| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:37:58 PM | | Yeah, it's love, I'm old enough to know, and no, I'm not dependant on her to 'survive'...I just feel that after being in many relationships in my life you know when one is special and when it's ended for no apparent reason just when you think all is well, it's hard. We've all been thru hurt, I do wonder if you have though...it's hard to tell from words on a screen your attitude, but it seems to be negative towards others and even their thoughts like only your correct. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:45:18 PM | wow there are some awesome posts on this thread. there are also some rude critical ones. geez!!!!! can't you people keep your fingers off the keyboard if you can't write something nice?????
more often than not a really good person will be rejected because they are a really good person......the rejecting party does not feel worthy, she didn't know what to do with all that love. look at the guy she married.....that's the personality she feels she deserves.
BPD also sounds applicable here. they tend to have little or no conscience.
i would do as another poster had suggested......snoop snoop snoop. there's got to be another employee there who knows and does not necessarily like her. find and pump that person for any info that you can. many other posters here just don't understand that getting info for some people makes a world of difference in getting closure.
good luck! walk away knowing that you are sooooo good that an azzhole can't maintain a relationship with you. period. she imploded! | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 3:57:48 PM | OP, I feel for your situation. One of the cruelest things someone can do to a SO when breaking off a relationship is to be selfish and immature enough not to give the other person the closure they need. By closure, I mean a reason. This prolongs your heartache since you find yourself wondering.
It does not sound like she was very stable emotionally. For someone to just ignore or be rude to someone they are involved with and then come back a day or two later like nothing happened is not a healthy trait. Her marriage only lasted a year and that should have been a huge red flag. Perhaps she was the reason they got divorced.
Sorry for your pain. Keep your chin up.  | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 4:17:55 PM |
There's a reason, she just isn't telling you what it is. That's a very abrupt turnaround. It sounds like she found out, or realized, something about you, both during the summer and again while she was away (or, you did something you're leaving out, probably because you're unaware of it), that ultimately utterly changed her opinion of you.
Or, she might have done something and she is punishing herself for her behavior feeling unworthy of you and punishing her self by pushing you away. Or, she might have realized that she has significant issues and loves you too much to destroy you with them.
Or, she has significant mental/emotional issues and is protecting you from them.
The reasons don't matter. The fact is the relationship is over, learn from it, move on. Ambiguity is sometimes best embraced and appreciated.
Best,
ACP | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 4:20:15 PM |
Yeah, it's love, I'm old enough to know, and no, I'm not dependant on her to 'survive'...I just feel that after being in many relationships in my life you know when one is special and when it's ended for no apparent reason just when you think all is well, it's hard. We've all been thru hurt, I do wonder if you have though...it's hard to tell from words on a screen your attitude, but it seems to be negative towards others and even their thoughts like only your correct.
I have suffered through my share of pain. All though I only suffered as long as I held on to the hurt. Emotional pain is like any other problem in life. It comes with a solution. The bible even speaks of pain, and it also speaks of healing and letting it go.
You can sit in the problem kicking and screaming crying and reliving the pain over and over. Or you can live in the solution. Which means you take a look at your side of the street and not the other persons. It means moving forward and not staying in the past.
The relationship is dead. Bury it say a prayer and move on! Be thankful for the good times and thats that. Every thing we go through in life is a lesson. How we grow from it determines our future!
If you did no wrong and were the perfect guy, then it should be that much easier to accept the fact that she is the one that is loosing out and not you. You are still the same great guy that can be the perfect man for the right woman.
Yes I am blunt and many people have a problem reading what I write because I don't share my past or over explain my every post. Oh well.
If it is relief and answers you seek, there is nothing anyone can say that is wrong or to aggressive. If you are just looking for pity and sympathy everything else will be taken as wrong or offencive.
You spent less then a year with this woman. You have been apart for almost half that time yet still hurt almost as much as the day it happened. If you can't see that there is an issue with that, you are in denial.
It is obvious that you do have some other problems that you should look into. I do not mean that in an insulting or degrading way. I mean it as a person willing to tell you the truth. I could write a book on just what you posted in the op. Believe me man, there is more going on then just a break up here! After what she did to you, you are still able to picture you two back together... Think about it man!
But hey, don't take my word for it. Go get into another relationship with out making any changes. And if any and I mean any of the same things happen in the new relationship, remember this post!
I believe that if someone says something to me and is even .01% right, it's worth looking in to! | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 5:00:39 PM | Dude: She found someone else.... obviously, "she was not that into you!" Sorry to say, and yes I know it hurts cuz I have been there. But people tell you what they think you want to hear, not really the way they truly feel. Sorry to say, but true!
I know its not easy, but take some time to heal and then move on. She will never be back and if she tries hopefully you will be strong enough to tell her to get lost!
Good luck and you deserve better! :) | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 3/31/2009 5:08:17 PM | | Hi, Something very close to what happened to you just happened to me. Let me explain. I was talking to someone online for nearly 7 months. We emailed, IM, and talked on the phone. He lives in Ohio and I in Maryland. We became very close. And started to have feelings for each other. We planned to meet in Sept. of last year. I was so excited. I hadn't had feelings for anyone since my divorce 7 years ago. I thought I had found the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We talked about me moving there to Ohio and having a family together. And then for no reason the day before he was to come here he left me an IM saying he couldn't come and please don't be mad at me. I wrote back and said we can make it another time but he did not respond. I tried for a week and he would not answer me. I couldn't understand what happened. I was devasted. I truly cared for him and planned to move away from my family and friends for him, and he couldn't even give me an answer! Well I deleted him from everything and for the last 6 months, I thought of him time to time and wondered why? But I'm not the type of person who begs anyone so I let go and it was hard I had no closure. But this past friday 3/29 I came home from work and saw I had an email at another site which I don't use anymore. I was curious and signed in. I couldn't believe it when I saw it was HIM. I started shaking and crying I didn't even know why. I opened it and it said Hi, how have you been? I am so sorry for hurting you and I have missed you and maybe we can't go back I don't know but I would like to try please talk to me. I was shocked. I wrote him back and said I needed to know why before I could make that decision because I was so hurt by him. We spoke on the phone saturday night and he said I got cold feet I have had two failed marriages and I got scared of how much I felt for you and you living in Maryland and me here in Ohio and the fact I don't know if I could take care of you the way you were accustomed to being taken care of. He said he regretted what he had done and tried to get in touch with me many times but I never responded. Thats because I blocked everywhere except the site where we met which is how he finally got through to me. It may not be the best excuse but I know it happens to some people and maybe she also got scared by her feelings I don't know I'm just telling you what happened to me. I'm giving him another chance. He has convinced me he does care about me and is sorry. I hope you get closure. I never would of believed I would of ever heard from him again but a miracle happened and I wish you the best. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/6/2009 12:13:34 AM | Your story sounds very much like mine except that we had nine years and four children Two from her previous marriage and two of our biological children,
There is always to ends to a coin while I'm still hurt from my ex wife's betrail,I can't help but feel furtionate to know that life while painful and often overwhelming does go on. I'm still dealing with trust issues,and even doubt myself a little but we both have got to go on,life is a mystery, sometimes things simply are what they are.I'm venturing out there and I'm taking things slow,my ex and I jumped into things quick, I needed to be needed she need a home and someone to help raise her two daughters, sounds harsh, and maybe it is, Bottom line brother is that we either pick up and move on or we rust alone in self pity | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/6/2009 2:54:48 PM |
Time to get out there and date. One good woman will clear up your head. Best advice ever.
Except for the whole part where it completely screws over that good woman. Because no one who's already in love will be able to fall in love.
The strangely persistent cultural myth that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else is a myth. It does not work and only winds up hurting the rebound person. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/6/2009 7:09:15 PM | How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
There is always a reason.
For what ever reason, she could not or would not tell you about it..
I will say this. It seems you cared enough about her to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to what ever her problem was just to be with her.
I think you are far better off. You need to let go, move on and i really think down the road you will see why. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:08:33 PM | Acefed, do you know what we call it up here in my neck of the woods? its called "stupid chivalry" by getting involved with weak flaky whack job type of women, she's not special , she's a flake, and Im willing to bet you were one of those " nice guys " we read about, catered to her every need and desires, and all those touching things.
She's a flake, your first clue should of been she falls for guys easily, married the last one quickly and was married long enough for breakfast and a coffee.
She was with you , everything going well and she flakes out on you and kicks you to the curb, isnt your ass stinging?
Now she with someone else, bud move on , forget about this woman, there is nothing special or great about her, she has issues that she needs to be resolved hence her jumping in and out of relationships and it couldnt of been that special if she dismissed you so quickly.
you should know never to date co workers, never butter her pancake from the same batter . | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:21:02 PM | @ the.best.guy.ever
All I can say is, when people act cold like this for no real reason, and refuse to communicate at all in any mature way, it pisses me off to no end. Absolutely frustrating and makes me almost resent the person for being this way.
Me too!!
And it is because they lack the maturity and sensibility to be honest and sincere. Bugs me to no end when people do this. Its confusing too.
I think OP you should request the money for the little "trip" that you so generously paid for.
Other than that, you are feeding hay to a dead horse. I know its easy for us all to pay lip service but I was involved once in a similar situation some years ago. Give up now while you still have your dignity intact. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/7/2009 6:20:13 AM |
(Msg 37) Except for the whole part where it completely screws over that good woman. Because no one who's already in love will be able to fall in love.
The strangely persistent cultural myth that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else is a myth. It does not work and only winds up hurting the rebound person.
Maybe "no one who's already in love will be able to fall in love", however, frequently it's the person misinterpreting it as love. The OP tolerated being treated like garbage by the relationship constantly running hot, then cold.
Women continually tell us that by the man being attentive and considerate they are attracted to them. Why wouldn't the same thing work for the OP? Maybe if he met a decent woman who was attentive and considerate of his feelings he would fall in love.
The rebound tale seems to work both ways. They say the person on the rebound will confuse their feelings for love but later will "wake up" and dump the person they met. Conversely, they say people will take advantage of a person on the rebound and use them because they seek to be consoled.
IMO, the reality is somewhere in the middle meaning it's no different than any other relationship. Some people "need" a partner as they feel good giving to another while others are interested in only themselves and what they can get out of it.
This idea of staying alone while analyzing a failed relationship is self-inflicted pain. Anyone of average or above intelligence knows if they did something wrong. In many cases it had absolutely nothing to do with them. If some vague, indiscernible reason was the fault of the breakup it means the person did not love them. It doesn't require deep, self-analysis.
If anything, the OP is at the perfect point in time where he will appreciate a decent woman after recently experiencing a flake. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/7/2009 6:30:35 AM | I didn't read all your post there but the bit I read sounded very much like she was afraid of committment, married a year, your relationship ending after a few months, yada, yada,
I would suggest you move on, it seems sometimes we never get the ones we want, and often don't want the ones we get,
Good luck, it is all a learning experience..Just be thankful she didn't waste a year of your time like she did her husbands,  | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/7/2009 7:01:34 AM |
If anything, the OP is at the perfect point in time where he will appreciate a decent woman after recently experiencing a flake.
Appreciate her, sure, but it's a world of hurt for her if she cares for him.
The man says he's in love. I'm inclined to take him at his word. That'll fade, but 'til it does, he's not available to someone else. He doesn't need to add the guilt of hurting another party to the pain he's already got.
It'd also serve as a distraction which would slow down his healing process.
All around, bad idea. | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/7/2009 7:08:02 AM | OP,
there's always a reason! When it comes to affairs of the heart,
you can't give what you don't have. No matter how perfect you
may think that person is for you, if shes really not in love with
you, she can't give you whats not there! It sounds like you
may of been a rebound. A "safe Zoner" until she felt distance
enough from her real hurt to move on. You have to move
on and forgive her for not being the person you wanted her to be! | |
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| How can someone just give up on a good thing without reason?
Posted: 4/7/2009 7:33:48 AM |
There's a reason, she just isn't telling you what it is.That's a very abrupt turnaround.
Clearly.
It sounds like she found out, or realized, something about you, both during the summer and again while she was away (or, you did something you're leaving out, probably because you're unaware of it), that ultimately utterly changed her opinion of you.
Of course! It's his fault. He needs to look within.....
Give me a break....
Whether or not whatever-it-is is realistic or reasonable, there's no way to tell from here, all I can see that I'm sure of is that the woman was and is furious with you.
I think you are waaaaaaaay over projecting here...
What I'd be willing to be sure of , is that you're bitter about something...
From your side of the story, it was her who did everything wrong and you were Mr. Perfect through the whole thing. I doubt that is true. I am sure if she gave her side, she would be able to tell us a story that is different than the one you provided us with. There has to be a reason why she went from hot to cold and so quickly. Most people do not have a perfect relationship, walk out of it for no reason whatsoever and then get into a relatioship with someone else. I am not saying it is not possible, but most people do not do this. I just think there is more to this story.
But you're not focussing on saying it's possible that she behaved this way despite his being a nice guy are you?
Why all the kicking of this guy when he's down?
WTH is up with that?
Hormones, thrill of the chase, serial heartbreaker..who knows. .
Finally....someone who woke up on the right side of the bed...
Acefed,
I have HUGE insight for you. Your story is classic BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder. It is the most bewildering mind-f*cking relationship to experience. You've done nothing wrong. You just got sucked into an illness, which although hard to believe, is more pain for this ex-gf than what you are experiencing. Welcome to the club.
There are books and internet forums to help you, as an ex- partner of a BPD.
Some very good advice for the OP.
wow there are some awesome posts on this thread. there are also some rude critical ones. geez!!!!! can't you people keep your fingers off the keyboard if you can't write something nice?????
more often than not a really good person will be rejected because they are a really good person......the rejecting party does not feel worthy, she didn't know what to do with all that love. look at the guy she married.....that's the personality she feels she deserves.
BPD also sounds applicable here. they tend to have little or no conscience.
Ditto.
Or, she might have done something and she is punishing herself for her behavior feeling unworthy of you and punishing her self by pushing you away. Or, she might have realized that she has significant issues and loves you too much to destroy you with them.
Or, she has significant mental/emotional issues and is protecting you from them.
The reasons don't matter. The fact is the relationship is over, learn from it, move on. Ambiguity is sometimes best embraced and appreciated.
Ditto.
OP, by the manner in which you write, I would not suspect this has much to do with "you", per se.
I would be inclined to think that she simply has some serious issues.
Time will have a way of revealing whether or not this is true, by what happens in her future.
Patterns might emerge if you watch to see them... | |
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VF102
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Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 50 | |
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