| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:12:59 PM | It's a turn off! It's obsession, like you're needy.
Kind of like the song from 38 Special
Hold on loosely;
But don't let go;
If you cling too tightly;
You're gonna lose control! | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/6/2009 11:36:10 PM | | I might be in the minority here but I prefer to be with someone that doesn't hold back. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do...if the other person sees this as desperation and becomes turned off then so be it. I'd rather mess up a chance being myself than holding back out of fear of breaking a dating rule and losing out anyway. As long as its not a "date me, or i'll boil your bunny" kind of desperation then I don't mind. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/7/2009 12:01:57 AM | Yes, desperation is a turn-off. Part of being in love is to feel special, and uniquely wanted by the object of your affection. Nothing kills that feeling faster than being interchangeable with someone (anyone!) else. 
That being said, some people seem to perceive any interest at all as "desperation." Whether this is a product of "playing hard to get," or the cause of it I'm not sure, but I *know* I've (often) seen people respond positively to being treated with indifference or even disdain. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/7/2009 1:31:18 AM | [Desperation means that you'll take anyone with a pulse. So I can't say that its a turn-on.]
The pulse may even be optional for some people.
Ive been on the giving and receiving end of my understanding of desperation within dating / relationships and its not nice or healthy being on either end. I agree with a LOT of posters - there is a fine line between excitement and desperation. Its ok to be excited about finding a new love interest, but NOT ok be so desperate for company you will cling onto anything / anybody who comes by. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:02:06 AM | | Yes, yes it is. I like somebody who wants me, but doesn't need me. If we're in a serious relationship, however, and we have been for a long time...there's nothing wrong with showing some desperation to keep me around every once in awhile. It's reassurance that we're still in something good :) | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:29:51 AM | | yes , desperation is mostly seen as a turn off , people don't seem as interested in helping other people out anymore . so someone who is desperate for a date is just seen as someone who is down on there luck and girls are turned off . girls need to be attracted to you to get interested and there not attracted if your desperate . | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:57:34 AM | | I'm desperately trying to appear as if I am not desperate at all, so much so that I pretend I am not even trying. I pretend that my life is a cake and that a relationship would be the frosting. Then if I meet someone and they look good I will lick them, because they are frosting. But I will not lick desperately. I will be nonchalant and make it seem like I might stop licking at any time, because after all, I have the cake. I can always lick the cake and leave the frosting alone. It just isn't that important to me. I am healthy and well adjusted. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:07:33 AM |
I'm desperately trying to appear as if I am not desperate at all, so much so that I pretend I am not even trying. I pretend that my life is a cake and that a relationship would be the frosting. Then if I meet someone and they look good I will lick them, because they are frosting. But I will not lick desperately. I will be nonchalant and make it seem like I might stop licking at any time, because after all, I have the cake. I can always lick the cake and leave the frosting alone. It just isn't that important to me. I am healthy and well adjusted. This is so funny. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:29:58 AM | grkboy sez:
So get this...she sees any guy who shows her a lot of interest as "desperate" and yet any guy whom she has to fight, claw, and scratch to get as "not desperate". It was no wonder she had been through one bad relationship after the next. One playa or cheater after the next.
Shades of Groucho Marx: "I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member."
Sadly, I've seen this too often, too. The reasoning is pretty straightforward: "I'm no good, so if this person has such low standards as to be interested in me, he/she must be desperate! Run away!" | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:35:37 AM |
I will be nonchalant and make it seem like I might stop licking at any time, because after all, I have the cake. I can always lick the cake and leave the frosting alone. It just isn't that important to me. I am healthy and well adjusted.
Hamango! I think I saw that movie  It was on a net porn site one night when I was desperate for ... errrrr ... subject change time! 
Seriously - desperate is a turn off. And those who truly are desperate never seem to realize just how clearly it shows through in every facet of their lives. Excitement, even a bit clingy ... most people can feel this way at one time or another and it's not always a bad thing. But true desperation is a dismal thing to try to deal with in someone else. Major turn off! | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:44:33 AM | | I can't stand desperation..be with me because you have a great time, and want to enjoy who I am as a person..not because you figure I'm all you can get, and you'll break your back to get with me.. Yes, I WILL notice the difference... | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:54:16 AM |
I was wondering what people on here think about desparation in the romantic sense...
Desperation is unattractive because it's impersonal. If someone is desperate to be in a relationship, they won't care who it's with. Desperation also indicates a person who isn't okay being alone with themselves and may lack confidence. Which is a turn-off, as well.
We even seem to despise and try to supress desparation in ourselves because we think we will be immediately turned down and written off as creepy.
That's true, for my previously-stated reasons.
So what are everyone's thoughts on the matter?
Try not be BE desperate, and definitely don't APPEAR desperate. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:59:00 AM |
Try not be BE desperate, and definitely don't APPEAR desperate. Too funny. LOL
I don't know: can't help but think this thread question is a bit 'elementary, my dear watson.' | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:38:47 AM | | Desperation is dangerous. It makes you vulnerable to those who would use and manipulate you for their own ends, and that's rarely to your advantage. For users and players, it may be a turn-on as they are attracted to their next victim, but for any normal and decent person it is a turn-off. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:44:28 AM | One of the rules of being Outrageously Successful With The Opposite Sex is to not be doing what everyone else is doing, or to be doing what everyone else is not doing. Be Different.
So I'll play devil's advocate and say desperation is a turn-on. Please send all desperate women in my direction. I can handle `em. I may not be normal, but it would be the decent thing to do.
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:56:08 AM | some women mistake desperate for a guy that is really into her~ i have had men that are really into me~~~~~and i don't consider it desperate ~~~~actually i considerate cute and i end up liking them more   | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 12:11:19 PM | | I think there are many desparate people on ANY dating site. There are also SOME very genuine ones. I recommend a few good e mails, and actually meeting the person and hen you can hopefully tell if they are really interested in you or of they are just looking for ANYONE to say they are in a relationship. It takes time to get to know someone and it does become and interview process. I think what got old the most for me was all of the story tellers and liars. Men who said one thing and really were just the opposite. The internet allows people to create who they wish they were. I do not think it is creepy to say you want a relationship to be honest, I only find it creepy when people have other motives that can really toy with others feelings. Game players. Bullies and rude people. They are the "creeps". | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 12:21:45 PM | | I find guys who dont take no for an answer desprate....And ones who send message after message when Im not therewriting back. Oh and the ones that say if your interested let me know if not have a good one...and then send one ten minutes later saying Im rude for not writing back even just to say no thanks. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 4:40:33 PM | | What if someone were desparate to be with another because he or she had attractive qualities that were rare and hard to find? Would it still be considered a bad thing? | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 6:06:43 PM |
and i don't consider it desperate ~~~~actually i considerate cute and i end up liking them more
Interesting, wish I could meet women like you....because typically the opposite is true with MOST women. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/10/2009 6:54:42 PM | | I agree.. well said. People seem to think that interest is desperation. I just think many people feel that way because they are scared and have been injured so bad! | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 4:20:45 AM | Interest can border on desperate when the guy doesn't check to see that feelings are being reciprocated. So when a little backing off is in order, and they come on even stronger..I'm outta there.
Totally prefer someone confident enough to to let things take their course rather than push for affirmation constantly. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:39:28 AM | | YES. I went on first date with someone who talked about marriage and all of his past failed relationships. To me that is someone who has not completely delt with their baggage...at least put it in the garage! | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:54:19 AM |
Can't help but think this thread question is a bit 'elementary, my dear watson.'
Which, of course, appears nowhere in the Arthur Conan Doyle penned Holmes stories or novellas . . . | |
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