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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:47:45 AM | To Leanco,
To be honest, I don't really know what kind of girls you're talking about. Truth be told, I know better than to go after the "hotties," and tend to go after the "plain Janes" as you put it. Honestly, I would have thought the same thing as you: Maybe the plainer girls will have more depth, and care less about physical appearance. Nope, not so far, if there's any chance of getting with TDaH then I'm a waste of time.
As for the book. Fair enough, tell me about boundaries...
And to be fair, I have never known an alpha male who was just themselves. To me they have always been practiced, insincere, calculated, and more egotistical than anything... | |
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Vaude
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Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 52 | |
| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:16:22 AM | | Hey man, to get some of your self confidence back you should always look at the prize, the ultimate goal of what you are doing. For example if you open a new business, to motivate yourself you should remind yourself why you are going through the initial misery (financial freedom, more time, blah, blah). Now, when you date and ask women out you have to remind yourself that despite all the bad that comes with trying to look for a relationship, the goal at the end is so worth it. That could help. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:41:52 AM | Thanks vaude,
However, I just don't think that's the best idea. I don't know that all of this will be worth it. Everytime I get rejected, or let down, every year that goes by that I'm still alone, its all just a reminder that there's a very real possibility that I will never actually find anyone. Looking into the future is just not a good idea.
Thanks for the thought. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:54:10 AM | Suffice it to say, my confidence is basically back to zero...maybe lower as I really don't think anything I do is ever really going to make a difference. I will always be short, no matter how much weight I lose I am always going to be big, and my hair will never grow back. Don't get me wrong, I still think I'm a great guy ,but let's face it, I just can't compete with the TDaH jerks out there.
5'10" is short? Since when??  - *Sniff*...I'm only 5'9"...
Anyways, I find this an interesting thread. The OP seems to have tried everything under the sun to get things to go his way. And I know the "TDaH" type he is talking about; I have a friend (distant cousin, actually) back east who is...well, tall and handsome for sure, but not dark (although he has black, wavy hair that even makes ME swoon...ha ha!!), and yes, it IS frustrating to be around those guys. They literally DO NOT have to say a word, and girls still come to them like a moth to a flame...
Let me tell you my story, starting with a condensed version of my upbringing (which I think will help put things in context...)
I grew up in a small town in eastern Canada (let's say east of Quebec.) Although I might be stretching it to say we were dirt poor, we definitely weren't well off. Some weeks the cupboards were pretty bare. We never owned a car (except for an old AMC Gremlin for a few months in, I believe, 1983.) My parents had a rocky marriage...I think you get the picture.
The home situation didn't do much for my self-esteem. Then when I hit adoloscence, in addition to the haywire hormones, I had a bumper crop of acne going on. I was also one of those teenagers who took awhile to - grow into his features? - I dunno what I mean by that exactly...suffice it to say, I was fairly cute as a baby/toddler/pre-teen, then I was an ugly-ass teenager, and now I'm a (reasonably) decent-looking man.
As anyone who has had a serious acne/general not-so-great looks issue as a teenager can attest, it is pretty rough on the ol' self-esteem. I was pretty much a wash-out with the girls during those years...oh, there was a bit of drunken groping and kissing with a few different girls from, say, ages 15 to 18...but I never did have a real girlfriend. And this was mostly my fault, as I was extremely insecure because of all the aforementioned issues.
Fast-forward to summer 1999. I'm now 24 years old, living in central BC, and my only real sexual experience is with a - how do I put this delicately? - welfare-collectin' white trash chick I met a few months earlier (and that's only because she expressed her interest in me to a co-worker of mine; I was, at that point, still too insecure and shy to approach women, for the most part.) - I shouldn't diss the girl, I suppose, because that bit of experience with her (we only saw each other for about a month as I wasn't into being with a pill-addicted, child-neglecting single mother), kind of gave me a kick in the ass. I started talking to girls more, being more outgoing - HOWEVER - my main agenda at this time was to get laid some more...ha ha...which of course, I didn't, because as several other posters have pointed out, most women can smell that agenda from a mile away.
That's not really the point though. The point is that I was putting myself out there instead of being the meek guy sitting in the corner. I was participating in conversations, making people laugh...and I have to say, although I still wasn't completely secure in my looks at the time, my height/weight never preyed on my mind (I had just spent a couple of years in a very physical job and was in really good shape), so I at least had that bit of confidence going for me.
I moved to a bigger center that fall and, although I definitely fell into a bit of a rut again woman-wise, the seeds were planted. I did things to increase my interactions with women; namely, I specifically sought out female roommates (not in the hopes of getting in their pants - although I wouldn't have objected, ha ha - but again, just to increase interactions) and, like any 20-something male, spent my share of time in the happening night spots.
Things started to come together, although I will admit that the process again ended up involving women I should have stayed away from. This was the residual effect of having been so insecure; there was still a part of me that felt I didn't "deserve" the girls I was really attracted to, and should settle for whatever came my way .
Anyways, after a few missteps, my confidence level was at a point where I felt like...not that I could have anyone I wanted, certainly, I would never be that egotistical, but, yeah, I generally felt like I was attractive and funny, and girls were starting to see me that way too. It also helped that in 2002 I bought my first PC and started to utilize Internet dating, which was a gold mine for me, as I found (and still find) it a great way to break the ice, that initial contact online.
I don't know if my story has helped at all; reading it over it seems a little disjointed. I'll try to recap the main points about MY experience that got me over the threshold (so to speak):
1. I let go of the physical insecurities...not all at once, necessarily, but enough over time that I am basically now totally comfortable in my own skin.
2. I started letting my personality shine through. I am reasonably intelligent and have a pretty good sense of humor, but from my late teens and into my early twenties, had suppressed it. And it was killing me because I WANTED to be part of the conversation, I WANTED to make people laugh...
3. Eventually, I stopped having an agenda. Again, other posters have stated this, and I reiterate: Women can smell agendas/desperation like a shark smells blood in the water. But whereas the blood attracts a shark, the agenda/desperation scent completely repels a woman.
4. In between women (and even during), I did things that made ME happy. Such as learning to SCUBA dive when I lived on Vancouver Island. You can't make women the center of your universe - or you can, but again, you're gonna come off as desperate, and 99% of women will quickly grow weary of you. The other 1% will be narcissists who might initially be thrilled to have a lap dog, but will eventually drift away to find someone else to worship them (because narcissists get bored easily.)
Hope this helps... | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:04:40 AM |
Any other bright ideas?
Yes, stop putting all your eggs in one basket. By that I mean, have several women you are interested in and go out with (no sex, just hang out!). You should have invited several of them to the show. When you have all your eggs in one basket, it's easy to destroy your confidence.
Did you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover) yet? I'm telling you, it's the best $10 you could ever spend. How much is gaining normal level of confidence worth to you? Read the book and your problems will be solved. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:05:07 AM | | One last thing. Stop looking at women as being a prize and start seeing YOURSELF as a prize.... | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:51:54 PM |
Yes, stop putting all your eggs in one basket. By that I mean, have several women you are interested in and go out with (no sex, just hang out!). You should have invited several of them to the show. When you have all your eggs in one basket, it's easy to destroy your confidence.
Well, between not going after the wrong kind of girl, and keeping that basket full, that's a pretty tough line to walk. Our show was a last minute deal, and most people I knew already had plans on a Saturday night. There is maybe one other girl, but I'm pretty sure she's the wrong type. Then again, I don't think there's any other type...
Did you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" (Glover) yet? I'm telling you, it's the best $10 you could ever spend. How much is gaining normal level of confidence worth to you? Read the book and your problems will be solved.
I did read it, and just couldn't relate. Almost every example in the book relates back to a guy whose father was absent, abusive, or distant, or had a mother who was overbearing, and then talks about how to get past that. That just wasn't my life, so I'm having a hard time taking much from the book. Unless I'm missing something...
One last thing. Stop looking at women as being a prize and start seeing YOURSELF as a prize....
You know what? I know. In fact, I do think I should be the prize. I honestly do think I'm a great guy. I deserve someone great, and should I ever meet a woman looking for a guy with actual depth, and sincere charm I think I'll fit that. Right now, I'm just having a hard time believing that such a person exists, given what I've seen. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:00:08 AM | All I can say buddy is that women are very different creatures to us, and their all individual.
I've had one experience where I was with someone who just pretty much clicked with me straight away.
I've had a situation where girls were lining up, and it happened after a rumor mill at work made out that I had caused some bizzare love triangle-which I hadn't, and I sort of played a little bit of a bad boy thing for a while.
I was in a relationship for two years with a woman who I put everything into: Wrote songs, poems, took out to dinner....etc. and she left me because I 'wasn't doing enough'. I was crushing, but I got up again.
One experience we were both really awkward, but somehow something happened for a good while.
One girl I just couldn't work out why I couldn't better to her, but the less I did the more she seemed to commit to me. I felt pretty terrible about that.
I think the point I'm trying to make is somehow, and it is hard, you have to work out the underlying psychology and hope you make the right approach, just attempt to read the situation.
And I must tell you I have had some real horror runs with women and I am in a similar boat to you in many ways, but I still have optimism. You must hang on to the belief that your worthy of someone, and that they will one day see what a great person you are. Just try and it can happen, just not the way they socially tell you it will happen! | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:24:43 AM |
I did read it, and just couldn't relate. Almost every example in the book relates back to a guy whose father was absent, abusive, or distant, or had a mother who was overbearing, and then talks about how to get past that. That just wasn't my life, so I'm having a hard time taking much from the book. Unless I'm missing something...
Nah you're missing the point. That is NOT the entire premise of the book at all. It's ONE of them.
1. The book is about how to be a strong, CONFIDENT, self-assured man.
2. The book gives several examples of what a door mat nice guy does and how to overcome those issues.
3. The book explains how being a nice guy is bad and why.
4. The book emphasizes good role models.
5. The book helps men become COMFORTABLE and HAPPY being a man. Society over the last couple decades has villanized and ostracized manliness. IT'S OK TO BE A MAN!
Even if you had a good relationship with your father that does not mean that he taught you the essentials of how to BE a man. Not many fathers understand how to be men themselves so how on earth can they teach their sons to be strong, healthy, confident men.
BTW, I am 5'10" and I don’t feel short at all. In fact, when I walk around I "FEEL" like I'm 6'4". I know that I am not but my confidence is brimming so to me, I don't think of myself as "inferior" to any man. I don't think I am BETTER than anyone either. It's just, I know what I have to offer as a person and I don't spend my time comparing myself to other men. As Ben Franklin once said: "A man who loves himself will have no rivals."
Stew on that one for a while :) | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:27:28 AM | One last thing. I agree with the poster who said "Ask a woman about herself during the date and STFU!!!" Women want to know that a man is interested in learning about WHO she is (not WHAT she is). The only way to do that is to ask her questions about herself and then let her talk.
If she wants to know about you, wait for her to ask. Leave some room for there to be a little mystery about you. She doesn't want a dissertation about your entire life on the first date. She'll learn the important things about you over time. There's no need to rush.
Summary:
Pay attention to her.
Ask her about herself.
STFU and listen.
If you're talking more than her, that's a bad, bad sign. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:28:16 AM | OP: Women are not there to build our confidence. They're dealing with their own confidence or lack thereof, believe me. They're there, in the context of a sexual or romantic relationship anyway, to look pretty and be desired, by you or by someone else. They're relying on your strength. When you don't have it to give to them, you're dragging both of you down.
FRIENDS (male or female) are better for bolstering confidence. You can spout off at the mouth, laugh obnoxiously, bounce ideas off them as they do you, reinforce their confidence as much as they reinforce yours, without having to walk on eggshells and wonder "do you like me"? Friendships need good strong foundations, and you'll say things that hurt their feelings as they will yours, but true-blue friends will accept you in your faults and strengths as you will theirs.
Have some good friends to hang with? If not, meetup.com is great. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:25:40 AM | Well, I'm oh so proud to try to get this rather pitiful thread up and running again.
Help me out with the "don't put all your eggs in one basket" bit. I can't seem to do that. I tried it out. I had been flirting with a number of girls, but honestly, I wasn't all that interested in any of them. Then I met one who was great. She came out to a bunch of my shows, and we flirted a lot, even got within inches of a great kiss on a snowy balcony, and she freaks out. Then she tells me that she's a bit of a tease, and she just wants to be friends.
Alright, I get that. Whatever.
Somehow, I'm back to where I was when I first made this thread. These other girls I was talking to, somehow seem stale. And for some reason I feel like an idiot because of this, and have been avoiding talking about it with anyone.
I would be fine not putting all of my eggs in one basket, but I can't seem to find enough eggs to do that.
I also wanted to point out, that while wandering the threads here, looking for some optomism, I found a thread I was interested in, only to find out that I was the one had started it more than 3 years ago. And I joined PoF after years without any kind of human contact. I haven't so much as kissed a girl in 9 years. How sad is that? How am I supposed to feel confident with that looming over me?
I also want to touch on something else. Someone said get your confidence from something other than women. I do. I'm a teacher, and I'm a good one. I sing and play guitar in a band, and play shows every weekend. I'm very confident in these areas. I'm far more confident in these areas than most people. Being confident in these areas, just doesn't make me more confident with women, it only makes me confident in these areas.
Help. Anything new. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:43:03 AM | Let me relate to you, a billboard that is shown throughout Illinois.
The words read:
Failure, failure, failure, failure, then...
And shows Abraham Lincoln's face below.
The story behind it is that he had a business that failed, failed in several elections, but still managed to become president through perseverance.
Or, for sports fans, look at the Chicago Cubs. Haven't won the world series in over a century, but still every season, they go out there and play ball. Every year, there is an air of optimism about them. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 12:21:59 PM |
I was this great, funny, charming guy. I literally got 3 guys' phone numbers to play cards, or golf. I was smart, I was funny, I was the life of the party.
Personally I like men who bring life TO the party and are not trying to be the life OF the party.
That gets old real quick ... the clown. He is the one with the painted on smile, but the sad behind the paint is not as hidden as he thinks.
Savona | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 2:35:23 PM |
So, I'm on a hell of a losing streak right now. Basically, my question is, when you strike out every single time you go to the plate, where are you supposed to get self-confidence from? Every time I lose, I lose a lot of what little confidence I have left. I'm not even sure how I manage to get up in the morning.
Most people have been down the same road as you (myself included) at some point in time and things are hard in the world.
Whenever I feel down and don't feel like I can take many more hits I always remember a scene from a film and it always helps pick me a up a bit, maybe it can do the same for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfXw-E7HUq8
Watch from 1:00. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 3:36:59 PM | OP:
I read your posts and I sympathise with your situation. You've been given a lot of advice and it seems like nothing is working .
The important part is not to give up. You could try to downplay the importance in your mind of being in a relationship, as you may be putting off vibes of desperation or loneliness. But judging from your posts it looks like you are outgoing and friendly, just getting overlooked by the girls in your circles.
To build up your confidence it looks like you need to start going back to basics.
Not sure if you are still in Korea, differenct culture, language would make this harder) but try meeting women everywhere you go. Instead of looking at the end goal, and getting depressed about it, break it down into smaller goals. Talk to the girls you like waiting in line, standing on the street, in the elevator and see if you can make them laugh or smile. Just be friendly and laidback. Do it with every girl you like and I guarantee your confidence will go up and you will start feeling better.
When you're ready, I think you may need to alter how you are interacting with the girls you meet. For some reason these girls are not putting you into the dating category. You say its the TDaH that are getting all the girls, but they are putting themselves out there are making their intentions clear. I mean I think it would be pretty rude if a girl I invite out and she knows I like her comes to see my show and leaves with another guy before I'm even done. Why would she think its acceptable to do that to you? | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 3:48:06 PM | I think that the confidence should come from the fact that your still trying, you still have the balls, the guts and the courage too try.
That proves the fact that your still alive...
Better to feel alive then dead but alive and in limbo from one event too the next...
So what if you get knocked back, we all do, but man, don't ever forget that you were brave and had the courage to try...
Hell dude, I'm a loser, I'm a real loser with a captial L.
Nobody and I mean nobody is a bigger Loser then I am...
Nothing goes right for me ever... and everything I touch turns to sh-it...
But I'm wondering if that's just my fate and my destiny making sure that I'm walking down the right path...so that I need to be where I'm meant to be when the biggest thing happens to me...
Ya see I got hope and blind faith in my heart because no matter what happens, no one and no thing can take that away from me...
Just like no one can take your courage and your bravery...so be happy...keep trying...law of averages states that at some point or another your going to strike lucky...and eventually Every Loser Wins (or so that tos-ser Nick Berry used to sing)  | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 4:54:17 PM | When you're ready, I think you may need to alter how you are interacting with the girls you meet. For some reason these girls are not putting you into the dating category. You say its the TDaH that are getting all the girls, but they are putting themselves out there are making their intentions clear. I mean I think it would be pretty rude if a girl I invite out and she knows I like her comes to see my show and leaves with another guy before I'm even done. Why would she think its acceptable to do that to you?
Okay, so what do I do to make my intentions clear? To be honest, I'm pretty sure I have, and can only think of one instance in the past while where I didn't.
However, I think I've clearly identified why I'm not being put into the dating category. For example this is more or less what set me off last night. We have a new male teacher at the school, and all the women had been checking out his Facebook page, and they were all excited. He's tall, and slim, and has long hair. However, when he does shows up, he's cut his hair, he's got acne, he's pale, and has no chin. You could actually see them shift him from the dating category to the no-dating category. And they hadn't even spoke to him yet. It was the difference between them moving to open up the circle of conversation for TDaH, while No-chin was standing outside it.
Then I spent the night people watching for something I've been trying to figure out. Another co-worker brought a friend who was a TDaH. Now whenever TDaH approached one of these women to talk, they would turn toward him before he sat down, or leaned against the bar, even when they were in conversation with someone else, sometimes stopping conversation. When no-chin did it, they wouldn't engage him until he started talking, one actually turned her back to him, until her conversation was done. Now to be fair, all of these women are perfectly nice, they don't mean to do this, but I'm becoming more aware of this. I mean for the TDaH this really is a huge advantage. All he has to do is not screw up, and he keeps their attention. No-chin, or for that matter, myself, has to work to get it.
So I kept watching. At one point, TDaH had two women laughing and engaged in a story about how drunk he was last weekend. While No-chin had another co-worker looking around the room as he talked about his trip to Vietnam from the week before (although she was very interested in that when she was checking out his Facebook page).
Then one of my co-workers commented that he seemed like a creep, and was pushy. When I asked what he said, she said they she didn't really talk to him. And I can see why he seemed pushy, he had to fight to get anyone's attention, even though he was a point of interest before people got a good look at him.
Now, I look at it from where I stand. Of course I can't compete with TDaH. He has their attention before he does anything. He keeps their attention no matter what he says. He's always going to be confident because they give him cues to be confident. Before I even sit down, I'm labelled a creep, and women turn away. They're looking around the room for something better. He doesn't have to try, and I have to work. That's why I can't win.
That girl who left my show with the other guy. She knew I was interested. I still run into her and she still thinks I'm interested. Something better came along, and she went for it. I can't compete with that. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 5:22:06 PM | Op, We have all been there bro, Believe me If not for my love of myself..lol I would be in a rut as well and would drain myself in sorrow.
I kid you not almost every women I seem to talk to lately ends up being a nutjob, but you know what I know I'm not the problem and that they are.
See you will never maintain a healthy relationship with a sour attitude, and low self esteem, you need to discover yourself, find what makes you you, what makes you happy besides women, and don't put so much effort or thought into women as much.
Just for an example, I just got a message from a pretty attractive woman coming on to me, I replied politely showing interest, and findout that she read/delete my message I was baffled.
There are people like that, and there's no point in trying to figure them out, this kind of thing happens often, Women and I talk for so long things are great than they disappear off the face of the earth, believe me a part of you wants to delete your account and you think all these women on here are psychotic game players, but you need preserverance, realize there are going to be good women, and you will have alot better chance with them if you love who you are first.
You cannot sell something if you make it sound like a piece of junk. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 6:21:32 PM | Interesting points you raise OP.
People will always base their first impressions on your looks. If you feel you're not attractive then all you can do is change what you can and accept what you can't.
From your posts, you have already done this. Hell, it looks like you have tried everything under the sun to improve your situation.Yet unattractive people still find ways to have fulfilling releationships...
A lot of guys and girls are overly superficial. They may be very nice people but this is behaviour I do not condone. To a girl a creep is anyone they don't find attractive hitting on her. But you can't be afraid to criticise a woman when it is warranted. You don't have to be harsh, a joke works just as well. The point is that you can't be seen as a pushover. There is no reason why that girl who left your show should still think you're interested in her.
There is also no reason why Mr. No Chin could not have had the girl laughing with his Vietnam story. While his appearance did not win him instant friends, his personality and stories can. Having a strong confident personality will more often than not change peoples perceptions for the better. It can even make a girl see you in a new light.
Beautiful, taller people will always have an easier time in the world. They make more money, have more opportunities and hold a huge advantage. The rest of us do have to work harder for it but, it does cut both ways. Typically unattractive guys pair with unattractive girls and couples are usually within the same level of beauty.
Its hard to fight against human nature but the cards are stacked against your favour. Its a numbers game and sooner or later you will find a good hearted girl that finds you attractive.
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/26/2009 7:48:00 PM | | Anytime you're not in the act of love with someone, it feels like love is a party that everyone except you is invited to. Don't worry about it so much. Let yourself breath. Love creeps up on you when you least suspect it. The day you stop looking it somehow finds you. It's always been that way for me. I'm the king of self-sabotage when it comes to dates, because I just tried to hard. When I stopped trying so hard, I found myself in a lot of awesome relationships. Its hard to do... especially when you want nothing more than that feeling of warmth... but we're all strong enough to do it. I think just giving yourself a break and trying not to worry about what kind of impression you're making will show you there is no reason not to have all the confidence you need. Good luck | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/27/2009 12:40:44 AM | as the song goes, "if it wasn't for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all".
i'm in the middle of a losing streak myself and my self-confidence has actually IMPROVED because i'm finally a year and a half out of an abusive relationship, spending a whole lot of alone time, listening to myself. the medication and counseling i took last year didn't help - it actually destabilized things and kinda' made things worse - but now that more time has passed, the wound is slowly healing up and hopefully i'm not giving off as much of a desperate aura as i had when i was dumped.
the best thing to do is to stop looking. stop trying. find some things that you like to do by yourself, and focus on making other parts of you happy. nobody wants to hang out with someone who's miserable, and even though it's lonely, not just alone-time, you need to muddle through and make the best of it until your life turns around a bit. the worst part is going so long without being with anyone, i feel like i'm losing so much time in my life to sadness and depression. but i still have hope. you have to have hope, because without hope, humanity (and my life) is in a big f*#@ing world of hurt. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/27/2009 2:08:54 AM | To be honest, I've found that taking a break just doesn't work for me. I've been alone for 9 years. I've had periods where I just said I'm not going to worry about it, mostly during school. Nothing happened, nobody magically appeared. Taking breaks just means I wallow in loneliness, and I'll need something to pull me out of it, and start trying again. I have to work at it. The idea that I can accomplish something by doing nothing doesn't work for me. I understand this advice if you keep getting into bad relationships, but I'm not getting into any relationships, and they don't come looking for me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm good at being alone. I've been alone for as long as I can remember. But I'm sick of it, and if I settle for that, then that's where I'm settling. Doing nothing is a solution to nothing, and realistically, I'm running out of time. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/27/2009 4:59:15 AM |
You can't make women the center of your universe - or you can, but again, you're gonna come off as desperate, and 99% of women will quickly grow weary of you. The other 1% will be narcissists who might initially be thrilled to have a lap dog, but will eventually drift away to find someone else to worship them (because narcissists get bored easily.)
Haha...perfecto.
Doing nothing is a solution to nothing, and realistically, I'm running out of time.
Sounds like your mind is all made up.
And no offence intended, but I have heard that many times before...usually from women.
They lock into an idea and no amount of reasoning or logic is ever good enough...that's it, that's that...but that crappy old line about recognising your position is the first step towards a solution...in this case, you being out of time, as you say in your last post. I agree...doing nothing is just going to eat in to what little time you have left.
Unfortunately, those old school thinkers have been spot on. Nothing like a hard slog....and feck that takes a lot of time. So, from your post...and I haven't read all the replies, I can just gather two main quibbles:
1) Not getting the woman you think you deserve.
2) Not having the confidence
Problem 1, well the young poster I quoted have it spot on. I know it seems a bit contrarian, but its freaking true.
Problem 2...this one takes time. One of those things where the result is due to investment...nothing magical. Garbage in, garbage out....fortitude and mental toughness...there's your confidence, and everything else follows. There's a lot of good-looking **stards out there with no fortitude and mentally weak...basically a soft cocq. Those guys may win the magazine cover, but the tough nuts are the main feature...always. Corny but true.
You seem like a guy who can take a fair beating...you know in your heart what is true and time tested. No getting around it...love yourself, do all you can to improve on what you've got....if you got an ugly mug like I have, have an awesome body and a hard member....
Sharpen your mind.
Learn to laugh. Take a joke and dish it out in the same measure.
Don't hog the attention. A bit of reserve is good. Quietly confident and softly spoken is not a bad idea.
Be yourself. But only the good bits. Junk the bad bits. Work on the weak parts.
You're smart...you know what needs to be done. Not every woman is your customer. Should you punch above your weight? Damn right you should. People that don't, settle and get what they deserve....and kick themselves straight after. | |
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| Losing Streak/Self-Confidence
Posted: 11/27/2009 7:30:39 AM | All I can say is this. If you stop worrying about it and focus on other things and it did nothing for you, then you didn't really stop worrying - if you did you wouldn't care what the result was since it wasn't something you were paying attention to.
There's a big difference between genuinely not worrying about it, and acting like you're not worried to see if it changes anything.
Think about that. | |
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