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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:39:24 AM | msg 99 and 100:
This is all so funny, in an ironic way. When I first came on these dating sites, as an over 50 woman, I saw the same exact thing happening as far as men in their 50's not contacting me or seeming to be interested in me (and other women in their 50's). And the reasons they gave are the same exact ones you are getting from men in their 40's....mainly not being physically attractive enough or not active and youthful enough. You are both beautiful women and obviously very attractive. If you weren't, men in their 20's would not be knocking on your door. And, women in their 50's have the same thing happening: told by men our own age we are no longer attractive enough, yet being constantly contacted by men who are younger.
What's funny also is that I am regularly approached by men in their 40's. What does that mean? I have no idea. Also men in their 30's. So, I just can't buy the argument that we aren't physically attractive....unless men desire to sleep with women they find unattractive. From what I can see, the good news is that there are men closer to my age who are interested, good men, but they are just far and few between. Just need to keep looking and have some patience.  | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:58:40 PM | When I was in college I knew a fellow student who was Valedictorian of his class at his elite private high school, an outstanding engineering student in the honors program and a very good looking young man (He is still good looking and youthful today!). It turned out that when he was about 20 he was boinking a 58 year old woman neighbor from time to time. He had no trouble finding women. Indeed he got one of two sisters he was boinking pregnant and married her. Over my adult lifetime I have known many other men who were quite similar in their behavior. I think of them as "shotgun" types because they scatter their seed all around and will boink just about anything with two legs and a p****. Monogamous men I think of as "rifle" types because they aim for and shoot one at a time. Some younger men just like to stay in practice and are not particular. They do not even need beer goggles. Others find older women are easy, fawn over them, treat them to trips and even pay their bills and buy them cars. Some are looking for older women with money who will take care of them while they loaf and boink other women on the side.
The message here is that before you get involved with a younger dude try to find out why he is interested in you versus women his own age or younger. What are his motives? | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 3:32:33 PM | Msg#95, perhaps you've misread the thread and subsequent posts, nowhere is anyone complaining about not attracting any male attention. Most of you fellas probably don't do much looking at men's profiles, but as Emeraldgreen noted, there is a higher incidence of age restrictions they have set. For example, 45 yr old men who have the restriction that only females between the ages of 21-37 are able to contact them, they don't even see profiles of women over that age. So it's not a case of "alleged biasis". I was honestly curious about this, and there have been many insightful responses. Your two cents is duly noted scatterzoom.
The message here is that before you get involved with a younger dude try to find out why he is interested in you versus women his own age or younger. What are his motives?
I think we have to do this with anyone gaddflye, regardless of gender or age. It's not only younger men who are just looking for a little somethin' somethin' or a sugar mama, same goes for some women. There are people of all ages who have less than honorable intentions. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:55:41 PM | I think that most women forget that they are selling product...themselves.
To sell a product you have to:
1) Know your product
2) Know your customer.
3) Make either your product more appealing to your customers...or be able to make customers amenable to the product.
Or some combination of the both.
If your product doesn't move....then you are largely responsible for that lack of movement.
If you choose not to sell your product in another market (i.e. younger men) then you can hardly blame your "expected" customers (older men) for your lack of "sales."
Can you? | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 8:42:06 PM | | Scatterzoom: Now you're accusing most 40-something women of not knowing what they are doing??? Maybe they should just all lie about their age, then their face will pop up in the searches the men their age are doing that are obviously excluding them when they tell the truth about their age. This would certainly be 'knowing their customer'. Make their product appealing??? Are you also saying that women over 40 are unappealing??? Seems to me you are the one doing the blaming here, and you are blaming the women! I find it quite disgusting that you talk about any women as if they are a 'product' to sell. Go crawl back under your rock. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:03:17 PM | I for one am looking for someone my own age. A person that has rode down the same roads, so to speak. We all learn a great deal going thru life and i dont want to spend the second half of my life explaining the lessons already learnt. plus after the kids are gone its time for us to pick up the tatters of long forgotten dreams and goals. id like to find someone that is at, or near that place. maybe someone just looking for peace and serenity in their life. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:17:23 PM | GIVE this lady a Prise! You nailed that right. I think also it works the same for handsome men with a hot body.
For what it is worth, my two cents, is that most men in their 40's that are single are in either having been settled down and now want to play the field with the NSA or friends with benefits route are not looking for someone with value that is in their 40s also.
It's just tough on both males and females out there.
Best thing to do is not to lower the standards you set for yourself. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:29:23 PM | Message#109..
You dont give males enough credit. its not about the hot one, or the pretty set of pants walking away from you. its what they have on the inside that counts. looks can only go so far,,,but the right bond with your mate will last a lifetime. All that glitters is not gold. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:08:04 AM |
Scatterzoom: Now you're accusing most 40-something women of not knowing what they are doing??? Maybe they should just all lie about their age, then their face will pop up in the searches the men their age are doing that are obviously excluding them when they tell the truth about their age. This would certainly be 'knowing their customer'. Make their product appealing??? Are you also saying that women over 40 are unappealing??? Seems to me you are the one doing the blaming here, and you are blaming the women! I find it quite disgusting that you talk about any women as if they are a 'product' to sell. Go crawl back under your rock.
Did you intentionally misread my posting or did you not understand it?
I didn't accuse anybody of anything.
I stated that if we are selling something...primarily ourselves.
If what we are selling (our product) is not moving off of the shelves...then you can hardly blame your "customers" (i.e. other people) for it not moving.
Women, like men, who are interesting,funny,attractive,outgoing and present themselves in a positive will find that people (customers) are interested in their product (themselves).
Women who are unattractive,humorless,moody,withdrawn and negative (and men that are the same) will find that there aren't that many people who are looking to add that person to their lives.
In conclusion, if you are alone, have been as such for a while and are not being successful at changing that state of being, then you really need to look at yourself rather than blaming larger groups for your own lack of success.
Did I explain that better than earlier? | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:31:55 AM | Wow, Buckeye you certainly struck a chord with a lot of people regarding this subject matter!!
I guess I'll stick my 2-cents worth in too. I think that Scatterzoom hit the nail on the head---PERFECTLY! He has certainly given me plenty to think about. Simply by being on this site (or any other dating site) we are in the "business" of "marketing" ourselves. If our product has been on the shelf for anytime at all, without too many sales...than maybe a little repackaging is in order. I really don't think it's an age specific thing, I'm pretty sure women of all age groups have the same problem.
While I do believe that the occasional forty-something man, may have a little more interest in arm candy, I am sure there are many, many more who are just trying to find the right woman for them. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 6:14:48 AM | I find this whole subject of age quite amusing, but I guess for some, they make it an imperative – and as such, they put limits on “mail settings”. More so, if your age restriction is just a couple years. Shame. Especially if your soulmate is just one year older or younger. But I think that it really has to do with false expectations – people making the assumption that age is a factor. Whether you’re here to find your mate, a friend, or whatever, what does chronologic age really have to do with it? Being mature, responsible, stable, etc… now THOSE are important! Just not as easy to quantify. Hence, the real challenge.
Is this a case of midlife crisis thing? Do some feel that dating a woman around their own age will make them feel *old*?
And to respond to OP’s initial question: nope, no midlife crisis here. I’m quite happy in this stage of life… as I was in previous stages. In my life, I have dated women from 20 years older than me to 20 years younger – all very fine! Of course, in the here and now, I suppose that if I were to date a woman in her, let’s say, twenties… then, yep, I just might feel old!  | |
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| Re: selling product/commodifying humans
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:04:44 AM | | Yet another extension of the brutally de-humanizing distinction between people and consumers. Sadly, it would seem even Easter has been annhilated by The Holy Capitalist Church. | |
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LACali
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Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 116 | |
| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:13:30 AM |
Women who are unattractive,humorless,moody,withdrawn and negative (and men that are the same) will find that there aren't that many people who are looking to add that person to their lives
S**t, and all this time I've been hoping for a man equally unattractive, humorless, moody withdrawn and negative. That was all I wanted. So, you mean it's hopeless for me then?  | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 12:05:00 PM | Sorry, I don't agree at all that scatterzoom hit the nail on the head....sure when meeting people out in the *real* world during our everyday lies, this applies, however this isn't the subject matter of this thread.
I was questioning why it appears to be that there seems to be a fair amount of men who are on these dating sites, who restrict who is able to contact them. If they are not viewing women who are of similar age and not accepting messages from them, there is no way they can determine if a particular person has a negative attitude or not, interesting, humorless, unattractive etc., That's what this is about scatterzoom.
Obviously if a person has a negative attitude, not presenting themself in a positive manner, they're not going to be attracting any attention at all, regardless of what age their target market is that they are they are trying to appeal too, that goes without saying, and isn't what this topic is about. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 3:23:52 PM |
Sorry, I don't agree at all that scatterzoom hit the nail on the head....sure when meeting people out in the *real* world during our everyday lies, this applies, however this isn't the subject matter of this thread.
I was questioning why it appears to be that there seems to be a fair amount of men who are on these dating sites, who restrict who is able to contact them. If they are not viewing women who are of similar age and not accepting messages from them, there is no way they can determine if a particular person has a negative attitude or not, interesting, humorless, unattractive etc., That's what this is about scatterzoom.
Obviously if a person has a negative attitude, not presenting themself in a positive manner, they're not going to be attracting any attention at all, regardless of what age their target market is that they are they are trying to appeal too, that goes without saying, and isn't what this topic is about.
Sorry that we disagree.
And, I think I did the address the subject matter of this thread, which was: Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Filters,if I'm not mistaken, only limit the people the person who engages the filters wants to meet.
They do nothing w/ regard to attracting attention to oneself...which,if I'm not mistaken, is the point of placing a personal ad online.
If you are a woman, (like a man) by placing an ad online you've chosen (voluntarily or involuntarily) to limit the number of people that contact you for dating, their ages,their races,heights,etc.
If you then decide to further partition that relatively small pool that is attracted by your picture or by what you have written,then to ensure "success" it would be wise to present yourself in the best light possible.
If, after all of that effort, you find that you are not making the connections that you are seeking wouldn't it behoove you to look first at yourself as the primary reason for "failure" and make yourself (if that's what you desire) more appealing?
Making blanket statements that men in their 40's aren't attracted to women in their 40's is ridiculous.
And that whether it's online...or in the real world.
Men (and I can say this being one) are attracted to women that they find attarctive.
For a wide range of reasons.
We are also "unattracted" for another wide range of reasons....age being one..although a minor one,IMHO.
People (women as well as men) that aren't physically appealing,that are unpleasant, or that have limited social skills, have trouble attracting people at ALL stages of their lives.
Including middle age.
Unless they are rich...but that's not usually an issue,is it?...LOL
What I stated was: If you aren't finding the "prospect" or "prospects" that you are seeking...then a closer look at oneself may lead to the discovery of the primary reason.
Or reasons. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 6:54:03 PM | I've noticed this also. I have met (in person) maybe three men my age that were looking for a meaningful relationship. I've met more men that were either younger or older than me looking for a meaningful relationship.
I have a few theories about this:
Men in their early 40's are just starting to feel old and try to date younger women to feel better (or younger) about themselves.
Men in their early 40's are recently single and not ready to jump back into a committed relationship...they want to have fun.
Men in their early 40's who have never been married or in a serious relationship are not going to start anytime soon.
Men in their early 40's who do want to get married and have a family will look for someone young enough to have children.
Just some theories I've considered.
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:36:55 PM | | I don't understand this one. You're very attractive, and you sound like you're a balanced individual. Age for me isn't necessarily an issue. If there's commonality, character, and it clicks, then, I would consider going on a date. Ha.ha, but what do I know. I haven't been on a new date in 25 years | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:06:08 PM | I have a few theories about this...
Try this one also:
#5) Men in their 40's find they are now attractive to women who, some 15-20 years ago, weren't attracted to him back then when he was the same age as they are now. So he takes it as his karma finally balancing out, at long last. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:22:10 PM | Hmmm...Painesville Ohio population under 18, 000.
about 17% between 45 and 62. Say half are men. So that leaves about 1500 men in that age group. Subtract those who are married and never heard on POF and you have a scant few choices. May have nothing to do with your question or have everything to do with it. | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:25:58 PM |
#5) Men in their 40's find they are now attractive to women who, some 15-20 years ago, weren't attracted to him back then when he was the same age as they are now. So he takes it as his karma finally balancing out, at long last.
Been there, done that, not particularly proud of it! But I do learn from my mistakes. That haint Karma - it's just a rationalization for putting more notches on the bedposts!
Cheers | |
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| Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's?
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:29:32 PM |
#5) Men in their 40's find they are now attractive to women who, some 15-20 years ago, weren't attracted to him back then when he was the same age as they are now. So he takes it as his karma finally balancing out, at long last.
So my take on this would mean that it works in reverse as well, hence: why SO many youngsters think those of us ladies in our 40s/50s are so wonderful. I like that theory. Sort of blows the dam to the dating-pool wide open for everyone (if it is, indeed, accurate at all.)  | |
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