| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:51:58 PM | I'm not sure I understand. She said "Don't contact me anymore..."
How is that not clear to you that she doesn't want you to bother her?
Leave her alone and take her words for face value. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:42:46 PM |
My Ex just broke with me after 2 1/2 years. It was a good relationship, a little turbulent here and there. Ultimately it came down to me being laid off too much, and
the economy now.. she thought I did'nt want to work much,,which is a croc, cuz she should've known me better
We were on slight talking terms at first,,,then about 2 months after the breakup
she started seeing this much younger guy-(she's 39 he's 25). when I got word..i lashed out with some snide remarks- nothing insulting to her though. Yes because I thought there was still a chance with her, and did'nt want to think she would be taken away for good.
Now It's "don't contact me anymore" even after she said that, I tried to contact her
by going over her place- (when the new guy was there) - to return some things of hers.
I saw his car there- yet I went to the door anyway to return her things,,,not sure why I did that. it was stupid...She was really pissed about that...So, anyhow now I hear things went sour with the new guy...So it's been 2 months, and thinking about contacting her,by sending her a peace offering.
Just asking some advice If I even should.
Yes lets blame the economy for our bad relationships... just messing with you :P
I say let her go, she sounds like shes trying to play the field with every tom,****and harry.
Just let her go, but If you refuse to acknowledge that, then dont worry, she'll be back when nobody else wants her :) | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:14:05 AM | Radia968,
I too was involved with a woman who I cared deeply for and was extremely attracted to but when it was over I knew I had to move on even though it was very painful to do so. As our relationship "progressed" she became abusive, contemptuous and vindictive and frequently engaged in screaming and yelling when I did not wish to do certain things (ie, go for a walk). She lacked empathic and compassionate understanding and frequently threatened to leave the relationship. So one day after one of her screaming bouts I left her apartment and cut her out of my life. I sent her a letter wishing her well and requesting her to thank her family for their graciousness. I also had a friend return her clothes from my apartment. In spite of a number of calls from her during this period did not return them even when she left a message indicating that "we didn't have to break this way". In fact based on her behavior it did have to end in the way it did; a complete break with no contact, no vindictiveness, talks about I said-you said, no begging, stalking, yelling or accusations.
She did "catch" me at work approximately three months after we broke, telling me that I had a major impact on her life and that she missed me sexually and how great her body looked. I spoke briefly and then stated I had to go even though it was extremely difficult to do so. I also sent her a followup letter indicating that I did not wish any further continuity and that she should have some self-respect and move on like a lady. A year latter she left a lengthy message on my machine indicating that she was unhappy and incomplete the way we ended and wanted to have a happy ending with me. I DID NOT RESPOND because it was over, regardless of the pain in cutting off someone I cared about.
The point is that there comes a point in a dysfunctional relationship when we have to take the initiative to move on, taking responsibility for our own issues and pain and not making our losses the other person's problem. NO ONE owes us reciprocal love no matter how much we may love them. So it is their right to not love us and wanting to find someone who they believe is more compatible.
So when you have an urge to continue to besiege this woman keep in mind that you are violating another person's boundaries for no other reason than your loss of self-esteem, not unrequited love. No less, no more. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:29:11 AM | | Stop blaming the economy for your history of not working. You are a guy that told her you were going to have sex with someone else (whether you did or not is questionable) and cannot hold a job. You aren't a catch ... just a stalker. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/9/2009 3:59:54 PM | No offense... But what don't you get? She said NO CONTACT, and you did that anyways, possibly messing things up with the new guy. She has every right not to have anything to do with you.
If she wanted to hear from you after the breakup, she would have done so.
She doesn't want the peace offering.
She wants nothing from you.
Your behavior is a lil stalker-ish.
Take it from someone who has been repeatedly contacted against their will.. The more you contact her the farther away you push her. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:12:44 AM | | When I tell someone to not contact me any more, it means what it is. NO. Move on. There is no such thing as a peacce offering. All that is doing is stirring the pot for more conflict. Had to laugh at the above poster calling women Gold Digging Whores. I ahve met some men like that too. They don't work, they live with mama and daddy. It goes both ways, it is not "gender specific"...moron. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/10/2009 1:21:29 PM | Dear Radia-
Don't be dishonest with YOURSELF. You are holding on, when you need to let go. You are holding on when you need to let go. (Repeat with me now - march straight to your nearest mirror and point your finger in your reflection as you say:), You are holding on when you need to let go.
Are you sure a peace offering is really a peace offering, or is it really a Human Chinese Finger Cuff response (clinging onto someone when they are trying to pull away)? It could easily be construed this way, in which case, no- it is not a peace offering, but more of a means to control and manipulate another person. Be wise and take our advice to leave her alone.
It ain't meant to be, now don't push it.
Getting dumped hurts. You're not the first. It happens to the best of us. Make conscious choices to find other ways to fill that Void. Have a great social life. Mingle. Spend time in a gym. Opt for a night out with the guys.
You are free and unencumbered. Celebrate it. Don't take that for granted. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:18:56 PM | is a peace offering such a bad gesture in this way?
Why would you want to be friends with or find peace with someone as heartless as she has been towards you? She left you.And it hurts....but no amount of bargaining will change her mind.You are grieving a loss....may have some codependant issues and some unresolved abandonment issues that are keeping you chasing this woman.
There are stages of loss.........I hope this helps you......I hear your pain and confusion and know what you seek.......is validation she just won't give you.
For your own sake.......stay away.And read this site........sometimes.......the FOG takes some time to clear......but one day you will realize...everything happens for a reason.The only thing we can contol if ourselves and our reactions to others.
And we don't always understand why something ended......but sometimes...it was for the best.Focus on the BAD parts....more than the good........and you'll have a easier time letting her go.
Peace to you.
http://www.abandonment.net/faq.frame.html
http://www.abandonment.net/swirl.frame.html | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:47:28 PM | You offered your thoughts without thinking where your thoughts were not need nor were they required
1) you should have mailed her stuff
2) you should have kept your mouth shut
You 've been dissed and dismissed ...NOW stay that way
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/10/2009 5:09:27 PM | I think people need to read through the dialog of the particular forum before they respond. You're making his ex out to be the chick who dumped him and broke his heart...he needs to be strong...he was abandoned. He has already acknowledged in another post that he wanted to cheat on her several times (which she knew) and wasn't even sure if he was in love with her! He has acknowledged that on THIS post!
It is she who is protecting herself from his "almost" indiscretions and perhaps emotional unavailability...I won't assume.
But, again, I think it's wise to read, or at least skim some of the other answers...especially if the OP adds a comment...before voicing an opinion. It's more helpful in the long run if someone really wants sincere feedback.
Just sayin'... | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:39:24 PM | Many people get someone on the rebound; it makes them forget the person they left very easily and delays the pain they feel.
You need to move on; this is over; nothing you do will change that; she is on the rebound and really is over you;
Maybe in time but a peace offering isnt' going to magically fix this. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/11/2009 3:46:12 AM |
I think it's wise to read, or at least skim some of the other answers...especially if the OP adds a comment...before voicing an opinion. It's more helpful in the long run if someone really wants sincere feedback.
Just sayin'...
Just saying...you are assuming you know what happened.I am too..but from a more empathetic position.Sometimes........being left high and dry..leaves people confused to say the least.And yeah......maybe he had it coming....but how do I know why she left him.
My attitude is this.There is his side, her side and the truth.My issue is when people add more pain to an already hurt persons heart.I think we are all worthy of being given the benefit of the doubt.We don't know the whole story.All I know is that I can sense the sincere pain in what I read here.......and only feel comfortable with validating that part of any given story.Yeah.........he could have been the bain of her existance....but it does that TWO to make or break any relationships.For all we know.......she hooked up with the guy she is with.....before she finished things with him in a mature way.
And saying you want to cheat...is different than cheating........isn't it?
And........the more people PUSH others out into the cold without closure,the more people feel haunted by thier past and CAN'T move forward....without some amount of understanding.and peace of mind.......and yeah...a woman or man without care or concern due to a rebound.........is a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME to try and EFFECT.
I speak from experience when I say........to some.......indifferences can mean...CHASE ME.To others......it means,I don't need this sh*t.....I'm outta here.I guess it depends on the individuals level's of self worth.
I just saw a need........beyond invalidating this OP's feelings and making him feel worse than he already does is all.He IS in the HEARTBREAK forum....and he needs some compassion from someone..........in order to let go.
What the exact story is................we will never know. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/11/2009 11:48:58 AM | I agree there are two sides to a story. But the OP told a bit about his story on his other post...Want to Know If It Was Really love...in which he stated he wanted to cheat on her several times and see other women after four months.
So...I'm always empathetic and compassionate. I've had my own heart ripped out of my chest recently. But what I'm addressing here are the comments that say "she's no good," think about what SHE did to you...SHE LEFT YOU, etc.
Sometimes a person doesn't know what he/she has til it's gone...as they say. But, let's not assume his ex is just someone who decided she fell out of love, dumped him, possibly was cheating behind his back, and several of the other assumptions here.
That's "all I'm STILL sayin'."
:) | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:04:15 AM | Radia,
Whether she's right or wrong or you're right or wrong...........leave her alone.
She obviously doesn't want you anymore.
Not trying to be mean or nasty here, it's just that I think you'd be waisting your time and hers as I think she's made it clear.
Do guys honestly think that women say "don't contact me anymore" because they like hearing themselves speak???
Please, come on......for whatever her reasons are, she doesn't want you as her boyfriend anymore.
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:58:22 AM | | i gotta disagree personally if i loved a gal and stuff id fight till the end of time for her, my ex said dont contact me again loads of times but some gals are just head fcuks and like to see what you do BUT after 2 months if she hasn't made any kind of contact probs better off in the long run, but who knows. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/24/2009 6:01:38 PM | and how would it help to contact her? she's shacking up with a younger guy and you giving her something is not a peace offering but hope that she'll come back.
if she really is serious she could get a restraining order on you.
This didn't happen overnight; everyone that breaks up things everything is so great but if it was she would still be around. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/24/2009 6:10:15 PM | She's moved on, and you'll be happier in the end if you do as well. If she has any future interest in getting back together with you, she'll let you know.
btw:
...i lashed out with some snide remarks- nothing insulting to her though
You did insult her. You insulted her choice in who she was dating with your snide remarks. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/24/2009 6:14:28 PM | fit ben,
i agree with you but there's three things here.
1. this is ONLY a girlfriend, not a WIFE. (big difference)
2. when women just head fcuk with guys, i'd say they're just playing a game and playing games in a relationship is stupid to begin with.
3. the best thing a guy can do when a women is head fcuking with a guy is call their freakin bluff and don't contact them. (it may be the womans loss)
not trying to argue here, just maybe looking at it a little different.
i know personally for myself i'd be pissed if the guy i were with was playing a relationship/head game and i'd dump his butt....i can't stand stupid stuff like that when there's so many other things in life to be concerned with.
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/25/2009 12:16:07 AM | Well, I don't know about what the others are saying. She may have not wanted you to contact her through your relationship with the other guy because you could spoil her play time. But now that she is no longer with him I don't think it would hurt if you sent her a card.....a simple card PO that says "I am still here, if you ever need me". Nothing else. No other phone calls. No driving by her house....get it?
The biggest thing is make sure you are willing to be there and you are not playing with her just because she was the one that got away.
Before you contact her make sure you really want her back in your life. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:26:53 PM | why would you want to contact her OP , she will react the same way toward you as soon as she finds her next thrill
take my advise and MOVE ON !!!!!!!!! | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 5/6/2009 6:47:23 PM | | Just leave her, its not worth it. In retrospect though, I can see wanting to see her just to return her belongings, i do think that that was the right thing to do, but if she says 'no contact' then, then just dont bother, its not worth the effort. If she wants her things back, she'll contact you herself. | |
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| Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 5/6/2009 8:00:11 PM | its tough some times to stay away is it not.
It happens. But if you have to show up at a bad time, shes the wrong gal.
There is no bad time for a woman that is glad to see you.
She wont want you until you get another job, meaning, forget her and move on.
There is someone special waiting for nuts like you.
And hopefully there is a good gal out there waiting on a nut like me. | |
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