*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 51 | |
| |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/2/2005 4:02:37 PM | | I've looked at this thread - so im gonna comment as an outsider with no children. Seems to me there is a confidence in who im thing going on here. I beg to differ about the looks and money thing - there are many lonely (successful in money terms) people / single parents with our without children. I don't think this is an issue of children, more an issue of confidence in who we are, where we are going. | |
|
| |
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 54 | |
| |
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/2/2005 11:16:36 PM | true man
with 4 children and support from the government i stilll struggle. in fact i have been forced into looking for work because i have difficulty in coping.
however..when it all boils down to it..you are on your own when it comes life...and the only person to get you out of a mess is yourself.
i take my hat off to you | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 6:13:37 AM | SASSSY !!! I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMENTS . I WORK A FULL TIME JOB AND I HAVE A BUNCH OF SIDE JOBS I DO. BETWEEN WORK AND MY CHILDREN AND HOUSEWORK COOKING AND SO ON MY DAY IS NEVER DONE. I WOULDNT GIVE UP TO FOR THE WORLD . THE ONLY THING THAT I"M LACKING IS THAT SWEET LADY IN MY LIFE . SASSSY HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON YOUR OWN ? AND IF I FOUND A LADY WITH 10 KIDS ,AND IF IT WAS RIGHT BETWEEN US I SURE IN THE HELL WOULD"NT RUN . AND I HAVE THE UPMOST RESPECT FOR YOU AND ALL THE SINGLE PARENTS IN THE WORLD .IT IS NOT EASY BEING ON YOUR OWN BUT I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT .   | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 7:01:48 AM | I've covered this already in another thread but the reasons are simple: Every single guy deserves a chance to be #1 in someone's life before having to give it up to the little ones.
If I dated a single mom, there would NEVER be a point in my life where I was a top priority to anyone. It would always be about the kids. What's best for the kids, what can we do to make them happy, how can we work around their schedule, etc.
No, I don't want that. I want a single female without kids. I want to HAVE kids with her someday. Kids that will grow up to look like ME and not somebody else. I want to pass MY genes on to another generation, not someone elses. And I want to be there from the BEGINNING. Standing in the hospital emergency room when he/she is born, and knowing that I can help guide them and shape their life from DAY ONE, not catch them when they're 4 or 5 years old. :)
I rather took your side in the other thread, but after reading the above, I am not so sure. In the other thread, you made it sound like you just wanted to find a woman that loved you for you and would put you first, but the post above proves me to be wrong. Do you want a woman that loves you or just a female to give you children? What is up with this desperate need of men to reproduce? I love all of my children dearly, but never had a desperate need to have children.
For what it is worth, I am a single mother, and this is how I feel about who comes first or whatever.
A guy I am just dating. Frankly my cats come before he does, and to be sure my children would.
A guy I am living with and not married to, you bet my kids would come first. Why wouldn't they, as the guy is someone that doesn't think enough of me to marry me, but rather just play house?
Someone I am married to, a total different game. In my heart and soul he would always come first. Yes when my children were young their needs would have to at times come first, but in my heart my husband would have been number one.
Also I do not see what difference it makes about the different dads things make. You met people, you have children, things don't work out. Are you meant to just give up and not try again?
  | |
|
TGIF
|
Joined: 6/24/2005
Msg: 58 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:48:55 AM | Well I'm not a frightened man, but the comments you made here sure scare me for your children. Sorry that things are so bad for you sasssy. Gosh, how do you suppose this happened?
with 4 children and support from the government i stilll struggle. in fact i have been forced into looking for work because i have difficulty in coping.
The impression I get reading this (and this is all I have to go on) is that you think it's okay to play and not expect to pay. I think that the attitude of feeling forced to support the ones you brought into the world is just a teensy bit immature.
PERHAPS {this could be why} MEN ARE SCARED??
You then say that you are on your own (with "support from the government"??) when it comes to life and that the only one to get you out of a "mess" is yourself. Are you suggesting that someone else is responsible for getting you into this "mess"?
however..when it all boils down to it..you are on your own when it comes life...and the only person to get you out of a mess is yourself.
My decision to have a child and my subsequent decision to get a divorce are choices I made. I do not think of them as messes. And, like true man, "...I manage" and "it's not easy".
You take your hat off to someone willing to work to support five young ladies? Very generous of you, sasssy. What is it you are doing to get yourself out of your "mess"
I think cpupro 4hire has a very good point:
If you were a man, how would women see you? Oh hi, I've got three kids, each of them has a different mother. (Watch how fast they run if they sense a man that can't keep it in his pants.)
Well I know I am going to catch a whole lot of   for this...
So be it!  | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 59 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 10:45:20 AM | ive been on my own just over a year. the youngest is 13 months old and is very demanding..but i wouldnt change things even if i could. the children have taught me so much in so little time.
as much as i adore them..i still love meeting new people and chatting, this site is great.
i do need to work however, i want to meet my childrens material needs as well as emotional and if ive learnt one thing in the last twelve years, its that there is only one person in life you can depend on and that is yourself.
i admire you and every parent. its exhausting lol and you can never really say you've finished for the day..but its also the most rewarding thing on earth! | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 60 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 10:54:13 AM | tgif
why would i bother giving you for your comment?
your entitled to your opinion..thats the whole idea of forums.
thank you and have a nice day | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 3:05:21 PM | | If a woman told me that she had children with multiple fathers the first thing I'd think is "What the Hell was she thinking?" I'd have serious concerns about her judgement. I don't think it's unfair to judge people on their actions. Isn't that supposed to be how we get to know the person inside? However, I'd want to hear her side of the story, since she may have very good reasons for being in the situation. | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 62 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 3:21:41 PM | ok, you guys have made good points and points to which i can not argue against nor will i justify.
i have my "story" to tell like the rest of us. i also have my reasons. they may not have been the right reasons and hindsight is a wonderful thing. but however my children came about they ARE my life, my reason be getting up in the morning, and i certainly do NOT see them as "messes"..i was referring to money NOT my babies. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/3/2005 9:44:39 PM | | sassy here is my reason why I wouldn't date a woman with 4 kids. like the one guy said i too would like to have children of my own. now using you as as an example looking at your profile it say do not want children. how would you expect guys who have no kids pick you over a woman that has none? When in fact one day in his life he would like to have a family. Before anyone now judges me yes i dated a woman with a kid. Lasted 3 years and I treated her son like he was my own. Reason why Im not with her now long story and I'll leave that for another time. | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 64 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/4/2005 4:25:46 AM | | fair enough and i understand ur reasoning. we are all different and are all seeking different things. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/4/2005 5:34:04 AM |
I rather took your side in the other thread, but after reading the above, I am not so sure. In the other thread, you made it sound like you just wanted to find a woman that loved you for you and would put you first, but the post above proves me to be wrong. Do you want a woman that loves you or just a female to give you children? What is up with this desperate need of men to reproduce? I love all of my children dearly, but never had a desperate need to have children.
I want a woman that loves me for who I am and one that will want children with me some day. :)
For what it is worth, I am a single mother, and this is how I feel about who comes first or whatever.
A guy I am just dating. Frankly my cats come before he does, and to be sure my children would.
A guy I am living with and not married to, you bet my kids would come first. Why wouldn't they, as the guy is someone that doesn't think enough of me to marry me, but rather just play house?
This is exactly my point. I'm not saying you're wrong to put your kids first, I'm saying I want to be in a situation where I come first regardless of whether I'm married to her or not. And that means finding a woman without kids. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:16:14 AM |
This is exactly my point. I'm not saying you're wrong to put your kids first, I'm saying I want to be in a situation where I come first regardless of whether I'm married to her or not. And that means finding a woman without kids.
Then quite whining about something you don't want then.
You don't hear me whining about the fact I didn't want to date men without kids and make an ass of myself for it! Drama queens and attention seekers on this board make my day :) | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 9:00:25 AM | Although I am a little older than you, I find a woman that has kids appealing. I really love kids and raised 3 girls as a single parent. I miss the fun we used to have. As far as having multible Dad's that just means you are 0 for 2. I have 4 kids from 2 different marrages & divorced twice. The first one was my fault cuz I was a total jerk to her. (now we are best of friends) The second one was due to her battle with mental illness.
However I do think guys your age are reluctant tp get involved with the package deal. Maybe be you should try older guys. If you think that was a plug for you are right.
Good luck,
Rick | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 9:04:38 AM | | I think you are dead wrong. If you married a single woman with no kids, then decided you wanted some of your own. you are automatically second fiddle. as it should be. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 12:23:34 PM | Me me me me me...what about me? Always me me me...I wonder if you guys actually realize you already were a priority in someone's life...your own parents...a romantic relationship is about team work and common goals...if you don't care about children then get out of the single parent market...we don't need you there anyway. All we can hope is that our kids don't grow up to be so selfish.
Whatever happened to honourable men? You're so worried about a woman having time for you when she has kids...what about time for herself? Does it occur to you that she's quite possibly more of a "man" than you are in this respect? Then you whine that you get stuck with some dependent sap of a woman who doesn't have kids but instead becomes one of yours...
Shakes head...I just gotta laugh at the irony of it all.
Oh and before anyone comments on what I've just said please know that I have directed this specifically to those who are unhappy with the idea of not being someone's #1...the rest I have utmost respect for. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 3:03:43 PM | I just felt the need to jump in here and say that the descriptions I am reading here about men may indeed be accurate for some men, but I think it is wrong to generalize for all men. It would be like saying all brown haired people are scared of commitment, just sounds kind of silly to me.
Paul | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:50:34 PM | Todays society we all come as a package for one. I dont agree that the presencse of kids impact the quality of a relationship is all about acceptance.
and not all ex's are in the picture | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/5/2005 10:58:05 PM | Lets face it. Men with kids or without will always(99%) prefer a women with no children over the same women with kids. It is precieved to be esier: less hassles, less time constraint, you get to be #1 in that persons life. Yeah. You women are the same (97%). Admit it!!!!! If your potential mate thinks you are worth the extra "precieved" trouble, then the kids become a bonus! I love my Boys, I have custody, I will not give em up. But they take up all (99.5%) of my time. It would take a special women to be (at least in the begining) happy with .5%. Its a Brady Bunch generation. Find a single dad/mom and be happy that there are a tun of us out here! | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/7/2005 5:54:20 AM | | OK, any guy interested in dating a single mum, already knows the situation. Personally, I’m not looking to meet a lady who has not had children, so I’m focused about the type of woman I am seeking - for me I see a clear mental difference between a lady who has and has not had children - someone persuade me otherwise! | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:10:45 AM |
Then quite whining about something you don't want then.
You don't hear me whining about the fact I didn't want to date men without kids and make an ass of myself for it! Drama queens and attention seekers on this board make my day :)
Okay okay!! I was just offering the "single male without kids" perspective. You'd never hear "the other side" to the story if you only talked among single parents.
You'd have a collection of people in here scratching their heads about WHY WHY WHY for the rest of eternity while all the answers you seek lie in another thread on another forum.
| |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 1:30:28 AM | "perhaps men are scared??"
well to be short sweet and to the point... yes... if they have actually thoroughly weighed the pros/cons and effects of the possible relationship. are men immature to be "afraid" to become involved with a single mother? absolutely not. the children and the ramifications of having them, this is something that *should* be in the forefront of their minds whn beginning a relationship with a single parent. not just for the men, but also for women. now befoe somebody starts slamming me for that response, i have dated single mothers.
why should it be thought out?? what is the ultimate goal and usual ending to dating? dates, dating, living together, marriage. so if u hit it off with someone and they do have children you better have thought about the ramifications for later down the road. when a female says that they are not looking for a father for their chikldren, that they already have one, this now means to me that "you are not this childs father... you know this going into the relationship... you will never be the childs father... ultimately all decisions can and will be vetoed and or be made by me and solely me.... if you do not like these truths then hit the road...".
I realize that not all single mothers behave this way but this is my experience. My previous live in girlfriend had 2 boys. one 7, one 2, and a crazy mostly abusive partially suicidal ex-husband in the background (though she turned out to be the one insane, but thats neither here nor there, lol).
I knew that she had children. It made no difference to me whatsoever. after several months of dating she and the boys came to live with me. everything was great until that time. It was made very plain and clear to me that while it was my house and i paid all the bills and even purchased countless items for the kids, i was not a parent. it was made clear to me by her and by her eldest. she did not agree with spanking, at least when it was done by me. she would not spank the oldest and yet would whip the 2 yo for the smallest infraction. this to me was unfair. if i tried to discipline the kids she would actually call me out on it in front of the kids. doesnt really put me in an authority position does it?
Im not trying to whine, espescially on this next paragraph, dont get me wrong. the first month that she lived with me she tried to be lil suzy homemaker. laundry and cooking and cleaning. then she stopped doing all of that. she didnt even do her own laundry. she actually halfway expected me to do it (not that i did mind you). im 27 years old and quite capable of doing my own laundry and cooking (besides i was a better cook anyway, lol), so it only didnt bother me to "fend for myself". but when im running late for work and ask for my laundry to be taken out of the washer and placed into the dryer i wouldnt think i would be a big deal... however i was mistaken as i was told that she thought she was dating someone and she already had 2 kids to take care f and didnt need a grown man who thoght he needed to be waited on hand and foot.
Long story short (as i orignally intended but got carried away) it did not work out between us. and while me and her oldest never really grew as close, i grew attached to her youngest quite a bit, and he to i (he used to come running into the room when i came home jump into my arms for a hug and say "noggin" so i would lightly tap his forehead with mine and click my teeth like the turtles in nemo, lol). so now there is a rift, kids who lived with and grew attached to someone who is no longer in their life whatsoever and whatever attachment i had. I know not every case ends badly (or as long and rambled as mine) but i do believe that guys should be a little apprehensive about dating single mothers. if for no other fact that you are not just involved with the mother but with the children (as it should be) and be aware of the possibilities of "what if" things dont go well. | |
|
Home
login 
