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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/20/2009 8:30:01 PM | Really there is only the rule of "being yourself". As if you are yourself and a gal doesn't like you its not really a big deal because even if you managed to impress her by doing something else it would only fall apart in the future. Less you actually try to keep up whatever it is you did to falsely impress her in the first place.
I know confidence can be hard to find, it really can, specially when you got the "few extra pounds" thing going, and it seems the only guys that get attention by the girls they want to are the ones with the insane looks. Sadly where females tend to attract attention regardless of a "few extra pounds" it seems that guys really only have one marketable "size" for the most part. I myself and a "few extra pounds" guy and I can say just being myself really helps on getting things to go your way. Specially if your charming, witty, sarcastic and all that jazz, a deep personality will often times cause the gal (if shes not really shallow) to overlook a few pounds.
I've found when talking to girls (as I do alot... really my friends are allll females) they say they like a guy who is "cocky". This pissed me off for the longest time as**** is really "unfounded confidence"... alot of "I'm the shit yo" type of talk. I couldn't get why girls where LOOKING for that in a guy they want to DATE. Sure if you just want to play around I guess that would be a feature worth looking at but if you want to get SERIOUS with them come on! I found its not really**** their looking for but more a charming confident quality. It seems alot like****ness at first but really the latter is more a "playful" thing rather than a "patting yourself on the back" sort of thing.
If you can't make contact with the girl your trying for in a particular encounter but make a bunch of friends/acquaintances just take that as a confidence boost. Its not that your UNCOOL by any means, obviously, or EVERYONE would want nothing to do with you. You make some new card buddies just hang out with them or whatever see what happens I mean they got friends who are female I'm sure mayhap one of them will become interested in you. Life is vast and you can never predict where something will come from so try and explore the avenues presented to you, instead of worrying about those that weren't.
As my family says... "Every time you fail you are simply another step closer to success"... no one fails 100% of the time not even you, even if you think maybe JUST you fail 100% of the time it is a realistic improbability. The universe cannot process 100% failure no more than it can process 100% success. Nobody succeeds all the time, and nobody fails all the time. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:00:26 AM | Do you know what the guys who have lots of self-confidence and the guys who do not have in common?
Rejection! One lets it run him over, the other embraces it.
The guy with low self-esteem and confidence lets rejection get to him. He is bothered every time he is rejected and it shows in how he walks and talks.
The guy with high self-esteem and confidence is rejected almost as much as the guy with low self-esteem and confidence (not as much anymore) but he has learned to let rejection slide off his back. He walks and talks confidently. He knows that not everyone he meets is going to be open to his advances. And if they aren't? SO WHAT?!.
Here's something to think about:
If I had a brand new $20.00 bill and said "Who wants this?" I am sure everyone would. Now what if I crumbled it up? Everyone would still want it! What if I tossed it on the ground and stepped on it? Would everyone want it still?! YES OF COURSE!!!
You -- better yet -- WE -- are all just like that $20.00. We're valuable no matter what happens to us. You have to stop beating yourself up. YOU are a lot harder on yourself than other people are.
You know where I find my dates? The least likely places. The grocery store, the gas station -- heck even while getting a hair cut. You can't be afraid of rejection because EVERYONE gets rejected. You have to learn that you will be rejected numerous times throughout your life but if you keep trucking, you'll eventually meet Ms. Right and live happily ever after.
But not if you're moping around feeling sorry for yourself. There's nothing attractive about someone who doesn't think very much of his or her self. You have to stop thinking negatively because those negative thoughts carry over into how you walk and talk -- and people can easily pick up on that. And it's not attractive.
Cheers. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/22/2009 11:15:33 AM | | Try this on for size. Babe Ruth went to bat 8398 times. Of those 8398 times, he struck out 1330 times. After all that, he hits 714 home runs. What would have happened if he had gotten frustrated and quit after strikeout # 500? My point is, you gotta take your cuts to finally hit that home run. Sure, you confidence gets shaken, but don't let rejection get you down. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/22/2009 11:25:27 AM | A couple thoughts:
-Women can smell desperation.
-We don't typically want to go out with a guy we met in a bar. Where are you going to meet women? We don't want to be "picked up" - most of us.
-Don't have such huge expectations. Just talk to a girl without an agenda. Consider it practice.
-Do your thing. She may be doing hers right next to you.
-You're so not alone. Everybody else is NOT getting it on - even if they try to make you think so.
-Listen to her. I won't expound on this since many other posts have made this point.
-When you do get a number, don't run home and call her the same night. Anticipation is a good thing!
-Be yourself! We can see right through false bravado.
Good luck! and much happiness. You will find it! | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/22/2009 5:26:15 PM | | i seem to always get the messed up guys the abusive ones. i want more tthan anything to be happy even when i meet someone nice i either screw it up some how or they just like me i am tired of trying to make everyone else happy when is it my turn | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:02:20 PM | Dude, you have to let rejection roll off your back. Here's some advice. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). Then ask out as many women as you can. With confidence. Because let me tell you from experience: Confident men are attractive to women. Period.
I realize you are down, but if you don't get rejected to the point it doesn't phase you anymore, you will gain confidence because eventually you WILL start meeting women who will go out with you.
You don't have to be a jerk. Just be happy and confident with who you are and other people will see you the same way. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/22/2009 8:31:58 PM | ^^^I suggest all men having any problems with dating and women immediately click the link to Jarbarian's history, and cut and paste some of his stuff to tape to your bathroom mirrors/refrigerators.
And you know what? Don't even question it unless you genuinely can say you get the mindset; if you get it - you know it's on the money...just follow it and have faith it will work for you - don't fake it. Really follow it. He's been around here a while (in a good way), and he gets it. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:18:19 AM | Okay, I've left this alone for a little bit as I've had a bit of a rough go at work this week, between report cards, meeting parents, and watching more hockey. But here I am back again. And thanks for all the replies.
Now, I've had so many people tell me to listen. Not to continue to sound negative, but I do listen. In fact, that's usually about all I do. Believe me, part of me would love to talk about myself (because when you get down to it, I'm a pretty interesting guy), but I just tend to try to avoid it.
I should also add, that at the moment I'm in Korea, and meeting people who speak English in places other than bars is rare. That being said, I've never just tried to "pick up," as I generally meet people through people I already know, it just happens that we socialize a lot in bars.
That being said, I made friends with two more couples this weekend. The one couple apparently "adores" me. I also had two of my girls suggest that they want to set me up with friends. Obviously, at the moment I have to little to no confidence about either one...it is the title of the thread afterall.
I should also add that I've been working hard the past two weeks, and I've lost about 5 pounds. I've got a long way to go, but its a start. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:41:57 PM | Lots of good input on this thread. And you should be congratulated on posting a topic like this. Many guys would feel too intimidated to trudge into this quicksand.
I only have a few comments about all I read. First of all, there is no single, one-size-fits-all solution for you and your particular situation. This means you have to pick and choose from the input provided - including mine.
The ladies had a bunch of great ideas that provide a female perspective which is essential to having more of the kind of successful situations that breed confidence and a more positive outlook. Unfortunately, the differences between the sexes (and the underlying social stigmas associated with male/female roll playing) will not allow 99% of the ladies to truly appreciate/understand your situation (no offense intended ladies).
Second, the guys too had a bunch of great ideas from "suck it up" to "keep swinging" and more. Remember, you are part of this "guy" fraternity so you are not alone in any way shape or form. All of us have to deal with what you are feeling at one point or another in our lives - no matter how successful one is with the ladies.
IMHO, your answers lie not only with all of the great feedback on this thread, but most importantly within yourself. Among the other reading suggested, I highly suggest reading Dr. Wayne Dyer's, "Your Erroneous Zones." Read the whole book but pay particular attention to the sections that deal with relying on outside influences and other people as a means of defining your self perception and what makes you happy. Essentially by doing this, you have promoted the opinions of others above and beyond that which you know about yourself.
You could be a saint, with James Bond's accent, and the body of The Rock, and the money of Warren Buffet, but the dark side of human nature - alive and well in many folks - will still demean, degrade, belittle, and destroy you in an attempt to promote their own self worth. Sad but true.
So long as your self perception hinges on your successes or failures with others (others that are beyond your control), you will continue to be disappointed to the point of losing all self perception. Your self perception will eventually be limited to the opinion of others (in many cases, those who don't even know you and clearly the opposite sex who will never be able to truly understand you). You have to decide whose opinion is more important (not to mention accurate)... yours, or those of fools who won't even take the time to get to know you.
So while you're working on your physical appearance, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself from the inside. Because inside you is THE GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU ARE. Once you find HIM, you'll also find the confidence the ladies are all looking for.
Once you truly know who you are, your confidence will surround you like an aura. And those who don't give you a second look... well, suffice to say, it's there loss - not yours. They're not worthy of you anyhow.
Good luck. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:06:07 PM |
You could be a saint, with James Bond's accent, and the body of The Rock, and the money of Warren Buffet, but the dark side of human nature - alive and well in many folks - will still demean, degrade, belittle, and destroy you in an attempt to promote their own self worth. Sad but true.
Heck, I'll take that one step further and say that the more people try to demean, degrade, belittle, and destroy you, the more they think you're worth. After all, we only try to topple what threatens us. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/28/2009 12:58:12 AM | Listen my man, it's all the law of averages. The more women you ask out, the more dates you'll get. It's really that simple!
That's the difference between guys who play the field and those who dont even get to first base.
Everyone faces rejection, even the hotties like me. Suck it up, move on to the NEXT! Stop wearing your heart on your shoulder each and every time you find a woman | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 4/28/2009 3:20:55 PM | maybe your just trying too hard...go out have fun & dont expect another date...women just like men can be put off by neediness...let them see you just chilling & having fun & more than likely theyll suddenly by more interested  x | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 9:38:15 AM | Once again I've let this go for a week with nothing to add, and then return. Sorry. But in reading back over it, I'm confused. From people I've gotten the advice (as paraphrased by another poster) "Suck it up," or "keep swinging"...at the same time I'm also getting advice which essentially says don't go out expecting a date because I'm trying too hard. Now, it seems to me that these sort of conflict (don't really try vs. keep trying because of the law of averages). I'm hoping someone can clear this up for me. I mean not trying to get a date doesn't strike me as particularly different from what I'm doing now, which is simply to attract some sort of attention. Realistically, I'm not the guy who just attracts attention simply by being.
That being said, I kept a pretty low profile this weekend. I went out with my friends, a couple of nights, and just hung out with the boys another. I basically, took the "don't worry about it and just go out and have fun" approach. So I wasn't expecting anything, and lo and behold nothing happened. That's fine, frankly I didn't meet anyone interesting anyway, so it worked out great for me.
However, I spent a good deal of my weekend nights watching people interact, and I can't help but notice that the Tall, Dark and Handsomes (TDaH's) out there seem to have a serious advantage over me.
I watched a guy, right in front of me come to a table where we were sitting, and frankly was funny, and sincere, and interacted well with everyone. While most everyone else at the table was impressed, my 29-year old friend whom he was actually hitting on shot him down. Why? Well there was this other guy that she was interested in, who was really cute and she was hoping he'd come over instead. And the guy we liked was too short anyway (said the girl who was 5'0).
I then listened as a girl (who shot me down about 4 months ago because she likes "taller, thinner men") literally cried because the TDaH she has a crush on, but has never actually met, went home with another girl that we know. (I admit, I did take a certain amount of satisfaction from this particular non-encounter. I'm a bit ashamed of it though.)
My point is this: This is why I have problems with confidence. These guys have won the girl over just by being there, and being the physical ideal. They haven't even said anything to the girl, and they're turning down other, seemingly good guys in the off chance they'll come over, or start crying when they don't. Now, I grant you, these girls seem to me to be somewhat immature, and these examples (albeit from a single night when I was paying attention) are a bit extreme, but its seems to be true, or common even with the less extreme, everyday girls. Seriously, how do I compete with that? My only weapon is that I'm actually funny and charming (and talented, and sincere, and honest, and smart, and obviously humble, and just a little abstract), and for some reason, I have to hope that that's enough, and fight my way just to get noticed. These guys just have to show up.
I mean, everyone says "just be yourself, " and just be confident, and I believe them...but I can't get past these guys who aren't actually anybody yet, who haven't even said a word, who have no identity whatsoever that we know of, and they've already got the girl. I mean, I don't see how the two concepts go together.
I know I'm just sounding negative, and what I'm saying goes agaisnt what everyone is suggesting, but I can't get past this. This is reality as I see, and experience it. All the qualities in myself that I admire, and that I feel others should appreciate don't seem to come into play. They don't seem to matter as long as the guy is not Tall, Dark, and Handsome. Again, I hope I'm wrong, so by all means tell me I am. I just don't see how I'm wrong. Why would anyone settle for me, if they could get me, but 2 inches taller, 15 pounds lighter, a perfectly symmetrical face, and better hair? | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 10:45:21 AM |
I mean, everyone says "just be yourself, " and just be confident, and I believe them...but I can't get past these guys who aren't actually anybody yet, who haven't even said a word, who have no identity whatsoever that we know of, and they've already got the girl. I mean, I don't see how the two concepts go together.
What you aren't understanding is these guys who meet their physical ideal haven't proven they have the right personality for these women. So what if their ideal guy is really tall or has some kind of facial features they want? You are too busy wasting your time on the women who aren't interested in you. In addition, you are doing the opposite of what Benjamin Franklin said: "A man who loves himself will have no rivals." You need to learn to love who you are so that you stop comparing yourself to other men. In addition, if you don't love who you are, you can not expect other people to do the same.
I know I'm just sounding negative, and what I'm saying goes agaisnt what everyone is suggesting, but I can't get past this. This is reality as I see, and experience it. All the qualities in myself that I admire, and that I feel others should appreciate don't seem to come into play. They don't seem to matter as long as the guy is not Tall, Dark, and Handsome. Again, I hope I'm wrong, so by all means tell me I am. I just don't see how I'm wrong. Why would anyone settle for me, if they could get me, but 2 inches taller, 15 pounds lighter, a perfectly symmetrical face, and better hair?
Because you haven't learned how to be happy and content with who you are, that sends off a NEGATIVE vibration to women. And trust me, they can pick up on this. Why WOULD they settle for someone like you? Someone who doesn't love himself and someone lacking confidence? I really think that you should talk to EVERY woman you are interested in and learn to be comfortable starting a conversation. Just be yourself, find something funny (not offensive) to say and take it from there. Try not to put expectations on them. Learn to be immune to rejection and keep trucking. When you do this over the course of months you'll start to become more confident.
You need to learn that rejection is a GOOD thing. Every woman who rejects you is one who is OUT OF THE WAY of the path of finding Ms Right. Because the more time you waste on women who aren't the ideal fit for you, the more time it's going to take to find the right one.
I'd also suggest reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) because the book is really good at helping men become confident, well balanced and good. (Not jerks or door mats).
Cheers. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 11:19:34 AM | | Well, if there really was only 1 single woman, the odds just weren't in your favor! But why do you say "except anyone who mattered"? Maybe that's the problem - everyone should matter! | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:07:33 PM | What you aren't understanding is these guys who meet their physical ideal haven't proven they have the right personality for these women. So what if their ideal guy is really tall or has some kind of facial features they want?
No, I do get that. It's kind of my point actually. If this guy's won solely on physical attributes, and not in any way on his personality, and all I really have to work with is my personality...it just seems like a lost cause.
Because you haven't learned how to be happy and content with who you are, that sends off a NEGATIVE vibration to women. And trust me, they can pick up on this. Why WOULD they settle for someone like you? Someone who doesn't love himself and someone lacking confidence?
I either have to disagree with this, or get some clarification. I know some of these TDaHs who consistently pick up girls, and with most of them I wouldn't say that they even particularly like themselves. They have ego, and confidence, sure. But when they did get rejected, they were far worse than me. The trick was they rarely got rejected. I literally know a TDaH (I won't say he's a friend) who got down on his knees and beg a girl for her number. Another started spreading rumours about a girl who turned him down. So, keep that in mind when I say I don't understand what you mean by "loving yourself." Unless you mean in a narcisstic way, I don't see how these guys are any further ahead in the game than I am, but these guys almost never get rejected. As for lacking in confidence...well, that's why I started the thread.
Just be yourself, find something funny (not offensive) to say and take it from there. Try not to put expectations on them. Learn to be immune to rejection and keep trucking. When you do this over the course of months you'll start to become more confident.
Well, I could try that. I'd just think I'd be pretty immune already, but I'm not. I mean, I'm not expecting anything right now, but/because I don't feel particularly confident.
I'd also suggest reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) because the book is really good at helping men become confident, well balanced and good. (Not jerks or door mats).
Well I hope so, because I've already ordered it. I'm just waiting for it to arrive. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:32:35 PM |
No, I do get that. It's kind of my point actually. If this guy's won solely on physical attributes, and not in any way on his personality, and all I really have to work with is my personality...it just seems like a lost cause.
Nah you missed my point. If she picks him exclusively on his physical attributes without getting to know him then she's not the kind of woman you want anyway. If I were you, do what I did. Get your butt to the gym (at least 3 days a week) and work out hard. You'd be amazed at how fast you can get into shape with diet and exercise.
Control the things you can (yourself) and let go of the things you can NOT control (other people).
Firstly, I either have to disagree with this, or get some clarification. I know some of these TDaHs who consistently pick up girls, and with most of them I wouldn't say that they even particularly like themselves. They have ego, and confidence, sure. But when they did get rejected, they were far worse than me. The trick was they rarely got rejected. I literally know a TDaH (I won't say he's a friend) who got down on his knees and beg a girl for her number. Another started spreading rumours about a girl who turned him down. So, keep that in mind when I say I don't understand what you mean by "loving yourself." Unless you mean in a narcisstic way, I don't see how these guys are any further ahead in the game than I am, but these guys almost never get rejected. As for lacking in confidence...well, that's why I started the thread.
All I am saying is think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. (CBT). You will "project" to others externally how you feel about yourself INTERNALLY. Women have a keen sense and can pick this up. Stop thinking about what she's going to think about you and just ask yourself "How do I feel about myself?" Until you say "I'm great!" nobody else is going to think so.
Well, I could try that. I'd just think I'd be pretty immune already, but I'm not. I mean, I'm not expecting anything right now, but/because I don't feel particularly confident.
And you're going to start feeling confident until you get out there and start making small talk. Just SMILE, MAKE EYE CONTACT and don't worry about being weird. Just have fun, because we ALL love to have fun -- male or female.
Well I hope so, because I've already ordered it. I'm just waiting for it to arrive.
Read it a couple times through (it's not all that long) then come back and let us know if you've picked up anything that will help rebuild your confidence. Can't tell ya how valuable that book has been for me :) | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:55:35 PM | | i hear ya. i have had failed relationships everytime pretty much and the ones in between the serious ones are meaningless. my last big one i didnt have much self confidence on top of other struggles i am currently going through. what i dont know now is how if or when i should get back on the plate again or if it is all worth it since everytime i come away a little more broken than before and it si super hard to get over the hurt and pain since i have a child involved to. i honestly dont know if i ever will about this last relationship. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 5/3/2009 4:07:28 PM |
Nah you missed my point. If she picks him exclusively on his physical attributes without getting to know him then she's not the kind of woman you want anyway.
Well, I don't know. I know the one girl I was talking about earlier pretty well, she's one of my best friends. We have differences on some basic ideological views so we've ended up where we are. Realistically, I think she's awesome, and I think I'd be lucky to find someone similar. But she's only attracted to the TDaH, shoots down guys who are too short, and frankly has consistently picked losers in even the short time I've known her.
If I were you, do what I did. Get your butt to the gym (at least 3 days a week) and work out hard. You'd be amazed at how fast you can get into shape with diet and exercise.
Once again, I'm way ahead of you on that. I've been doing well, and lost a lot of weight just eating better, and hitting the gym whenever I can. You're right, I'm looking better in just a few weeks, and I can see that it will make a big difference in a few months.
All I am saying is think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. (CBT). You will "project" to others externally how you feel about yourself INTERNALLY. Women have a keen sense and can pick this up. Stop thinking about what she's going to think about you and just ask yourself "How do I feel about myself?" Until you say "I'm great!" nobody else is going to think so.
I am great. What now?
Read it a couple times through (it's not all that long) then come back and let us know if you've picked up anything that will help rebuild your confidence. Can't tell ya how valuable that book has been for me :)
Then I'm looking forward to it. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:13:42 AM | Okay, so I'm bringing up this thread...yet again.
Here's my update. Someone said lose some weight...I've been going to the gym for about the past 6 months, and lost about 15lbs. I've also put on a fair bit of muscle and look a lot better, as well as cut my hair shorter to minimize the fact that I'm losing my hair. People have noticed a difference.
Someone on here said, do something you love...so I joined two bands where I sing and play guitar. Not to overstate myself, I'm not the greatest singer or guitarist, but I'm pretty good, I know people are somewhat impressed. And don't get me wrong, next Friday and Saturday, I'm going to go out and play again.
Someone said dress well...I spent the better part of my last two paychecks on yet another new wardrobe. And this time I went all out...tailored suits, vests, shirts, jeans, pants and some over-the-top stuff to wear on stage.
I was feeling pretty good, my confidence was finally high again, so invited a girl I was interested in to come out and watch me play. She came out, and seemed excited to see it. However, she went home with some talk-dark-and-handsome before my set was even finished.
Suffice it to say, my confidence is basically back to zero...maybe lower as I really don't think anything I do is ever really going to make a difference. I will always be short, no matter how much weight I lose I am always going to be big, and my hair will never grow back. Don't get me wrong, I still think I'm a great guy ,but let's face it, I just can't compete with the TDaH jerks out there.
Any other bright ideas? | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:20:57 AM | By the way, I did read Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy, and leant it to a friend to read on my behalf to see if she could get something from it, and we just didn't. The whole book is based on the premise that I did not have a good relationship with my father...but I did, so all the advice it gives is sort of a moot point.
What's next on the reading list? | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:34:59 AM | Your confidence must not have been that high to be shattered by one girl. I'm telling you man...I have friends who are balding and husky and they STILL get the girls. It is all about their confidence level. They're not afraid to walk up to ANY woman and say 'Hi'. You have to start somewhere...try some baby steps. Go out...flirt...just say 'Hi' and get the ball rolling. Practice makes perfect.
I'm reading Glover too. It's a process...it doesn't happen overnight. It's OK...there are plenty of fish out there.
Paul ;) | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:35:28 AM |
To sum it up, you have to genuinely not care if you end up dating anyone to throw off energy that draws potential dates to you (beyond attraction of course). It's a tricky thing to master, but once you do it should dawn on you like a pile of bricks, and then it'll all come easy to you - a large reason for that is that you won't care. You can't stress over something not happening you never expected in the first place, right?
In other words, don't be scared of girls. Because they can tell when you are.  | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:43:47 PM |
Rule # 1. Women want to know if YOU are interested in THEM!!!! YOU can show that by simply asking about them and then SHUT UP and LISTEN. Then.... instead of reponding with some great adventure you want to share ask them more about THEM!!! The SHUT UP and LISTEN again.
WOW this is the one thing I wish every guy on POF would learn.
This is the first guy on here I have heard of that understands this.
I am so sick of meeting guys who go on and on about themselves while
showing zero interest in me. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 1:57:46 AM | Op, from what you've written so far, I don't think self confidence is your only problem. It's quite obvious that you are going after the wrong girls too. Ask yourself why you are seemingly so fixated on girls who are only interested in the TD&H type. Not all women are shallow like that. And really, do you really want someone who in your own words "consistently picked losers"? That doesn't speak highly of her, and it surely doesn't speak highly of you either.
May be you should change your sight somewhat. Don't go after the hotties who are often shallow and vain. Leave them and their attitude to the TD&H crowd (most deserve each other anyway). Strike up a conversation with Plain Jane, who's probably wondering what she has to do to compete with all the bombshells. You might just find that she is a great person with brains to match, and she probably won't judge you solely on looks either.
On the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy", I think you are missing an important message here. It's not about your relationship with your father; it's more about a lack of male role model in many men's life which has made them lose their sense of masculinity. Also, the book teaches men the meaning and importance of boundaries. This in my (never humble) opinion, is the key to building self respect and self confidence.
Page 151, "In nature, the alpha male and the bull moose don't sit around trying to figure out what will make the girls like them. They are just themselves: fierce, strong, competitive, and sexually proud. Because they are what they are and do what they do, prospective mates are attracted." This tells you a lot of what you want to know. | |
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