idea - you know how we can get the Unemployment Rate to ZERO - send them all to Mexico and Canada - so there will be no More Unemployed Losers here....
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| Dating while unemployed
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:27:07 PM | | hey man, I'm in a simular boat. Me and my friends are trying to get a yard services buisness off the ground, but or driver just quit on us. which essentially puts us out of buisness with no capital. | |
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