| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 12:32:36 PM | | I usually know by the end of the third date, if not the first, if there is any connection, any chemistry, between the man and me. Besides, with my whacky work schedule, it is difficult enough to find the time for one man, let alone several!! | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 12:58:39 PM | I am pretty similar to the OP, however I will carry on online conversations with multiple women simultaneously. Many times they won't be with any intention to meet or take it to the next level, but I like to make that clear upfront.
When it comes to meeting in-person, I've almost always narrowed it down to one - certainly by the time we get past the initial meeting and go on to a second, true date. If I have been talking with anyone else, I'll tell them I'm getting to know someone.
The only time I'd ask about or "demand" exclusivity is when becoming intimate. That's a must for me. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 1:59:31 PM | one at a time still works and is good for when you have agreed to be exclusive with someone. When I've done that with someone, I stick to it.
The way I see it is, its a 2 way street, and when both folks are prepared to say they're at that point in their "relationship" then that's when it is. That's when a basic-level commitment (yep, that C word) is reached.
Until then, it isnt disrespect, but simply an open arrangement where both folks are entitled to see others if they want.
For me, personally, usually its during that time that I get to the point of "hmmm he's ok, but this one is a cut above" then the offering is made and I find out if they want it. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 5:56:01 PM | I know that there are many situations that men and woman face when they date.
I can say for a fact that the ROCKMAN is all man and is worthy of being given 100% + attention as he gives all that and more. Sweet and sexy.
A first date is awkward, but if there is nothing there why stay and make yourself miserable. Dating one on one is the only way I roll as it is giving not only respect for you and the one that are trying to get involved with the time they and you deserve getting to know each other on a one on one basis but also keeps the confusion out of the mix.
If I were to try and swing more than one man at a time I would feel like I was cheating myself.
I want to be able to give all i have to one man and if i am spreading that out with to many at the same time I would feel like I was cheating myself out of being able to know the one man well enough to make a solid choice.
How do you get to know someone over one date. If the date is going good, by the end there is usually a kiss. I want to share that special moment with him and no that i am not getting anything less from him. I want to invest time seeing where it goes. If your heart is on that person, how can you give that same attention to another person at the same time. That to me is nasty..I guess i am old fashioned.
There is so much more then that. "Player" come to mind??? If you cant be happy with one at a time and you need that much attention then you can't be happy with who you are. If you really like the person you pick to date then there should be no reason why you should need to date more then them. If you feel that need then there must not be that big of an attraction to them in the first place. Why waste the time, yours our theirs. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 6:56:13 PM | One at a time for me.
It's taken me this long to find the right guy, so what's the rush? Not like I'm going to miss a sale or anything. Already got the kid, so no biological clock demanding I audition partners 24/7.
I also find dating rather ... Let's just say I don't like it -- so if someone actually gets me to go out on a date, they will have my undivided attention until one of us has decided there is no further interest.
I don't care what he's doing until/if I develop feelings for him. Then we'd have a chat. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:15:16 PM |
For me, dating can be similiar to finding a job in some ways. Suppose I had applied for several different job openings. Three companies had responded and were interested in interviewing me. I'm not going to turn down an interview with 2 companies simply because I had already been scheduled for an interview with a third company.
What if you don't have a choice because the third company tells you can have a job you think you would like, if you want it, but you have to give them answer right now? There's no guarantee the other interviews would be for a job you would like. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:34:22 AM |
You sound so funny. A grown man demanding 100% attention.
I still don't see where you guys are seeing this whole "demanding" thing. I don't demand anything from anyone. I find like mined people and leave the rest for others.
At least read what I actually wrote before you try to insult me with my own words. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:15:19 AM | The only time I'd ask about or "demand" exclusivity is when becoming intimate. That's a must for me.
So, you would be ok with dating someone who is sleeping with everyone else she's dating until you wanted her to sleep with you? At that point, why bother? If someone is dating multple people, then all you know for sure is if that person is sleeping with you. Personally, if I'm going to end up in a long term relationship with someone, I want the relationship to be exclusive from the start. | |
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hip89
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 110 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:36:55 AM |
What if you don't have a choice because the third company tells you can have a job you think you would like, if you want it, but you have to give them answer right now? There's no guarantee the other interviews would be for a job you would like.
Unless I was completely sure I wanted the job, I would turn it down. I probably won't be 100% certain that I would want the job unless I had some time to carefully look over their job offer. If I wasn't interested in the other jobs that I would interview for, then I would apply for new jobs.
I think this is an unlikely scenario anyways. I have been on both sides of the job interviewing / hiring process. In my experience, a company has rarely offered a person a job immediately ( within minutes or a few hours ) after the first interview. When a company does offer a person a job, they often give that person at least a few days to accept or decline the offer. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:47:00 AM | I think some people are making the faulty assumption that dating = sex. For me, dating means getting to know someone by engaging in conversation and activities other than sex. Perhaps by the third or maybe even tenth date, sex may come into the picture, and if it does, I'd discuss being exclusive prior to that happening, because for me, I'm not really interested in having sex with someone I don't think has long-term potential. Sure, it may not work out, but I'm definitely not seeking notches on my bedpost.
If you expect exclusivity from the start, I think you may end up having a series of short-term relationships that usually involve sex, even if you goal is long-term. Unless you are extraordinarily good at only dating people become long-term, you are going to have a series of failures. If you're trying to avoid sleeping with someone who's recently slept with someone else, perhaps you should only date virgins!
Anyway, so what if they've had sex with someone else? Even if you expect exclusivity, they've probably had sex in their immediately prior relationship. At first you probably use protection anyway, and at some point may both get tested if you wish to dispense with it. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:02:21 AM |
I think this is an unlikely scenario anyways. I have been on both sides of the job interviewing / hiring process. In my experience, a company has rarely offered a person a job immediately ( within minutes or a few hours ) after the first interview. When a company does offer a person a job, they often give that person at least a few days to accept or decline the offer.
That's why it's a bad idea to use an inappropriate analogy. In this case, the analogy isn't necessary, because the original question is clear and in any case arguing from the analogy is fallacious. If you're dating you will] have people who don't give you the option to keep up the search. I wouldn't unless I considered you only a casual sex partner you were sleeping with while you were looking for Mr. Right (and in that case, I would never become Mr. Right.) | |
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hip89
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 113 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:20:04 AM | That's why it's a bad idea to use an inappropriate analogy. In this case, the analogy isn't necessary, because the original question is clear and in any case arguing from the analogy is fallacious.
Point taken. But I did answer the question in your hypothetical scenario. Besides whenever I have gone out on a first or second date with a man, exclusivity has rarely been brought up at that point. So this is usually not an issue for me. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:35:32 AM |
I think some people are making the faulty assumption that dating = sex.
Ok, so that means exclusive by the second or third date, in general, if you expect sex to require exclusivity. Since I'd expect to go on a second date within a week of the first, that doesn't leave a lot of time to play the field. How many people can someday date in a few days and what would be the point? Maybe you wait for 10 dates, but perhaps the other guys she's dating do not, so for all practical purposes dating implies sex in which case you'' be the only one dating her but not sleeping with her. The Ozzie and Harriet version of dating where risque meant waiting to hold hands until after you got engaged, went out a long time ago.
If you expect exclusivity from the start, I think you may end up having a series of short-term relationships that usually involve sex, even if you goal is long-term. Unless you are extraordinarily good at only dating people become long-term, you are going to have a series of failures.
Why is that worse than parallel failures?
If you're trying to avoid sleeping with someone who's recently slept with someone else, perhaps you should only date virgins!
All I care about is that they aren't going to be dating (and/or sleeping with) anyone else after we've gone out the first time. Since no one I've ever dated more than once has ever wanted to do that nor even though it was necessary to discuss it, I'm pretty sure I can insist on that without handicapping myself too much.
I suppose people do things differently, but just because I expect exclusivity at the outset of anything that goes to a second date, doesn't mean it's weird or doesn't work.
Even if you expect exclusivity, they've probably had sex in their immediately prior relationship
That's not quite the same thing as sleeping with a date on Saturday night after she went on a date Friday night. What are you going to do, ask her what she did the night before? | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:49:45 AM |
I think some people are making the faulty assumption that dating = sex.
I agree with this. For me dating does not equal sex. Dating is going out somewhere with someone to a place that you both enjoy.It's talking ,laughing,sharing funny stories, learning about each others lives and what the other person wants out of life. I have never agreed with having sex early on in a relationship and date 1,2,3 and so on is very early on. If you are going to rush things then you will have constant failures in relationships.
Anyway I couldn't imagine dating someone past the third date if I was not interested so it's not like I would be dating multiple people for months. What I mean by dating more then one person at a time is that if I go out with someone one friday and already have first meets set up for that sunday and next friday I wont cancel them just because I have been on one date with someone. I would not be interested in someone who thinks a few dates equals exclusivity anyway.That to me does not equal rational thinking. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:52:22 AM |
For me dating does not equal sex.
Nor does it for me, but I found out the hard way that it does for others.
MOST others.
Which is, again, why I loathe dating.
I meet all the pigs. | |
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dwf44
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 117 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:16:38 AM | There is so much more then that. "Player" come to mind??? If you cant be happy with one at a time and you need that much attention then you can't be happy with who you are. If you really like the person you pick to date then there should be no reason why you should need to date more then them. If you feel that need then there must not be that big of an attraction to them in the first place. Why waste the time, yours our theirs.
Player is a man who leads a woman on ( or vice versa ) when he is not interested in her and uses them for sex or money. That is a completely different concept. When I go out on 1-3 dates with multiple men, I am trying to figure if there is enough compatibility with any one of them for a potential relationship to develop. If I had 2-3 really good dates with a man. Then I would focus only on him. When I decide that I'm not interested in a man, I would stop dating him.
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:43:09 AM | Everyone is assuming that everyone else has the same goals. I date quite a few guys. I have sex with none. I am not the least unhappy with myself, and there is every reason in the world I date more than one man at a time.
I love ballet. Of all the men I know, only one really enjoys going to the ballet with me. I know there are others who would go in the courtship stage, but sooner or later, their willingness to attend a function they don't enjoy would become an issue.
I enjoy dumpster diving. I have one friend who will go anytime I'm ready. We find trash we can turn into treasure and have spent hundreds of hours finding, repairing, and about once a year, having a yard sale to get rid of the stuff and finance more of the same.
I also play golf and tennis, I think visiting cemetaries is fun, I have a great time cooking, dancing is neat, and so many more activities and interests I share with a number of men. The point is, I don't know one single man that enjoys all the things I do, but I know lots of men that enjoy some of the things I do.
These are not just friends. I don't have sex with them, but that doesn't mean we don't sometimes smooch. There is some romantic interest, but not enough to take it any further than the dating stage.
The trick to any good relationship is to find what works for you, and stick with people who have the same view. In the Op's case, he wrote in a different post he is a homebody, doesn't enjoy socializing, and likes to stay home and workout. In this post, he makes it clear he has an interest in finding one person. Instead of being upset that many women seem to want to date more than one guy, perhaps it would be better if he focused on finding the one person that is also a homebody, and can be content without activities that might include going out or other people. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:33:32 AM |
The only time I'd ask about or "demand" exclusivity is when becoming intimate. That's a must for me. So, you would be ok with dating someone who is sleeping with everyone else she's dating until you wanted her to sleep with you? At that point, why bother? If someone is dating multple people, then all you know for sure is if that person is sleeping with you. Personally, if I'm going to end up in a long term relationship with someone, I want the relationship to be exclusive from the start.
I'm pretty much with you, abelian, I just don't quite have a handle on when the "start" is, so I am perhaps a bit more flexible in that regard.
I don't have a "three date rule", but if something isn't heading in the intimacy and/or exclusivity direction within several dates or a couple of weeks, for me it's never going to get there anyway.
To answer your question, no, it wouldn't be ok to be dating someone who was sleeping with everyone else. Those initial dates, in part, help me determine if that's the type of person she is, so I can let her move on.
Basically, I try to practice what I preach. Say I've struck up conversation with a couple women online, call them Amy & Barbara, I'm not going to cut off contact with Barbara because I've agreed to meet Amy for coffee next week. I probably won't even tell her about Amy at that point. It's even possible that before the planned meeting with Amy, I may end up meeting Barbara for a stroll through the park at lunchtime - if our schedules work out that way. Even if things go well with Barbara, however, I'm not going to blow off the coffee with Amy.
Now it gets trickier. If I liked them both, I feel like I have to make a decision. Maybe I choose Amy. That doesn't mean I write off Barbara. I liked them both, remember. But now I ask Amy out on something more akin to a real date to see where things go. If I feel like that is going somewhere, I let Barbara know I'm pursuing something else. If I don't feel like things with Amy are going in the right direction, I'll end it before it begins and invite Barbara out.
I've never actually been in this situation, but hypothetically I could see it happening with my personal philosophy. Because I could see it happening from my point of view, I'm also fine with being in either Amy or Barbara's position if the roles were reversed. No one's sleeping with anyone. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:48:02 AM | Masterofmindz,
You took The_Rock_Man's post out of context. He was differentiating himself from the people who are manipulative, desperate, and insecure. He was not saying that anyone who doesn't see it his way is insecure; which is how you took that post.
I know this might be a hard concept for you, but read the WHOLE post before you post a comment.
but hey...what do I know...maybe I'll just post a dancing banana...and put LOL after every sentence. Maybe you'll understand it that way...LOL 
Understand now? | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:48:15 AM |
I am not insulting I am making fun of you. You sound like my 6 year old niece.
Always the same thing from people who actually nothing to say when the approach adults having a grown up conversation. What's wrong did you get a new watch, but have no one around to ask if they want to know what time it is every 5 minutes?
You sure do make assumptions/judgement about people without backing it up LOL
Your lack of comprehension is not a surprise at all. Your kind do it all the time.
What those two quotes have in common is beyond me, other then I wrote both.
Cut back on the roids little guy.
You seem to be extremely bothered by my comments. Like it hit a deep nerve or way to close to home. Funny because it was only an example of how every insult that can be made about one type of dating style can easily be turned back towards the other.
Do some more sit ups and push ups. Get rid of all that penned up hostility. Before you hurt yourself.. Start a garden or something. I hear you like roses.  | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:16:41 AM | | This coming from a man that has to pose in his underwear to get attention and be noticed seems a little more insecure then the one who requires 100% attention. It is out of respect that a person would want to give it and not because they should have too or need too. If you can't pose for a dating sight in cloths and get the admiration of a woman and her respect and things you need then what does that say about your you? Is this your persona. I personally get what the Man is saying because i want 100% attention from my partner t0o. Not because i am insecure. He may do what ever he pleases and have his man time or work what ever is required but when i am with my guy I want to know that he is devoted to me and pays attention to me solely in our relationship. It has nothing to do with what attention he shares with his family or other friends, co workers etc. It does not make him sound like he is a child..It makes him sound like someone who wants what he deserves and deserves what he wants. If you give 100% why shouldn't you get it back? | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:20:07 AM |
He may do what ever he pleases and have his man time or work what ever is required but when i am with my guy I want to know that he is devoted to me and pays attention to me solely in our relationship
What? Are you posting in the right thread? This is about dating one person at a time... Not attention from your partner. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:26:20 AM | Let's play pocket pool, a game which I always win.
*snickers*
THAT IS A CHOICE FIRST DATE? GEEZUS , AND THEN WE WONDER WHY THE GUY CANT GET THE ONE DATE AT A TIME DEAL? MAYBE BECAUSE NO WOMAN I KNOW WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE A FRICKEN PIECE OF MEAT ON A FIRST DATE. WHERE IS THE CREATIVITY AND ABILITY TO BRING PASSION AND EXCITEMENT INTO A DATE WHEN YOU SAY YOU WANT TO PLAY POCKET POOL? EVEN AS A JOKE (IF IT WERE ONE) IT IS RUDE. LEARN A LITTLE FINESSE AND MANORISM AND YOU MIGHT FIND THAT YOUR BOUT OF SUFFERING FROM LITTLE MAN SYNDROM MIGHT SURPASS AND YOU MIGHT FIND A WOMAN THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY WANT YOUR FOR YOUR BRAINS AND NOT DODGE YOUR FOR YOUR CRUDE MANORISM AND IGNORACE.
THEN I WONDER WHY WOMAN HATE DATING ANYMORE. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:28:18 AM | Let's play pocket pool, a game which I always win.
*snickers*
THAT IS A CHOICE FIRST DATE? GEEZUS , AND THEN WE WONDER WHY THE GUY CANT GET THE ONE DATE AT A TIME DEAL? MAYBE BECAUSE NO WOMAN I KNOW WANTS TO BE TREATED LIKE A FRICKEN PIECE OF MEAT ON A FIRST DATE. WHERE IS THE CREATIVITY AND ABILITY TO BRING PASSION AND EXCITEMENT INTO A DATE WHEN YOU SAY YOU WANT TO PLAY POCKET POOL? EVEN AS A JOKE (IF IT WERE ONE) IT IS RUDE. LEARN A LITTLE FINESSE AND MANORISM AND YOU MIGHT FIND THAT YOUR BOUT OF SUFFERING FROM LITTLE MAN SYNDROM MIGHT SURPASS AND YOU MIGHT FIND A WOMAN THAT MIGHT ACTUALLY WANT YOU FOR YOUR BRAINS AND NOT DODGE YOU FOR YOUR CRUDE MANORISM AND IGNORANCE.
THEN I WONDER WHY WOMAN HATE DATING ANYMORE. | |
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