| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 4:31:49 AM | 4 hire, your thoughts give all men a bad name you should really start thinking about what u r saying and get a new topic to talk about, you have no children and r single and dont want a single mother, good for u, so leave all the single mothers alone, you have made your point enough,
sassy there are good men out there, and there are men that will accept your situation cause they want to be with you,
i have found it is a little harder dating a single parent but if u r man or women enough to have patiences the rewards are unbelievable | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 77 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 5:05:02 AM | thankyou sweetdad!
im afraid this thread was a little harsh on men. i have spoken to so dam good men since i posted it. | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 5:21:49 AM | | well we r out there, so dont worry and if u are as a good of a women as u seem u wont have any problems | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 3:55:08 PM |
4 hire, your thoughts give all men a bad name you should really start thinking about what u r saying and get a new topic to talk about, you have no children and r single and dont want a single mother, good for u, so leave all the single mothers alone, you have made your point enough,
I am the epitome of what a good guy SHOULD be. I've done everything RIGHT. I've kept it in my pants, gone through school, got myself a decent career, and haven't left behind a trail of single moms, fatherless children, and child support payments.
I've done everything right, now it's time for my hard work to finally pay off.
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 4:19:34 PM | Ohhh this topic often gets my panties in a knot.
Instead of lumping single parents into one big category, why not try to see them for the individuals they are. Everyone has a different story to tell and if you would sit back and listen long enough to understand that story you might realize that most of us are not some barefoot and pregnant dummies that fell for a bad boy.
There are many people to consider in broken family arrangements. Many of us did not have the personal power to see the future...most of us never will of course...and I don't think it's fair to make sweeping generalizations where single parents are concerned.
I have seen single parents do amazingly well and I have seen some do rather poorly. There is no fit standard for us as we are all trying to make the best of what is a bad situation.
There are people out there who cannot handle the responsibility involved in raising children and that is acceptable, although they are not called to make judgements on those who were willing to give it a try.
I don't think there is a single parent in here or anywhere who decided to have a child and knowingly place them in negative circumstances...most cared enough to bare their child in the first place and see it through, come what may...can they at least get some credit for valuing life?
Yes, some of our situations are less than ideal and yes only the strongest people with character and conviction would suit a single parent because it can be very challenging. If you lack the faith in your ability to withstand the blows of sharing your new S.O. with their children, then you are definitely NOT fit to be their partner or their sex buddy because your child might be the next one she is pregnant with.
Now, the question I would ask here is why on earth, if you feel this way about it, would you be in here? To make single parents feel less than? To reinforce their already difficult positions and present them with more challenges in the stigma that has been attached to us?
Give me a break...I am doing the best I can and I could not have foreseen my circumstances either...and I certainly hope and pray that you are not placed in the same rut that you might experience it too, mind you I think it would help you to develop some true compassion and stop demoralizing single parents for managing it the best way they know how.
Furthermore, who cares how many fathers there are? They aren't asking you to be one of them so why constantly repeat that? The point is there are children that need to be loved and you know, those little darlings don't worry over who will love them so much as they have SOMEONE who will love them.
Try and remember YOU were a kid too...and how would you feel if someone told you your mom wasn't good enough because she made a mistake...or because she married the wrong man or decided to have you instead of aborting you.
All I ask is that you consider it for a moment. Oh and 4Hire...huh...why the hell are you in this thread? And your profile says you "try to be a nice guy", I hate to tell you this...really I do...but you are FAILING miserably...so don't be telling me you are doing everything right... | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 6:06:18 PM | Perhaps blastkist said it most eloquently...that kids just want someone to love them. For the record, and getting back on topic on this thread, I don't believe that my love is limited to just my kids. There's plenty more room to love the woman of my dreams, and yes, if she has children, then them too.
As for people who don't want to play second fiddle because their partner has placed their children first, all I can say is get over yourself. Because she sets one priority over another doesn't lessen her love for you. Are you that insecure and unsure of yourself that you can't stand the thought of anything or anyone taking prioritiy? If you are, then its not going to last, kids or none. | |
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kikker
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Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 82 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 8:35:29 PM | | Most men aren't scared.........sometimes women use that excuse when men are jsut not interested. I preferrably go for women with kids. I like the way they are. I have been with moms that I liked their kids better than I liked them or they just put their kids off on me because I was good to them.......all men and women are different. Don't jsut the rest because of a couple. I don't:) | |
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kikker
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Joined: 10/26/2004
Msg: 83 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/8/2005 8:41:55 PM | | Blastkist.......you are preaching to the choir. Being a single parent is tough enough. Don't try to spend the rest of your life as one limping on crutches of blame. Be proud that you are a parent and that you love your child or children. Anyone who holds that against you doesn't understand the love shared between a parent and child............find those who do and always provide for your children in every aspect of their lives:) | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 84 | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/9/2005 12:34:01 AM |
Don't try to spend the rest of your life as one limping on crutches of blame.
I'm not sure what you meant...could you ellaborate? Blaming whom?
I'm asking this sincerely, not sarcastically... | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/9/2005 10:19:46 AM | People (Men and Women both) who do not have children tend to shy away from those of us that do.
It is allot to ask of them to accept the children also. In most circumstances the parent will put their child first, always. (As it should be of course)
Also, most people with children already do not want more. (not all, but for the most part the people I talk to who have children already are not interested in more, and I am one of them)
Having said that, people without kids looking for a long term partner generally want their own offspring, not some-one elses.
I am not saying I think this is right, but it is the reality of the situation.
Some people are ok with children, understand and accept they will always be second to them, others dont care for that and want some-one who does not have children yet so they can have some of their with them, or simply do not want to be second to any-thing. | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/9/2005 4:46:51 PM |
All I ask is that you consider it for a moment. Oh and 4Hire...huh...why the hell are you in this thread? And your profile says you "try to be a nice guy", I hate to tell you this...really I do...but you are FAILING miserably...so don't be telling me you are doing everything right...
I'm in this thread to serve as a dose of reality, a wakeup call so to speak that men are not scared.
All I need is to find a woman that has done what I've done: Kept her legs closed, gone through school, has a decent career, and now wants kids.
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 88 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/9/2005 4:58:00 PM | Kept her legs closed????
so ur seeking a virgin?
"I'm in this thread to serve as a dose of reality, a wakeup call"
thank you..im sure all the men out there will be greatfull. thank god they have you!! | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/9/2005 5:26:08 PM | | I know when cosidering a woman for dating I would rather she didn't have children or if she did then they were with thier father most of the time. Most profiles that I have read state "my child comes first". Well I know I don't want to be second in a womans life... I am worth more than that. Besides, if a couples marriage doesn't come first then what happens when the child grows up and leaves? I have seen couples who got divorced after the children were grown because they never took care of the marriage. | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/10/2005 1:24:31 AM | 4hire...i still sense that you are bashing single parents for having made the choices they did "keeping their legs closed" and I still don't see what value you have to offer this thread other than suck up attention energy while you sit on your "look at me, i'm perfect" attitude.
All the more power to you to find the woman you are seeking but apparently she is NOT here so why are you? That is what i meant...otherwise you are just being negative.
By the way, I find you incredibly arrogant...I pity the woman you end up with for it. I think you have much to learn about humility and true strength...but life will kick you in the ass a few times and you'll figure it out...you're not lacking intelligence, that much I can tell, you're just lacking tact.
Cheers...now if you'll excuse me i have to go spread my legs...for some poor unsuspecting schmuck that I want a child support payment from...LOL! NOT! | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/10/2005 8:11:53 AM |
4hire...i still sense that you are bashing single parents for having made the choices they did "keeping their legs closed" and I still don't see what value you have to offer this thread other than suck up attention energy while you sit on your "look at me, i'm perfect" attitude.
I'm not bashing anyone. And yes, I need attention!
By the way, I find you incredibly arrogant...I pity the woman you end up with for it. I think you have much to learn about humility and true strength...but life will kick you in the ass a few times and you'll figure it out...you're not lacking intelligence, that much I can tell, you're just lacking tact.
If you want to know how great I am, just ask me! 
Life has been kicking me in the ass all my life, now I'm just kicking back.
Cheers...now if you'll excuse me i have to go spread my legs...for some poor unsuspecting schmuck that I want a child support payment from...LOL! NOT!
Suck them in like a magnet eh?  | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/10/2005 8:22:08 AM | TrueMan, you ARE a true man and a rare breed! To step up and raise all those girls by yourself....oh, I can't think of a more difficult thing to do, especially with all their different ages. I applaud you!!!!
Cpupro, I think I said this in another thread, but you have every right to choose to date women without children. It's natural to want to be #1 in someone's life. You're young, you're not being selfish, you are choosing a path that you want your life to take and you've set your standards on what you want. Kudos to you, kiddo! | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/11/2005 7:19:39 AM | | thank you very much SPARKLEPANTS. I LOVE AND ADORE MY CHILDREN AND THEY ARE MY MAIN PRIORITY IN LIFE AN ALWAYS WILL BE. NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE LEFT BEHIND. THEY DID"NT ASK TO BE BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD.I"M GOING TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE MY GIRLS LIVES VERY BEAUTIFUL ,EVEN IF I HAVE TO BE A SINGLE PARENT THE TREST OF MY LIFE. I HAVE DEVOTED MY LIFE TO MY GIRLS FROM HERE TO ETERNITY . AND BELIEVE ME IT DOES GET PRETTY DAM LONELY BUT IT PASSES . AS LONG AS MY GIRLS ARE HAPPY I"M HAPPY. | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/11/2005 10:23:39 AM | hi,
This is a question that has come up a few times >>>>"who will watch your daughter?"
I guess I have it easy because my ex has her every other weekend and pick her up and
watches her when I was going to school in the evening the past two semesters.
I guess not everyone has that advantage but if a a man or woman really is interested they will know that that child is part of who they are. | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/11/2005 11:04:58 AM | Why are men threatened by kids?........
Because your kids and you come as a package deal, he must like you and all your kids, and they must like him, makes for less odds.
kids have the potential of being a problem and the man is not in a good position to correct the situations without your permission, this will be fine for a submissive man, all of us are not submissive. She may go crazy if you discipline the children, in order for a man to love them he must have their respect and this is not always easy, love and discipline go together with kids. I cannot love a child that i cannot control, maybe if it was mine, but someone else's... well NO.
How do you feel about a man other than the father with control of your kids, or do you want all the control? | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/12/2005 12:13:35 AM | Great point Lou. A word to the wise to the single Mom's who actually want to learn something about how men really think and how you can make a new relationship work.
You need to treat the man in your life as THE MAN. You need to make your kids and ex's understand that they are not #1, that he is, and that you will not allow them to manipulate you against him, period (because they WILL try). If you want to make your kids the head of the household then you should live alone and just date for fun because you will NEVER marry a man worth marrying with that attitude. Just a mouse.
The only player that calls the plays in football is the quarterback, not the ballboys, and if a man can't even be respected as the head of his own household then he's got no right calling himself a man. And if a woman can't support him 100% then she's got no right calling herself his wife, but then again, that's probably what most of your exes already told you. Suck it up and learn from the experience.
And as for the chick who acts all pious about her happy relationship (that probably doesn't exist) while she cruises singles chatboards all day behind some poor guy's back, why don't you go find some "happy relationship site" and swap recipes for green bean casserole. Quit cheating on your man. You don't belong here. Go away.javascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 97 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/12/2005 1:33:50 AM | [You need to treat the man in your life as THE MAN. You need to make your kids and ex's understand that they are not #1, that he is, and that you will not allow them to manipulate you against him, period (because they WILL try). If you want to make your kids the head of the household then you should live alone and just date for fun because you will NEVER marry a man worth marrying with that attitude. Just a mouse.}
are you seriously saying that the new man in my life should be #1?? i think you are slightly misguided lol when it comes to my kids..any man shall be #2!
i find it hilarious than some men actually believe that as soon as they enter a relationship with kids involved, they should suddenly become the be all and end all.
you say we will never marry a man. just a mouse lol well if kids are that much of a threat to you..id say your the mouse.
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/12/2005 6:42:01 AM | | I am a full time widowed father, and I for one have never felt threatened, even before I met my wife and had my son. I had dated women with children because I look at this fact: the older you get, there is a good chance that a potential mate will already have children. I know what it is like to not have time to burn. The problem I have run into is the same as the original poster: having less time to date, and catching all sorts of Hell for it. I will talk to women who say that they understand, but when it came to dating that understanding went out the window and they demanded more time. The one rule I do have is that my son is not brought into any of this personally until time has elapsed enough to be comfortable. I have no set time, but trust me...it is not the second date!! | |
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| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/12/2005 9:51:22 AM | C'mon now Sassy, take 2 brain cells, rub them together, and try to make a spark. Its not a matter of feeling threatened or scared. Its a matter of "Why the f*ck would a man willingly choose to commit to a life of #2 servitude (or in your case #5) within his own household, knowing that he needs to tiptoe around some other man's kids lest his so-called wife gets turned against him?" What about that sounds appealing? Nothing, right? RIGHT!
What the hell does he get out of this deal? Your precious love? Obviously not. That's reserved for some other man's children. He gets the right to be the new sucker in town. That's the bottom line in your equation, and that's why you'll NEVER have any man worth having with your attitude.
Is there even a glimmer going off in that tiny light bulb yet?
If a woman doesn't have the faith and confidence in a man to follow his lead, then she shouldn't be with him. Just stay single, go buy some "power tools" instead, and quit trolling for a "male nanny" for your kids. Or find someone that you truly believe is a great man, then put your faith in him and shout it from the mountaintops so that your ex's and kids understand that the two of you stand united and that they can't manipulate or play you off against him.
I didn't make these rules up. They're just the physics of interpersonal relationships. Get used to them. | |
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louuuu
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Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 100 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 7/12/2005 10:32:55 AM | your pet lion
I'll bet she's starting to understand.
If she cant' then your wasting your keystrokes on her.
by the way .... you are 100% correct , maybe a bit harsh on her, but in her case she needed it.
louuuu | |
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