| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 4:25:19 PM |
For an actual dating profile, I find that making no forum posts at all offer me better odds as a guy. Heaven forbid I post frequently in the sex forums. As it stands, I post whatever I want to say without hesitation and without regard to what others may think.
So, you withhold your true self, because you feel if potential suitors knew how you really were, they wouldn’t want to go out with you. Of course, it would depend upon the type of relationship one desires, but for anything serious, I cannot imagine how putting on a personae or façade in order to “reel ‘em in” is going to result in one finding the best possible matches. For example, wouldn’t it be better if your sexually related post was read by someone who agreed with your position (heh, heh, position) and viewpoints in regards to sex? Wouldn’t a likeminded individual be the better match? IMO, the idea is not to get as many as you can, but to attract the interest of the ones who “get” you. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 5:03:52 PM | So, you withhold your true self, because you feel if potential suitors knew how you really were, they wouldn’t want to go out with you. Of course, it would depend upon the type of relationship one desires, but for anything serious, I cannot imagine how putting on a personae or façade in order to “reel ‘em in” is going to result in one finding the best possible matches. For example, wouldn’t it be better if your sexually related post was read by someone who agreed with your position (heh, heh, position) and viewpoints in regards to sex? Wouldn’t a likeminded individual be the better match? IMO, the idea is not to get as many as you can, but to attract the interest of the ones who “get” you.
I have a much higher success rate with online dating if I am selective about the personal information that I put in my profile and the related information that I post on forums. As a guy, I have found that profiles and forum posts are most useful when they stimulate interest. No lies needed and no facade needed. If a woman finds out how I really am and chooses not to go out with me, it makes me happy. That is a good outcome. But I wouldn't want my profile or my forum posts to give the wrong impression. Mentioning an interest in sex on the face of a profile is sure way to keep from getting a response and to turn away a potentially good mate. I definitely want a girl who agrees with my position and who fits just right  Knowing that much is fantastic, but totally moot if the process of providing that info just turns people away. Turning away someone who isn't a good match is easy for a guy. The tougher venture is getting lots of emails from potentially compatible sources.
I also like to approach a date on an even keel. If I am meeting a girl and we both have forum posts, great! We know a lot about each other and have a better chance at matching. The reality of the situation is that most people I meet choose not to post on the forums. They might have read more about me, but the way I see it, we are still pretty much on square one. I don't see the benefits outweighing the risks. Maybe it is just a personal preference, but I prefer for a girl to learn about me in a face to face meeting. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:22:12 PM | I tend to be pretty open and honest about myself in forums. Maybe too honest...but that's just me. I also tend to be open and honest about myself in person...and I have my own strong opinions on things. I'm also very open about talking about sex, and I'm not embarrassed by those kind of topics. If any of my posts, are a problem for a guy, then clearly, he's not the right guy for me if he can't even handle my posts on a dating forum.
I also change my mind on forums sometimes. Sometimes, I'll have one opinion about something, but then months later I've change my mind about it, and more recent posts reflect that change. It just depends on the topic. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:36:59 PM | For an actual dating profile, I find that making no forum posts at all offer me better odds as a guy.
Because what you actually think and feel are not good prospects for a partner???? Apparently, you think that your odds are better in attracting a woman if you hide who you truly are. Yeah, sometimes forum posts reveal the vinegar beneath the honeyed exterior promoted in your profile. Guys and gals like this should refrain from posting on the forums. Suck them in with the fake personna. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:50:16 PM | What I post is an definitely an accurate reflection of my views and perspectives on life. Just know that if I find you extremely appealing, I may not be as articulate in person, as I struggle to find the words that appropriately reflect what is scurrying through my mind while I stablize all other internal systems.  | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:00:28 PM | If guys don't like what I post in the forums then they are probably not gonna like me in real life because I am who I am in either situation. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 8:43:08 PM | | My fellow doesn't post, but he lurks mine. We've had oodles of fun talking about topics that came up in the forums. Especially when he has a different opinion than mine. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/12/2009 10:12:15 PM |
Have you ever stopped to think about how your forum personality compares to how you come across in person?
Besides being a little more careful with my words here or anywhere in public, I'm the same person here as I am in real life. Of course what you see here is only a small portion of the whole, but it doesn't make it any less real.
Your post may have a significant impact on how potential dates perceive you.
And that's a good thing IMO. I've been removed from favorite's list and have received angry emails in response to some of my posts, specially when I post about my atheist/anti-theist views - the way I see it, it's an unexpected benefit of posting in the forums.
Not only do you get to share/discuss/debate your opinions and learn from all the others sharing/debating theirs by participating in the forums, but it's a weeding out tool for those people you wouldn't be compatible with and that a profile only might not have shown you.
But most would agree, some things have no business being on a dating profile and would have a direct negative impact on actual dating experiences.
What we allow strangers to see of ourselves on the Internet or a dating site such as this one is an individual thing in my opinion. Some people are comfortable talking about things that I'm not and that's okay - it really is a to each their own type of thing and again, it could serve as a weeding tool if you're looking for a like-minded individual.
For me it's simple - everything I write here or anywhere on the Internet must be daughter/granddaughter (and their friends) proof - so personal sexual matters are off limits for example as well as anything that's personal and/or concerning them and/or that might cause them unnecessary grief.
So if I do venture in the sex forum (which is rare), it's usually just to read or add my voice to yay or nay a position on things like premarital sex, homosexuality, multiple partners, anal/oral sex, etc. in general.
I've made the rare exception and spoken (or hinted) of my own personal experiences a few times but these were things that the people I care about were well aware of already.
Anyway, what you see here is what you get in real life - sugar and spice I'm not, nor do I pretend to be. And if one is looking for someone who is without opinions or is afraid to voice them, they best move along.
JMO | |
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Landra
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Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 36 | |
| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:24:38 AM |
Have you ever stopped to think about how your forum personality compares to how you come across in person? No. Never.
Do you feel or have you been told that the way you come across on the forums accurately represents you in real life meeting or dating situation? No. Never.
Your post may have a significant impact on how potential dates perceive you.
I hope so.
My profile exists purely to post on these forums. For an actual dating profile, I find that making no forum posts at all offer me better odds as a guy. Oh. Deceitful much?
What are your thoughts? The fact that you hide behind a fake forum profile says you're not confident enough to believe in what you say. Or stand by your own words. I'm not impressed. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:49:45 AM |
In a lot of ways, the forums can represent an extension of your dating profile if you let them. But most would agree, some things have no business being on a dating profile and would have a direct negative impact on actual dating experiences.
What are your thoughts?
I have been told on a few occasions that I'm twice as big of an as.shole in person......
as Bilbo Baggins would say......."I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you, half as well as you deserve"
except for my favorite list
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:25:15 AM | I have been told on a few occasions that I'm twice as big of an as.shole in person......
true dat...
Msg #8 said it great 
Have you ever stopped to think about how your forum personality compares to how you come across in person?
Could care less.... it is what it is...don't like it, change the channel...
Do you feel or have you been told that the way you come across on the forums accurately represents you in real life meeting or dating situation?
I have been accused of being a man here so excuse me while I dig out my manners book to wipe some snively noses and arses on here.... 
But most would agree, some things have no business being on a dating profile and would have a direct negative impact on actual dating experiences.
Where's the poll for your conclusions?? LOL I get to know people more through the forums and I bet you the majority of people here come to the forums first to have fun and deal with forum addictions and secondary, if a match in dating arises from it then that's icing on the cake...
What are your thoughts?
Start at top and read again..... or for 19.95 you can call my number and listen to a prerecorded 'vent' session of POF bliss and forum love/hate relationships.... | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:46:37 AM |
Have you ever stopped to think about how your forum personality compares to how you come across in person?
No.
But I will now.
........
I honestly don't think there's much of a difference. I'm opinionated and I don't have very good impulse control over what I say, though people generally get that I'm not being rude - just curious - when they hear my tone of voice and see my body language. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 10:00:32 AM | | In the forums, I generally say whats on my mind. Some people may not always agree with what I say, but it is a free country. As for potential dates prejudging me by what I post; maybe some of them just can't deal with honesty. I know I'm probably cutting my throat here, but I'm just telling it like it is. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 11:59:57 AM | | It has occurred to me once ot twice that a potential date may read my posts and make assumptions...but I clicked post anways, figuring if a man saw my 2 cents and got offended, it is better to have him be offended in cyberville than in person....if my posts are scaring men away, I dont care! LOL | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:09:30 PM |
What I write is something I would tell you straight up, and in person.
SO, no I have no qualms about someone reading my posts, it is a accurate reflection of who I am.
Add me to this list. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:10:46 PM | | I say what I think, though I may sometimes exaggerate to emphasize a point or perspective. In reality, I am probably a little less outrageous. And sometimes, just for the fun of the discussion, I'll take a point of view that is quite different than my personal beliefs. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 12:31:34 PM | I am not sure how many guys that I've met in person really read what I write in the forums... I wish they would actually... if they are interested in getting to know me... besides it would be interesting to discuss some of the stuff that comes up in here .. sometimes I will steer convo's to the forum if the content is relevant to the discussion but then they change the topic away... mmm what that means I'm not sure.. but yes, I am pretty much the same here as in person...
The only invisible profile I'd like to have is when it involves intimate subject matter.... to protect me or someone else close to me.. but I normally just try to keep it clean or tastefully stated... but I'm skipping over alot in the sexual threads.... thats where the invisible would come in handy.... evil laugh.... | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 45 | |
| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:06:55 PM |
Have you ever stopped to think about how your forum personality compares to how you come across in person? Do you feel or have you been told that the way you come across on the forums accurately represents you in real life meeting or dating situation?
The last five forum posts displayed prominently on most profiles make it tough to miss comments made by a potential date. Your post may have a significant impact on how potential dates perceive you. My profile exists purely to post on these forums. For an actual dating profile, I find that making no forum posts at all offer me better odds as a guy. Heaven forbid I post frequently in the sex forums. As it stands, I post whatever I want to say without hesitation and without regard to what others may think.
In a lot of ways, the forums can represent an extension of your dating profile if you let them. But most would agree, some things have no business being on a dating profile and would have a direct negative impact on actual dating experiences.
What are your thoughts?
I cant believe What I just read..Like an hour ago I was wondering hmm maybe she read some of my forunm posts and it scare her off..lol
Honestly I can tell you this what you write in the forum is no conclusive at all as to who you are as a person and how you are...Online period is different than online..
Im a very positive Happy go lucky guy with a great sense of humor most of what I say is spoken with sarcasnm...Online it is very hard to read what someone wrote and really understand there intent or where they are coming from...the same thing being said with humor is totally different than the same thing being said with a mean manner behind it.....Simply online Your humor is very difficult to be portrayed..
Ho9nestly I could care less if a woman is shallow enough to judge me based on some forum posts.
I think it is more logical to talk to someone and get to know them before judging them...
Lets Not Bullshit ehre either..
When someone sees your profile and they think your attractive than thats probabaly going to stand out a little more than a stupid forum post she didnt like..
If u look like chewbacca and are writing a bunch of stupid stuff in the forums your more doomed....
Take everything with a grain of salt things come and go and the woman or man thats worth your time will come and will stay regardless of minor issues....
God Bless!!! | |
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dman82
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Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 46 | |
| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:10:32 PM | Sorry I should have proof read...I meant online is different than real life...
few other errors too but oh well..I think my point was made..lol | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 4:02:39 PM | While I'm honestly not seeking out anyone on this site (I'm in a RL), I would not post on the forum with the account I use to meet women with.
I'd keep two accounts. One is the faceless grkboy who can speak his mind freely, be judged or misjudged, but no one ever knows who this guy is.
The other would be an account with nice photos, an honest profile, and no forum posts.
Yes, this sounds like lying, but as I said, my profile would be honest about who I am, what I want, etc...I just would not use that account to post on the forums because EXPERIENCE has shown me people take things irrationally and misunderstand what's said. The easiest way to deal with the hyper-sensitive insecure types is to only show them what you want them to see, and then let them get to know you and decide if they want more.
grkboy is who I am in the real world...but dating sites are all about marketing and thus putting my best foot forward would mean showing women only positive things that they need to see in order to gain interest. Eventually they will know my real personality, and then decide if they want to date me more.
I will say though it's way easier to get a girl you're interested in to keep dating you when they see those few possible negatives down the road, when there are more positives that outweigh them. | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 6:23:26 PM | gotta love this thread. Anyone I meet on here would eventually learn how I see the world anyway. So seeing my forum posts only speeds matters up. And since I tend to be open about some of the less pleasant aspects of my past behavior - I'm fairly certain anyone of the mindset that people never change are going to pass me by because of it!
Saves the trouble of having it found out down the line and watching them walk then. And if they can't stomach my opinions prior to meeting me - what would change afterward? So although I'm certain that some of my posts may negatively affect my chances with some. Am also certain that many others will take a chance on knowing me because they did like / agree / or just plain got curious, about the guy behind those posts.
Cheers | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:02:36 PM | I am who I am, here and in real life. Someone may learn something about me by reading what I write and be intrigued, or they might be bored to tears, or they might be offended.
To know me is to love me, I guess! | |
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| Forum personality impact on dating life
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:50:04 PM | | Gee, all of a sudden a light has come on in my brain. Maybe my profile and forum posts are the reason that I don`t get lucky very often. Gee, thanks OP, for giving me that little enlightenment. I think I better go to Profile review and watch what I say. Then maybe I can get a little somethin-somethin. Ya think? | |
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