| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 7:41:39 AM | I have not problem with dating one man at a time after getting to know him sufficiently that we both feel a connection and want to date exclusively. My experience here on POF has been that most men are not interested in dating frequently enough to warrant any type of exclusive dating arrangement. I was casually dating five other men when I chose to go exclusive with my current boyfriend. He demonstrated the degree of his interest by the frequency of contact. It was easy to burn my bridges at that point.
People on POF disappear often without notice, so to just talk to one man in the early stages could result in a lot of wasted time. I have had dozens of meeting that ended after the first meeting. For me it worked better to be in the early stages of getting to know several men at the same time and when one stood out from the crowd the others would fall away naturally. | |
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dwf44
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 177 | |
| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:48:37 AM | | IMO the women in the 3 previous posts gave good reasons why I would not become exclusive right away. I mentioned some of the same points in a previous post on this thread. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/17/2009 11:24:36 PM | dating means different things to different people. i go on a number of first meet coffee dates. some don't call that a date. i then proceed to dating to get to know someone. to me, that does not mean hopping into bed with him. at that point when the comradery and the chemistry feels right, i would need to understand "his" values around sexuality and monogamy. there would need to be consensus and a feeling of deep unfolding friendship, respect and joy as well. sure, chemistry affects a lot of that. G-d ain't stupid!
i also would like to know his relationship goals. some just want to date around either due to just starting out again or never wanting to get serious with someone again. to commit to monogamy, for me, means we have a lot in common, aside from chemistry. since i would not be sexual at this point in my life in a non monagmous relationship, until that point is achieved, i see no problem in simply "dating" more than one person.
once it evolves to something deeper, then i'm all eyes on him. if we see each other a lot, chances are we'll find out a lot sooner that we are a good partnership and the competition (for both of us) will be lesser. there are only so many days in the week, and most of us have other things to do and other people in our lives, such as friends, associates, groups we belong to and our kids.
the ideal, is to find the right "one" to journey forth with. maybe if i were younger, i'd be seeing it differently. now, i feel i am no longer willing to live an illusion of commitment. being loyal to one person and hopping right into the sack with him, only to find out he sees things "differently". so, as life happens, i go with the flow and hope that eventually the right man is in my boat! sure, just the two of us.  | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/18/2009 8:47:48 AM | I just want to start off first by saying if I receive a message from a guy with his # in it...b4 I even gave him my name I delete it... I honestly don't like the quick pushy settlers.... cuz then you know the sex will suck 2...LOL JK!!!!
Anyways when 'dating' ppl have the right to still explore other dates rather then focus everything on the one person they just met!!! Look at the show the batchelor or the bacheloreete they date quite a few b4 they pick the one who is best suited for them, that is why it is called "DATING" and yes a lot don't agree with this and wish and hope to find that perfect connection and live happily in love forever but it just isn't that easy as we get older.
We are pickier and take our lives more seriously. Until you actually both "committ" then you should be able to date and explore until you are confident you met the 'one' you want to only focus on but it has to be a mutual agreement...
Be PATIENT, because when you do meet the RIGHT ONE she won't want to share you either and it may take a bit of time for you both to come to that feeling of the other but eventually it will.....and look at it this way. You will feel on top of the world when you meet the one you really want and she chose YOU above 5 others!!!! | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/18/2009 11:21:39 AM | i date one man exclusively when i meet the one that i genuinely like and *want* to see exclusively.
trading emails w/a few folks or meeting for the first time does not, IMO, equate "dating". once i meet someone that piques my interest, i voluntarily step back from the online pond in order to give things room to develop.
maybe these girls you're dating are simply testing the waters; with you, and with others... | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/18/2009 3:31:17 PM |
Anyways when 'dating' ppl have the right to still explore other dates rather then focus everything on the one person they just met!!!
You have the right to do anything that you think someone else would accept. I wouldn't accept it.
Look at the show the batchelor or the bacheloreete they date quite a few b4 they pick the one who is best suited for them, that is why it is called "DATING"
I don't use tv shows as behavioural models for real life. I avoid people who do. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:29:30 PM |
do you give the respect of your full attention or do you play games and lead on?
YES and NO. I don't lend my undivided attention to one man until he distinguishes himself. That's when we have chemistry that is undeniable and he makes his intentions known and I accept. It can happen on date #1 or date #25. In the mean time it's not fair or appropriate to expect a person to just spend time getting to know you exclusively especially once you've made your intentions known and she doesn't accept. That's how it works.
I understand the frustration once you've met someone you're interested in but don't forget that friendship is friendship. Keep your interest in her known-- call and ask her out again and again. No woman of substance is certain she's going to give up all options because you took her out for coffee. Dating is just that-- a series of dates until you narrow it down to wanting that person as your partner/or who you're accountable to for all future days. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:43:26 AM |
I understand the frustration once you've met someone you're interested in but don't forget that friendship is friendship. Keep your interest in her known-- call and ask her out again and again.
I don't think so. That's too much like jumping through hoops. If she wants to make HER interest known, I shouldn't have to ask and I don't even consider contacting a women who mentions anything about ``friends first.''
No woman of substance is certain she's going to give up all options because you took her out for coffee.
Nonsense. I know I've never had to ask for a fourth date in my life and I can't recall if I've ever had to ask for a third. The chemistry is either there or it isn't and it's obvious from the start. Being a ``woman of substance'' has nothing to do with it, unless by ``substance'' you mean ``indecisive'' or ``lacks intensity.'' If I'm not more than an option to a woman, I'd rather leave her to her options and find someone who knows what she wants and recognizes it when she sees it. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 2:45:13 PM | YES! I figured it out. 
So if I message a woman on here and she ignores me. It is not that she is not interested in me, but that she is only talking to ONE GUY AT A TIME!!! So if I get a "read /delete" just mark her as a favorite and try again in a couple weeks. By then she might be over that one guy and ready to talk to new people.
Yeah something tells me if I did that I would be blocked ... LOL | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 7:11:29 PM | | I am running into the same thing. I prefer to see just one man -how can you give it a fair chance if you still have your feelers out? The men I have met on here always seem to be looking for something better around the corner. I don't want to 'win' I don't even want to compete. I shouldn't have to because I am a great person and if they are too busy looking elsewhere to see that then I don't want to be with them anyway. I find it very rude and yes disrespectful. But remember many people are here for short term relationships to get what they can from as many as they can. The feedback I hear from men is that the women on here are the same way-out to date as many as possible. I think those of us who seek more are the minority. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 7:24:11 PM | i am in a relationship of eight months now, and he and i talked about our dating styles while on the second date.
for me i know by second to third date if this is someone i want to spend time with. i am a woman who just does not have the inclination to date several at one time. but...
i have had it happen to me, the man called me gf, but was seeing another woman too, unknown to me, and because i would not sleep with him, he chose her. his choice, a bad one, but life.
just my two cents... | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 8:56:31 PM | I am of the ‘i know what i like and want’ camp, and I know what qualities to look for in a man which suits me and my particular quirky traits. This also causes me to be cautious before I contact, or participate in email banter beyond one or two responses....so by the time I meet someone, if that is what happens, I have a pretty good idea if there is a potential for a good fit.
After the first meet I’ve pretty much decided if there is potential for more. I like this method and it works for me, even if it means that I may be past my expiry date before I find someone that wants to put up with my snoring and stealing the covers...but I’m a dreamer and an optimist so I’ll just continue.
Truthfully, I find that If I have too many options before me I become too picky and unable to choose because then I’ll start to compare...and I’m also too intense and wound up to be so casual and capable of dating more than one person at a time. Did I also mention I’m easily overwhelmed and find flirting with multiple dates exhausting....
By the time I meet someone, it’s a matter of biological factors coming into play (no, not ***, but that elusive ...the much dreaded word for some....’chemistry’). I’ve already been able to determine if our communications style, humour and attitudes are similar. That doesn’t mean that I need to feel va-ving-va-voom over the moon on visual contact, but there’s got to be something there. I’ve got enough brothers and male friends...don’t need more. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:08:12 PM | So if I message a woman on here and she ignores me. It is not that she is not interested in me, but that she is only talking to ONE GUY AT A TIME!!!
I think you're confused over talking to people about meeting vs. dating. I'm talking to several women, but unless I meet one of them and we want to date each other, we aren't dating. That being said, I'll stop talking to the rest if I do meet one of them and we decide to date each other and I would expect the same unless she is looking for a relationship that will never be exclusive and would end when I found someone willing to be is exclusive from the outset.
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:52:57 PM | Yes there are plenty of us left OP. Then again maybe I am the last one. Sort of like Charlton Heston. The Omega Dater. 
Seriously I cannot imagine dating more then one woman at a time. Guys that do would be glutons for punishment. But then some are. They end up looking like --> | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:34:19 AM |
I am running into the same thing. I prefer to see just one man -how can you give it a fair chance if you still have your feelers out? The men I have met on here always seem to be looking for something better around the corner. I don't want to 'win' I don't even want to compete. I shouldn't have to because I am a great person and if they are too busy looking elsewhere to see that then I don't want to be with them anyway. I find it very rude and yes disrespectful.
It would ONLY be rude and disrespectful if a man told you that he wasn't seeing anyone else when he was actually lying about this. Until the "exclusive" conversation comes up, people have the right to see other people. As I stated before, I would become exclusive if / when there is strong enough mutual interest for a potential serious LTR to develop. That often takes at least 2-3 dates to figure out. If a woman wants to stop dating me because I don't want to become exclusive after just 1 date. Then so be it. Chances are I wouldn't have been compatible with her anyways. In my case, this is mostly a hypothetical situation anyways. I don't think any woman has mentioned to me that she wanted to be exclusive after just 1 date.
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:50:31 AM | It usually takes only ONE date or meeting to know I wouldn't want to see someone again - in rare cases where there's some doubt remaining but mostly everything seemed fine, I might try for a second date.
It usually takes about three dates - very occasionally one or two more than that, and for someone truly exceptional maybe one less - to know whether I think there's real potential. At that point I would be willing to forego dating anyone else and pursue what seems to be a good thing.
However, until someone really strikes me as having that potential, and given that 80%to 90% of first meetings or dates NEVER lead to another, I'll keep my options open. It worked very nicely, no-one was treated unfairly, and I met my match much faster than if I'd started from scratch after each mismatch.
I think I'm somewhere between the two extreme camps on this issue. I don't want to date hordes of women indefinitely, nor do I want to so limit myself that I'd be unlikely to meet my match before being put into a nursing home!
Do whatever works for you. It's just another way of filtering to find those who are compatible with your outlook and values, though I strongly believe that limiting your meetings and dating to one person at a time and blowing off any other prospect is not going to help you meet that ideal match we all hope to find. I met my ideal match long ago, so I don't really care what you do - I'm just sharing my experiences and perspective, and perhaps trying to play "agent provocateur." | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:21:37 PM | | YES....there are!!! I cannot imagine trying to even get to know more than one person!!!!! That is why when I meet someone I like and if I think it is mutual I try really hard (too hard sometimes) to keep it "exclusive". I am not into "serial dating" and find a lot of people are. Which scares me on many levels. I do not play games, but I sure seem to get them played on me. I do not get it either, because I make it very clear from DAY ONE what I am looking for and who I want to be with. I just went thru a very nasty un suspected case of a game player and someone who seems to have forgotton all he told me...so.....just need to try again and be more selective. Hang in there. Not everyone is an ***hole. Just stay honest and never stop being you. | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:28:13 PM | Yarg I do.
Is this because I don't get that many requests or because I'm just polite like that?
The world will never know!
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I mean. I'm just polite like that. Ignore the above, I get messages from girls all the time. Non-stop. Never-ending. My mailbox is filled with love letters about how amazingly cool and sexy I am.
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Yeah...I'm NOT full of it.  | |
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| Are there any people left that date one at a time?
Posted: 4/22/2009 7:35:27 PM | i'm not a JUGGLER!!!
i don't have a photographic memory to record info from 3 diff girls from 3 dates in one week and keep them all in order.
i want one a ta time only.
does that make me less desirable since many women want a man who is seen as desirable by lots of women!!?? | |
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