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| | What motivates you to look for a relationship?Page 3 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) |
Who doesn't want and need at least one person who knows their darkest secrets and loves them despite them? Who wants to travel this long winding road we call 'life' utterly alone? Not me.
That's a good point. I know I've gotten much more attached to people in the past after learning the more unpleasant facts about them--whether that comes from simply being trusted with such sensitive information or the added depth of character you're able to perceive in the person, I have no idea. I do know, however, that it really sucks when such an attachment is broken. But even knowing that, I'll do it again. Life, huh? :p | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:55:25 AM | | I am here because I want to find something long term. I'm happy being single but I'm ready for something serious. I'm not the kind of person who needs to be with someone, and I am looking for a special relationship, not just any relationship... so I'm really picky about who I go out with, and I think sometimes that might give the impression that I'm not serious about dating, when in fact I'm just selective when it comes to who I can see myself with long-term. Dating is also a huge pain in the butt, all the unspoken rules and games that people play... I don't have the patience or tolerence for it so if I feel that's where it's going, I drop that ball. That said, the only thing motivating me to date, is the end result. The rest sucks! | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 12:38:13 PM | Chemistry between two people ... and to share similar interests ... get excited about the same sorts of things ... and be there for each other through thick and thin  | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 12:54:49 PM | "Insanity is my excuse. That's when you do the same thing over again and expect the woman won't turn on you. I was raised wrong, played that out, then by the time I learned better and cleaned up my act here I am, a day late and a dollar short. I believe that my experiences and my current status resulted from doing what I could with what I knew. In other words, I screwed up so this is what happens. But for some reason instead of hanging my head in shame and trudging off into the sunset, I pretend that maybe, just maybe, she's out there. And if she is, well, it's not my job to talk her out of seeing something in me that she can love. I don't look for a relationship, I just keep an eye out in case someone to love shows up and the feeling is mutual. The relationship would be what you call staying together because its where you like to belong."
Sorry Humungo........but I have to borrow your words and replace the She/Her with He/Him as I could NOT have said it better myself. And you know how I know......because this paragraph brought tears to my eyes.Thank you for saying exactly how I feel.It's nice to know there are men out there who GET IT~!
Good luck finding where you belong. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:09:02 PM |
sex is a powerful motivator. Indeed, sex has made a liar of me every time I've had my heart broken and sworn to give up on women. I've said it before and I'll say it again, women should be thankful for our sex drives cause it lets them get away with murder (or at least misdemeanors).
But sex isn't the end-all-be-all. Afterall, sex without some kind of emotional investment is glorified mutual masturbation in my opinion and not worth the time or risks. Thankfully, we have other motivation
DeagleNinja2, your post in many ways echoes mine. I'm not quite as "down" on women as you, but when I came back online, I was "firmly committed" to take quite awhile, before being open to dating again. But, then, my "little head" started convincing me otherwise, and from that motivation, to, at least, be open to the possibility of finding someone with whom both physical and emotional intimacy might follow.
Kind of the motivation for this thread, in a way. Just in realizing how my mind has started to change after less than two month, and a curiosity about what makes others become open to dating/meeting/pursuing. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:42:31 PM |
Finally, and perhaps more noble than these purely biological motivations there is a need for companionship. Who doesn't want and need at least one person who knows their darkest secrets and loves them despite them? Who wants to travel this long winding road we call 'life' utterly alone? Not me.
Very well said d2 as you make the perfect match of the wants and needs between a loving relationship between 2 people.
Companionship motivates the over 50s, while instinctual motivates the 30 under crowd, the 40's are lost in games of virtual despair and everyone else is motivated by the meaning of life! They are not on this site usually so go figure.
Funny but you could be on to something. I will add in funny way that the 50's are in a reminisce mode of their fleeting days of pass romance and the long walks on the beach, and 40's are into the self help books to right the ship after past relationship that went South and the meaning to life, and 30's are thinking about their biological clock,which is ticking if a family is in their plans and afraid of the old maid or spinster thingy.
There is a deep loving intimacy that comes when two people have an unusually special connection and affinity for one another. There is a wonderful cadence and rhythm to the way they interact and relate, and they have the utmost respect, reverence, loyalty and devotion for each other. Their personalities, psyches, intelligence, humor, character, et al are in simpatico.
Another lovely reply Frau as you say " unique connection” exist and the motivate intertwines... | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 4:58:19 PM |
I knew at a very early age what I wanted and what motivated me. I really didn't think that at this age I would find myself nearly five years without a relationship or the step up of being married to somebody. And I never thought I would get to a point of being so disenchanted with even wanting to meet anybody, knowing what I know now and how the whole process works these days and the myriad flat out 'BULLSHIT' that one has to go through simply to find love.
Every now and then I light up the bulb in the old lighthouse and set out a beacon. And every now and then a ship sounds a horn. Most times they just pass on by in the night. Other times, they come closer, only to turn out to be a well camouflaged warship with gun turrets pointed right at ya. Time to shut the lighthouse down.
I really don't want anything less than a "Linda to my Paul"....or a "Ruth to my Billy"....or a "Dana to my Christopher".....that's always been my goal.... But this business of short term 'try them on' catalog browsing is the worst thing to come along EVER....and I mean EVER...
Korky picked the words right out of my head.
The process becomes so much like looking for a job that it gets tiring. I miss the old days when I'd head out on a snowmobile trip, or skiing or camping and a friend of a friend would catch my eye, we'd flirt a bit, make sure we were at the same event next time and then find ourselves dating.
Now we live in a world with a drive-thru mentality, FWB, serial dating, grass is greener... and most of the time I just don't think I fit.
What motivates me to keep 1/4 of an open mind about looking for a relationship is that I find it difficult to believe that there isn't someone out there that I'm supposed to meet.
But, to be frank, I'm not holding my breath or being exceptionally proactive. Holding auditions isn't my style. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 5:19:58 PM |
It would seem, at least from the POF fora, that different people have very different motivations in dating. While everyone would like to "have it all”, the question is what is the motivation is that is strong enough to actually invest the considerable time and effort involved, in meeting and dating in the real world?
My life would have to be at peace. No problems, no worries, content, nothing is amiss, bills are paid, I have a decent amount of free time - and then someone actually walks past me that makes me really want to go after it. Either of those are missing, and I can take it or leave it.
For me, it's fairly simple. My “instinctual need” to date rises from sex drive. No, that doesn't mean “just sex”, because when I'm “into” someone, I want to spend a lot of time together, and inevitably that leads to “doing stuff together. However, the concept of dating for some extended period of time as “friends without benefits” would leave me disinterested, and content to spend time with friends and alone.
That would be a reason to pursue it too, if it wasn't so easy to conventiently arrange without all the extra hassle of dating.
For others, it would seem, that “companionship” is what motivates them, with sex as secondary, or perhaps, unimportant.
Yeah it's the opposite for me, but I suppose some would seek someone to hang out with (besides friends, family, co-workers, aquaintances, and the 100 other people you could do that with as well) as a priority.
There seems to be another whole group of people “online”, who seem perfectly content to have “virtual relationships” and never meet at all.
Yeah, this could be me as well. Mostly cause I have a pretty busy social life and enough to do, and talking to people here is only something to do while I am either killing time between other things, or while working on the computer.
So, the question is, what motivates you to be here, on a dating site, and what “drives” you to date in the real world, or are you interested in dating at all?
Entertainment motivates me here, I'd rather date in the real world than online, but only when I see someone who I find interesting/attractive enough will it even dawn on me that I'd actually want to, and then only if it continued to be worth the effort. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:04:17 PM | FROM OP.............."So, the question is, what motivates you to be here, on a dating site, and what “drives” you to date in the real world, or are you interested in dating at all? "
First half of your question....being on an online dating site suites me fine for now. I'm not a bar fly. Been there done that bought the t-shirt, back in my 20s and since I'm not big into drinking, it just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Because of the nature of my job, some evenings and weekends are taken up with work, so once my day's done, going out to be a 'party girl' just seems too exhausting.
Last half of your question.....am I interested in dating at all? Yes! While there are benefits to having my own space and time, it can and does get lonely. I miss not having someone at home to converse with, do things with,even if it's just sitting snuggled together watching some mindless t.v.
For me the question would be, am I ready for a full-time commitment. I've been
'flying solo' for over 8 years now. I spent the biggest part of my time working and putting my son through university. While I did date some, most of my time was spent being a single/sole supporting mom.
My biggest fear is, would I even MAKE a good mate for someone? Maybe many of us ask ourselves the same question. Maybe that is why so many do get cold feet. It's not the other person, it's more ourselves and the fear of not being able to 'adjust' to becoming a couple with someone again.
Life's funny. Some say, take your time before settling down with someone again. I often wonder just how wise that advice is and exactly how much time should one take. It seems the longer the time one takes, the harder it is to get back into the game and feel totally at ease and confident in yourself as a potential life partner.
Should I be lucky enough to meet someone and fall in love again, my life will be even more blessed then it is already. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 8:37:36 PM | As an aside, I have to say that I'm amazed. This thread has been an open discussion of different motivations, without anyone feeling a need to "bash" those who see things differntly. That, and it's stayed "on topic".
As expected, there does seem to be a fairly even distribution between those who want/need "companionship" first, and those who are motivated first by sex drive. Also, as suspected, most people want both emotional and physical intimacy, and the difference is primarily about which comes first. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:05:49 PM | For me, I chose to be single for a long while, then I felt I wanted to get back into the dating scene.
Trouble was I work so much, I wasnt having much luck finding eligible guys since I work with a lot of women. One of the girls at work told me about the site.
It was the answer to my problem.
Still have not found the right guy that I would want to be with long term, but I talked with and met a few interesting men. I also enjoy reading and writing in the forums.
That is why I am on here.
Yecats8. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:08:49 PM | | I have no preconceived notions about men but I only date guys that take my breath away. I like tall lean men, easy going, a guy that can make me laugh. Preferably a non smoker. Sexy. Good kisser. The rest only time will tell. .... no motives though. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 9:48:29 PM | So, the question is, what motivates you to be here, on a dating site, and what “drives” you to date in the real world, or are you interested in dating at all?
First and foremost, friendship is what motivates me. Companionship and if it develops into something wonderful, I'd welcome it. But right now, I'd start with friendship. So many friends I've met here. And I am not averse to dating and I do so in real life, even with people I met online.
Not interested in Friends with Benefits, booty call or being the other woman in a married man's life either. I am here mostly for the Forums and to have some conversations with people I have met online. I treasure the friendship I have with some people here where I can be myself and share our lives and thoughts and develop deep fondness for each other without any sexual tension, though we may feel total connection or some kind of attachment. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 11:02:48 PM | | Sex is primary. If what I cared about was companionship, why would gender matter? I also don't need that much companionship. However, it's nice to have a sexual partner who is also a companion. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/1/2009 11:46:08 PM | What motivates me to enter a relationship? Probably not very much, since I am still single and not in the process of a hook up of any sort... hehehe. I am in perfect agreement with Cinderella911
It does go in spurts,, I am on and off of here again because one gets tired of this fishing game..
This is exactly how I feel. I more often treat POF as a form of entertainment, and the main reason I am here are the forums. They provide wealth of life experiences and knowledge.
Once in a while I throw my nets into a deep see and hope I may catch myself a salmon. If I make myself 'visible' I am overwhelmed with all the salmons, whales, orcas, lobsters coming at me all at once. I feel like this mermaid surrounded by all those creatures, but not really knowing any single one, they are my 'subjects', lol. Each single one seems nice, and courteous, but then.... I don't feel any connection, and if I don't sense any connection, and yes erotica is my big interest, that I simply am not motivated. The desire of romance and erotica derives from a connection, in my mind.
So, occasionally, an interesting fish swims up to my corner of the pond and starts chatting and wiggling his fins etc. I even manage to develop a chemistry with him in the mail and on the phone...lol, but not in real life...haha. I find I rather put my energies into reading a good book. Yes, I like forums very much and my peace of mind.
Sexual drive is not a strong enough reason to motivate me, since I have followed that voice as well, and it comes back empty to me. So, my lesson is that I only would throw myself into something much more satisfying than just mere sex, eventually it is getting boring if there is no true connection. I love my life as it is and should I meet him, he would be my desert, but I can always provide main course to myself. 2cents, La Gioconda. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 6:43:21 AM | I gave up on dating over two years ago. Want a relationship but stopped looking.
It seems that the only women I have been interested in live far away, own their own homes, "as I do" and have their happy lives. " again as I do"
They don't want to move and neither do I.
As far as sex goes.
I can get that any time I want it but refuse to have casual sex with anyone just for the sake of having sex.
I have turned down girls 30 years younger than myself just last year.
My ex-wife wants me back and we have become FWBs.
I will never marry her again, "2 times was enough" instead I will keep my heart for someone who wants me without being deceitful.
If I never find anyone, then so be it.
I am I ..... I have a happy and active life and don't need anyone that doesn't want me.
I'm leaving for another private music festival tomorrow and will be gone all weekend.
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 6:57:57 AM | Right now? Today? I'd have to say companionship, a partner in crime, so to speak... But obviously sex as well. If I find a nonsexual companion, that's great...but I'll continue to look for the sexual companion.
I have in the past been content with just the sex, a fwb. When life is too busy to make time for a companion, the fwb works just fine.
But at this point, i want more than that. In fact I had essentially a FWB and I told him goodbye to pursue companionship.
Perhaps I am finally getting healed from the bad past marriage and ready to try to be a partner again. Only way to find out is to try.
But I"m not going to compromise on the sexual aspect either...that has to be part of it for it to be a dating relationship. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:51:02 AM | | RennaisanceMan: Companionship alone---that's what I have my girlfriends for. I don't see a reason to compartmentalize sex and companionship if you're talking about a standard man-woman love relationship. In a relationship, gotta have both. Both motivate and there will be times that one or the other is the more dominant thing going on. I think people who aren't interested in finding a love pluse sex relationship should go to findabuddy.com or lovetochat.com or feuckandbedonewithit.com | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 2:36:37 PM | soulfoodwanted:
I think people who aren't interested in finding a love pluse sex relationship should go to findabuddy.com or lovetochat.com or feuckandbedonewithit.com
...hahaha, I like how you put it soulfood. I must tell you or rather I came to make a confession to you that I no longer pay attention what people say in their profile, in terms of 'friends only'. I have even started looking at folks who put flat out in their profile, 'intimate encounters' in less judgmental way, and more open minded way, and I even came to respect them. I have completely re-evaluated those little 'status' thingy people put there, and realized it really does not matter on grandiose scale of things, nada.
You may ask me 'how come'? . It is a human nature to try to control the events, the life, people, situations, you name it, and it all comes from the place called Ego. In reality we have very little control over our lives, so what someone is 'looking for' or what I have recently changed to, none of it matters. This realization also comes from observation of life. Most people and friends I know would practically swore on their profiles they have no interest in romance, but friends only, these are the kind of people who you would send to 'finabuddy.com, but in real life, they have found themselves in completely opposite corner of the pond. Because these people often ended up in a sex situation on the first day, so theoretically they should have ended up in fookandbedonewithit.com. I have come to admire, almost, people who are honest with themselves and say they are looking for 'intimate encounters' and it isn't for you or I to judge them. Similarly those who swore they didn't want anything sexual, put anyone who read their profiles on an arm length and ended up fooking, well these are the people who either don't know themselves at all or plain prudes.
Happy fishing to all  | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:27:49 PM | You might as well ask what motivates a Salmon to to return to the place of his birth!!! :)
Such was the man’s desire - his arrogance, his leisure
that his mind wandered to thoughts of pleasure
as the distant rhythmic chanting
over restless dark sea
captures his mind
'She is calling to me'
He stands upon the edge of his logical construction
looks across the dark sea
smiles briefly, bravely to himself
takes a deep breath, closes his eyes
dives down deep
deep into the dark shifting faces
they reach for him, pulling him down
down deep in desperate writhing darkness.
He lies still, on soft sand beach
restless waves, hungry waves
bite and lick the sensual shore
in darkness
he gazes at the world above
A billion stars scattered shimmering in dark space
'I know you' he cries
'I understand what you are, that we are one, connected by waves.'
'You are my friends, my certainty, my guiding lights as I journey upon this strange sea of doubt and many faces.'
'You are my friends, hear me.'
'You are my friends'
He repeats, he demands, but there is no answer
He is alone
All is One
His thoughts, lost in space, sense the beat
the rhythmic chanting heat
the heatness of cicadas.
He sits, silent, breathless, listening
the rhythm ebbs and flows from the dark forest
a place of fear and doubt
the sensual spell of the chanting
the rhythm of wild imagining
he follows the rhythm of the dark unknown
'Open your eyes,'
her voice reassures
'Open your eyes, you are safe, trust me.'
All about is blackness, save the light of a lone candle
It burns silently, the flame slowly dancing
Incense, thin trails of heavy scent, spiral upwards, pervade the man’s mind
Memories, instincts intrude his thoughts.
Time to be, to feel, to sense.
A wine glass upon the table
deep red wine within
He stares at the glass, it's shadow, slave to the candle's will, weaves an erotic dance.
Watching, captured by soft movement
lulled, deceived, seduced
he is thirsty, he hungers
takes the rich red wine, drinks deeply
the sweet taste of nature's fruit upon his tongue
She turns her head deliberately, to stare, to challenge.
Excited/fearful, the man looks upon the women,
beauty binds his gaze, powerless he watches
her eyes are cool and dark, darkness, he falls, senses lost
he closes his eyes.
Her hand instinctively touches him, she speaks,
her soft voice intrudes, and briefly overwhelms the rhythm, the cicadas.
Her voice is kind and gentle, soothing.
'You are tired and have come far to see me. I am flattered. Please, stay and rest, there is no need to hurry, there is no need to be afraid.'
The man sits by the table, drinks deeply again. His mind alive.
'I have come as you say, for I am curious as to your allure, but first, please tell me why you have sent for me, why do you want me so?'
Her voice chides the man, she laughs.
'I have sent for you, you say. This is not so, you come of your own free will. I shall take no blame for your weakness and lust.'
Her words shock and disturb him.
'This is not so, I am upon an urgent journey of great importance to the world. I have no time for the weakness of the flesh. I am more noble than this, for I am a philosopher, a slave to matters of the mind, a servant to truth. I bear knowledge of great importance to humanity - of what is Real, of how we are able to touch and feel.'
He says the words, wanting to believe in them, seeking comfort
But she mocks him, for she understands him.
'You may rightly know the truth of matter, that we are formed from waves in Space. Indeed, your knowledge is complex. But man is more complex again than this matter from which he is made. You know yourself no more than a child, so enjoy your pleasures as you find them, without doubt and concern, for I am a woman, and it is in your nature to lust for me.'
The man watches her as she speaks, captivated by the alluring charm of simple logic, of warm red wine, of reasoned words provoking him.
Her hand, slender burnished arm, resonating, moves in space
sending violent shadows to flee in the dark
as delicate fingers take the wine
she drinks deeply.
Shadows danced and weaved
enticing
her body in soft spangled space
seducing
The heat has raised a sweat upon her skin
he imagines the taste of her salty sweat
the heat surrounds him, torments him,
he shivers, down deep within.
A moth flaps about the candle
it too has hunger for the allure of the light
driven by wild instincts
of brief burning ecstasy
The flapping moth, one time too close, lays slowly dying.
He watches, wondering if it felt any pain. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:40:12 PM | I see it in two parts.
What motivates me to date is sex. Pure and simple. I think the motivation to date and the motivation to look, have or be in a relationship is different. I am not motivated to pursue the idea of a relationship until I have been dating someone for awhile. The sexual aspect has already been met so it's the other things that come into play with regards to a relationship.
What motivates me to look for a relationship is the desire to share my life. Not necessarily companionship and definitely not without sex but more than both. Love, lust, desire, passion, companionship, partner in crime, intimacy, etc. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/2/2009 6:55:06 PM |
I have in the past been content with just the sex, a fwb. When life is too busy to make time for a companion, the fwb works just fine.
But at this point, i want more than that.
I can "relate" to what you said, Kayliecat. I wouldn't be interested in "just sex". On the other hand, I wouldn't date a "friends firster", or someone who wants a dating relationship to begin as "friends without benefits". For me, a "relationship" that isn't strongly sexual would leave the "first need" in a relationship missing. So, while I want both physical and emotional intimacy, the thing that motivates me first is a response to sex drive. | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/3/2009 6:28:01 AM | Wow this thread is still going, very interesting,,
What really motivates me is to find my long lost love, sex is great and part of the package, but I want someone who is on the same page in life as my self, Tired of the dating games and willing to share their heart body and soul with me as I am them,
No more games, no more logging into dating sites to see if there is a better fish out there, To Love and be loved" in the same way,, I keep coming back because I havn't found a Keeper, really doubt he is on a dating site, who knows what may swim by..
in the mean time I totally enjoy the forums and the people I have met on here.
Wish me luck girls... | |
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| What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 4/3/2009 7:21:13 PM | Most people in this thread have acknowledged that what they really hope to have is a complete relationship, one that is both emotionally and physcially intimate. The order of priority varies, with some more focused on emotional closeness, doing things together, etc.., and believing that physical intimacy will "come later". Others, like me, believe that it's far more likely to become emotionally intimate, if two people are lovers.
In other threads, sometimes, I have read posts by women that would totally turn me off to wanting to date. One recently said "Men want sex. Want to mount me like a dog. Stay off". If that were representative of most women's attitudes, then I'd never be motivated to date at all.
Fortunately, in the real world, there are "plenty of fish", and many women are as anxious to have a "complete relationship" have physical intimacy, when they are "into" a man, as I am to have that same "dating style". If experience hadn't taught me that's true, I'd have little incentive to date again. While I respect those who see it differently, dating as "friends without benefits" for some extended period of time, would seem like too much hassle, too much effort, too many challenges, and I wouldn't date at all | |
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