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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:53:19 PM | I don't date men who have FWB partners. This is why, they are already tangled up in some type of relationship whether they keep having sex while in a relationship with me or they spend their time trying to keep at arms length from the woman they are screwing anytime they don't have a girlfriend. It's like saying I can't possibly go without sex or a woman hanging around for more than a few so if we have any kind of problems, I've got my buddy here to hop into bed with and feel better. It's a trait I'm not interested in. It's fine for those who enjoy it, it's not something I want in my life, it's a deal breaker for me in choosing to date a man.
It doesn't seem to be working well for you and I agree it's kind of insincere for you to be looking for someone else when in fact you'd drop everything for this women if she'd move in with you. She likes stringing you along and you see her as someone you want to be with even though she hasn't wanted you in the same way. Who would want to be involved in that kind of mess??? It's funny, people can go all nuts about me being separated, haven't seen my husband in over 29 years, zero contact, yet people jump to the conclusion that I'm still hung up on him....yet BWF where one is screwing away with a non-romantic friend anytime someone else isn't available, that's okay. Blows the mind.  | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:07:45 PM | | The best thing to do is to be honest. Have a heart to heart talk in person...not by phone or email. 7 years is a very long time to date without committing. Sounds like both of you have trouble in that area. You say you love her, but want to move on. For both of you, talk as though you have never talked before. Get everything out in the open and move on. You will be doing you both a favor. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:25:35 PM | | Stop feeling guilty dude. Let her do what she wants and don't get upset about it. If she wants to be out, then let her leave. Let her do what she wants to show her you don't care. If you do that, she will be jumping all over you because she is not prepared for it to be totally over. You don't have to talk to her or anything just do your own thing and let her have what she wants material wise. She'll start feeling more guilty than you and want to make things square but just keep not caring even when the situation is in your favor. It doesn't mean you treat her wrong. Just fall back from being so worried about her. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 3:36:22 PM | Deltonamike,
It’s interesting that you would post on this topic because I recently saw a 9 month relationship w/a wonderful lady that I met here on POF come to an end. While your situation & mine were different, they were also similar in some ways. The 1st difference is that my relationship was a long distance one. We lived 650 miles apart. But the similarity with my situation & yours is, because of the distance … this wonderful lady & I only got to see each other once every 9 weeks or so. During our 9 month relationship we saw each other 4 times … twice at her home & twice at mine.
While we knew that the odds were against us because of the distance … we traded lots of emails, chatted online almost nightly & spoke on the phone almost daily. I knew in a very short period of time that she was the special person I had been searching for … the one I wanted to share my life with. Like you I loved this lady with all my heart. Another similarity in our situations is … no matter how hard I tried she simply wasn’t capable of reaching the level of commitment that I was.
Every so often I would make my pitch for us to commit to a lifelong relationship & each time she would explain to me that she couldn’t so I would quickly back off & instead of continuing to push her … would tell her I was okay with focusing on the moments that we had … which were so very wonderful. I finally reached a point where I decided that I needed to try something different. I decided to contact her & explain that I wanted her to take some time to sort through her feelings & make sure of where she wanted our relationship to go. I told her I wouldn’t contact her until she had.
Over the next 2 weeks she tried to contact me several times. From all signs she wanted to talk but there was no indication that she had taken the time to do the necessary self-examination & decide where she wanted our relationship to go. So I resisted the urge to respond. It was very difficult because I loved this woman with all my heart. However, I felt that this was the trial our relationship needed to continue on. It was obvious from the start that she was frustrated with me. I saw some things in her response that I had never seen over the 9 months we were together. She questioned many things but I’m not sure she came up with any answers to her inability to commit to a long term relationship with me.
After 2 weeks I finally contacted her. She explained that in her opinion our relationship had reached an impasse … that it simply couldn’t go on. She explained that she felt as though she was holing me back from finding someone special to spend my remaining years with. This was not the 1st time I had heard this. I tried to explain that I felt like I had found that special someone & it was her but it was too late ... she had already made her decision over our 2 weeks of silence & there was no turning back for her.
Now, in my case I didn’t get the answer or response that I hoped for. However, it seems to be the answer that you are seeking. So you might want to try a similar approach. You might want to explain to her that you’ve reached a point where you need her to make a commitment & she needs to take some time to decide if she can do just that. Then cut off all communication with her for a long enough period of time so she can experience what it's like for you not to be there for her.
Look … I think every relationship is built on good communication. But I also think there may be times when you’ve said everything that there is to be said & both people need to take some time apart to do some serious self-examination to determine where they are going. It is so easy to get caught up in the moment & get swept away without our emotions without making any conscious decisions.
Good Luck!
Gary | |
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