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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:38:54 AM |
Most people forget there is a marriage after the wedding. Spend that $30,000 on what comes after the wedding and it just might survive. You mean, if a married couple would just exercise a little financial responsibility, it may increase the chances of the marriage lasting? Woah -- what a concept.
Expanding on your observation, the couples I've known who just had to have a wedding more extravagant than anyone else's didn't stop there. They had to have a bigger house than they could afford, just to strut their stuff. And an SUV bigger than the neighbors' ... biggest BBQ grill in the sub-division ... and faster jet-skis ...and a riding lawn mower the size of a car ... and fashion-brands clothes for the babies ... and + ... and + ... and eventually big-buck divorce attorneys. Everything brought down by an unaffordable lifestyle trying to outdo the Jones' ... with not a dime of equity in the end-- just mountains of debt. There are many like that, I suspect.
Of course, if $30K is a drop in a bucket, go for it. But for most of us, that's a pretty good chunk of change we just don't happen to have in the sofa cushions.
Hey, you don't suppose marriage is actually the underlying cause for the economic downturn?? Hmmm ... | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:53:05 AM | OP,
this kind of thing varies.
if a couple is getting married for the 1st time and the parents are still very much in the picture then yeah, they tend to go all out.
then you find your 1st time couple that wants to do it all their way on a small budget.
for couples that have been married before and maybe twice, then i think they tend to be more conservative realizing how much more they can do with their cash than just blow it on a wedding & reception.
it all has to do with available finances, who's really footing the bill and sometimes the age of the couple and if they've ever been married before.
for me if i got married again, i'd do it cheap and use the money for whatever else in life we truly needed it for.
it's all a matter of affordability and at my age i don't care to impress anyone.
with the economy as it is in the U.S., you might notice as i do that there are still a lot of people up at the malls especially on the weekends and people are still eating out at restaurants. i guess if they don't have cash on hand then people are still using plastic and i think for weddings too, some of the cost is put on a card.
there's so many ways you could look at this but i think $30,000 is a lot of money but people will do what they want no matter what because we are a very self-serving society.
$30,000 will buy a nice car or a good downpayment on any home out there so it's a personal decision whether it be a good or bad decision.
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ndulj
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Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 107 | |
| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 5:15:01 AM | Here is a flip around. Usually it is the women that want the big wedding.
I have been in the wedding industry for, oh maybe 23 years. I work with the vendors at all levels, I've hung out with the gown designers and sat on panels with the likes of Preston Bailey and Marcy Blum...so, kind of been there done that.
Like most of the people I know in the industry if I ever were to do it again it would be in flip-flops at a courthouse somewhere like Aruba with only the closest of family in attendance...
The boyfriend on the other hand seems to feel the need for all the trappings, big white gown, high mass, formal portraits, complete with "first look" as the bride comes down the aisle. ACKKKKKK!
Personally I think that huge weddings are insane. Spend all that energy thinking about the marriage instead what freaking color the tags on the favors should be.  | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:47:04 AM | That's pretty wild that many guys now are looking to do lavish weddings.
I still am more a fan of a small thing, then spend the money on a house or an amazing honeymoon.
When I've been dragged to weddings, I would never find the "Wedding Crashers" weddings, where you see loads of hot single people partying in formal wear. I'd more see loads of middle aged and senior citizens, children, and the small handful of young folk who are all in the wedding party and "spoken for".
ANYWAY...dating thinking aside, I just found the food was always "eh", the music was the same crappy wedding DJ playlist, and I could never relate to anyone...even ones my age. I'd be talking about art I saw, something cool that happened in the city, or a great trip I took...and they'll be talking about the house, kids, job, and mundane stuff. Nothing wrong with those people, but I can't relate to them.
I think that's why I would take the marriage very seriously, but I wouldn't want the wedding to be a big deal. I'd rather spend the money on something lavish for just the wife and me. In the end, I too many weddings have become about impressing family/friends, prince/princess fantasies, and photo ops...when it should just be a fun special day for the bride and groom.
ESPECIALLY THE PHOTOS. I do photography as a hobby, and was out around Chicago shooting on a hot day. I saw some bride and groom making their wedding party suffer in the hot sun because they wanted photos by the Picasso in Daley Plaza. Come on now...shouldn't the photos be spontaneous and fun? Not planned? | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:19:47 AM | Big Daddy Jinx, I could never justify spending that kind of money on something that "temporary" either. (the wedding is temporary! The behavior of the parties being married will determine whether or not the marriage is.)
I would like to "revisit" a bunch of these crazy people 5 years from now, to see how many of them are still married. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:25:43 AM | Spicynicegirl, you said that everyone should be MADE to have a small wedding and donate their money to africa. If you'd said that you feel that everyone should "want" to do that, I would have had no issue. It's when people go around proposing what I should be "made" to do with my own money that I have a problem.
I am having a small wedding by choice. If I wanted to spend an exhorbitant amount of money I would, but like I said...our wedding will be about US, not anyone else. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 10:04:41 AM | I've been saying this for a couple years now - if I EVER decide to get married again, I swear I'm doing it at the drive-through window chapel in Las Vegas.
I'm not kidding.  | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 4/14/2009 10:31:15 AM |
Personally I think that huge weddings are insane. Spend all that energy thinking about the marriage instead what freaking color the tags on the favors should be.
Good for you that people are insane or you would be out of a job.
You know, it is easy to say that it is an obscene amount of money and obviously when people are putting themselves into debt or whatever, it is ridiculous. But the whole people not thinking about the marriage and just the wedding is not limited to those that are extravagant. I think far too many people focus on the marriage and/or getting married rather than really picking a life partner.
Celine Dion had a lavish wedding and it would be easy to criticize her but what she said was that she loved him 'big time' and wanted a wedding that was indicative of those huge feelings. Years later they are happily married, went through rough times with pregnancies, etc. so does anybody have the right to just randomly say that $30,000 or more is a waste of money when the person is also the type that gives big to charity, takes care of extended family, and otherwise does some very wonderful things with her great wealth?
Now, I have a friend I grew up with. Her brother married into a moderately wealthy family and they were told they had to wait two years to marry so that her family could afford the younger daughter's wedding because it needed to be as lavish as her older sister's. The young man's parents were also informed that they would be contributing 10K to the wedding. I would have told them to kiss my butt, but that's just me.
When I did the wedding and the minister, it was a second marriage for both of us. Many people told me we should just go to the courthouse. I didn't go hog wild and created a nice day within a reasonable budget but I wanted the wedding with our family and friends because they were the ones that were supposed to continue supporting us in the marriage, not just that one day. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:15:24 PM | | my ex fiacee and this other guy who i was with for 5 yrs both wanted 30 grand weddings. I told them my dad could not afford it. They should marry me for who I ma not how fancy the wedding is. I feel people get to caught up with fancy wedding stuff and forget the meaning of the wedding vows and what it means to be married. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:08:14 PM | When I married, my parents spent around 40k on my wedding. I was pregnant and would much rather have the money, but that wasn't the choice. The choice was either have a big wedding and put on a parade for my mom's friends, or not have a wedding (and not have the money).
What came along with that is that my mom planned every detail of the wedding, including the flowers and the cake. My taste was written off as "tacky", as were the flowers I liked, the cake frosting I liked, and the guest party favors I liked. I didn't even choose the cake topper. I lucked out on the dress because I happened to pick one on my own that met with Mom's approval. It was so bad that my mother-in-law told my husband that if I wanted even one say in the wedding, I would need to prepare for battle with my mother and fight her for it. As I was six months pregnant and sick as heck, I chose the meek way and rolled over. I would have much rather paid for the wedding myself and had a barbecue with my own friends. I would have much rather had the 40k the wedding cost in a bank account. But the choice wasn't there.
I hate people (brides) who invest too much into a wedding. Part of that is because I genuinely believe it's materialistic, but I am sure the other part is that I resent the memories I have of barfing into a paper bag and laying in bed instead of choosing my dainty little napkin rings and playing a role at a wedding that reflected nothing of myself (my cake was white with rosebuds; I'm a hot pink and orange kind of soul).
The staff at the bride dress store told my mother and MIL that I was the best bride they'd had in a long time because I was happy with my dress, I was kind and friendly to everyone, and I wasn't cruel and rude to the store personnel. Just because someone is getting married does not give them a license to be a nasty jerk. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:30:39 PM | | boyfriend is saving up because he has to have a traditional indian wedding .. I told him to spend it all on the ring and we'd go elope, but that wasn't an option :( | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/7/2009 10:47:09 PM |
I say if you've got it why not! it's not like you're going to take it along with you when you're dead.
Very true.
My daughter's wedding over a year ago was about 25 grand when all said and done.
She married an Italian man and his mama was born in Italy. Mama-in-law wanted the wedding to be a traditional Italian wedding done up good for her sweet boy. He is a very good man. God, I couldn't ask for a better son-in-law. 
They had the funds and my ex had the funds and it was no sweat for him to write a $15,000. cheque to her. He was happy to. I contributed by making five dupioni silk and silk organza bridesmaid dresses. It stressed me out to even take the sizzors and cut into the fabric....but I did and they turned out georgous.
It was a lovely wedding and my beautiful daughter was happy...so was everyone else.
There was no pain or angst...or putting emotions on hold for fear of it turning out crappy. That is for sexual liasons. Some people live for that kind of thing. Having and going after simple happiness is something they don't understand.
That is what counts. The happiness that money can provide. Why denigrate it? | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 12:40:15 AM | That's a lot of bucks for one day. I think we spent maybe 7k on ours. Probably closer to 6500. There were about 115 guests, $65/plate. Of course that was back in 99. So I'm sure its a bit pricier these days. If I were to do it again, my bride and I would take off somewhere for a week, and get married on the beach. Just the two of us.
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:01:28 AM | | I photographed a wedding that was over 150K, it was insane, they are getting a divorce now. Did a second shooter gig with a photographer a couple years ago and the wedding photographer I worked for got 40K for shooting the wedding. I would say the reception alone at this one was pushing 200K and there were over 500 people in attendance. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:42:16 AM | Good God!!! Why in the world would you want to??? Unless you had to impress.......
My friend married the son of a person who worked for the City of where they lived......My friend and her fiance just wanted to go to Vegas, get married and come back and have a small reception.......NOT his mother!!!!!!!!! Oh no, we can't do that.....we have to impress the who's who of the Midwest.........Long story short, this happened about 15 years ago and yes, the whole tab was about $35,000. - yes, they are still married and have 2 kids and are doing well, but the point of it is, they lost control of their own wedding.......because of their parents.........
Unfortunately, these things become SUCH a production that we all lose the true meaning......we are too focused on the dress, rings, cake, food, flowers, church and photographer that we forget about the day after. - When the dress you only got to wear once is hanging in the closet, the flowers that are wilting, the mass of left over food, and the pictures that cost a fortune to print.
As far as the Bridezilla thing......or Princess for a day.......what a turn off........well.......I don't have to get married to parade around in a pretty dress..............
Me personally.......if it were to ever happen - which I doubt at this point........well, I guess I would make sure I had the marriage license, take a long weekend stay at a Bed and Breakfast, find a minister or justice of the peace, get married and come back and maybe have a small reception reserved for just family and close friends. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:48:43 AM | Too many people put more time, thought, energy and money into the wedding than
they do for what's really important...after the wedding.
If $30,000 is no financial burden and that is what the bride AND groom want, go
stimulate the economy. If that kind of money is nothing but debt, imho, it's pure
foolishness.
As far as allowing the family to dictate, that would be a huge clue as to what the future would hold and I wouldn't allow anybody to have that kind of control over me or intrude on my relationship in that manner.
Oh, and you couldn't pay me to sit through one of those tedious, pathetic bridezilla or platinum wedding shows. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:11:37 AM | Nope it must have been cheaper than that, I just did some quick math. Hmmmm I know it all clocked in under $7000, so it was less than the $65 a plate.
Remember, I'm the cute one, not the smrt one.
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:34:22 AM | ^^^^^^ugh...you forgot to mention anal, Division.
Anyway, these over the top weddings cast a shadow on the real reason 2 people are getting married in the first place. The couple wants to build a life together. I don't care who is in attendance the day they are married, or who comes to the wild party they throw in celebration of the ceremony. The bottom line is that the real marriage starts the day after the party and continues every day from then on - the only thing they have to prove is to each other (their love and commitment).
There's no sense in spending a lot of money if you have to go into debt to do it. Why add a needless stress to a new marriage? If I ever do it again, we'll go to a small chapel somewhere and then have a small party afterward. No big fancy stuff for me - I was never one of those little girls who dreamed about weddings. | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:37:34 AM | | so long as it is her 30K she can go crazy if it was mine then no, buy a car buy a new house extension, do a round the world trip, get an ice sculpture 300 guests and a harpist for a day................ get real | |
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| Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding.
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:38:38 AM | | i'd spend the money for the right girl! but then again the right girl probably wouldnt want to spend our money like that! but a decent ring now days is five figures anyways...... i guess i need a second job! | |
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