| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 9:17:49 AM | | How young? Hey, if he's in his 20's or 30's I'd probably wonder WTF?? What are his intentions. I'd probably be turned off. However, at any age, a man that contacts me with intentions that are not honorable, is a turn-off for me. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 10:28:58 AM | | now that i think of it, the very first man i dated after divorcing was 12 years younger. i wasn't exactly in long term mode and he had been single much longer than i. he was a great match for me - a tall, handsome military man, responsible and mature yet cheerful and tons of fun. unfortunately the timing wasn't right. that was several years ago and if one like that came along today i'd snap him up - and not because he was younger! | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 10:45:20 AM | Provided that the email isn't rude or sexual, I would consider it to be a compliment. Doesn't mean that I would be interested in him. This is regardless of age. It is okay for a woman not to be interested in younger ( or older for that matter ) men. But it seems like any time there is a thread about older women and younger men, a segment of women will automatically assume that younger men are immature and only looking for sex.
The OP is 28 and posting in a 45+ forum, so my assumption was that he is probably interested in contacting women about 20 years older. When he asks if it is a compliment to be contacted by a younger man, what does he mean? What do we assume?
It's been said a lot that some younger men assume older women will be interested simply because the man is young and that we will be complimented and flattered simply because he is young. What does he hope for? Well, I suppose he could truly be interested in a relationship, but it seems unlikely, with a 20 or more year age difference.
I have gone out out on some dates with men in their 40s who were major jerks. Also, there are some older women who primarily date younger men or are looking for casual sex with younger men. For example one time I saw a profile from a 45 yr woman who was looking for men between the ages of 25-39.
Sure, absolutely, some men and women in their 40's and 50's are looking for something other than a real relationship, i.e., primarily sex. You never know until yout take the time to get to know someone what they are like and what they are hoping for when they contact you. Generally though, I'd assume that a man in his 20's or 30's who was contacting me, was either interested in just being friends, which happens, or interested in sex. It is no really feasible to think of a long term relationship with someone 20 years younger, not for me at least, and I doubt for the men either. They don't want to be 55 with a 75 year old wife.
So the term 'younger' is relative. I don't think 10 years younger is a problem, but more that that could be unrealistic. 15, 20, and more really seems unrealistic, and I doubt that a man who is that many years younger than a woman is usually seeking her out for a long term relationship: usually---there are always exceptions. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 11:02:26 AM | When I was in my 20's and 30's, I wouldn't date anyone who was 1 year younger than I. Well, I did once and it didn't work out, but it was because we just didn't click. Age had nothing to do with it.
Now I date younger men all the time. So many men who I meet in my age group seem staid and worn-out. Not too much incentive to get up and do things, even something as fairly benign as a drive to the mountains. "It's so far...." one guy whined.
I don't care to date anyone in their 20's or teens, however. Gotta draw the line somewhere!  | |
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dwf44
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 81 | |
| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 11:34:44 AM | The OP is 28 and posting in a 45+ forum, so my assumption was that he is probably interested in contacting women about 20 years older. When he asks if it is a compliment to be contacted by a younger man, what does he mean? What do we assume?
The part of my post that you put in bold was a general statement about older women / younger men threads on POF. I wasn't talking about the OP in particular. I have seen / read some women assuming that younger men are immature and only looking for sex when they contact a woman even when the age difference is only about 8-10 years. I would agree that a LTR is unlikely ( not impossible ) when the age difference is 20+ yrs. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 11:47:06 AM | ^^^I agree with you. We do assume that is what they (men 15+ years younger) are looking for. For me, it is a new experience. I don't go to bars or clubs or stuff like that. I don't get approched in RL by 20 year olds. I do sometimes encounter a lot of flirting from 30 somethings, but I only see it as flirting. My cynicism about very younger men approaching women on these sites comes from the more experience women and what they have said. Maybe it is unfair, I don't know. I know in the past two days, I've been IM'd by a 20 year old and an 18 year old. What could they be looking for? Not to date me...surely not, that makes no sense. One of the women here stated in a post that she has heard young men talk disparagingly about older women they have used for sex. So, we are cynical that their interest is anything but rather base. Is it a compliment? Well, I've read a lot of posts on this and other sites from women in the 50's and 60's who say they are regularly contacted by very young men. These women are not great beauties, so it doesn't make me think if a very young man contacts me it is because I'm special. So, all things considered, it isn't really complimentary, and the assumption is that they are most likely not interested in a real relationship.
If a man within 10 years approaches me, I don't assume it is only sex he is looking for. But, I am sceptical, I guess. I asked about that on the thread which discussed men in their 40's not seeming to be interested in women in their 40's. I sometimes am contacted by men in their 40's and I was wondering why, if they are not contacting women their own age, why contact me? I got some good answers...answers that made me think to take each instance on it's own merits. I actually haven't seen a lot of posts where women are so cynical about men 8-10 years younger, or maybe I just haven't notice. Sometimes I'm woefully oblivious. lol | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 12:24:33 PM | If we are talking about 20 years...NO WAY!!! Actually, I happen to LOVE the men my age...real cuties, if you ask me.
I am now talking to a man who is 12 years younger...I was really hesitant, and my first response to him was that he was at the bottom age range I would ever go for...main reason being that my 25 year old daughter has a 47 year old boyfriend. I would never want my guy seeing another guy his age have a 25 year old, thin, blonde, and my guy being with a 59 year old and wishing he was in the other guys shoes. His response was, "Thank you for your honesty, but I would NEVER want someone younger than my daughter, who is 26." That was a good answer and we are still writing. It's been a while now, and he hasn't been pressuring me to meet, which is another good sign that he isreally interested in getting to know ME, and isn't just after his 'kicks', in my opinion. I think it is all up to the individual...and it's not all that hard to 'separate the men from the boys'.
~DC~ | |
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dwf44
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 84 | |
| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 12:36:21 PM | I actually haven't seen a lot of posts where women are so cynical about men 8-10 years younger, or maybe I just haven't notice. Sometimes I'm woefully oblivious. lol
Usually these women will say things such as I date older men or I date men within 5 yrs of my age. The reasons they give for not younger men ( such as they are immature or only looking for sex ) would also apply to men are about 8-10 younger than they are. I think a 8-10 yr age difference would only potentially cause problems when a woman is 26 and and a man is 18 or something similiar to that. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 12:41:24 PM | | ^^^I agree. 8-10 years is not really a problem, depends on the people. I have be involved with a man 8 years younger. My grandmother's husband was 10 years younger and they were married for many years, until he died. So it is not a new phenomenon either. I don't know why women would be concerned about anything up to 10 years. Beyond that it becomes problematical for at least a longer term and/or serious relationship. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/18/2009 5:23:55 PM | Not when they're a lot younger, no. They just want to be Toy Boys, is all.
The young ladies near their own age, are too busy looking for Sugar Daddies.
what a Wonderful World, lol. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/20/2009 2:13:43 PM | I'm pretty open to friends as long as they can carry on a good conversation and be older than my children.
As far as having a relationship other than friendship, I just can't go there.
When it comes to intimacy I have to have more in common with a man than just the physical act of sex, or else I get bored. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/20/2009 5:42:43 PM | Do I find it a compliment? NO...and I shall explain. I sometimes think a younger guy thinks an older woman will feel flattered to be flirted with by them....not so. Most younger men lack the maturity to actually follow thru any attraction they "say" they have...oh they chat with you once or twice and then they are gone...so they arent taken seriously. I am sure there are younger men who do like the company of a more mature woman, its just hard to figure out who they are. | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/20/2009 6:17:54 PM | "I am flattered when young men say they are attracted to me."
Why? They are just trying it on to see what your reaction is, and what can they get out of is. Does anyone need compliaments that badly? | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:22:54 PM | Ive been quite flattered by younger gentlemen writing to me.. perhaps there are some out there that truly do enjoy the companionship of an older woman.
However, my preference, is to be with a gentleman close to my age... by maybe about five years, either direction. I suppose I do prefer a mature man... little grey around the temples...but then thats just my preference.
however..it is sweet, to be looked at.
and we older women, surely dont want to be referred to as a "Cougar"..Hmmmmm
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:59:38 PM |
I like to ask them what is it about the older women they like? Is it our flapping underarms, the soft hanging breasts, the cellulite thighs (look like cottage cheese packed into flesh coloured pantyhose).
ArtGal,
This is exactly what goes through my head when I'm contacted by a younger man (10 years or more my junior).
Am I flattered? I'm actually more confused. I'm wondering if they actually read my profile that talks about depth and well, maturity. I'm wondering if I'm on Candid Camera. I'm wondering if somehow they got someone else's picture mixed up with my email. On it goes.
There was a time I welcomed the younger man adventure; however, I am looking for someone I can completely be myself with and honor exactly where we are, history, dents, dings and all.
Young men: I do have daughters you might be interested in! | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:59:52 PM | ^^^I agree. 8-10 years is not really a problem, depends on the people. I have be involved with a man 8 years younger. My grandmother's husband was 10 years younger and they were married for many years, until he died. So it is not a new phenomenon either. I don't know why women would be concerned about anything up to 10 years. Beyond that it becomes problematical for at least a longer term and/or serious relationship.
The love of my life was 9 years younger. I don't think either of us thought a thing about age when we fell in love. I didn't really think about his age until a couple of years ago and I think (if he were still here to debate the situation) he and I would probably disagree about something that is really important to me today. I don't want someone watching me grow old ~ I want someone to grow old with. I think about these things:
I like to ask them what is it about the older women they like? Is it our flapping underarms, the soft hanging breasts, the cellulite thighs (look like cottage cheese packed into flesh coloured pantyhose).
Which is terribly hilarious on top of sadly true!
~OT~ I was flattered recently when a 40 year old man approached me. He asked me if his age was too young. It wasn't so much that he asked, it was that he was respectful of my "very near my own age" diatribes. It was really considerate that he asked.  | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/21/2009 12:44:14 AM | | verygreeneyez: you are 45, the man who approached you is 40? This is not a significant age difference, I wouldn't even think about it. And as far as watching you grow old, a man within 5 years of you is going to be growing old too... I would not think this is an issue, a very few years...unless he is more concerned about the way the woman looks than the woman. At my age, and in people I observe in the 60's and older, there is little difference in appearance between people who are several years apart: it essentially depends on the individual, genes, health, activity level, how they take care of themselves, etc. I hope you gave that guy a chance: sounds like a nice guy... | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:32:15 AM |
verygreeneyez: you are 45, the man who approached you is 40? This is not a significant age difference, I wouldn't even think about it. And as far as watching you grow old, a man within 5 years of you is going to be growing old too...
That is exactly my point. There is very little difference. We are of the "same time zone" (so to speak.) Meaning that much more than a few years in either direction is no longer an option for me personally.
At my age, and in people I observe in the 60's and older, there is little difference in appearance between people who are several years apart: it essentially depends on the individual, genes, health, activity level, how they take care of themselves, etc. I hope you gave that guy a chance: sounds like a nice guy...
I agree with you completely. (And yes, I'm definitely going to see him ~ the consideration-factor alone decided that.) | |
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| Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:34:33 AM | if i could have birthed him? no, it's annoying (especially when he's on the prowl at night and totally desperate). someone tell his mother! 
if it weren't for "platonic" and sincere forum contacts from both sexes, i'd limit my age requirement. | |
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