| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:39:28 AM | | YES. I went on first date with someone who talked about marriage and all of his past failed relationships. To me that is someone who has not completely delt with their baggage...at least put it in the garage! | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 9:54:19 AM |
Can't help but think this thread question is a bit 'elementary, my dear watson.'
Which, of course, appears nowhere in the Arthur Conan Doyle penned Holmes stories or novellas . . . | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 12:50:18 PM | | Well it all depends. If I like someone and they seem really keen on me I think it's a plus. One of the things that encourages me to like someone is that they like me. I'm really turned off by men who don't seem interested. I don't see them as a challenge - just as people who I don't want to know. So I don't interpret enthusiasm for me as desperation. But.... I don't want to be frantically pursued by a man who just wants someone and thinks I'll do. If it isn't really me he wants then his desperation is extremely unappealling. And I don't want to be prursued by someone who can't take 'no' for an answer if I'm not interested. So yes, in those sort of circumstances, desperation is very unappealling. It doesn't have to be a turn-off though because I would never have been turned-on in the first place. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/11/2009 2:14:02 PM | | I disagree, being desperate can be a turn on, Fatal Attraction? lol Seriously desperation is not wrong, it's great. I'm as desperate as anyone for a companion because I am very much an anti-social SOB. But on the other hand nobody gets me anyway so eh. I've recently had more interests spring up and realize they should be my primary focuse, I'd like to get a few tattoos, try a few new drinks I've never had, etc. In all I think I'm getting to be happy with myself and if a girl comes along that is RIGHT for me maybe we'll both get lucky :D | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:18:11 PM |
Also I have it in my mind to try learning sky diving.
Don't forget the chute - it can wreck your whole day when that happens.
Ok back to the focus of the thread. I'm seeing something here I'm not sure I understand. Are some of the people on here saying they actually see any kind of pursuing as desperation?
In the world I grew up in - if you see something you really want to attain - you go for it. You make the maximum appropriate effort to get it and don't back off until you have reached your goal or you have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt your goal is impossible. Anything less - and especially not pursuing it at all - leads to NOTHING!
Now the way that applies to dating is a bit different but the basic precept is still there "going for it" ie. pursuing is normally required for anything to happen at all. And I don't just mean as a first move. If there isn't some further display of interest , maybe even excitement, that at least one of ya wants to try to communicate to the other(pursuit by communicating)- what else can happen? That is the way it usually happens - much more often than the instant chemistry outcome. In that circumstances I would think that pursuit would be seen as an aspect of confidence - not desperation!
What's up with that - should we really all just stand along the wall and wait till someone chooses us in order to avoid being perceived as DESPERATE? Where would that leave any of us?
Cheers | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:38:17 PM | | Heres the deal women hate nice guys and needy guys so be the jerk. the guy who cares not and dose what ever he wants. it sounds bad but it works | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:47:14 PM | | It makes the other person feel like its not really them you like... its just anyone they like. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:53:04 PM | I have to admit...it really is...especially in someone I just met.
It makes me feel concerned about desperation eroding the boundaries of what they would or would not do to pursue a person as well as if they would be more than willing to cross my own boundaries .
It also makes me wonder if they could have anger issues or other emotional issues due to or as the cause of that desperation.
Desperation with someone I have formed a bond with is a bit different...more than likely they are desperate because of a break up between us or some major negative event in their lives...in that case they are grieving in some way, more than likely and some desperation can go with that... | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 5/2/2009 9:48:32 PM | | I'm actually a little turned on to clingy girls, but desperation is a whole other ball park, so yes - major turn off. | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 5/3/2009 1:43:57 AM | So much for Desperately Seeking Susan or Chasing Amy... There must have been Something about Mary... no?  | |
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| Is desparation a turn-off?
Posted: 5/3/2009 11:01:15 AM | | It only seems desperate when the feeling isn't returned. If the feeling is mutual, then it will be welcomed! Problem is, you don't know till you try! lol! | |
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