J1267
|
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 51 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 5:33:05 AM | Reading this has made me realise I must be old fashioned and put a whole new meaning on looking for 'dating'. Think I'll stick to 'friends' on mine, I'm strictly a 'one at a time' girl to see how it goes.
Multiple dating is like keeping options open, then? But if you don't click the first time you meet someone why see them again and if you do why keep 'options' open? Is this a way of holding out to see if something better comes along? Bit of a throw away culture, in my opinion.
So what do people do, line 'em up and shout 'NEXT'?
 | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 5:54:45 AM | Until I meet someone and we really connect (and have agreed to be exclusive) I feel I have every right to date more than one woman if the opportunity presents itself. If asked, I would be truthful. But everyone has different views and if you prefer the "one at a time" way of dating, that's fine.
I agree with this, though for me it would be the right to date more then one man at a time. I see no reason to jump into an exclusive committed relationship after just one or two dates. And yes when you are dating only one person you are in an exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend committed relationship.
my pecking order is:
my daughter
family= parents
my S/O
friends.
my extended family.
Wow doesn't that just give you the warm fuzzy feeling to know you will always be third? I don't date people with this type of mentality of everyone has their place in line and that place never changes. When I date men with children I date those who are realistic and who know that at different times in life people require different levels of attention. If I will forever be 2nd or 3rd no matter what then I will say "see ya!" to that guy. No one is saying ignore you kids and family, but if you have just had something awful happen to you and you need the love and support of your significant other at that time,and he leaves you in order to go play ball with little johnny ,then he is not worth the time. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 6:36:07 AM | Always been a singular dater, for me personally it would be a lack of respect to date more then one.
I don't feel like trial shopping for a mate then comparing them and picking the best out of a bunch. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 7:47:59 AM | Unless two people in a serious or exclusive relationship, then I don't see anything with dating multiple people. Just because I went out on 1 date with a man, that doesn't mean that I would stop dating other people. At that point, I might not know if I'm really interested in him or not. But if we had 2-3 really good dates and there was some potential for a serious relationship to develop. Then I would focus only on him.
Until I meet someone and we really connect (and have agreed to be exclusive) I feel I have every right to date more than one woman if the opportunity presents itself.
I agree. Why put all your eggs in one basket? Many ( or perhaps even most ) first and second dates don't lead to serious relationships. Especially on internet dating sites. Suppose I had went out with a woman a few times. The dates went very well and I became very interested in her. At that point, I would only date her. On other hand, suppose I went out with a woman a few times and I wasn't that interested in her. I would end things with her. I wouldn't keep talking to her in case things didn't work out with another woman that I liked better. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:06:34 AM | I complain about this all the time....
I'm really a one guy at a time kinda gal (wow that sounds dirty , maybe I should rephrase, nah what the heck) I don't like the idea of dating multiple guys and hoping , somehow ,a front runner emerges. I'm more the spend my energy on one guy and see if the chemistry is there ,and if not , move along...
That being said , I know thats the trend in dating these days and I fully expect when I hang out with a guy that I'm not the only one he's spending his time with.
Would I prefer to meet someone and have them feel the same way as I do about the whole thing? duh of course, but I'm not holding out for it , I realize dating is what it is... | |
|
| |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:31:02 AM | You are always going to be judged in comparison to the men who were there before you or are currently in the picture. This does not mean you will be judged unfairly. I thank God every day when I meet men that are nothing like my Ex.
When I see a guy at work that leaves early for a kid's baseball game or tells me about how he took his little girl to a Daddy Daughter day out ,my heart just melts and I think about how lucky their spouses are to have such a loving Dad as a partner.
Being compared does not mean you lose. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:31:47 AM | sometimes dating is like waiting for buses, none for ages then three show up at once.
I have found that suddenly 2 0r 3 guys start to email me at around the same time so I will agree to go out on all three dates in the same week. It can get a bit confusing like what you have said to who and who has told you what, but until I have met these guys I have no idea if there will be mutual attraction and like.
I do not consider this multiple dating. Once I have had one date and know if I am not attracted I will let them know immediately that it was not a match. I have never been in a position where I have liked 2 or all 3 guys and would have to choose. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:48:51 AM | Mort,
I do much the same thing, but there are the unusual occasions where I do have to
meet a second Lady to see if we are going to hit it off,,,
Only because I like you have messaged a few at a time.
So I feel I need to give each some attention, and see who I feel best about, and then
only see that one Lady.
Trying to date more than one is bad for me,I could use the wrong name when speaking to her !!!! | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 8:52:51 AM | I have never been in a position where I have liked 2 or all 3 guys and would have to choose.
And that's the thing. Most of us don't often meet a man that knocks our socks off and makes all other men pale in comparison. So when we do, we're pretty much going to want to see where it goes.
However, until we've met him once or twice and know that there's more to him than "just" a physical spark so we can find out more, we're not going to burn our social calendars (or at least discontinue being open to other prospects).
Many people seem to confuse meeting someone a couple times to determine beyond attraction what else you have in common as dating more than one. It's merely gathering information. I don't advocate sleeping with more than one, but dating and learning about someone is not only ok, it's normal and should be part of dating.
To me dating more than one is purposely dating three people for months with no intention of narrowing it down. In THAT situation I would agree that it's unfair - but only if those three don't know that's the case. If they do, then it's all good.
Also, I agree with the poster above me that mentioned it's a negative thing to meet or date someone with a set rank in his head of how important everyone is, especially if it's a rigid chain of command - and vice versa, someone who's got a rigid list of where everyone in my life should be priority wise (and ironically, they always place themselves on the top of that list, surprise surprise). Anyone with some common sense knows that different things take precedence at different times in your life, because situations change. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 9:02:03 AM |
Once I have had one date and know if I am not attracted I will let them know immediately that it was not a match. I have never been in a position where I have liked 2 or all 3 guys and would have to choose.
This can apply to me as well. Not always after the first date because I might want to spend some more time with a woman to determine how compatible we are. But usually by the end of the second or third date, there is often 1 woman that I like better than the others. As stated earlier, I would only date that particular woman and end things with the others at that point. There are some other times when I'm not interested with any of these women after a few dates. I would end things with all of them in that situation. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 9:29:14 AM |
I prefer to be friends first actually. I reguard my good friends very highly and if I was dating someone that I wasn't already friends with he should know that he would probably be put at the bottom of the list.
Friends first is a great way to begin things with someone. Gradualism allows people to form a relationship that tends to last much longer because, initially, it transcends desire. At least, that's the idea. :) than It has to be done right, though. Anyway, going about it as: lovers first, then friends, is tough. I had met someone a few months ago, from this site, and things began hot and heavy. Things ended just as quickly, because we failed to get to know each other--failed to do the "friends" thing, first. | |
|
Landra
|
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 63 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 10:24:41 AM | How many people have the option to date multiple people?
100 threads are about not getting emails, much less a date, much less a call-back after a date.
For those who are adamant about not dating more than one person-- how many dates have you been turning down lately? Are you saying that if you ever meet someone or get a date, you won't date others because you'll happily focus all your time and attention on that person... or is it because no one else is interested? | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 10:32:56 AM | OP.. your profile has a lot to do with the type of woman that reply to your mails.
Also your taste/ type of woman you like.
Perhaphs if you made some changes with both that could help.
 | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 11:53:29 AM | How many people have the option to date multiple people?
100 threads are about not getting emails, much less a date, much less a call-back after a date.
It's possible. Like many other men, I got a low percentage of positive replies to my emails. But when women were interested in me, it often came in bunches. For example, I could email 50 women and only get 1-2 positive replies. Then I could email 10 additional women and get 5 positive replies. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 12:14:11 PM | | My personal rule is to date one at a time. I couldn't imagine finding the time or even wanting to make the effort for anything more. It's a restriction I put on myself to keep me happy, sane and smiling one day at a time. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 3:36:34 PM | I tend to date none at a time, at least that's how it seems lately.
Actually, I prefer to talk to the ladies one at a time, but I'll usually send out multiple messages and if I get multiple responses, I'll check in with who seems to be most interested and who seems like the most promising person. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/5/2009 4:22:47 PM | I believe that..i meet new people all the time..... clubs/bars...stores....whats so wrong with me taking someone out to a movie ...
then taking someone else to go dancing...
With so many single people out there ,..sadly to say thing about it as an interview..
someones shouldnt just give u a job just because you applied.
show her your the king of the jungle, she might think of you more as a man if you do
I think were all looking for the one..an all expect her to be inlove with us before we even meet them, that their sitting at home not talking to other guys waiting for fate or destiny to cross our paths..but get real..and go after a gurl like you want her, show her that you know shes the most beautiful gurl and you know other guys want her..and your gonna show her your not afriad of a challenge. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 3:58:18 AM | [Are there any people left that date one at a time?]
ME! I like to go out with one person several times to see if we truely have a connection, not necessarily "forever after" but if we get along why not date & have fun together? I would resent being the "backup" if I knew that he couldnt get the girl he wanted & I was only 2nd choice.
 | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:07:49 AM |
Any woman I meet off of here is going to get my full attention and if it does not work out its all on her or all on me and on our own merits
Make it very clear up front. I tell women that I will consider several possibilities for a relationship. If they want casual sex, then the relationship can be non-exclusive. If they want a relationship that could ever be anything more than casual sex, it has to start out exclusive from the first meeting and that neither relationship will ever become the other. That will tell you right away what they want. Be prepared to give up on women who want to casually date. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 4:14:36 AM |
I agree with this, though for me it would be the right to date more then one man at a time.
Sure, but I have the right to tell a woman she has a choice to date more than one person at a time or date me, but not both. Basically, your ``right'' only extends as far as what you're willing to give up for it, including guys who won't go along with that. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 6:08:59 AM |
It definately sucks liking someone that's a friend and finding out they don't feel the same way, but so do awkward meetings with lots of questions and trying to get to know each other...in such an odd fashion.
Yeah, being put in the friend zone can be a bit frustrating especially when "the friend" acts like she's interested one day, then completely backs off the next, only to become interested again when I try to back off or pull away. I went out to a bar recently with this "friend" and it was one of the most confusing nights of my life because her hot and cold behaviour made it virtually impossible to interact with other people.
Back on topic, I like to give my full attention to one person at a time. The only time I talk to multiple people is when getting to know them online......I choose the person I connect with most and then take it from there. There's nothing worse than getting involved with a serial dater and having to compete with a number of guys for her attention.  | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 10:56:06 AM | I'd date one or many, and had no problem if the women I dated did the same. After 5 or 6 dates - and often fewer - I'd know if I wanted to be exclusive with someone. Until I felt that way - and it was reciprocated - I'd keep meeting or seeing other prospects. If they didn't like that about my process, it was fine if they didn't want to continue seeing me.
I always felt that it was so difficult to find someone truly compatible, that it would take a lot of meetings of new people to find someone really right for me. I was right in that. If I'd limited myself to just one at a time and each took weeks or even months to get to know, it would have taken years to meet the kind of person I was seeking. As it was, it took nearly a year, and meeting about 50 women and dating some of those several times, often two and occasionally three at a time. There were only a few with whom I wanted to be exclusive - and one of those didn't last long once we got to know each other even better.
Sure, a couple of good prospects were "lost" - but, I assume and hope they found someone better suited to them than I was. If we're a good match, we'll get together - I'm not worried about the competition as I don't want to be with anyone who really isn't sure about being with me. That can require some comparison, especially if they not completely sure about what they want and need in a relationship.
I'm not saying my way is right and anyone elses' is wrong, but won't accept that a different way is the only right way either. Different people, different experiences, and different approaches. It's all good. | |
|
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:55:57 AM | Silvansaria -
That says a hell of a lot about your own personality and not just theirs. You may think those women aren't worth a relationship but in my opinion you obviously aren't either when judging you by the merits you judge others. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
