| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/7/2006 2:30:02 PM | | Hi...Emma, I tend to be a little harsh on men,too..we all have had our share of being around the wrong people. I am a nurse going on disability until I can get my certification and I will be working with a whole different kind of patients..until then, I cant do "normal" nursing duties. When some guys find out I can make a living..the ones that want a sugar mama..I am a target...then there are fellas that dont want a woman on disability,either,even though when I get through, my life will be totally unbelieveable! Women are scared,too..heck I think we all are to an extent...and mine is keeping me alone...dont you gals or guys let yours do that! | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/7/2006 6:02:40 PM | Pet Lion, harsh truths are sometimes needed. You just stated one, and I really hope some people will hear it. It will save them a lot of grief and pain.
If a woman can't understand why a man prefers to be the head of his house instead of the servant in her house, she's in for a very lonely existence. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 4/7/2006 6:07:56 PM | any man shall be #2!
Don't you think that men ALREADY KNOW THAT? Haven't you thought that perhaps THAT IS THEIR REASON to avoid you?
i find it hilarious than some men actually believe that as soon as they enter a relationship with kids involved, they should suddenly become the be all and end all.
Why not? After all, that's what you expect you and your children will become for him, isn't it?
If you ask a question, you should be prepared to hear the answers. Better yet, you should be prepared to think about the answers, and to see if there is some truth in them. But to ask for answers only to dismiss or to call "hilarious" those that you don't like (and which, BTW, are probably the ones that may shed more light on your query), is just a loss of time. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 6/5/2006 8:49:36 AM | | If they are scared why do they lead you up to faling in love and wanting to meet you up until the day they are suppose to arrive and send an email telling you they have changed their mind and have met someone else and block you from them? Do they know theynot know the meaning of hurt? | |
|
| |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 6/30/2006 11:34:53 PM | If you are raising children in the US, particularly for the woman with 4 kids, odds are you aren't going to see a vacation or early retirement and the little extras in life.
A man has no problem making these sacrifices for his own children. But would a man want to give up 5-10-15 years of his life working extra for kids that are not his own? Sure some men might given certain circumstances, but would any man want that kind of deal in general?
I don't care how you break it down, raising kids in general is expensive, and you have no idea what kind of situation you'll run into ( a child may become autistic, a child may become disabled, a child may grow up and need a little help paying for college) Its not like a man can say - Ok these kids will hit 18 and my commitment to them financially is going to be over.
I think single mothers have to really think about that. Would you give 5-10-15 years of extra work, fewer vacations, less time with a woman you might care about, cutting corners and scrimping, and are always worrying about money over children that aren't yours, that you have no control over and ultimately will probably never truly accept you?
I can't lie, I WOULD BE SCARED OUT OF MIND. But man or woman, given that kind of reality, who wouldn't be scared at that prospect? I can tell you who - suckers. Because unless you've met the woman of your dreams and you know you'll be with her the rest of your life, then its a sucker deal. Sorry to say it, but relationships to single mothers are just as prone, if not more prone to failure as relationships with no kids involved. Extra risk, no tangible upside. That extra time working is essentially a wage/labor self imposed prison sentence for a woman who will put your second or third or fourth in her life. I wouldn't rag on men who find that prospect scary, I'd want to rag on men who jumped in headfirst into this kind of deal without any apprehension at all. | |
|
| |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/24/2006 1:34:06 PM | If the men you date feel this way about you then they are the wrong men for you to be dating!! I am a single mom, I have to gorgeous daughters 9 and 3..both different fathers although one father takes responsibility for both!!
All my decisions are based around them, although I do make mistakes like everyone else!! I had my first daughter when I was 16years old...but I love every minute of it!! We grow together and learn from eachother everyday and it's an amazing experience!! I am young enough that I still fit in and she thinks im cool 
My outlook now is...I can afford to live on my own and pay my own bills, anyone I date is going to be kept at a distance! I am not interested in living with another man, I would rather make plans on my spare time to go out and date! Dinner, dancing, movies, and just sometimes letting loose and getting crunk!!
My advice to you is enjoy your life and your kids because you don't get a round 2!! If the men judge you tell them to beat it!! One day you will meet someone great but in the mean time enjoy the special moments you have with the ones that always love you!!  | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 1:42:35 PM | | Let me say this lound and clear to any and all men who are talking trash or think less about women who are single mothers...with one father or however many....some women made some bad choices in the men who fathered there kids....but so have us guys..i am no exception...in dateing a women who has kids it is tough...but a real man i believe would find the good in the situation and person....i have a child...and i use to get some very shallow women after me just for my looks or job or toys i won....most simply off the fact that i am muscular and attractive...but now after haveing my son and re-entering the dateing scene, i am so delighted to find the single mothers steping up to the plate.......trust me men..they offer just as much as a single women without kids, they also see more then just the outside of you.......so single men give the mothers of the world a chance........I am single so women ......keep steping up | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 1:47:39 PM | | Are men that don’t want to date women with children scared? Let me ask you this. If you don’t want to date a fat guy, are you scared? If you don’t want to date an older man, are you scared? If you don’t want to date a poor guy, are you scared? It all comes down to personal preferences. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 1:48:45 PM | | badgirl4utnv----let me say i loved your rsponse about your children, i am a single father of a wonderful 4yr old boy who is the light of my life, i am in alska and me and my boy live it to the fullest.....i think moms are awesome...especially single active mothers who take a role in the lives of there children and make a difference.....i envy the fact you put your kids first......by the way ...you got to be one of the most beautiful Mothers i have seen......forgive me for being foward...but this just goes to show....A mother can be even more sexy then a single women with out kids......all mothers that are good mothers keep up the good work......a single fathers ...take responsibilty for your kids.....and single men....a single mother.....can change your life! | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 2:16:21 PM | | I am a single father and i am not scared of single mothers...but even when i did not have a child i always thought single mothers were sexy and attractive...you almost get a glipse of a side of them you would never see anyother way...dont get me wrong some situations can be tough dealing with ex-issues and such....but i believe a real man would benifit from the right single mother....I am not scared..... | |
|
mknerd
|
Joined: 10/23/2004
Msg: 113 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:20:37 PM | Id first like to say this had been a really enjoyable thread to read. Such diverse preference and lifestyle.
I personally prefer a woman without children. For the whole simplicity reasons. Whilst this is a preference, that does not make it an absolute. I have dated women with children. Sometimes I am glad that they did have children. I think you can learn alot about a parent from their kids. If a kid is well behaved I think there is a reflection in the parent. I have dated a few women that had horrible kids, this was a turn-off for the whole relationship. Or even I would disagree about the way she raised them also a big turn-off. I think sometimes I have even mentioned something to that effect, but I would never argue, as it is their children.
I also think that in order to date a women with children, I would have to really like the kids. I love kids personally. I have 7 nieces and nephews I grew up with. With that said, sometimes it can be a real bonus.
My thoughts- | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:55:07 PM | You are 31 and currently separated so you are still MARRIED.
You have 4 kids with 4 different fathers and you do not want any more kids.
Men are not scared but have concerns.
Men in age range (30-35) have many choices in women to date and have a family of their own. Some would still be interested in women who has 1 or 2 kids and wants one more in the future but not 4 kids and never have a kid with you.
Many men will not have a serious relationship with a married women so the kids are the excuse they give you but it is the not the real reason. Separated is still married.
You have one failed marriage and 3 failed relationships resulting in kids in 13 years being an adult.
Would a women who has no kids date a men who had 4 kids with 4 different womens and does not want more kids? | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 6:44:38 PM | | well i am a single father and i can't meet women for the life of me. everyone i meet ends up getting scared cause of my son. all of whom i have mutal friends with. so i know the reason is just that. sometimes it sucks. but when i didn't have my son i would have been less willing to date a single mom, but never unwilling. now i am at a diff stage in my life and a single mom would do me good ha.. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:02:13 PM |
well i am a single father and i can't meet women for the life of me. everyone i meet ends up getting scared cause of my son. all of whom i have mutal friends with. so i know the reason is just that. sometimes it sucks. but when i didn't have my son i would have been less willing to date a single mom, but never unwilling. now i am at a diff stage in my life and a single mom would do me good ha..
He is an example of what is wrong in society.
A good looking 27 year old man who is taking care of his son after his mother has left.
He has proven to be a great dad and want more kids in the future.
He is not looking for a Mom for his kid but only a friend for him and his son.
Women with out kids should take a change on him because he might be the right fish for you.
Good luck with your  | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 9:43:59 PM | | First and foremost I would say that you have not encountered a man...to assume a women is a tart for multiple fathers is just wrong when we are studs for fathering children from multiple ladies...for most the idea of dealing with ONE father is a hard issue let alone several if your mate is not confident in himself it will never work.. it is not the children who they run from for many have more than one child but it is that they are not secure enough in themselves...but this a good thing for you can easily weed them out...as a single parent we all have things that might inhibit a future mate from wanting to be with us but the one for us will not mind or even care about those things and just admire us for what we are...Be proud stand tall you have much to look foward to someday a real man will step foward! | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 118 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/26/2006 11:31:13 PM | wow 1 year on and this thread is still going strong lol
thanks to the more recent threads, there has been quite a mixture of responses on here!
firstly i would like to say that i am proud of my children and of myself. i may have not done things the 'conventional' way but i have and am raising 4 beautiful, bright, loving children and i would not change them for the world.
when i joined this site (over a yr ago), i believed that men avoided women with children from multiple fathers at all costs, i was wrong and in some ways this thread was wrong.
i have since spoken to some wonderful men who know of my situation but are more interested in the person inside rather than the way things came about.
i have also come to realise that everyone has the right to choose and just because a person shys away or chooses not to be with a single parent-does not always mean they are scared. its simply not their preference.
there are some 'tarts' out their just as much as there are men who cannot keep it in their trousers, but there are also those of us who fall too easily and make hazardous choices in life.
untill we have taken the time to get to know that person, one cannot possibly judge.
so i retract the title of this post if i may and i apologize for pre-jugding men-this site has taught me not to rush in with such assumptions and that it would indeed be a sad, boring world if we were all the same.
*Em* | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 119 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/27/2006 6:02:17 AM | lol ok well obviously the nun thing was a bit silly but as for the rest? no, im no whore..i had my reasons and they were NOT the result of one night stands. my children were results of long term relationships that ended for various reasons.
gullible? Misguided? yes..maybe, but no whore  | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/27/2006 12:30:24 PM | | nothing wrong with different fathers i nevr look at the woman unless i think i can deal with the child or children which i never have that problem | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/27/2006 12:41:02 PM | nOTHIONG WRONG WITH DIFFERENT DADS OR MORE THNE ONE CHILD ...THE PROBLEM IS MOSTLY THE ROLES THE DADS PLAY SOME PLAY A POSITIVE OTHERS A NEGATIVE, Some will own there responsiblitys and othertimes coming into the relationship you find you are picking up the slack, it all depends....I have one child and everytime i meet a woman i ask about the fathers role....for lets be honest some women are looking for a stand in daddy......others are not...so i wont lump them all together......but here in AK...burrrr......the women are mostly looking for daddys .....its hard to raise a child on yourown.......so i caution the question....men are not SCARED all the time just some of the time......the other time..they are just being real about the situation........i welcome the comments??????????what do you all think???????? | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/27/2006 5:44:45 PM | When I read your first post, was going to say 'tart' is the polite way men have to avoid using the 's word.' Then I read you have four children by four fathers and I think you are some troll making it up because that wouldn't even happen to drug using street walker.
If by chance you story is true, I advise you to do your kids a favor and give your children up for adoption, and get your tubes tied.
And to the other poster who ask what about the widow with children by more than one father. That is fine if only two fathers and she is married to the second father. Otherwise, otherwise. | |
|
*Em*
|
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 123 | |
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/28/2006 12:14:41 AM | john i will humour you and try and take little offence due to your age and the fact that you have no children and are not interested in anyone one who has (one wonders why your on a single parent forum).
the fact that my children have different fathers does not make me more or less of a mother OR a person. my children were NOT the result of silly one night stands..i didnt 'open my legs' for just anyone. 2 of their fathers play an active part in raising their children. 1 is dying so sadly cannot see his son as much as he/we would like and 1 cannot be bothered.
my children are polite, respectable, wonderful children and are happy, so why on earth i would even contemplate giving them up is beyond me.
my children are my life.
my suggestion to you is to quit being so judgemental UNLESS you've been in a situation like my own..get out more and perhaps you will realise that not everything is a black and white as you would like. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/28/2006 12:35:16 AM | John6-81 isn't wrong. If someone has had four children by four fathers, eyebrows are going to get raised. Fair? Unfair? Sorry but it doesn't matter because that's just the way the dating world works.
The common line is that human beings should never judge others. Well thats nice to say particularly in public, because it's the safe politically correct thing to do. But people get judged all the time. What kind of car you drive, what kind of clothes you wear, who you hang out with, what kind of job you have, whether you have an education or not, the list goes on and on.
The fact that your children have different fathers may not, in actuality, make you more or less of a mother or a person. But the fact that people judge each other anyway, no matter what they say, means people will make a value judgement on you for having different children by different fathers, whether you want them to or not.
Would you date a hardened criminal? Someone with an extensive felony record? I mean they could have changed, they could have cleaned up their lives. Would you want to take that risk anyway and date them? Would you even be comfortable just being in the same parking lot alone with them late at night trying to get to your car? Be careful how quickly you want to call someone else judgemental, because everyone judges everyone else whether we realize it or not. And if that felon called you judgmental for not giving him a fair chance at dating, would you care what he thought or would you do what you think is right for you?
No one cares what the truth of your life is, they only care what the perception of the truth of your life is to them. Your real mistake is not having four children with all different fathers, your real mistake is just assuming people care what happens to you at all. Life doesn't work that way. | |
|
| PERHAPS MEN ARE SCARED??
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:30:46 AM | hi ya,
it is refreshing to see some one who can keep a level and non opinionated response to a thread. i find people tend to mount their charges all too quickly and forget the details mentioned in favour of shouting the loudest. thank you sum1reel for delivering a straight forward and i might add accurate response to a very emotional question. | |
|
Home
login 
