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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/9/2009 2:47:24 PM | So if all you guys only want to date one lady. Why do you always move on to the next? Even when you tell the one you are with that you like being with them? So many woman, too little time. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/9/2009 5:43:00 PM | | I do and won't date a man who would date multiple women at the same time. In order to get to know someone, you need to spend time with them and communicate with them on a regular basis. If a man won't take the time to get to know me, he is not worth my time. I don't share a man. When I meet a man who I think has potential, he will get my full attention, and I expect to get his if he feels the same way. If he doesn't, then I expect him to honest and tell me and not string me along or disappear and leave me to guess why. That is just rude. It doesn't take long to determine if there is potential or not. Sometimes, that can happen in the first meeting. Every man who I felt had potential, I felt a connection with before even meeting. There has been no exception. If I don't feel that connection, then I don't meet a man. The first meeting can deepen that feeling of a connection if the man is who he says he is and is not different in person than online. If he is not the person he portrayed himself to be, then the feeling of a connection would most likely disappear very quickly. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:54:40 PM | | I would rather date once at a time. I want to take the time to really try to get to know one person. Besides I do not want to have to turn around to the others and suddenly say I am not interested. That said I have no problem with trying to contact multiple women at once until I get to the point of meeting. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:05:36 PM | Since getting back on the dating scene a few years back - I have been so confused by this. Thanks all - now I'm even more confused 
When I grew up - there was a difference between meeting people and dating them. But I was recently told that continuing to meet other ladies after having emailed someone a few times online was a hallmark of the dreaded "PLAYA". I suppose that means I'm only supposed to talk to one lady at a time.
But then I met another one on here- spent a few months getting to know her (distance issues), met her in person and had a good first meet and greet. We set a second date which she cancelled and followed up with an e-mail explaining she had been seeing several of us and decided to go exclusive with another guy. Basically sorry about your luck - but no harm no foul because we haven't had sex yet! And then had the gall to suggest I stay in touch in case it didn't work out!
Yet another I met here many years back, actually went to a point where we agreed to be exclusive and were planning on making some major life changes to solve a distance problem when I made the mistake of showing up a day early at her place only to find that we were exclusive OK - but only on the days I was actually there!
And that doesn't even mention the many who I've met who remain active daily on the site even after we've met and sometimes decided to take things further than dating!
So no wonder I'm confused. I think I'll stick with what I was taught. Any woman who wants to force me to compete either knowingly or unknowingly simply isn't worth my time. And I won't ask any woman to put up with that crap outta me either. Once it gors offline and into the world, my profile gets hidden until I'm sure of what may come of it. And if something does come of it - why do I need a profile here anyway? | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:41:40 AM | | rheard, I agree with what you said. It can be confusing. I would also hide my profile when dating someone and would expect him to do the same. If things worked out, mine would be deleted, and I would expect his to be too. No man would have to wonder if I was giving him my full attention. He would know that I am by my actions. If his actions say he is not doing the same, that is a red flag to me, and I would ask him about it. I would be able to tell by his response whether he is contacting others while seeing me or not. Body language and voice can give away a lot. :) If I find that he is seeing or contacting others, being active and contacting others on a dating site, I will end it. I have no time for those who play games. As far as contacting online, I think it is acceptable to contact more than one at a time, however, once you meet and start dating someone, that should stop. The person you are dating should receive your full attention. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:14:17 AM | Well Jas - I tend to agree with your approach - but as I said - I've literally been accused of being the worst playa on the site just for not taking down a profile while still in the online chat period of getting to know someone!
And the damndest thing is - I don't think any of those same people would go to the store and just pick up the first package of anything when shopping for dinner. We not only want the right ingredient - we usually want the ingredient we know works best for what we want to prepare! So we look around before choosing and almost always make that choice based on finding out about as many of the available choices as we can before choosing.
Seems to me that meeting someone with the possibilty of dating is the same thing. Unfortunately - too many on here confuse the sending of an e-mail or chatting online with having made a choice to date them exclusively!
Oh and BTW - Beware of relying on body language and voice as the best way to try to judge a situation. It's only useful when dealing with basically honest people. The real actors and actresses, both here and in the world, know how to project what they want you to see! You also have the answer to that though. Actions and time - they almost always uncover the azzholes! | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 12:03:09 PM |
too many on here confuse the sending of an e-mail or chatting online with having made a choice to date them exclusively!
You are absolutely right! How can they say you are dating if you've never even met yet?? lolol
But once things have moved to offline, i am a one man woman only! I like to give my time and attention to one person and one person only and expect him to do the same. If he prefers to date multiple people, thats fine, but he'll have one less woman in his harem to deal with. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 12:27:07 PM | too many on here confuse the sending of an e-mail or chatting online with having made a choice to date them exclusively!
I think many people feel that going out on 1 date means that you are in an exclusive relationship with that person. For me, I would become exclusive if / when there is strong enough mutual interest for a potential serious LTR to develop. That often takes at least 2-3 dates to figure out. If a woman wants to stop dating me because I don't want to become exclusive after just 1 date. Then so be it. Chances are I wouldn't have been compatible with her anyways. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 12:48:01 PM |
I think many people feel that going out on 1 date means that you are in an exclusive relationship with that person.
That is not quite the case. If I go out on one date and plan to go on a second, then the possibility of a long term relationship is there. It's only going to become a long term relationship if it's exclusive from the outset. In other words, she gets the choice to gamble on wasting a few dates or a month of her time dating me exclusively, accepting a relationship that will never be exclusive or passing altogether. That's the only way I can do it. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/10/2009 2:18:38 PM |
That is not quite the case.
What I stated may not exactly apply to you. But I think it does apply to some other people on this thread. In my case, this is mostly a hypothetical situation anyways. I don't think any woman has mentioned to me that she wanted to be exclusive after just 1 date. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 5:41:20 AM | rheard, I agree with your analogy. When things are still only online, there is no commitment to one person, however, once things go offline and dating begins, contacting others online should stop the focus should be 100% on the person you are dating. It would not be fair to the person you are dating if you kept others on the side, even just online.
I don't consider chatting and e-mailing only to be a reason to take down a profile. There has to be more to it than that to make me take down my profile. I need to see that the other person really wants to get to know me and only me first. It takes more than just online chat and e-mail or phone calls to show me that. There has to be regular time spent in person first.
As far as body language and voice go, I have managed t o see through some people who thought they were pretty good actors. :) They didn't fool me. There are plenty of red flags to see if you pay attention and ask questions. Their response, or lack of one, says it all. They will eventually show their true colors, and it usually does not take very long for those true colors to appear if you are watching. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 5:54:03 AM | | abelian, that's the way I do it, too. The only way it will develop into a long term relationship is if the man is focusing only on me once things go offline and we start dating. If I find he is seeing others or still contacting others online behind my back, then the potential for a long term relationship is gone and I will end it. If I go out on one date, and it does not go well, then I will start looking again and the other person is free to do the same. However, if things go well and we decide to see each other again, then I expect exclusive and the other person will get that from me, too. It's not fair to the person you are dating if you keep others as backups. It's not fair to the backups either. I have been in both situations and learned to ask questions before meeting someone...such as what he is looking for, does he date one or multiples at a time, etc. I also am much more aware of red flags than I used to be. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 7:18:14 AM | Jo-see50 makes a good point:
So if all you guys only want to date one lady. Why do you always move on to the next? Even when you tell the one you are with that you like being with them?
If I hear another guy say he just wants to keep his options open, I just might spit at him!!! You are wasting my time, and keeping me from meeting someone who wants to get to know me, if you are expecting me to hang around while you shop!! | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/11/2009 6:49:09 PM | | I also only date one person at a time. I've never been the serial dater type, and have little interest in those that are. I think until I can see where things are going the least I can do is give someone my undivided attention. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/16/2009 8:23:36 PM | | QI will meet for coffee, chat and share info online. It all comes to a screeching halt when I meet someone I like. Could't be a player if I tried. I want a good guy, a genuine lover, and a keeper. Players are pretty obvious- they are the ones with their hands full. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/16/2009 9:45:50 PM | | If i have a really good connection with a guy im talking with, i will meet up with him, if its still a good connection and can see dating potential then i stop talking to other guys i was interested in to give that man my full attention and see where it goes. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:10:15 AM | I used to do the one at a time thing too. Ran into too many tire kickers and time wasters though.
Dating to me means going out and meeting men to get to know them.
It will take more than a handful of dates and wanting to be my boyfriend to get me to be exclusive with them. There has to be a really good reason for me not to keep my options open.
Some guys like to get exclusive early on so they can sit back and enjoy the steady sex or whatever until they are ready to move on. They aren't looking to be forever with you but you're just the good for now girl. I could spend years with a time waster and basically have closed off any option to find what I really want. If he'd been honest about what he was wanting maybe I would have still dated him while still going out with others to find someone who wants the same thing I do. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:15:14 AM | | I do one at a time if it appears serious. That doesnt mean when I agree to one date I cancel everyone else. I might after a couple strong dates. But just because I agreed to meet someone and go out a couple times does not make an exclusive relationship for me or her. I am not afraid of competition at all. If its meant to be its meant to be. I think you need a few dates before you agree to be exclusive sorry. Agreeing to meet someone does not make an exclusive relationship. However If I kiss a man, That means I really like him , and If I really Like him a lot, I stop seeing or meeting other men. Period! | |
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