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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?      Home login  
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 Kay9876
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 26
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
If you become exclusive with her, you will probably not be happy. You had sex with a woman before establishing the kind of emotional, physical, and intellectual connection that could make you want to be exclusive with her. All three are necessary for a healthy, romantic relationship.

At this point, it's unlikely that the relationship will work for long. Most women would not want to have sex with a man who sees them the way you see your weekend partner. She might not even want to be your friend, but to be less than honest (in the kindest way possible) would cause more harm.

You and she can both learn and grow from this experience if you are honest and gentle in the way you approach her.
 samiastellabella
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 27
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:32:37 AM
hey
yeah honestly is very wrong seems like u been using her for yr needs and thats not fair to her cause she might like u more than just sex and if i were u i wouldnt hurt some1 for no reasons if u dont want this to come back to u (karma) either u continue or u keep lying to her just for sex she will end up finding out and she end up thinking u were with her only for yr needs and that will make an ****Hole in her eyes
so its up to u but remember she is human being has feelings like u u dont wanna some1 hurt so dont hurt her or u may live yr etire life paying hard
gluck
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 28
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:43:01 AM
Okay... now you REALLY have me concerned cuz I am in the OKC area and I know a woman whom I think is an EXTREMELY attractive 45+ woman while clothed but has had some serious medical issues resulting in her being far less than optimum while naked. She has been experiencing difficulty maintaining a relationship longterm. She seems to think the guys are just players but I wonder if it isn't more like what you're talking about. So please tell me this woman's name is not Chrissy.

I don't want to encourage you to enter into a relationship with someone when you have doubts. OTOH, I do know from personal experience that it is possible to be attracted to someone's personality while not finding them to be to your preferences physically speaking. Love may yet bloom in a garden of friendship as it is the best environment IMHO.

I applaud your decision to become totally honest with her. It sounds like you'll be gentle about it. I hope at least the friendship survives. Good luck.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 29
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 12:11:10 PM

Is it wrong to have sex and not be exclusive, to keep dating?

If she knows your intentions, do whatever you want. Just don't leave her wondering what's going on. JMO
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 30
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 12:24:47 PM
Where did he go?!
CRAP! It IS Chrissy, isn't it?!
Did she ever mention in your many enjoyable conversations that she's a certified sharp shooter?
 ElleShooTiger
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 31
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 12:28:30 PM
Are you attracted to her when's she's fully clothed? There's a reason we wear clothes, and 99.99% of us arent exactly perfect when we're naked. If you cant get past the attractiveness, let her go and maybe stay friends, but without the intimacy, that will just make it seem that you're using her. It might not be the best idea to bring up her body when you talk to her, you'll seem that you were either desperate for attention, or just wanted an easy lay.

Of course, sometimes you can have a good friends with some benefits arrangement if both parties can agree to keep their emotions separate and just enjoy each other's company. This means that you can hang out and do things, and NOT just expect to have sex each time!
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 32
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:02:28 PM
you need to talk with her about her hopes and expectations in this 'relationship'

do be honest about not be sure of a future with her, she deserves to know your hesitancy
 AbortRetryFail
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 33
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:29:33 PM
So please tell me this woman's name is not Chrissy.


No her name is not Chrissy. She is 40 years old. Yes, she has had some recent medical difficulties (back surgery, bedridden for three weeks) which may have caused her to be out of shape so. I walk a lot anyway as part of my daily routine around town, so it's possible this situation can be improved upon anyway. I also exercise when the weather gets good and she seems willing and enthusiastic to do it too. There may be hope. Then again, it's difficult and unfair to go out with someone hoping to change something about themselves. That is a recipe for disaster.

Sorry I didn't realize there was a page 2 to this thread. It's been a while using POF.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 34
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:36:09 PM
I keep returning to this thread, I am fascinated. So this woman had back surgery and was bedridden for three weeks yet she had sex four times over the weekend. She sounds in pretty good shape to me.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 35
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 2:18:12 PM
While I still think it is crucial that you be honest with her about physical attraction clothed v. naked, it may be possible that she has been looking and waiting for someone/something to motivate her to take better care of herself. Personally, I've lost about 20 lbs. since I met someone and entered an exclusive relationship. I didn't do it for him or even for me. I think it is related to being more satisfied with life right now and... uhm... more physically active.

I also encourage you not to approach this as going out with someone hoping to change them(selves). Just be honest as we've discussed and don't allude to the possibility of it developing into something more if she does x, y, z. Both of you should have the outlook that it is what it is and will be what it will be. We can't mold relationships any more than we can mold people. We can only make the best of what we have at any given time. And it sounds like y'all have the makings of a great friendship if nothing else. Since you say you truly care about her I'm sure you wouldn't want to blow that above all else.

P.S. to the previous poster above -- The OP didn't say precisely when she had the surgery so I don't see why the presumption that he's being dishonest... or at least that's how it seems.
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 36
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:03:05 PM
So this woman had back surgery and was bedridden for three weeks yet she had sex four times over the weekend. She sounds in pretty good shape to me. quote
==============================================================

==============================================

The OP didn't say precisely when she had the surgery quote
======================================================

He said it was recent lol.You need a strong back to make the beast with two backs.

Op obviously in your eyes, this lady is not good enough for you; or maybe you are scared of what your friends will think.She deserves better.
 ConcreteCowboyFl
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 37
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:19:49 PM
Maybe she thought you were a walking penis? and tried you out 4x?
 Chronomancer
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 38
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 4:22:30 PM
You've got a choice here..either tell her possssibly risk losing something reliable and delicious. Or you could not tell her and just let things take their course. If the topic does come up make sure to talk it out and voice your feelings, just let her know you're not looking for exclusivity.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 39
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 5:35:46 PM
Personally imo there are only 2 reasons why someone would come on here to ask for advice about this:
1 you are not happy with yourself and you are looking for a spanking from the audience cause deep down you are dissapointed in yourself . You have had this experience before and here you are again. I think it is okay to admit that you have needs and don't always make the best choices when you are feeling needy it is what you do after you have realized that, that determines who you are........ So buck up and tell this woman that you were feeling lonely but that you just can't see yourself having a real relationship with her. ( that would be the best thing you could do at this point imo)
If you are here looking for someone to give you the high five and say oh that's okay there won't be enough of that to appease you at this point . You wouldn't be looking for that if you didn't already feel shitty.
 Sirenbliss
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 40
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:03:07 PM
WHY DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER if she wasnt that attractive???

Did she hold something over your head and force you????
 NESunshine
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 41
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 7:31:03 PM
Let her go. Be honest with her and yourself. Continuing to use her will cause even more issues since you haven't developed a true connection to her.

Come clean and man up.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 42
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:10:41 PM
Well, I guess this should teach a few of the women to think twice before screwing on the second date....
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 43
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 8:59:11 PM
Ack, could you contradict yourself anymore in this thread?

You saw her naked and felt blah about her, yet you were still able to get it up 3 more times?
I would just LOVE to see what you look like. Are you so perfect that you can be so judgemental? How sad for you that you can't get past 30 lbs. I know you say you're trying, but that's crap. This woman deserves better than you.
 dvpal
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 44
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 10:13:07 PM
Well if you married somebody and they gained 30lbs would you get rid of them? If you really care about somebody a little extra weight does not matter.

And think about this Maybe she had sex with you 4 times because you kept on falling short of satisfying her.

I was just going to say you are a pig and your balls should be cut off but hey how constructive would that have been.
 milyn15
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 45
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 10:30:03 PM

am seeing a girl now who I have dated on two weekends. The first time was for just an hour and a half, and the second time was for an entire weekend over my house. She really enjoyed her time with me and we did have sex four times. I felt bad though, because I am not as into her as she is into me, and there are some shortcomings with her that make me want to keep looking, but not to discount her entirely.


So, let me get this straight...YOU do not find said woman very attractive, but somehow or another, your penis did not have a problem with her? Is it really that difficult to control into who's vagina your penis enters, esp. if YOU are not attracted to her??? Of course your penis will not discount her, even though you will.
 zapped
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 46
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:47:31 PM



you seems Fecked up?
 *in*spiration
Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 47
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/2/2009 11:49:27 PM
You got what you wanted and now you can justify your escape...you knew, you knew, you knew.

Thanks for the reminder to refrain from sexual behavior early on.
 Ralleac
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 48
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Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/3/2009 1:56:21 AM
It sounds like you want to keep her around for the sex while you look for someone you are more interested in. I wouldn't take that route. If you had doubts you probably shouldn't have gone there in the first place, but what is done is done.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 49
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/3/2009 3:15:39 AM
Actually, I just got off the phone with her...she was feeling a little bad too, because the was pretending to be a lot more into you than she was....she said she liked you well enough, but you have some shortcomings that make her want to keep her options open...she has a strong feeling it's just a matter of time until something better than you comes along.

She felt that the age difference was the main problem, as younger guys tend to be somewhat inexperienced in the sack, and the learning curve was getting a little tiresome.She also noticed that while your little chode sure was cute to look at, it wasn't not overly satisfying.....she said she has tried before, but has a hard time maintaining long term relationships with lil chode having men.

It's probably no big deal if you continue to boff other people, as she intends to do the same....but don't worry, she plans to continue to be honest about it, so no harm no foul.

She said she really enjoys you as a person, and that if your unit was just a few inches bigger, she could see some real potential for the relationship to go somewhere.....She said she's tried, but she hasn't been able to bring this up to you directly, because, well, lets face it, inadequate endowment is the worst sort of thing to talk to a boy about.



Wow, kinda smarts to read that, huh? you better check yourself sonny. your attitude is seriously screwed up.
 AbortRetryFail
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 50
Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?
Posted: 4/3/2009 6:04:34 AM
I'll get to these comments soon. I am falling a bit behind. Stay tuned.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Sex on 2nd date - now what, exclusivity?